A/N: My first ever fanfic. Are you as excited as I am? I LOVE LOVE LOVE Edward and Bella. I'm a feminist at heart, and the way Edward treats Bella sometimes does get to me. But then I remember…It's Edward. Of course he'd want to protect his sole reason of existence. Anger vanishes, and I turn all gooey and silly. If he does that to me, imagine what he does to Bella.
So I wanted to start off somewhere in the middle of Eclipse, where I could erase Jacob. I liked him enough when he was a friend, and a best friend to Bella. I absolutely loathed him as someone who was trying to separate Bella from our precious Edward. Have I mentioned that my ego is bigger than Edward's?
But then I'd have to re-do Stephanie Meyer's perfect ending to Victoria, and the battle, and I didn't want to do that. I do want to change some things a little, so I'm going to start off with the visit to La Push, where Bella tells Jacob she only wants to be with Edward.
Welcome to a slightly altered version of SM's Twilight world.
Edward and Bella all the way!!
The Last Goodbye
I paced the floor of my room, my fingers stuck to my mouth as I bit down on my nails for the hundredth time. I was even more restless than before.
Edward was gone, hunting with Emmett and Jasper. I wasn't buried in his cold, soothing arms the way I was every night. I didn't have him as a distraction. Now I really had to think about what I had to do.
I sighed, sitting down on the edge of my bed. It had to come down to this eventually. I had known this for a very long time now. I just wished I didn't have to lose my best friend while I'm at it.
I jumped at the sound of Charlie's cruiser in the driveway. He'd just slammed the door to his car.
I sighed again. I had been making bargains with myself all day. I would go to La Push if the rain stopped before two. I would go to La Push if I take more than an hour to finish my Trig homework. I would go to La Push if Charlie comes home from Billy's before six. I glanced at my clock. Five thirty six. There really was no point in putting this off any longer.
I grabbed my sweater from the chair at my desk, putting in on, then grabbed my car keys off the desk. I bounced down the steps. Charlie was putting away his coat and his shoes. He froze at the sound of my footsteps, straightening up to look at me. He took in my attire, and his face scrunched up. He knew as well as I did what I was about to do even though we'd never talked about it.
"Bella…" Charlie sighed, shaking his head. He raised a hand and ran it through his thinning hair.
I held out a hand to stop him from continuing. It was hard enough for me to do. I had spent all this time putting in energy to keep myself from falling apart. I couldn't let him break down my walls so easily.
"Please, dad." My voice came out as a whisper. I cleared my throat, and forced myself to be stronger. "It's only going to get worse if I don't tell him. He's only going to get worse."
As selfish as I was to have hurt my best friend all this while without even knowing it, I couldn't let him hurt any longer. If I were to do this now, as soon as possible, then he would recover quickly, too. He'd find his own mate, he'd imprint, and move on. Jacob deserved a life like that. He was good to the core. He just wasn't meant to be with me. I needed to let him see that.
Charlie pursed his lips into a thin line. His face grew chalky at my confession. His suspicions had just been confirmed. I knew in the back of his head, he wanted me to break up with Edward and love Jacob.
I forced my anger and incredulity out of my head. Charlie was already going through a lot. I didn't need to add on to his burden.
I walked out of the front door and went into my truck, slamming the door behind me. I just wished Charlie could see what Edward means to me. How much he means to me. Didn't he realize just how broken I am without Edward? Didn't our time apart show him at least that much?
I winced as I thought back to that dark time a year ago.
I had to force it out my head, as well. I strapped on my seat belt and started to drive. Not even fifteen minutes after I'd driven from Charlie's house, my phone starting to ring. I thought to ignore it, but knowing Alice, she would probably alert Edward and get him riled up. I couldn't have that. Edward needed his hunt tonight. He'd been putting it off for a long time. He was starting to be as bad as Jasper was around a bleeding human, Emmett had told me.
Being protective, as always, Edward had tried to deny it. Even a human like me couldn't be fooled. His eyes were black as coal, the purple circles under his eyes so apparent it was glaring. I had refused to do anything with him-be it eat, be it sleep, be it standing in the same room-until he'd gone hunting.
I sighed, flipping my phone open. Sure enough, Alice's number flashed on the little screen. I pressed the button to answer the call and placed the phone to my ear. "Alice?"
"Bella!" Alice shrieked at me from the other end.
I nearly dropped my phone. My hand jerked involuntarily at the sound of her scream, and the truck swerved a little to the left. I caught my breath, trying desperately to slow my pounding heartbeat, gaining control of the truck.
I pressed the phone to my ear again.
"Bella, where are you? Are you alright? I can't see you!"
As much as I thought Alice's meddling was annoying from time to time, I didn't want her to panic. The anxiety in her voice made me feel guilty all over again.
