Happy BirthDei

Happy BirthDei!

Chapter 1: Presents...

First thing... Yes I know the story's title has such a bad pun to it, but I couldn't resist... Anyway, hope you enjoy the story it's just non stop lemony yaoi, so enjoy you yaoi fan girls!

"Here's my present you fucking twat!" Hidan yelled out to the blonde throwing a present into the blonde's hands. "Aren't you going to open it and fucking say your grateful?!" He questioned obviously annoyed that the blonde hadn't even opened the present yet.

"Ok..." He stated and unwrapped the present to see a whip. "Should I even ask?" He questioned; looked over at Hidan who looked quite happy with his self.

"Well, you're finally 16! You're fucking legal! So, I brought you a present to help you celebrate that..." He smirked. "Would you like me to show you how to use it?" He questioned. The blonde pulled away from the silver haired man who was coming closer.

"Thanks for the gift, but I think I can figure out how to use the whip on my own..." He stated and ran off. He really didn't need this. So, it was his birthday, there was actually only one person he wanted to see on this day and that was his Danna, but no, he was nowhere to be found... He went towards the garden hoping the man was in there.

"Hello Deidara happy birthday! I hope you get done up the arse!"Zetsu was behind him; he turned around and looked at the scary man. Yep, the man's scary side was terrifying...

"Um... Thank you... I guess..." The blonde stuttered. "But, have you seen Sasori-Danna around?"

"Let me think... I think he was hiding from everyone... Itachi and that lot were trying to capture him and strip or something, so he's been running around a lot today trying to avoid them all... Yep, he's SO going to be raped! That's not nice, you're scaring the poor lad... Anyway Deidara happy birthday..." Zetsu handed over a present. "And you better fucking use it, on whoever you think is worth a good fuck!"

"Um... Thanks, gotta go!" He yelled running away and opening the present when he was out Zetsu's way. The present ended up being a vibrator. "Why do I keep getting presents that can be used in sex?" He questioned obviously aware the answer was, because he was finally legal! He sighed and started walking off only to bump into Kakuzu.

"Finally found you..." He said. "I got you a present and I was so generous that I didn't buy the ones that were half price!" he yelled happily and handed the present over. Deidara looked down at the present before unwrapping it to find pink fluffy hand cuffs. "Nice, huh?"

"Yeah I guess... I'm gonna regret asking this, but what do you intend for me to use it for?" He questioned.

"Oh, right forgot you were new to this... I've been doing it for almost a century now. Well, basically Deidara when you're having sex, you can always have fun by tying the other to the bed post," he smiled. "Its how me and Hidan have fun all the time! So, when you get whoever you want just tie them up, or you could be tied up if you think it'll be fun... Just remember not to lose the keys. And don't complain that they're fluffy its better that they are, because they won't hurt as much if the person buckles. Well, see you later!"

"Um... Kakuzu, do you know where Danna is?" He questioned.

"Sasori? Nope, sorry last I heard Pein, Itachi and a few others were looking for him, so no one really knows where he is... He's very good at getting away..." He smiled. "Well, gotta go see Hidan so long!" He waved and walked off.

Deidara looked down in his hands. "He already had three gifts and he felt absolutely embarrassed walking around with them in his arms; he knew he'd feel even more embarrassed if he bumped into his Danna with them. So, he strolled back towards his shared room... But, on the way.

"Hey birthday boy!" He heard the low husky voice that belonged to the shark man. He turned around to see Kisame and Itachi beside him. "How are enjoying your birthday so far?" he asked smirking.

"Um... It's ok..." He got another gift shoved into his hands.

"Come on big boy open your present!" Kisame laughed as the blonde opened his present and his eyes grew wide. Yet, again another present, but it was getting worse though... He was staring at a penis sleeve.

"Don't worry they did this to me as well last year..." Itachi smiled and gave the blonde a gift, it was a glass dildo... He smirked slightly; whispered: "So, you can used to the feeling before Sasori's actually inside you..." The blonde's face was painted red.

"That's just gross Itachi!" He yelled.

"It's not like it's not true..." He stated. "We've been trying to catch Sasori just for you all day too... But, he's a little too sneaky..." Itachi pouted before turning to his partner. "Come on why don't we also put the gifts I got last year to use?" Kisame laughed at this and they walked off leaving a dumb founded blonde.

"This so isn't going how it should've... How come Itachi went through this last year and I didn't know as well?" He pouted slightly.

"It's because you were underage last year," A female voice stated behind him, making him jump slightly. He looked behind him to see Pein and Konan smirking behind him. "We might not have been able to capture you Sasori, but we've got you some over gifts instead... I think you'll find them of use..." They both laughed slightly...

