I own nothing.
As I approached first beach, I saw him standing with his back toward me; staring out at the ocean as his long dark hair whipped around in the wind. I supposed he was probably feeling pretty content at the moment, happy that he was about to graduate from high school and go to college in the fall. His posture was relaxed; peaceful and completely unaware of the bomb I was about to drop on him.
I didn't want to tell him and I was reluctant to go to him for the first time, ever. I considered pretending that everything was okay but I knew I couldn't pull it off because everything was so the opposite of okay. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to continue walking toward him, gathering my courage along the way. The pebbles made crunching sounds underneath my shoes which alerted him to my presence.
Sam turned around, his face lighting up when he saw me. "Hey Baby." He said as he crossed the gap between us, wrapping his arms around me as soon as I was within his reach. "Now, what's this all about? Why did you have me call in sick to work today?"
I opened my mouth but nothing would come out. I shut it again, sorely tempted to not tell him. But I had to tell him, there was no other way. I forced myself to say the words I hadn't even said out loud to myself.
"I'm late" I said mechanically.
He chuckled. "No you're not, you're actually sort of early, which is so unlike my little Lee-Lee" He joked as he hugged me tighter, kissing the top of my head.
I closed my eyes and spoke the words into his chest, "No, I mean I'm late, late." And then I looked up at him, willing him to understand without further explanation.
"What?" Sam looked confused and suddenly recognition spread across his face. "Oh. Oh!" his eyes big, as he looked down at me.
"Yeah, that's the reaction I'm looking for. I am totally freaking out, too."
Sam just stood there for a moment, completely petrified. I knew he'd freak out. I shouldn't have told him but I needed a way to get to Forks or, even better, Port Angeles to buy a pregnancy test. There was no way I would try to purchase such an item here on the reservation and there was no way Sam would drive to either of those places without a good explanation. Obviously, possible pregnancy is a completely valid reason.
"Are you sure?"
"But, didn't you tell me that your…cycle was sort of erratic?" Sam struggled to even say words like 'menstruate' and 'cycle' as he had always been uncomfortable talking about 'lady problems' of any sort.
"Yeah, but not this erratic and all those other times were before we started having sex, so…" My voice trailed off as I met his gaze again.
"How many days?"
"Six, maybe even seven days."
"Exactly. I need you to drive me to Forks or Port Angeles as soon as possible. I could even drive myself if you don't mind me borrowing your car."
"I'll take you but I can't right now. My mom borrowed my car for the night and she won't be back until late."
I nodded and looked down in frustration. I didn't like hearing that I'd have to wait. I wanted to know for sure if I was or wasn't pregnant, right then. "First thing in the morning, then?" I pleaded.
"Yes, of course."
"Thanks." I said weakly, my anxiety finally getting the better of me. My knees were suddenly getting weak and I all but collapsed as I was lowering myself to the pebbly beach. Once on the ground, I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around my shins, hugging them. Despite my best efforts to keep my composure, I started to cry, not just cry but sob – huge, choking sobs. Immediately Sam dropped down next to me and pulled me close to him but he didn't say anything, he just held me tight and stroked my hair.
"I am so sorry, Sam" I finally managed to whisper when I got calm enough to speak coherently.
"It's not all your fault."
"Yeah, but what if I'm pregnant?" I choked on the last word because it was so alien sounding when in the same sentence as the words, 'what if I'm'.
"We'll figure it out. Don't worry – at least, not yet."
"But what if I am? What are we going to do? What am I going to do?" With that the tears welled up in my eyes again.
Sam started rocking me side to side, "Shhh…baby, don't cry. We don't know anything for sure yet. It might not be anything. And if you are—" he paused as if to search for the right words, "-if you are pregnant, I'll be here and we will figure this out together."
Sam always seemed to know what to say in order to calm me down. There was never a question in my mind about how Sam would handle this. Sam would support me throughout this ordeal – no matter what happened – because that's just the way Sam is. Sam is responsible, he always steps up to the plate and does the right thing. On top of everything else, Sam loves me and he'd never abandon me in my hour of need.
"Thank you so much"
"I love you, Leah" He kissed the top of my head once more and he held me closer.
"I know. I love you, too." I whispered.
We sat in silence for longest time, both deep in thought as we watched the waves. I wondered what was going through his head; if he was as scared as I was. I wondered what we'd do if I was pregnant. Keep it? No, we couldn't, I resolved. That thought made me even sadder. To end something, a product of our love, seemed so wrong on so many levels but what else could we do? Sam was 19 and I was only 17, neither of us were fit to be parents, not yet at least. Sam had just been rewarded a full-ride scholarship and I didn't want him to give up that opportunity just so he could stay in La Push and play house with me. He'd worked so hard for that scholarship and it was his life-long dream to get off the reservation so he could make something of himself. I wouldn't stand in the way of his dreams. No, we couldn't possibly keep it, I concluded as tears streamed down my face.
