This story was inspired by the plot bunny by Kirin-Saga found in the Naruto Plot Bunny Orphanage.
1873. "Kakashi, they're students, not minions."
Sandaime should've known something was wrong when Kakashi had asked for a team of minions.
Sandaime had been practicing his calligraphy, when the twin oak doors that hid the rest of the world from his office was slammed open. Sandaime inhaled sharply, and looked down at the spilled ink distastefully, assessing the damage—it could be fixed—before addressing the evil invader from hell.
As if he didn't notice his sensei's sensei's, sensei's distaste for his presence, Kakashi walked in breezily, and slammed the door shut, equally loudly. This time, Sandaime dropped his brush onto the crisp scroll. The chances of him fixing this scroll was slim to none now.
"I want minions."
Sandaime was in no mood for the Fourth's pet prodigy. "Minions. What will you do with said minions, Kakashi?"
"Well, I'll train them, and then, I'll have them attack, bind, and gag Gai. Then they will throw him into a closet, where he will never disturb me again." Kakashi explained, as if plotting to assault his fellow Jounin was a regular day-to-day occurrence, and that revealing his plot to the Hokage—the one who was in charge—was a good idea as well. "I've been planning this out for quite some time now. What do you think?"
Humoring the strange silver haired Jounin, Sandaime said kindly, "Well, where will you find minions to ambush Gai?"
In all seriousness, Kakashi replied, "Iruka told me that there are a batch of graduating genins ready for Jounin senseis."
Sandaime's jaw slackened, and his pipe almost dropped to the ground and into his ink well, if not for Kakashi's fast reflexes, catching it just in time. "Ahem, thank you Kakashi."
"No problem. Now, about my minions. I want that Uchiha kid."
Sandaime sputtered and almost dropped his pipe again, and again, Kakashi caught it. "You really need to work on your reflexes, Sandaime-sama." Kakashi said reproachfully. "Now, and I also want Minato-sensei's cute little spawn, Naruto-kun."
"Kakashi, you may be a fully qualified Jounin, but I can't let you have a squadron just yet."
Because you're stark raving mad! That's why! "You've rejected all the other teams I've tried to assign to you. Why have you decided to have one now?"
Kakashi crossed his arms, and sighed huffily, much like a little boy who had been denied his treat would. "Weren't you listening to me at all?"
"You can't be serious." Sandaime said disbelievingly. "Did Gai put you up to this? He must've found out that you rejected another squadron and challenged that his squadron is better than yours! Kakashi, don't—"
"Damn. I forgot about his squadron. Whatever, I'm sure I can train my minions to take down his minions soon enough."
"Kakashi! You can't just sic genins on one another! You can't be serious!"
"I am. Now, it's either you assign me that Uchiha kid, and Minato-sensei's son as my new minions, or I'm going to recruit Anko, and Genma to take down those puny genins, so I can shut Gai for up a few weeks."
"But there are—" Sandaime sighed, "Forget it! You win, Kakashi! You can have your students!"
"They're minions, Sandaime-sama." Kakashi corrected.
By now, Sandaime was sure that Kakashi had lost all his marbles. "Kakashi, they're students, not minions."
"Sure there." Kakashi said dismissively. "Thanks, old man."
"I'll have to add a female student into the mix to make a three-man cell."
"That's fine. How about that Yamanaka girl? I'm sure she'll be useful with her family's mind techniques."
"Um…Asuma already came by earlier and staked out on the InoShikaCho group." Sandaime lied creatively. It was for the sake of Gai's safety that he was lying anyways.
"How about that Hyuuga girl?" Kakashi asked. Sandaime twitched. He sure did his homework before coming to him. "I'm sure the Byakugan will be useful."
"I'm assigning Haruno Sakura to you."
Kakashi groaned. "Not that thing!"
"Haruno Sakura is not a thing. Your students are not minions. And don't give me that look, Kakashi!"
"Fine." Kakashi pouted. "I'll find something for her to do. Maybe she can distract one of Gai's minions, and then Uchiha, Minato Jr. and I can swoop in for the kill. Maybe she will be good for something…"
Sandaime sighed, "Get out of my office, Kakashi."
"Okay. Thanks again, old man! I'll be expecting my minions to be delivered to my doorstep in about…two weeks."
"THEY'RE STUDENTS, KAKASHI!"
Sometimes, Sandaime really regretted becoming Hokage.