Pairing/Characters: Starscream/Prowl, sorta-implied Jazz/Soundwave, Rumble, Optimus Prime

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Note: Because the Rumble in my head finally hear "Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang and demanded I let him tease someone with it. And Starscream and Prowl were apparently Not Happy with the lack of smut in Crash and Burn, and thus inadvertently volunteered.

- Bad Touch -

"Hey Prowler, how was the meetin'?" The unexpected communication caught Prowl off guard, and it took him a few seconds to switch his CPU from the meeting with several minor human ambassadors to conversation.

"Informative." It was a short answer, but Prowl usually gave short answers. He had learned that Jazz would ask if he wanted Prowl to elaborate, anyways. Not that he thought Jazz would, in this case - with their recent awakening on this planet, and the subsequent initial furious battle with the Decepticons, the Autobot officers had had to do quite a bit of quick and dirty negotiating with the human inhabitants, and even Prowl was getting a bit tired of it.

"Cool, cool. You headin' back now?" Pulling his attention back to the conversation, Prowl frowned mentally at the continued casual informality. It wasn't like Jazz to not be professional over the communications channels.

"I am." the tactician said.

"Takin' th'side highway t'avoid th'traffic, I assume?" Now Prowl knew something was up. Jazz had never shown even the slightest bit of interest in his route back to the Ark before.

"Yes. Why?" Prowl asked bluntly.

"No reason, no reason." Jazz said brightly.

"Jazz -" Whatever Prowl might've been about to say to get Jazz to tell him what was going on was cut short and he heard the incoming sound of jet engines. Belatedly, Prowl thought to run a security scan on the channel Jazz had contacted him on, and was somehow unsurprised to find that it was open, with evidence of a Decepticon hacker listening in.

"I'll let Prime know you'll be late." Jazz said with a snicker, then cut the line. Prowl expressed a few choice opinions about the saboteur before turning his sensors to the sky.

The jet was just entering sensor range now, coming in low and fast. For a moment, Prowl wondered if Starscream intended to ram him, but the angle was just slightly too high for that. It seemed, instead, that the seeker intended to buzz him, and Prowl braced himself accordingly. He did not, however, brace himself for the surge of energy that swept over him as Starscream blasted overhead, the jet's underbelly mere inches from the top of the lights on Prowl's roof. The energy went singing through Prowl's circuits, and he almost stalled in the middle of the highway.

He'd only barely recovered when Starscream made another pass, bringing another pulse of energy. This time, however, Prowl was ready, and sent his own answering pulse. He had the satisfaction of seeing the pride of the Decepticon air force actually wobble unsteadily in the air for a few seconds before regaining control. He had hoped to dissuade the jet from buzzing him again - this side highway may have had less traffic on it than the main one, but there was still traffic - but Starscream apparently had other ideas. The jet came on him from behind, this time, and braked enough to actually match Prowl's speed for a few moments, letting his energy field crackle against Prowl's before pulling up. On the ground, Prowl cursed and fish-tailed slightly as the distracting sensations made his control slip.

As he saw Starscream come around for another pass, Prowl decided that he should get off the highway before the Seeker got tired of buzzing him and just jumped him on the highway. The humans had already identified Starscream and were panicking, many of them speeding as they pulled away from Prowl, or tried to pass him on the other side as quickly as possible. Prowl had no doubt, however, that if Starscream transformed, some human would stick around to see the 'battle', and he would rather not have to explain to Optimus A) why he was interfacing with Starscream in the first place, and B) why he did so in full view of a human. So Prowl thwarted Starscream's next pass by taking an abrupt turn onto a small grid road, calling up maps of the area and searching for a patch of wilderness or abandoned property - preferably with trees for cover.

Starscream recovered quickly from Prowl's abrupt change of route, but seemed less inclined to buzz the tactician now, instead engaging in aerial acrobatics above and slightly ahead of Prowl. The tactician would never admit it to anyone, but watching Starscream in the air, flying just for the sake of flying, was one of the most elegant and beautiful things he'd ever seen, and it was almost more distracting than the buzzing had been. It took Prowl several minutes to refocus on his search for a private spot for them to stop, and even then, he only focused on it because he realized there was a small ravine off to the side of the road, large and deep enough to hide two relatively large Cybertronians from the view of the surrounding countryside.

