The Smashy Amazing Race: Season Four

The Smashy Amazing Race: Season Four
By Hoogiman


"I'm at Peach's Castle, in the heart of Toad Town, the capital city of Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, floating along, "And very soon, eleven teams, each with a pre-existing relationship, will set off on a race around the world for a million dollars!"

"These teams are…" said Master Hand, "Wolf and Samus, Newly Dating co-workers from Corneria!"

Wolf and Samus (Newly Dating)

"Wolf and I met in college," said Samus to the camera, glossed up by the production-applied make-up, "And on this race, we want to prove that... love is universal... love can happen between anyone and any... thing?"

Wolf laughed, "Don't mind her... anyway... we were friends for quite some time and six months ago we started to date..."

A shot of Wolf and Samus jogging through a park appeared on screen.

"...and really, this race will be a test of our relationship!" said Wolf.

"Roy and Zelda, dating and recently engaged!" said Master Hand.

Roy and Zelda (Engaged)

"Zelda and I," said Roy, wearing his glasses and pocket protector, "We've known each other since high school and... you know... I've always liked her..."

"And I've always liked him too!" said Zelda forcefully.

"Haha, honey," laughed Roy, "Anyway... she was the cool chick in school and I was the nerd..."

"I've always loved you Roy!" reminded Zelda angrily.

"And I asked her out a few times..." said Roy, "And unfortunately she didn't go out with me at the time... she said she didn't date book brains or something cute like that..."

"I love you!" said Zelda angrily.

"But then some short time after I got my dad's multi-million dollar inheritance..." said Roy happily, "She kinda... confessed how she's loved me her whole life and we've been dating ever since!"

"Only because I love you!" laughed Zelda manically.

"Haha, sometimes I joke she started dating me for my money!" laughed Roy.

"Of course not, hunnybuns!" lied Zelda.

"But she proposed, you know, it wasn't my idea..." laughed Roy.

"I get half!" mouthed Zelda evilly to the camera.

A shot of Roy and Zelda, splashing each other in a swimming pool appeared on screen.

"I think our strength in this race is..." said Roy.

"Our love!" interrupted Zelda.

Said Roy, "Yeah, our love but also..."

"Don't you love me?" cried Zelda, play-acting.

"Of course I do honey!" said Roy sweetly.

"I know! Do you promise we'll get married after the race?" said Zelda.

"Uh..." Roy hesitated.

"Of course I will!" said Zelda out of the side of her mouth.

"Aww Roy, you're so sweet!" said Zelda, hugging Roy.

"Marth and Squirtle!" said Master Hand, "Boyfriends and dating six years!"

Marth and Squirtle (Dating Six Years)

"We've been dating six years..." said Marth, rubbing his finger along Squirtle's head, "And like, you know, we both enjoy fashion..."

"Long walks on the beach..." said Squirtle, cuddling Marth, "Manicures..."

Suddenly it started raining.

"Squirtle," said Marth, "it's so wet. Let's huddle together to... stay warm..."

"And you can stick that long sword into my shell!" said Squirtle sexily.

They giggled.

Master Hand stared.

"Toon Link, and King Dedede!" said Master Hand, "Coal Miners from Kentucky, Ohio!"

Toon Link and King Dedede (Coal Miners)

"King Dedede and I have been coal miners for the last six years," said Toon Link, "We entered the job at the same time and..."

"Gee! When we're mining for coal..." said King Dedede overenthusiastically, "gosh it sure gets coal'd!"

The crew laughed.

"Shut up!" said Toon Link, "And it freaking gets hot down there!"

"You know why it gets hot down there?" laughed King Dedede, "You're growing up, son! Your mind's wandering all over the place! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

The crew laughed.

"Anyway, on this race-" said Toon Link.

"Race?!" laughed King Dedede, "Like... asian or hispanic or bolivian?"

The crew laughed.

"Bolivian isn't a race!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Anyway, when we're down there doing the foozling... and the oozling... sometimes as a coal miner I drink... Coca-Coal-a! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

The crew burst into laughter.

