AN: I don't know where I got this, It just popped out…and yes, I shall update my other stories. I hope you like this oneshot. I also changed my pen name, it was formerly ishgreeklady. Please do review!
Disclaimer: I think my sanity is mine but sadly Naruto isn't
Summary: Because forever isn't long enough and he couldn't help but look. Sakura and Sasuke POV
of relative time and emerald eyes
Time, they say is relative. To me, it doesn't really matter. After that fateful day, time has lost its essence and unequivocally, its appeal, to me. Has it been 5 years? Has it taken that long, perhaps, that short? Have I really forced myself to live a day at a time and try-and invariably fail-to numb myself to everything; to only train and train and routinely smile and heal?
Apparently I have. The tedium was completely lost to me because I concentrated so hard on one thing: to bring him back. And I have killed and smashed and punched my way through all those years. But even though I have managed to accomplish so much through that time, I feel nothing. It is like all that time is unimportant. And the only moments in that inconsequential time I remember lasted minutes, some even, seconds. And I remember them in complete detail, with vivid coloring, along with the exact atmosphere and rush of emotions that ran through me. Those were the times when my path intersected with him.
The eyes are the windows to one's soul. I could scoff at that statement. What if you didn't have a soul? Or to put it simply, what if it were someone like me? My eyes betray nothing-at all.
And this hypothetical existence of a soul-it's stupid. Who needs a soul when you can have power?
I'm never been much of a believer in anything. Anyone who has lived my life should know that; if anyone were as unfortunate as me.
Yet she drives all my non-beliefs to the ground. Because this girl has a soul- maybe she's the only one who has one- and her eyes bring you straight to it. Emerald windows to something otherworldly, untainted and truly peaceful.
And I cannot help but look.
It's fate. That's what I childishly thought as I saw him again that one time.
I was right. It was childish. He did not so much as spare a glance that me. It hurt more than if he slashed me with his sword.
It wasn't fate. It was a rush mission on a sunny day in the middle of nowhere. Naruto was emotional as usual. Yamato-taichou was hurt and Sai…I never really understood him at that time.
And him. He looked so cold, so aloof and he reeked of power. And all I could do-helpless as ever- was stare at him.
And he looked right past me.
When have I seen her for the first time in a long time?
I remember it was at the snake's lair. I tried to kill my former team, there were two other replacements, Kakashi wasn't there.
Naruto was noisy and he was still like the brother I never had and she just stared at me and I tried not to look. If I looked at her, she would see the monster I truly am, the blank face of a ruthless murderer. If I looked at her, she would be tainted and she didn't deserve that.
And even as I knew I have shattered her innocence long ago, I cannot help but try, with this probably insignificant act, to make amends.
I didn't let my eyes linger.
It was raining. I was running for cover, cursing the heavens for further delaying my trip back to Konoha. Then I felt him-or them, it doesn't really matter. All I knew is that they ran past me and for the second time, his eyes never even met mine. The redhead girl looked at me with contempt, though and that is all.
It was cold-in every sense.
I felt her again, not long after. She was alone, on a solo mission and that was when I started to realize that it has been years and she has grown and she could've been powerful too, if she was on a solo mission. It was raining and I could sense her anxiousness to go back to Konoha.
Karin has warned me that someone with a huge chakra would cross our path and if I wanted to avoid any confrontation, we should take a different route.
But I felt her and ignored my redhead team mate.
I felt compelled to see her. And she didn't disappoint.
For the first time, I realized that she was beautiful and in the rain, she was divine. She ran gracefully and I was almost mesmerized.
I didn't meet her eyes though but my peripheral vision was enough to testify to those facts.
She looked disappointed. And I couldn't know why. Surely not because she thought I didn't acknowledge her. I am not fit to be in her presence, that I knew.
I held back a surge of anger.
I saw him again, that time, in Rain. I remember that it was a rare weather that day. Rain was dry and him, he looked glorious as ever. I remembered that I felt the attraction bubble up once again and the childish longing.
It was stupid and I felt that I justified what he always told me: I am annoying. I realized it that day. But I also realized that it is not infatuation. No, infatuation can't be as heavy as what I felt. My heart could've burst from pain and temporary joy-at the mere sight of him.
But I was staring and we were in the middle of the marketplace and I expected it now, for him to just not look; for him to ignore me even though he knew I was there. And then the shark-faced subordinate of his laughingly told him something and he surprised me by turning his head and looking at me. And then I looked away, guilty, caught staring like an idiot.
And I ran away but not before I glanced a frown on his face as I turned. Did he frown because he was annoyed I was staring, did he want to talk to me, and did he expect a confrontation? But no, I was flattering myself; he couldn't have cared less about me.
No, it could've been nothing.
She was in Rain. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe my eyes. She was there, standing on the same street as me, apparently staring.
