A/N: Thanks, WWE, for crushing my soul. How can they release Lance Cade? My epic ideas may now actually come to an end…Wait, Randy's still there! As for repayment, they should bring RAW back here sooner…And actually let Cody win a match in this damn state…Or at least when I'm there…
"You're going for another new look? Come on, Chris, you just ditched the sparkles. Now you're going for the goth look?" Randy asked, eyeing Chris's black pants, black t-shirt, and black trench coat. He even went as far to put a temporary black streak in his hair and rim his eyes with black eyeliner.
"Goth look? God, Randy Orton, you are so stereotypical. Can't you be a bit more sensitive? Can't you see that I'm mourning here?" Chris asked, wiping away a tear from his eye that hadn't quite fallen yet.
"Oh, I'm sorry…Did someone die?" Randy asked, now feeling a bit bad about being so rude. But it wasn't his fault. Any chance to make fun of Jericho was a chance that Randy was going to take.
"Have you forgotten so soon?" Chris asked, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping. "Have you already forgotten my closest confidant, Lance Cade?"
"Lance didn't die, Chris," Randy noted, rolling his eyes. "He was just released of his contract."
"Call it what you may, Randy Orton, but do you see him here with us?"
"So if he's not here with us physically, he must be here with us in spirit, and that means he DIED!" All of a sudden, Chris fell to his knees and raised his arms to the heavens. "OH WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME? MIGHTY GODS, SMITE ME! OH WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? WHY DID YOU TAKE MY LITTLE LANCE CADE AWAY FROM ME?" After his outburst, he fully broke out into tears, his black eyeliner smearing all over his cheeks. "Do you know what the last thing I ever said to him was?"
"He's making this too easy…" Randy muttered to himself before answering John's question. "What did you say to him?"
"It went something like this." Chris took a deep breath and quoted, "'Lance Cade, I'm doing this tonight. You're probably going to start a fight."
Randy fought back the smile that was daring to crack on his face. "Really, Chris? That's so poetic."
"I was going to ditch the poor boy and get him fired, but they beat me to the punch, Randy Orton. This is horrible! I need my Lance Cade!"
"I'm sure you do, Chris."
"I was going to look him in the eye and say, 'I know that I can't take any more, Lance Cade. It is no lie. I want to see you out that door, Lance Cade.' But did I ever get that chance? No, I didn't. The almighty gods of Jericho just whisked in and beheaded my Lance!"
"Chris, he's fine!" Randy yelled, shaking Chris's shoulders. "He is not dead. He has not been beheaded. And will you stop quoting NSYNC?"
"And did you know that I thought he was perpetrating me with Shawn Michaels? I thought he was plotting with him! If that was true, I'd say to him, 'Just hit me with the truth, Lance Cade. You're more than welcome to.'"
"You've really lost it for good, haven't you?"
"Can you find me another Lance Cade, Randy Orton?"
"Would it make you feel better if I defied you? In memory of Lance?"
"No. No one can defy me like Lance Cade can."