"Alice," I begged. "Please. I'm fine. I just…I'm going to La Push for a little while."
She had gone completely silent. I knew she was contemplating the many different ways she could rip me from limb to limb. Or, better yet, to get Edward home so he could get me to come home.
That wasn't going to happen until I spoke to Jacob.
"Bella." When Alice finally spoke again, her voice was very low, very dangerous. This was one of those rare times when Alice ever really seemed like a vampire to me, not just a hyper active Elsa Klench. "No, Bella. I can't see you when you're around…them."
No, Alice's visions of me would be blocked when I'm around werewolves, but I couldn't just let this slide. Alice needed to be patient for a little while, and have faith that my own best friend wouldn't hurt me. Not even after I'd hurt him.
"Alice, I'm not going to cave. It's just for a little while. I need to tell him something," I pleaded again, picking up speed in my truck. I wouldn't put it past Alice to have Emmett run here, stop my truck and carry me back to the Cullen house before I could even blink.
"Then send an email," she snapped. I flinched at her harsh tone. Seeming to realize this, even over the phone, Alice softened her voice. "I'm sorry, Bella, but Edward…"
"It's just for a while. Edward can be mad at me all he wants when I get back. Just…Just don't tell him to come home early for this, Alice, okay? He needs the hunt. I'll be safe, I promise. I have my cell phone with me."
"I'll just come and get you."
I started, then smiled when I saw my surroundings. "You can try. I'm already past the boundary line."
Alice started to growl, but I laughed. I knew she could be extremely scary when she wanted to be, but I was just too stubborn to back down this time. "Half an hour, Alice. It's all I'm asking."
I shut my phone before she could have the chance to say anything else. My phone started ringing almost immediately, but I tossed it into the passenger seat. Alice would just have to wait.
I pulled in front of the Blacks' house, turning off my engine. I knew Jacob would know I was here already-the sound of my truck would have alerted him. I stepped out and walked out to the front porch. I raised my fist, but before I could knock, the door swung open. Seth greeted me, and I grinned at him despite the situation. Seth was always so eager, in wolf form or in human form. He was like an overexcited little brother. I loved that about him.
"Hey, Bella!" Seth pulled me inside and closed the door. I laced my arm around his, noting the temperature difference between us. Unlike the Cullen's, Seth's skin was warm, hot even. It was like he was having a fever. A normal human would not be able to answer the door, walk around and jump excitedly at this temperature. Then again, Seth was hardly normal.
"Hey, Seth." I fought to keep the sadness out of my voice, but Seth must have noticed. His face fell considerably. My God, I was even hurting Seth.
I turned away from him guiltily. It was then that I noticed Sam and Emily, sitting on the couch, with Billy emerging from the kitchen. My legs, as weak as they were right now, felt like running. I clenched my hands into fists, withdrawing from Seth, and kept my ground. "Is Jacob here?"
Of course Jacob was here. He was still recovering from his wound from the battle. I knew this from stories Charlie told me from visiting Billy, and from progress reports from Carlisle, Jacob's doctor. I found this hilarious considering Carlisle was the authority figure in the family the pack hated so much. Considering Jacob's fast healing wound, however, it was smart.
Seth nodded his head slowly. "Yeah, he's up in his room." I nodded, and turned to head up the stairs. "Hey, Bella?" I froze at the foot of the stairs, my head turned slightly to face Seth. "It's okay, you know?"
And just like that I felt like crumbling. "Thanks," I whispered, flying up the stairs as quickly as I could without falling down. It wasn't like I was so excited to face Jacob, considering what I would have to do, but Seth was starting to make me cry. Like I deserved to have his sympathy, or his kindness.
I knocked twice on Jacob's door, then pushed it open. My breath caught in my throat. He looked horrible! He was sweating profusely, and he looked so pale! I inched closer to the bed. Jacob smiled at me. For one sweet moment, we were just Jacob and Bella. He was just my Jacob, my best friend.
"Bells," he croaked out.
That was all it took for me to remember the reason I came. That was all it took for all the guilt to come rushing back to me.
I buried my face in my hands. "Oh, God, Jacob!" I started to sob. "I'm so sorry!" I flung myself in the chair next to the bed.
He took my hands away from my face, and studied my anguish expression. He dropped my hands as his eyes widened, and his face grew even paler, pained. "Oh," he said quietly, turning his face away.
Oh? I realized with another wave of crushing grief that he had thought I was here to tell him that I wanted to be with him. I swallowed back my tears, and took one of his big hands in both of mine. "Jacob," I called out softly. He didn't answer me, or acknowledge that he'd heard me. I called his name again. He turned to me, and his eyes were dark with sorrow. "I'm really sorry. I love you, Jake," my voice cracked.