"Don't forget when we drink, coal'd water!" laughed Toon Link.

...

...

"That's just not funny, son," said King Dedede.

"Talking about son... isn't that sun sure hot? Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

The crew laughed hysterically.

Toon Link grunted angrily.

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf!" said Master Hand, "Dating twelve days!"

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (Dating)

"ME AND GANNIE LOVE EACH OTHER!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"OH MY GOSH WE DO!" screamed Ganondorf excitedly.

"Can you... uh... stop shouting?" said Master Hand.

"OF COURSE!" screamed Jigglypuff excitedly.

"I LOVE YOU HONEY!" screamed Ganondorf, affectionately slopping his tongue on Jigglypuff's face.

"I LOVE YOU TOO, GANNIE!" said Jigglypuff happily, hitting Ganondorf's head affectionately.

"Lucas and Yoshi, roommates!"

Lucas and Yoshi (Roommates)

"Hi, I'm Lucas, and this is Yoshi!" said Lucas, patting Yoshi. "I'm glad to be part of the first owner and pet team to participate in this race!"

"I'm not a pet!" said Yoshi angrily, "I'm your freaking friend!"

"Bad dog," said Lucas angrily, "If you keep on talking over me I'll put you on a leash..."

"This is insane!" said Yoshi angrily.

"I know, it's so hard for me to have to put up with such a lower-life form," said Lucas angrily.

Yoshi punched Lucas in the face.

"Fox and Falcon, Fraternity Brothers !" said Master Hand.

Fox and Falcon (Fraternity Brothers)

"We're frat boys..." said Falcon slowly, pronouncing each word slowly and unclearly, "And uh... like girls..."

"...and drinking..." said Fox.

"...and working out..." said Falcon.

...

"Wow..." said Master Hand.

A shot of them playing basketball appeared on the screen.

"Uh... we're really smart and uh..." said Fox.

Fox started to drool.

"...we'll win the race and uh... spend the uh..." said Falcon,

"Freaking skip them already!" said Master Hand.

"Luigi and Peach, dating couple from Toad Town, Mushroom Kingdom!"

Luigi and Peach (Dating)

"You know what, Mario?" said Luigi angrily to the camera, "You can have any girlfriend that you want but when you leave Peach, she's up for grabs for me!"

"Luigi!" cried Peach, "I don't want to be with you!"

"Yes you do, damnit!" screamed Luigi, downing his bottle of whisky.

"Okay!" said Peach happily.

"Wario and Mr. Resetti, Firefighters and Best Friends!" said Master Hand.

Wario and Mr. Resetti (Fire fighters)

"Mr. Resetti and I are fire fighters and best friends," said Wario, "But that doesn't mean we argue! We both have hot tempers but our drive will help us win the race!"

...

"Driving reminds me of my farm days," said Mr. Resetti, "When I was a young lad, 10 or 20 or 30 or so I was working on the old coal fields eating those corn cobs, you know, my mom used to have the best recipe for corn cobs! She'd put the corn on the stove, the old stove during my childhood that my dad kept on cooking me popcorn chicken on! My father stole the popcorn chicken from the fast food restaurant he worked in the 70's, back in his day he didn't even have the minimum wage! Why, a slave boy in China would get more than what my chicken-cooking father! My father's now buried in the cemetery... you know, I was at this cemetery and I saw this really funny dug up body-"

"SHUT UP!" said Wario angrily.

"Diddy Kong and Ivysaur, twins from Glensville, Abrahalcon!"

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur (Evil Twins)

"Ivysaur and I are the most evil, dirty, racers ever to have cast themselves upon this race!" cackled Diddy Kong, flames burning inside his eyelids, the background turning an evil crimson red.

"We will do anything to win..." said Ivysaur, laughing evilly, "Even if that means hurting other people or... hurting the crew!"

Diddy Kong's eyes turned more evil. "And our reign of terror will cast so strongly over the other competitors that..."