He was handed his gift from konan first. He looked at it suspiciously before opening it to find a toy known as the nipple clamp. She giggled once she saw Deidara look at it weirdly before burning red.

"Aw, don't worry it doesn't hurt, but it feels weird the first time you use it... Though, it does feel very good." She smiled; giggled again. "What you do is basically..."

"Konan I don't think he wants a whole explanation..." Pein stated and pulled out his gift for the blonde. "Enjoy your birthday Deidara..." He smiled and he and Konan walked off Konan in fits of giggles. He looked down at the present and opened it to see a penis extension. He blushed madly what do these people expect from him?!

Deidara walked away from bright red. It just wasn't his day he'd bumped into everyone, but his Danna... Oh, wait well it couldn't have been too bad he still hadn't bumped into To...

"Deidara-sempai!" A voice bombed behind him as he went tumbling forward from impact; all his present fell forward. Behind him Tobi was sitting on his back and keeping him from moving. "hello sempai! I heard it was your birthday, so I went and got you a present!" he yelled out and handed him a present. Well, it was Tobi he didn't think Tobi could give him something harmful... he opened the present... Ok, so he was wrong! In his hands was a chain with five large beads, one almost as big as his fist, running along the chain: Anal beads.

"Tobi..." he started. "Why would I use this?!"

"Well, you're legal, so it'll be your first time, so you should use this to widen your self... Would you like Tobi to help you?!" He asked; Deidara got up from under him quickly grabbed all of his presents and ran into his and Sasori's room. He ran to his bed and hid under his covers...

"They're all jerks giving me these stupid annoying presents..." He pouted. "And then giving me lectures on what to do with them..."

"They do this all the time, so stop complaining, brat..." He heard the voice of his Danna. He looked up from under his quilt to see the red head.

"Danna!" He yelled. "I've been looking for you all day!"

"Hello brat, and because of you I've been running from the others all day..." He smiled when he saw the other pout. "Happy birthday brat."

The blonde looked up and pouted. "Do I have a gift?" He questioned.

"You may..." He smirked. "But, you're not getting it until later..." He walked across the room and laid on his bed closing his eyes.

Deidara pouted and looked down at his presents... He really did need to learn how to use them... So, why not now? He picked one of the presents up and walked over to Sasori. The red head stretched, his hands passing the head board and his feet stretching to each side of the bed, and he felt a presence over him, so he opened his eyes and gave Deidara a what-the-hell-do-you-think-you're-doing look. The blonde pouted.

"Danna!" He complained. "Close your eyes a second I have a surprise for you..." He pouted.

"And why should I trust you brat?" The red head questioned.

"Because, it's my birthday and if you don't give me my present now I should be able to give you my surprise instead..." He pouted. The red head could see that there was mischief lurking in the blonde's bright blue eyes, but was too curious and was happy to know that the brat's presents were still on his own side of the room. He sighed and shut his eyes.

And before he knew what was going on he felt a pressure on his wrists and a clicking sound. His eyes snapped open and he looked up to his hands... Around his wrists were handcuffs and they were wrapped around the headboard. He growled and tried to pull his hands away from the head board.

"Brat... Get these stupid handcuffs off now!" He growled, obviously angry.

"Aw, but Danna i haven't finished my surprise..." He pouted then laughed when he saw realization cross the red head's face.

"No way brat! I'm not doing anything with you, you're hardly legal!" He yelled.

"But, Danna someone's got to teach me how to use these gifts properly..." He pouted and laughed lightly when he heard his Danna growl. "I am legal today Danna, though I've got to say for S rank ninja who are wanted all over we really don't let anyone under age members know about anything, do we?" He smiled. "And i really don't think you have any power over me at the moment..." He smiled as he went over to the other side of the room.

"I'm not doing anything with you Deidara!" He growled.

"Should I go to Hidan and Kakuzu then?" He questioned, causing the red head to look over at him slightly shocked. "Well, Hidan did offer to teach me how to use these items; Kakuzu went looking for him, so I don't think they'd mind a third person do you?" He smirked once he saw the red head's face turn dark.

He brought his presents over to Sasori's bed. And straddled his Danna. "So, what do you choose Danna?" He questioned moving his face merely inches away from Sasori's. The red head growled before moving up bringing his and the blonde's lips together hardly.

Sasori's tongue traced the blonde's startled lips; he moaned as he opened his lips allowing the red head's tongue into his mouth. His tongue traveled across the moist cavern. He pulled back slightly and breathed out: "Mine." Before biting playfully on the blonde's lips...

That's the first chapter. It's not a long story, so review to get out the lemon filled next chapter! Aw! Aren't the Akatsuki just amazing when giving presents to the now officially legal members? Well, I've hoped you've enjoyed so far! This was actually inspired by a dream and my friends, who will be giving me such scary presents soon… (Gulps)