He narrowed his eyes at me, and made an observation. "But you're…" He looked as if he was unable to finish his sentence. "You're in love with him?"
I nodded my head, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. "Yes," I whispered. "I'm sorry for doing this to you. I didn't really know…" I shook my head. "I wish it was different for you. I wish this hadn't happened," I gestured to the space between us.
Jacob's eyes widened. "Are you telling me you're wishing we've never even become friends, Bella?" he asked, his voice so filled with hurt it made me want to cry again.
I shook my head frantically. "Of course not, Jake," I gripped his hand tighter. "I love you. Very much. You're my best friend, Jacob. How could I wish for you to be hurt?" I released his hand, and scooted closer, laying my head on his shoulder. Jacob sighed, and patted the side of my head.
"I sort of…Knew," he admitted sheepishly. I sat up straight and stared at him, confused. "That you want him," he spat out. I flinched at his tone, and he sighed again, lowering his voice. "I don't understand it, Bells. Why him? He's a…" His face scrunched up, and I became angry.
"Don't even finish your thought, Jacob," I warned, leaning back in the chair completely, now wanting more space between us. He looked shocked at my anger. I was justified in it, though. "He's amazing for his restrain. Compare him to another vampire. See how wonderful he is."
Jacob looked like he had been punched. I took a mental step back. I came to apologize, not to rub it in his face.
"I only wanted to say I'm sorry, Jake. And that I wish someday you'd forgive me, and not hate me so much," I said softly, taking his hand in mine again. "I know it's hard to accept what I want, but it's…" I struggled to find the right words for him. There were no right words. There was only the right name, the right man, the right life. "It's Edward."
Jacob nodded once, briefly. I sighed, releasing his hand. I would have cried, but I didn't want him even more upset with me. I stood up to leave. "Goodbye, Jake," I leaned down and brushed my lips against his forehead.
I hadn't said this was our goodbye, not officially, but Jacob knew. He had to. I had chosen my life with Edward. I wanted to be a Cullen. I didn't know when exactly, but soon enough, we would be enemies, too.
I felt a constriction in my heart. My best friend, my enemy.
Jacob's eyes never left mine. "Goodbye, Bella." I bit my lip to keep it from trembling and turned to walk to the door. When I reached it, though, Jacob called my name. I turned. "I don't hate you, Bells. I just…I wish…" He didn't finish his sentence, but he didn't have to.
The corners of my lips turned up in a watery smile. "Get better."
I didn't really say goodbye to Billy, Sam, Emily and Seth. I was too drained from keeping it all inside of me to do it. I flung myself into my truck, threw it into reverse, backed out of the driveway and sped all the way back to Forks.
My phone didn't ring once, but I knew Alice could already see me by now. Neither one of us should be worried now. I parked my car behind Charlie's cruiser, and headed into the house. Charlie was sitting in front of the TV, watching a baseball game, and eating the pasta I'd made earlier on. He looked up when he heard me, stared at me for an immeasurable period of time, and turned back to his game.
I knew Charlie was upset with me for doing this. I was upset at him for not understanding me. But this was hardly the time. As it is, I couldn't stay to talk to him.
I flung myself into my room and grabbed my bag of toiletries, my pajama pants, and the shirt Edward had left behind that one time…Okay, I'd kept it without him knowing about it, but what was the difference, really?
I stepped into the bathroom, taking time doing everything. I would break down into sobs over the simplest thing-brushing my teeth, shampooing my hair, putting on Edward's shirt. It still smelled like him, soothing, amazing, Edward. Once I had it on, I tilted my head to the side and pressed my nose into my shoulder blade, closing my eyes and I breathed in Edward's scent.
I really didn't deserve Edward. If I had hurt Jacob, I had hurt Edward even more. Why was he even still with me? I started to cry harder at the thought of Edward not wanting me anymore, realizing what an idiot he's been to even think of being with me.
I padded to my room, too exhausted to even take in my surrounding. When I reached my room, I locked the door behind me and sighed, leaning my forehead on the door. I felt a pair of cold arms wrapping themselves around my waist, and gasped.
Edward turned me around and crushed me gently to him. I pressed my face against his hard shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck. I turned my head, and buried my face between his neck and shoulder, breathing him in deeply. This was much, much better than his comfy shirt.
Edward led me to the bed and sat on it, pulling me gently next to him. I was still cradled in his arms the same way I was standing up. "Bella, shh," he whispered, his lips pressed to my ear. I could feel his gentle finger stroking my hair at my scalp.
He was too good to me, too good for me. I started to cry again, thinking of the past months where I'd been too oblivious to his pain. And here he was comforting me! Who was I to deserve him?
I didn't know when but I fell asleep in Edward's arms. I knew it must have been because of my exhaustion from all the crying.