--I wrote this because something Castiel said really got me thinking…--

What Were You Dreaming About?

I plopped down on one of the Motel room beds. Sam and I had been driving all day and frankly, four months in the Pit left me exhausted.

Things have been hectic since I got out, and pretty damn confusing. Angels are real? Where the hell have they been for 28 years? Lillith's been raising hell, and sending people there, not naming names, and now she's trying to bring about the Apocalypse? Why can't that bitch just go the freak away?

And Castiel. Is it wrong to think an Angel's a dick? What he had told me yesterday.

"You'd better start showing me some respect. I dragged you out of Hell, I can throw you right back in." I tried not to shudder. I remembered very little about that place, and I'll tell you one thing I never want to go back. I didn't know Angel's were such assholes.

Sam grabbed the remote off of the end table between us and flicked the crappy T.V. on. I wasn't even paying attention. My eyelids felt like they weighed twenty pounds. Slowly but surely they stayed closed longer, and longer, and longer before I let them stay shut. I didn't go to sleep though.

Okay Dean you're fighting your own body here. Are you that stubborn? Or are you just desperate for some control around here?

Ya know what ever since we had to deal with that Dream Root crap you've been a real pain in my ass.

Get it through your head Dean, I'M RIGHT! If Sam had any idea how pathetic you really were he'd be ashamed to call you his brother.

Shut up.

I'm right! Dad knew how much you were worth, that's why you took the orders and Sam got the compassion. And still to this day you wonder what Dad would have wanted you to do.

Look, I'm insane. I'm talking to myself. Hell must have really done a number on my head. Go away. This is my head, not yours. Now GET OUT!

I shook my head and opened my eyes for a brief moment. Sam was lying down, his eyes closed, the T.V. screen black. Must've dozed off. I shut my eyes again and let myself fall asleep.


Red. All red. Not fire, but red. Screaming. Ear shattering screams, including my own. Hot and freezing at the same time. I looked around frantically.

Where am I? What's going on? I couldn't move my hands, legs, anything. I'm sweating, a lot.

Then I noticed the pain. Oh God…it hurts. I can't breathe. It feels like there's a chain wrapped around my chest, squeezing tighter and tighter.

"He-" I choke, unable to make any more sound than that. My throat is on fire, blistering heat pours into my lungs and scorches my throat. I cough violently and feel the rest of my body pulse in agony. "Please…" I rasp. Something's digging into my shoulder. I turn my head and try and look at the source of the anguish pulsating from it. I almost threw up when I looked at the iron hook poking through my skin.

I can taste blood in my mouth, turning my head away from the horrific scene on my arm. My whole body aches, the skin on my wrists and ankles is raw and bleeding, like every other inch on my body. I can't even put it in words. I look down at the rest of me, feeling bile rise to the back of my throat when I see the other hook.

I shuddered, despite the alarming heat around me. Icy, then blistering. I still can't breathe.

The pain is starting to elevate. White hot knives I can't see dive into my skin, all of it.

"GOD! NOO!" I screamed. A bone-chilling sound. "SAAAMMMYY! SAMMY HEELLP MEEE!" I could swear my throat started bleeding. The anguish plunged into my bones and spread through the rest of me like a wild fire. Tears pooled in my eyes and streamed down my face.

"PLEEAASSE!" I begged. I knew no matter what I said, or what bargain I tried to make there was no way out of this place. I wanted to go home. I wanted to leave this place. I wanted food. I wanted some water. I wanted some hot chick. I wanted Sam. But I really wanted to go home.

God I can't breathe! Let me breathe!

"HEELLLP MEEEEEEE!" I shrieked. My heart pounded in my ears, pulsing with the agony jolting through my weakened body. My breath came out in short, ragged gasps. "LET ME GO! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"

But whatever was in charge here laughed at me and the anguish intensified my a thousand. "AAAHHHHHHAAAHHN! OHH, PL-PLEASE DON'T!"

There was a flash of white light that hurt my eyes.

"OHH GOD SAMMY HELP ME!"

"NO ONE HELPS YOU HERE!" A voice echoed, making my ears ring.

