Chapter 2! Let me say this now. I don't see Stephenie's characters the way I portray them in this fanfic at all. This is just an exaggerations of their emotions, actions and personalities. I don't think its so ridiculous that I'll change the category into "parody" though. Its a lot less silly as the last chapter, thats for sure.

I hope you enjoy it!

I do not own anything in the Twilight universe. Its all the work of the lovely Stephenie Meyer.

"Edward, I want to go home now." Bella said sticking out her chin and starting to back away.

Edward put his beautiful hands out in front of him in a way to show himself unarmed.

"Don't be afraid. I love you Bella" He said trying to calm her.

"I'm not going in there Edward! You can't make me!" She said not looking into those eyes of his. Knowing it would turn her into a puddle of goo that would do anything he asked.

"You must understand, Bella my sweet, that this is also hard for me. Doing something to you that don't want." Edward said, disgusted with himself that he was talking about his own pain when he was already so "selfish", as he says.

Bella tried to block out his voice by humming thinking How am I going to escape?! She just kept walking backwards. Without falling! It was a miracle from the gods! That miracle was short lived when she bumped into something small and rock hard then tumbled to the ground.

"AAAHHH!!" Bella screamed.

"Hi there Bella!" Alice chimed with her wind chime voice.

"Alice!" Bella said startled.

Uh oh. Bella thought. Alice is here, outside the mall. Now there's no way of getting out of this! Edward should have read her frickn mind so he could save me from this torture! I mean its was his favorite thing to do. Protecting me. He even threatened harmless Mr. Penny! Wait... a... second...


Edward planned this whole thing!

How could he?!

SPRITZ! SPRITZ! Edward was getting nervous at how long Bella was just looking out into space with her facial expressions going a mile a minute.

"Where is that damn water coming from?!" Bella yelled getting up off the ground. Edward had already hidden the handy dandy water bottle with his super awesome vampire speed.

"That's not important right now Bella dear. Whats important is that you know that we love you and that this is for your own good." Edward said slowly inching closer to Bella. Alice doing the same.

"Edward is right Bella." Alice said soothingly "This is for your own good."

"For my own good?" Bella asked "What are you two talking about!?"

Edward and Alice shared a look of agreeing and nodded to each other.

"Why did you do this Edward!?" Bella exclaimed "Why did you trick me and put me in this trap?"

Edward hearing is true loves anguish was just about to cave in and take Bella to the best book store that Washington state had to offer. But all of a sudden he cringed at the sudden flood of images of Alice, his sister, and Jasper, his brother, doing many explicit sexual acts. With Alice thoughts saying Edward if you back out, its gonna be nothing but these pictures for a week!

"Bella darling," Edward said holding Bella's hand "Alice is here to take you clothes shopping. I'm so sorry."

Bella looked at Edward, somehow sensing he was being forced into this too. She quickly turned her eyes to Alice. Alice was looking up at Bella with a big, bright smile. That evil little pixie Bella thought.

"Alice whatever your doing to Edward stop it this instant!" Bella said. Bella's sixth sense kicking in she noticed these little telepathic convos between Edward and Alice.

"I'm not doing anything Bella." Alice said ultra sweetly with her soprano voice.

Edward doubled over in pain.

"My eyes!" He yelled in anguished pain.

"Oh no! Edward!" Bella yelled cradling him. "Alice please stop!"

"Only if you go shopping with me." Alice said seriously.

"Do what she says Bella!" He yelled from the ground in the fetal position.

Bella thought about this Edward or the mall? Edward.. or the mall?! A ha! She thought. I know how get out of this AND save Eddipuss!!

"Ok Alice. I'll go shopping with you." Bella said feigning defeat. Edward stood up, freed from his torture, and put his arm around Bella's waist.

"You are so strong Bella. I love you so much!" Edward said with admiration.

"I am strong Edward AND I'm clever too." Bella said showing everyone her crossed fingers that she had behind her back.

"HA! In your face Alice! It burns doesn't it!" Bella started doing a happy dance but tripped and fell.

"Enough of this fooling around Bella!" Alice yelled getting irritated. "I'll admit it I didn't see that coming but lets not get off topic. Your going clothes shopping with me and that's final."

"No." Bella said firmly with her chin out. "Whats wrong with my clothes any way! There so comfortable."

"Uh maybe thats because they were previously used?" Alice said disgusted "Bella you shop at the Thrift Store!!"

"So whats the big deal? Its not like the clothes aren't clean."

"Sometimes they aren't Bella. Do you remember that knitted hat you bought to match your mittens?" Edward said hating to bring up the subject and cause his Bella pain.

"Yes, of course I do. I loved that hat. I wore it all the time until you guys burned it and buried the ashes!!" said Bella angrily.

"It gave you lice Bella!!" Alice yelled.

"It was not lice!!" Bella said starting to get emotional.

"Oh well then if it wasn't lice Bella then what was it?!" Alice asked sarcastically, her tiny hands on her tiny hips.

"It... It was... Oh it was lice!" yelled Bella in defeat, tears of anger running down her cheeks. Edward patted her on the back lightly.

"Wait.. wait a second! I don't have lice know. How do you explain that?" she asked.

"We had to use one of those home made mayonnaise remedies on your head while you were asleep sweety. Sorry." said Edward.

"It was pretty hilarious though." said Alice giggling "You kept talking about making sandwiches."

A raging blush ran into Bella's cheeks.

"I feel so violated. You fondled my head when I was unconscious?!" Bella asked incredulously.

"It was for your own good. Your incredibly stubborn Bella. It was just the easiest way." chimed Alice.

"Again with the "its for your own good"!" Bella groaned.

"Bella hon, please just cooperate." pleaded Alice "I don't want you to get lice again or something worse."

Bella just grumbled angrily.

"Think about it. New clean clothes. I promise you that there will be a budget and we shall not go over it." Alice said budget as if it were a dirty word.

Bella was about to open her mouth and say something when Alice countered with

"And no, you don't get to pick the budget."

"Can Edward come?" Bella asked after thinking about any other flaws she could point out. She couldn't find any.

"Of course. I'll never leave you side." Edward promised.

"Alright fine. Lets go get this over with." Bella said as she let Edward put her Jane Austen book in his hot ass Volvo.

"Lets go." Edward said with a small smile. Bella gave Mr. Penny a squeeze, took a deep breath and began walking forward towards the mall, holding Edward's beautiful hand.

Please review!! pretty please! I'll update soon.