Master Hand burst out laughing, "Wait! You guys? The evil team? Hehehehehee! Oh, you cuties crack me up!"

"We're not cute! We're evil!" said Ivysaur angrily.

"Teeheehee!" snorted Master Hand, uncontrollably giggling, "Really? You guys? Evil! Heehee!"

"I have a peanut gun!" said Diddy Kong angrily, holding up his coconut gun.

"Oh!" laughed Master Hand, hysterical, "Shoot a peanut at me?"

"Yes!" Diddy Kong, engulfed in rage, shot a peanut at Master Hand.

The peanut hit Master Hand. "Tee hee hee!" laughed Master Hand, rolling on the ground, "Oh boy! You guys are sure evil!"

"Kirby and Pikachu, classmates and best friends!" said Master Hand.

Kirby and Pikachu (Best Friends)

"Hey," said Kirby, smiling, his partner Pikachu sipping a cup of juice beside him, "We think of ourselves as a couple of cute kids who-"

"OH MY GOD IT'S THE SPAWN OF SATAN HIMSELF!" screamed Master Hand, bashing Pikachu on the skull with a bible and throwing holy water onto Kirby's eyes.

Master Hand continued to beat Pikachu with the bible. Kirby wiped the holy water out of his eyes.

"Woah man, is that real blood!" said Kirby, giggling.

Pikachu's head decapitated. Master Hand beat Pikachu's disembodied head repeatedly with the bible.

"Uh... excuse me!" said Kirby, tugging on Master Hand's finger, "What's the emergency number? I think someone's been hurt! We have to call for help!"

Master Hand continued to bash Pikachu.

"...mister?" said Kirby, tugging on Master Hand.

Master Hand
Host

"How will these eleven teams cope with each other, as they embark on their travelling journey, which could last an entire month?" said Master Hand, "Which team can muster the right combination of brains, brawn and teamwork to finish first, and win the million dollar prize? All of these questions will be answered on… The Smashy Amazing Race!"

The Teams:

Wolf and Samus (Newly Dating)

Roy and Zelda (Engaged)

Marth and Squirtle (Dating Six Years)

Toon Link and King Dedede (Coal Miners)

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (Dating Twelve Days)

Lucas and Yoshi (Roommates)

Fox and Falcon (Fraternity Brothers)

Luigi and Peach (Dating)

Wario and Mr. Resetti (Firefighters)

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur (Evil Twins)

Kirby and Pikachu (Best Friends)

Peach's Castle
Starting Line

"Welcome everyone!" said Master Hand, the eleven teams lined up on a grassy straight, "In just a few minutes you will be embarking on a race around the world! Now, there are eleven legs on this race, and at the end of each leg there is a pit stop! Eight of these pit stops are elimination points, so you need to get to them as fast as you can, because if you are last, you will be eliminated."

The camera panned on several teams, gasping in shock.

"Now, your first clue is on top of the luggage you have brought. When I give you the word, you can run over to your bags, read the clue and jump into one of those cars!" said Master Hand, pointing to a row of cars behind him, "The first team to cross the finish line after twelve legs, will win one million dollars!"

Everyone cheered.

"The world is waiting for you…" said Master Hand, raising his little finger.

Dramatic music and camera angles played.

"Travel safe…" said Master Hand.

More aerial camera angles played.

"GO!" shouted Master Hand.

Everyone took off, in a messy scrum of people, the smashers sprinted across the grassy straight towards their bags.

Luigi and Peach
Currently in 1
st Place

"We got to the clue first!" said Luigi, cackling manically. "I'm beating Mario, take that Mario!"

"But Luigi… Mario's not in the race!" said Peach sweetly.

"You're not in the race!" screamed Luigi angrily, cutting Peach repeatedly with the side of the clue.

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Fly to Saffron City, Kanto!" read Marth. "Once there, make your way to Saffron Gym!"

"Let's go!" said Squirtle.

"Hop on me!" said Marth.

Squirtle lunged onto the back of Marth's shoulder. "Ohh…" said Squirtle sexily, "I'd like to take a ride on top of you tonight!"