Prowl skidded to a stop and transformed, watching appreciatively as Starscream executed the last of his acrobatics and then made an abrupt about-turn, heading back for the Autobot. Prowl made that a bit more difficult by stepping over to the ravine and skidding down into it, but Starscream managed, transforming in mid-air and coming in from Prowl's side in a flying tackle. The two of them went crashing down in a tangle of limbs and small trees, but Starscream didn't seem to care. His energy field was crackling around Prowl, setting off sensitive systems and nerves, and the tactician gasped, involuntarily arching into it as his own field began responding.

"You know, you're surprisingly hard to find when you don't have a canyon to go stare into." Starscream purred before he claimed Prowl's mouth in a fierce kiss. Prowl responded readily, deciding not to reply to the Decepticon's comment just yet as he pulled the other mech closer, one hand scraping lightly along the edge of a wing, knowing it was just as sensitive as his own door wings, if not more so. Starscream's response was predictable, his energy field flaring as his arms, supporting him so he didn't crush the smaller mech underneath, wobbled unsteadily, wanting to give out. Then Prowl's hand along the wing was gone, and the seeker drew back with a growl.

"And you're surprisingly hard to reach when you're living at the bottom of the ocean." Prowl finally said dryly.

"Would've been harder to reach if I was back on Cybertron." Starscream murmured, leaning in to nibble along the cables in Prowl's neck. "First time I was ever glad Prime thoroughly slagged one of Megatron's plans." Prowl gasped as Starscream's hands made themselves busy again, tracing the new modifications to his form from the reformatting, while the seeker's mouth returned to Prowl's in another deep kiss. Prowl didn't let his hands remain idle, either, investigating the changes to his lover's form as their energy fields crackled against each other.

Despite the changes made by the new alt mode, however, Prowl was unsurprised to discover that the seeker's wings were still the most sensitive part of him - along with his cockpit - and made thorough use of that knowledge, caressing them and tweaking them as often as he could. Starscream was fast becoming incoherent and uncoordinated under the constant attention, and Prowl took the opportunity to reverse their positions, roughly - but careful of both their wings - flipping them over so he was perched on top of the seeker. Starscream didn't protest - wouldn't have if he'd been able to. The Decepticon always started out dominant, but ended up letting Prowl take the lead.

A lead which Prowl readily took as soon as he could, doing his best to drive the seeker into this quivering mass of a mech, perched on the edge of overload, as quickly as possible. It had become somewhat of a personal competition for him, to see how fast he could turn the tables - and then how long he could drag it out afterwards. His relentless attack on Starscream's wings slowed as he concentrated on less sensitive areas, trailing his mouth along the seeker's neck and jaw, even kissing him deeply. Every once and awhile, he carefully, purposefully, scrapped his front or his hands against the seeker's cockpit, and Starscream would shudder slightly.

Not that Starscream just lay meekly beneath Prowl and let the tactician have his way with him, oh no. Starscream's hands were busy as well, trying to force Prowl to hurry things up as he hunted out each and every sensitive spot, teasing it seductively. Once or twice the Decepticon even managed to nip at Prowl's chevron, sending shivers through the tactician. Through it all, Starscream and Prowl's energy field crackled against each other in pulses, causing feedback that made both of their systems hyper-sensitive.

The feedback was what gave Starscream the upper edge this time, along with his stubborn determination to feel up every millimetre of Prowl's door wings. Turn about was fair play, after all. The caresses and tweaks along his extra sensitive door wings inundated Prowl's CPU with sensory data, and he arched into the touch, momentarily pausing in his attentions on Starscream. The seeker took advantage of that, pulling Prowl down for a lusty kiss, and then down near his feet, Starscream's thrusters suddenly flipped on. It was a small thing, that Prowl wouldn't have thought would have made a difference at first, but the powerful thrumming of the thrusters, of engines strong enough to lift a Cybertronian twice Starscream's size into high orbit, sent vibrations throughout Starscream's entire frame, especially when he wasn't using the thrusters to move.

Those vibrations, in turn, transferred into Prowl as he straddled Starscream's waist, and the tactician shuddered, optics shuttering as hyper-sensitive sensors screamed at him, then promptly overloaded, bringing Prowl's CPU with them. The tactician was vaguely aware of Starscream's own overload, beneath him, as Prowl's fluctuating energy field sent the seeker over the edge, as well. The intensity was surprising, but Prowl supposed that was because even though neither of them remembered being off-line for thousands of vorns, their bodies and lower-functioning CPUs had become used to laying dormant in that time, and the sudden sensations were causing a more powerful reaction than they normally might have. Either that or Prowl had been much more in need of this than he'd thought, which was entirely possible if Jazz had decided to set him and Starscream up.