Why did she stare? Was she trying to analyze how much of a monster I've become, how unfeeling and bloodthirsty my face would look like?
The idiot, Suigetsu, just had to jibe. "I see a hot pinkette staring here Sasuke-san and I'm gonna go over and invite her for…dessert," he said in that annoying voice of his.
Then I couldn't stop myself any longer and I looked at her. She turned away almost immediately and ran in the opposite direction.
So she had seen what she hoped to see? An unfeeling killing machine?
I tried to suppress the disappointment and something else I've felt.
I should get over my stupidity.
I saw him again, right before he went off to kill his brother. And for the first time, I saw hesitation in his eyes. Although he didn't look at me again, I could feel the apprehension radiating off him, along with a chilling degree of killing intent and waves and waves of raw power rolling off him like warning signs.
Or maybe I'm being annoying again and deluding myself into thinking that I could actually interpret his actions? I wanted to kick myself. I also wanted to run to him and repeat those humiliating words I've said to him years ago when he left me on that bench. I also wanted to recoil- everything about him yelled danger. He could kill me quite easily, I thought, if I even try to stop him, which I also felt compelled to do.
And pathetic. I fervently hoped that he would look at me. And truly look and see that I genuinely care for him and what he was going to do will only shatter his spirit more. I wished that for once in the 3 years that he left-yes, I remembered it then, the time- he would speak to me, tell me anything. I longed for a little acknowledgement and it burned through me. I was too confused to actually do anything that ran through my mind.
Then he turned his back on us-looking only at Naruto, how agonizing- and sped to his brother and maybe, (I realized, to my horror) his impending doom.
I didn't cry even as the hurt seared through me and my throat burned as I choked back the tears.
I knew that she wanted to cry. I could see it in her eyes because I was selfish enough, that day, to look at her, though she never noticed.
And, how gratifying it was, even as I set off to kill my brother. She was every bit as beautiful as the last time I've seen her, even with pain distorting her face, she was glorious.
And I thought with disappointment, that I was never going to deserve her nor could I allow myself to look at her as I have done- not after I do what I was going to do. And there was no turning back. It was my life's goal and no girl, no, woman could stop me.
I had no time to identify what I felt as I ran to my brother's location. It was time to accomplish my goal.
I realize now, as I look at him, his face as handsome as ever, that I have been repressing. It has been five years, it has been that long, I have grown and he has grown and Naruto and Kakashi-sensei too. Sai, I can understand a little bit now and I even like Yamato-taichou in my team.
I have repressed, not bad memories, but the background. He has always played a central part in my life, consciously or not. Everything else faded as long as I knew of his existence.
I look at him now and, for once I can see him truly looking back. There is no contempt there, no irritation, there is…acceptance. Maybe he is accepting me in his life? I also see acknowledgement there and comradeship and something else I cannot comprehend.
But all that is lost because he is looking back at me and the knowledge of that is enough to send me reeling into bliss (perhaps oblivion, but who cares?).
"Sakura," he says now. My heart could burst out of my chest. I continue to look at him. If I speak, my voice would break.
"I won't hold back," he adds quietly, almost apologetically.
And I frown. I can't understand. He has baffled me yet again. And I could see that he reads the confusion in my eyes and he smirks and I could be mad but the smirk has traces of peace in it, there is no cynicism in his expression. There is amusement and a silent plea for me to wait.
And I think it is silly. I would always wait.
Because he is looking at me now…for exactly 3 minutes and 27 seconds after 5 years and 8 weeks of absence and 6 months and 19 days of return.
Then I realize, it isn't that long. Because I can never remember a time when I haven't loved Uchiha Sasuke.
Tsk. Forever isn't even long enough.
I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her. I've made it into a mantra.
Yet, here I am, practically ogling her. And she is looking at me with that hopeful expression I vaguely remember she had 5, 6 years ago, when I left her on that bench. There is love there and I think, at that moment, I could hear my heart beating. It is an unfamiliar sound, like it had been frozen all these years.
I should speak. "Sakura."
She waits. I want to tell a lot; that she is beautiful, that she is my sanity, that I always, always looked at her. She is the purest person I've ever known and I hope that if I worked hard enough, I could truly deserve her. But idiot that I truly am, all I could say is "I won't hold back."
I am sorry it's all I could utter. But it is a promise. She is confused, I could see that and so I do the closest thing to reassurance I could manage, I smirk. And I hope she will still be willing to wait for me.
Why does she look at me with wonder now? Is it because she is still trying to decipher my words?
I've always been looking at her. I've always seen her and I could drown in the emerald pools of her eyes because now, she is looking back at me too.
And then I could suddenly identify the feeling as I sped off to kill Itachi.
I'm sorry if there are grammatical errors I haven't been able to correct or if Sasuke is OOC.