They giggled.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Fly to Saffron City, Kanto!" read Diddy Kong. "Once there, make your way to Saffron Gym!"

"Great! I have gangland connections there!" said Ivysaur, grinning evilly, "We can manipulate the police, who are in turn controlled by the mafia, to hold up the other teams!"

"Mwahahaha!" cackled Diddy Kong and Ivysaur in unison.

"I'll call them straight away!" said Ivysaur, taking out his Ivysaur-shaped cellphone.

"Cool phone," laughed Diddy Kong.

"Shut up! At least I don't have a banana phone!" said Ivysaur angrily, pointing to an object in Diddy Kong's hand.

"Actually… that's just a banana," said Diddy Kong.

"You're a banana!" said Ivysaur angrily.

"Uh, huh, huh!" cried Diddy Kong.

Some people made some jokes relating to that internet flash.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 4
th Place

"Fly to Saffron City, Kanto!" read Zelda. "Once there, make your way to Saffron Gym!"

"Let's go, honey!" said Roy.

They ran up to the car, and Roy opened the door in a gentlemanly fashion.

Roy hopped into the driver's seat, fastened his seatbelt and turned on the engine.

"Oh boy, I'm so excited to go to the Pokemon land!" said Roy happily.

"Yeah! Maybe we can buy some Pokemon slaves there!" said Zelda.

"Oh, Zelda!" laughed Roy.

"…that wasn't a joke," said Zelda angrily, "You're going to buy me one, with part of that fifteen million dollar inheritance of yours!"

Roy cleared his throat, awkwardness filling the air as he drove along.

"How dare you suggest I'm marrying you for your money!" said Zelda angrily.

"I never said that!" said Roy angrily.

"Just testing you!" laughed Zelda forcefully, "But on that note, you should be glad I'm your girlfriend… I mean… I'm the only one who's marrying you for your love!"

"Aww, how sweet," said Roy happily.

As Roy drove along, Zelda began to quietly pull Roy's wallet out of his pocket.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 5
th Place

King Dedede hopped into the car. The height of the car lowered half a metre from the fat penguin's weight.

"You'll drive," said Toon Link, sitting in the back seat.

"So boy, read the clue!" said King Dedede in the overdone accent just like in the anime.

"Fly to Saffron City, Kanto!" read Toon Link.

"Boy, that's gonna be hard! We ain't exactly got no wings!" laughed King Dedede. "Hyuk! Hyuk!"

"Um…" said Toon Link annoyed, "I'm pretty sure that means we have to go to the airport…"

"Airport?" said King Dedede, "I'll air-port you to the police if you keep on stealin' money from my wallet! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

"I have to spend a WHOLE FREAKING MONTH with you?" screamed Toon Link angrily.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 6
th Place

"Vroom vroom!" said Pikachu, holding onto the steering wheel.

"Neeeyooowww!" said Kirby, making airplane sounds, holding out his hands, swinging side to side.

"Yeah, maybe we should have learnt how to drive…" said Kirby, scratching his head.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 7
th Place

"Damn it," said Wolf, driving the car down the main road, "It sucks to be in the back."

"We'll catch up, don't you worry," said Samus. "Okay, Wolfy?"

Wolf giggled. "Okay, Sammy!" he said, driving along.

"Don't EVER call me that!" said Samus, choking Wolf.

Samus bit on Wolf's nose.

"Oh Sammy, you're so cute sometimes!" laughed Wolf, head-butting Samus on the chest.

"Aww!" said Samus sweetly, ripping the flesh off Wolf's arm.

"Okay, I'm starting to lose blood," said Wolf seriously, dehydrated.

"Let's see you lose some more!" said Samus, cutting Wolf again erotically.

"Okay! Okay!" said Wolf scared, Samus licking the blood off his arm. "I'm like seriously dying here!"

"Dying… of love?" said Samus sexily.

Wolf died.

Samus took a bite.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 87
th Place

"OH J166LYPUFF MY L0V3 WH47 D035 7H3 CLU3 54Y??" said Ganondorf excitedly, driving along.