Any other thoughts Prowl had began fogging into nothingness as the last energy from his overload coursed through him, and he collapsed against the seeker beneath him. He was aware that Starscream's thrusters were still active, sending pleasant vibrations through him and making him shiver and twitch occasionally. Starscream didn't seemed inclined to turn them off, either, his air vents cycling furiously as he stared up at the sky with half-shuttered optics and small, relaxed smile.

"I'm going to have to find myself a new canyon." Prowl murmured after a moment.

"Mmm-hm." Starscream agreed, then turned his head to capture Prowl's lips in a lazy kiss. "Definitely." the seeker mumbled into the kiss.

"Prowl, welcome back." Optimus' unexpected entrance into the control room mere moments after Prowl was startling, and the tactician stopped short. He muted his vocalizer on the edge of having some choice words for Jazz - who had been the lone occupant of the room just a short while ago - about communications channel security and how, in the future, he and Starscream didn't need the saboteur's help to set up times to meet (even if, in this particular case, it had been appreciated).

"Optimus." Prowl said instead with a polite nod. Behind Optimus, Jazz gave Prowl a mischievous grin, clearly knowing he was getting out of a lecture because of the presence of their commander.

"I heard you had an unexpected encounter on the way back from the meeting?" Optimus asked curiously, and when Prowl shot Jazz a look, the saboteur pointed to one of the screens on Teletraan, which was showing news footage of Starscream buzzing him on the highway, and Prowl understood.

"Ah, yes sir." Prowl replied.

"I take it you didn't have much trouble, since you didn't call for back-up." Optimus had a slight tone of disapproval in his voice, but Prowl looked back impassively.

"Starscream was just blowing off steam. He didn't seem in the mood for a real fight." the tactician said blandly, and Jazz slapped both his hands over his mouth, either hiding a grin or holding in laughter - or both.

"I see. Still, I would like to be informed if you have any further unexpected meetings with Decepticons, even if you can handle them yourself. The same goes for everyone. This is a strange new planet, as we must be careful. A small scuffle here can cause much more damage than a major battle back on Cybertron could." Optimus rumbled.

"Of course, sir." Prowl said with a nod.

"I would especially like to hear if Starscream goes flying without his trine again. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how unusual that is." Optimus sounded troubled, and Jazz was beginning to shake with restrained laughter.

"Of course. I will have the rest of the troops keep an optic out for other unusual behaviour, as well." Prowl replied, glaring mildly at the laughing saboteur.

"Good. Now you'd best report to Ratchet to get fixed." Optimus said with a nod, and Prowl glanced down, only now realizing that his encounter in the ravine with Starscream had left his paintjob scratched and stained, either with crushed organic vegetation or paint scrapes from the Decepticon.

"They're just scratches, sir. My self-repair will fix them by tomorrow." Prowl replied. He knew not all of the scratches were going to be in appropriate places, and didn't particularly want to try explaining how he got them to Ratchet.

"Still, Starscream was acting unusual. He might have left an unpleasant surprise. We have no idea what his motives might have been in attacking you." Optimus commented, and Prowl reluctantly nodded. Any response he might of made was cut off as music suddenly came blasting through Teletraan One's speakers.

"You and me baby ain't nothi-" the lyrics of the song cut off as Jazz, frantically scrabbling at the control panel, finally managed to hit the correct button to turn it off. Optimus and Prowl both stared at the saboteur, who looked back with the Cybertronian equivalent of wide-eyed innocence. Unfortunately for Jazz, both of his superiors had long ago stopped buying his innocent act.

Prowl left, smirking, to the sound of Optimus solidly berating Jazz for listening to music while on duty.

Meanwhile, on the Nemesis, Soundwave gave his cassette a disapproving look.

"What? It was fragging hilarious and you know it!" Rumble declared. Whatever rebuke Soundwave might have made was put on hold as the doors opened to admit a certain red and white seeker, and considering the conversation they'd just inadvertently eavesdropped on courtesy of Jazz, it was no surprise that as one, all of Soundwave's cassette's turned to stare. Starscream, surprised by the sudden attention, froze mid-stride.

"What?" he finally asked crankily, and that, for some reason, sent the cassettes into peals of laughter. The Decepticon air commander turned his impatient gaze to Soundwave, clearly wanting an answer.

"Recommendation: request for more information: not advised." Soundwave intoned.

- THE END -