A/N: This is a total CRACK! Fic, and is just for fun. I am not trying to make fun of, or offend anyone here. And, no, I am not on drugs… I swear!
Disclaimer: Anything you see below is not owned by me.
Captain Ross sighed as he surveyed his squad from the doorway of his office. The day so far was going pretty smoothly. His detective were all working nicely together, the cases were progressing steadily, and, as of yet, nobody had managed to piss him off. The day was going rather well, and yet…
"I never wanted to be a captain, anyway." Ross said to himself forlornly. "I wanted to be… a game-show host!"
All of a sudden, Ross tore off his suit to reveal… another suit. "Giving out prize after prize! Being on national television stations!"
From out of his office, a model-prefect blonde appeared at his side. "With my best girl by my side! The games! The narrations! The money! The cameras! My face on millions of televisions! We'd sing! Sing! Sing!" At this point, he had earned himself the undivided attention of everyone in the squad room. As a matter of fact, they had dropped what they had been doing to stare at their captain with a look of utter disbelief on their faces.
Suddenly music was playing, coming from who-knows-where, and Ross was in full-on singing-mode. "Oh, I'm a game show host and I'm okay! Games on TV are what I play!"
Now about a dozen well-dressed men magically emerged from the Ross' office. "He's a game show host and he's okay! Games on TV are what he plays!" They echoed in unison.
"I make bad jokes, I give out cars, I hang around with models!" Ross went on.
"On Fridays I have a special two hour episode!"
"He makes bad jokes, he gives out cars, he hangs around with models!" The men echoed.
"On Fridays he has a special two hour episode! Oh, he's a game show host and he's okay! Games on TV are what he plays!"
The Major Case Squad was stunned into silence, some wondering if this was reality, or a wacky dream. Others wondered if maybe their captain was high. Ross seemed oblivious to their reactions – or lack there of – he simply went on with his song.
"I make bad jokes, I laugh aloud, I get frequent commercial breaks! I put on my ex-wife's clothing, and hang around in bars!"
"He makes bad jokes, he laughs aloud, he gets frequent commercial breaks! He puts on his… ex-wife's… clothing… and hangs around in bars?" They sang, sounding slightly bewildered, but they kept on with the chorus. "He's a game show host and he's okay! Games on TV are what he plays!"
I make bad jokes, I wear high-heels, a suit and a bra!" Ross sang, "I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear papa!"
At this point, everyone's jaws had dropped in disbelief. This was defiantly a dream. Either that, or Ross was high as a kite.
"He makes bad jokes, he wears high heels, a suit… and a bra?!" Now even the dozen or so singers had to agree that this was getting to be ridiculous. They made a silent, unanimous decision to leave, and headed for the elevators. At the same moment, the music stopped as well, which seemed to break whatever spell had been on Ross as he now looked around and noticed that everyone was staring at him.
"Uh… I'm just going to go back into my office now. I've got some… erm… phone calls to make…" He lied; face now a deep shade of red. With that, he turned and practically sprinted into his office, with the door slamming behind him.
For a full 60 seconds after Ross' departure, the squad room was absolutely silent. Then:
"What did I miss?" Wheeler asked. She was only just returning from getting coffee, and had missed Ross' entire episode.
"Please tell me someone got that on video?" Logan said hopefully. "Because that is perfect blackmail material."
A/N: And there you have it, folks. Sorry for any OOC-ness, but it is a crack fic… Oh, and this wasn't 'beta'ed, so any mistakes are mine and only mine.