I've read so many Mpreg's I felt the need to do a crack-fic. Enjoy.
I don't own Naruto.
"Sasuke, I feel fat." Naruto whined as he gorged himself on ramen and pickles. "And...and...YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!" He started to bawl, Sasuke rolling his eyes.
"What the hell is wrong with you today dobe. If you feel fat stop eating so much...and don't use the 'L' word, it's so unmanly." Sasuke grumped, ignoring his little blond lover sitting on the couch.
"I wanna go see Sakura." Naruto humphed, placing his bowl on the coffee table before standing and leaping out the window. What kind of ninja would use a door? Honestly, if they didn't use their mad ninja skills they would loose them. It was a scientific fact of sorts. Sasuke sighed in his very manly ,stoic, seme way and took off after his adorable little uke.
On the way to Sakura's Naruto stopped to fawn over every child he saw, over every cute ,fluffy, little animal he saw, and the fudge store. Though that was more to buy ten pounds of choco-choco nutty fudge covered in nuts and chocolate. A diabetics worst nightmare, it sent children into sugar induced rants of insanity from ten paces.
Sasuke had caught up to Naruto at this point and was sneering at Naruto's rapid inhalation of the fudge...in a totally manly way. The Kyuubi container offered his stoic seme a piece of fudge, it was turned away with a sniff of disdain so the blond boy shrugged and finished the remaining seven pounds in his adorable uke way.
"Look there's Neji." Naruto commented, bouncing over to the Hyuuga who stood, staring into the sky and wondering about fate. He slowly looked down at Naruto who had attatched to his arm like an adorable blond leach.
"Naruto, just the person I was looking for."
"But you were looking into the sky."
"That's not the point. May I use my byukugan on your internal organs for no apparent reason whatsoever that anyone could ever think of?" The blond seemed to think this over for two seconds before his cheeks seemed to split, emitting a glow from abnormally white teeth that rivaled Lee's. Though the boy in green could blind people at twenty paces.
Seconds later Neji gaped and his creepy face veins disappeared, leaving him quite normal looking.
"You have a baby."
"Really? What kind?" The statement didn't seem to phase the blond at all and he kept smiling in a way that caused Sasuke to develop a facial tic. So many emotions, too many for the totally stoic seme to handle.
"I'm not sure. How could this happen?" Neji asked, stunned at what he had discovered in his completely male friend.
"Oh, me and Sasuke do it like twenty times a day." Was Naruto's nonchalant answer and Sasuke smirked, now to make it twenty-one.
"But your male."
"Who cares. A baby, how exciting. Come to think of it, it's probably Kyuubi's doing. But lets not wonder how he made my sperm turn into eggs, or how I developed a womb without any side effects like mind numbing pain, or internal bleeding from my other internal organs being pushed out of the way for pieces I shouldn't posses. Or how I'm going to give birth when I lack things like a birth canal." Well, when he put it that way, Sasuke shrugged. Worrying about things like that was too much of a hassle, it would deflate his perfect seme hair.
"Maybe you should go talk to the Hokage." Neji tried again to reason with the blond.
"No way, she'll just be all 'I'm drunk and blah blah blah, here's a boring mission that might get you killed, cause people didn't tell us everything we needed to know.' And do I need another Zabuza incident in my condition? I don't think so." The last four words were said in a singsong voice that would have gotten anyone else punched in the face by a random passerby, but as it was Naruto, birds chirped in tune with the blond.
With that Naruto turned to smile at Sasuke who grunted at him in a caveman like way. Luckily Naruto was fluent in Uchiha-ese and just giggled.
"Of course we have to paint the spare room in an obnoxious color. That's what people expecting babies do Sasuke, you silly goose bum."
"So you don't care that you're pregnant and a man. That this is such a fluke it shouldn't even be considered highly improbably, let alone possible?" Neji asked again, but Naruto was already skipping away, chasing a random bluebird that had flown by his face. Neji sighed and walked away, not wanting to get involved in any more insanity then he needed to. Sasuke grunted in a manly goodbye to the Hyuuga before following his uke.
Wow, I laughed so hard writing that. It was amazingly fun and helps me to accept the rather large plot holes that others leave in their Mpreg stories.
Review if you enjoyed that as much as I did.