I, please, I want to get the hell out of…Hell. Please for the love of God, let me go.

I coughed violently, gagging on the blood that had collected in my mouth. My heart was pounding, my head hurt so bad I thought it might burst. I pulled as hard as I could on the shackles that bound me. They tightened. Closing like handcuffs that are too small around my wrists and ankles. Another blood-curdling scream fell over my lips and disappeared amongst the millions of others that reverberated around me. I couldn't see anyone, but damn I could hear them.

Out of reflex I was still pulling on these things binding me, feeling the fiery burn of the "knives" throughout my skin and the two hooks twisting inside me, tearing my muscles like a ginsu knives cut paper. But I would do whatever it took to get the fuck out of this place.

My breath had changed to ragged and heavy, a moan escaping against my will.

"DEAN!" The always present thundering voice boomed. "You know your Mommy's here!" It said. I shook my head. "Oh yes she is! Mommy wasn't as good as you think!"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled. "YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT MOM!"

"Dean I know EVERYTHING!! I KNOW THAT YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY HAS OR IS HERE! WHERE DO YOU THINK SAMMY WENT WHEN YOU LET HIM DIE?!"

"LIAR!" I screamed. Tears welled and fell from my eyes. Not Sammy, not my baby brother. He hadn't been here. Sam was a good kid. Sam prayed. "YOU FUCKING LIAR!"

"I AM NOT LYING DEAN. DADDY TOLD YOU TO KILL HIM FOR A REASON! DIDN'T HE?"

I shook my head again. My little brother could not have come here. Sammy would never…

"DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF! YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN SAM IS A MONSTER!"

"SHUT UP!"

"FINE WE WON'T TALK ABOUT SAM ANYMORE. LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU. YOUR WORTHLESS. YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A PATHETIC WASTE OF FLESH THAT DESERVES NOTHING BETTER THAN TO BE HERE. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE A FEW YEARS AGO WHEN YOUR DADDY DECIDED TO SAVE YOU!" The voice was getting closer, but I couldn't see anything. Even if this thing ever did show its face this blinding agony wouldn't let me see.

"You didn't deserve it. You should have died then and there. Then Daddy would still be alive. Sam might not have died and came to this place of the Damned. He won't miss you. He doesn't need you. You held him back. He could have had a life but you came and fucked it up, got his girlfriend killed. You are nothing but a pathetic empty minded dumbass that was made into a soldier and tossed away like one. That was all you were good for."

I already knew this. Dad shouldn't have saved me. I shouldn't have taken Sam away from his life. I might as well have killed Jessica. I should have died instead of Dad. I am worthless.

"Say it!" The voice boomed. I winced, my breath shaking as I cried, which pissed me off that I couldn't stop myself.

Everything hurt so much. I couldn't think, breathe, see, hear, move anything.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT YOU TO SAY DEAN!" The voice screamed, it was very close and I knew my ears were bleeding now.

"I-I deserve to be here." I croaked. My throat still felt like lava had been poured down it, the coppery liquid still there. The scalding invisible knives were driving themselves into my bones, deeper and deeper. I was sure they would split. The hooks were pulling outward.

"AND?" And, there's an and?

"And I-" I cut myself off by coughing again. The knives pushed harder. "ALRIGHT! I'M WORTHLESS! I SAID IT! PLEASE!" But nothing happened. "STOP PLEASE! NO, NO, NO PLEASE HELP ME!" Still nothing. Then there was a laugh. The voice was laughing at me. I closed my eyes, ashamed.

"THIS IS THE ONE PLACE IT NEVER STOPS!"

I jumped. My eyes were open. The red had disappeared. There was something on top of me. My jacket, I realized. The voice was gone. It was neither hot nor cold. My breath was heavy still, but the tears had been imagined, and I had obviously remained silent.

Wait a minute what happened? I, I was in…

Then I remembered. I was out, not in Hell out. I rolled over and almost had a heart attack. That asshole I was talking about earlier? Well he's right here, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Hello Dean," He said. I glared at him. "What were you dreaming about?"

END

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