"iT sAYS We HaVE tO gO To KaNTO!!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"I LOVE YOU JIGGLYPUFF HOW EXCITING!!1" screamed Ganondorf, licking Jigglypuff on the face, looking away from the road.

"ME 2 BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONCEnTrate ON THE ROAD!" shouted Jigglypuff, their car heading straight towards a ravine.

"I dON't THinK uR VeRY SErIOus aBOUT tHE reLAyshenSHIP if UR just gOiNG tO AcT LIEk ThIS!" said Ganondorf angrily.

Their car fell into the ravine.

I LOVE YOU HONEY LET'S NEVER FIGHT AGAIN said Jigglypuff

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 9
th Place

"Duude, this is going to be the best roadtrip ever," said Fox, looking at their luggage, "We got like, ten twelve-packs of beer, eighty girly mags…"

"Passports?" said Falcon, driving along.

"…uh…" said Fox, scratching his head.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 10
th Place

"Airport, next right!" said Wario, pointing to a sign on the road.

"That reminds me of a little anecdote that I have of my times when I was just yea high," said Mr. Ressetti, "They just invented corn on the cob and I decided to go down to my local store and try one of these strange fruits. Needless to say, I was quite impressed with the-"
They missed the turn-off.

"You idiot! You missed the turn-off!" said Wario angrily.

"I'll turn your lights out boy if you don't shut it!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"Me? Shut it?" said Wario angrily, "You're the one that always cuts in about your childhood or the saw mill towns or dancing with your stupid hillbilly friends whenever I say something!"

"And you couldn't hit me!" said Wario angrily, "You're old, senile and you can't make a fist because of your arthritis!"

"I'll give you arthritis, boy!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"That reminds me of a time when I was vacationing on the Grand Canyon with old pop and me," said Mr. Resetti, going back onto a rant.

"How is that even related to arthritis?!" screamed Wario angrily, pulling his hair out.

Wario hyperventilated and had a seizure.

Lucas and Yoshi
Currently in Last Place

"Bad dog!" said Lucas angrily, hopping into the car, holding several bags of toys he had just spent with the race money, "I can't believe you slowed us down all that much!"

"I can't believe you attempted to exchange me for a race car!" said Yoshi angrily, sitting in the back seat. "I'm your teammate!"

"Dogs can't talk!" said Lucas angrily.

"I'm not a dog!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Bad dog!" said Lucas angrily.

Yoshi punched Lucas in the teeth.

Lucas bled, and fell out of the window into the highway.

Yoshi exclaimed 'Yoshi', and did his happy taunt.

Luigi and Peach
Currently in 1
st Place

"Damnit Peach, drive faster!" said Luigi angrily, calling up smutty phone lines on his cell phone, the car driving along in first gear on the road, the other teams lined up behind their car. "You're an experienced driver, damn it!"

"But Luigi, I didn't get driving lessons because you locked me in the cupboard for the last ten years!" said Peach, sobbing.

"I locked you in the cupboard with Mario Kart!" said Luigi angrily. "Or wasn't Mario a good enough teacher for you, huh? Huh? Looks like he's not number one after all!"

"I think Mario's pretty cool!" said Peach happily.

Luigi twitched angrily several times, his eyes turning red.

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Hey, let's overtake these guys," said Squirtle, wearing a blonde wig, looking in the mirror.

Marth put his foot down on the accelerator pedal, and sped past Luigi and Peach on the overtaking lane.

Marth wound down the windows and looked into the other car.

"Hey Peach!" said Marth playfully, "Love your hair!"

"Oh my gosh! It's like, Mario's brother!" said Squirtle excitedly.

Luigi, hearing the conversation, was fuming.

"What was his name again?" said Squirtle.

"Oh!" laughed Marth, "Hi Lucario!"

Luigi glared angrily.

"Lucas?" said Squirtle.

Luigi glared angrily.

"Lola?" said Marth.

Luigi glared angrily.