Long after the sun had set, I started shivering due to a chill in the ocean breeze. I leaned into Sam a little more so I could warm up. That kept me warm for a while but Sam broke the silence when I started shivering again. "It's late, you're cold and I need to get you home before your Mom starts looking for you." Sam stood up and helped me to my feet. He held my hand as we walked down the trail, away from the beach.
"I really am sorry, Sam." I murmured.
"Stop apologizing. It's only making me feel worse."
"But this could ruin all your plans and that makes me feel horrible. What's wrong with apologizing for that?"
"Because this isn't your fault, this is my fault. If I hadn't tried so hard to convince you to be with me – to have sex with me – we wouldn't even be having this conversation right now. I wish I'd just left you alone about it. You wanted me to leave you alone about it."
I shook my head, "No, you're wrong. Even though I said that I wanted to wait, I wanted it just as badly as you did and I don't regret it. I'll never regret it. Every time has been special to me because every time has been with you."
"I wish you wouldn't say that."
"Because I should have just left you alone, okay." He said almost forcefully.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So, he regretted it, regretted all of it. All the special moments—special to me, at least—weren't special to him. I gave him the most precious part of me and he regretted it; chalked it up as some sort of mistake. In one sentence he had tainted all I held sacred and that rocked me to the core. With that, I ripped my hand away from his. "If that's how you feel, don't worry about it, don't worry about me. I'll take care of this by myself." I said angrily as I backed away from him.
"What are you talking about?" bewilderment filled his voice and expression.
I turned and started walking away "I'm talking about you and how you regret ever sleeping with me." I yelled over my shoulder.
"Leah, wait! Come back!" Sam started to pursue me and I started to walk faster.
Moments later his hand was on my shoulder. "Wait. Talk to me. What do you mean?"
"You think it's wrong, what we've been doing, I mean."
"That's not what I mean, at least not entirely. Yeah, I think it's wrong, but—"
At that I turned and walked away, not even letting him finish because whatever he was going to say would only upset me further, I was sure.
"Would you let me finish? Stop. Please." He begged.
"Fine, say what you need to say." I swiveled around, faced him and folded my arms across my chest.
"I think its wrong because—" He paused to see if I was listening, "because your parents trusted me with you, their only daughter, and I betrayed their trust. I've deceived the only people that believe in me; believe that I can be a better person then my father. But, that doesn't mean I regret being with you. I'll never regret being with you. Every time we're together, it's like a dream. You have no idea how fortunate I feel because I have you in my life. I love you so much, Lee-Lee."
Sam always knew exactly what to say, well not always, but close. I suddenly felt incredibly stupid for overreacting, although it's not like I didn't have enough to stress me out already.
I smiled and I reached out for him. Within a millisecond, I was enveloped in his strong arms, feeling safe, again.
"Your Dad is going to kill me." Sam murmured quietly.
I looked up at him, meeting his gaze. "No he won't, I won't let him. Plus, it's not like we know anything for sure, not yet, anyway. Right?"
"You're right." He gave me a half smile and kissed me. "Let's get you home, okay."
I nodded my head and together we walked off in the direction of my house.
When we got there, Sam helped me dry my tears and gave me a long kiss goodnight. "We're in this together, no matter what, okay." He whispered in my ear before kissing my cheek.
"Okay." I agreed as I gave him one last hug and kiss.
"I'll be here first thing in the morning to pick you up, I swear." He gave my hand a quick squeeze and a reassuring smile.
"Sam, I love you so much."
"I know," He gave me a wink and he smiled. "I know and I love you, too." With that he walked away into the darkness.
A/N: This is another little glimpse of a Sam/Leah moment that popped into my head. I wrote this about 2 months ago but didn't get around to editing and posting it until now because I forgot about it. Anyway, when I wrote it I had the impression that Sam wasn't necessarily the golden boy of La Push, at least not then (obviously he is after he starts phasing and everything). I always thought Harry would have taken Sam under his wing after his father, Joshua Uley (I think that's what his name is), took off and that's why Harry (and even Sue) would believe and trust Sam so thoroughly. And for whatever reason, I do picture pre-breakup Leah to be more of a sweetheart girly-girl. I think she even kept her virginity for a while for various reasons (mainly because shes a 'good girl').
Anyway, this is going to be a two-shot (possibly more).