"Aww… kwwward…" sang Marth and Squirtle in unison, driving past Peach and Luigi's car.

They giggled.

Peach and Luigi
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Mario! Mario! It's always about Mario! Why doesn't anyone ever care about me?" said Luigi, his eyes particularly blood-shot. "Why is he number one? He's short and stumpy! I damn do all the work around here!"

"Take this, Mario!" said Luigi, punching Peach in the gut.

"I'm not Mario, silly!" laughed Peach.

Luigi put a latex mask of Mario's head with no breathing holes over Peach's head.

"Now you are!" cackled Luigi evilly.

Their car spun out of control or something. Moving on.

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 1
st Place

"Oh great, the road merges off into two separate roads," said Marth.

"Try sticking to the left, hun," said Squirtle, holding up the map.

A tick sound played.

Marth turned left.

"Oh my gosh, we are such good team mates," said Squirtle.

"Such good team mates?" said Marth sexily.

"Actually, there was no innuendo there," said Squirtle.

"Okay, Squirtle," said Marth cheekily.

"Oh, now that is just rude," said Squirtle angrily.

"Get it?" said Marth, "Because Squirtle's like, when we're cuddling and-"

The cameraman shifted uncomfortably.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 2
nd Place

"O MY GOSH GANNIE UR SUCH A GOOD DRIVER" said Jigglypuff, driving the car, adjusting the rear view mirror away from the burning wreckage behind them.

"I KNOW I HAVE THE UBER SKILLZ FROM THE SPINACH I GOT FROM POPEYE" said Ganondorf, driving the car,

"lOL poPeYe's nOt reAL" said Jigglypuff.

"OMG U SHOULDVE KNOWN THAT IT WAS SarCASM" said Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff: shut up (rolls out into Ganondorf and he falls off the stage cos he's fat)

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Don't follow them," said Ivysaur, pointing to the other two cars on the left lane, "I've found a shorter route!"

"Okay, let's do this!" said Diddy Kong, turning right.

A buzzer sound played.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Evil Twins

"As twins, we share a lot of things in common…" said Ivysaur evilly, "We're law students, and we know how to press all of the right buttons to make people crack… we are the most aggressive team to come to this race."

"How are you guys twins?" said Master Hand.

"How aren't we twins?" said Ivysaur angrily.

"One of you… is an ape… and one of you… is a really lame Pokemon…" said Master Hand.

"Don't make me fight you… I'll vine whip you," said Ivysaur angrily.

"Ooh," laughed Master Hand.

"…but make sure our confrontation isn't for more than thirty seconds otherwise I'll get tired and have to tag team with Charizard or Squirtle under the Pokemon trainer's instructions," said Ivysaur angrily.

"I make bananas!" said Diddy Kong.

"But after several days of digestion they don't look like bananas anymore," said Diddy Kong.

An old Donkey Kong arcade machine fell on them.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 4
th Place

"Let's follow the Pokemon, they're so cute!" squealed Zelda excitedly.

"I know, don't you just want to hug them so much?" said Roy cutely, veering to the left.

A tick sound played.

"Hug them… more like… enslave them!" said Zelda evilly. "Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Fix me dinner… slave Squirtle! Rub my toes… slave monkey!"

"I'm… not buying you any more pets," laughed Roy.

"No! No!" cried Zelda, breaking down, "Please don't break up with me because I'm marrying you for your money!"

"I never-"

"Testing!" laughed Zelda manically.

Zelda hyperventilating and made several whale-mating calls.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 5
th Place

"Turn right," said Toon Link, holding up the map.

A tick sound played.

"Turn right… more like… turn wrong!" said King Dedede, chuckling heartily.

"That's… really not funny…" said Toon Link.

King Dedede sucker-punched Toon Link in the face several times. "And looks like the blood dripping from your face is really runny!" he chuckled.

Toon Link died from blood loss.

"Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede, "That's funny!"

King Dedede pecked at Toon Link's innards.

Luigi and Peach
Currently in 6
th Place

"Peach!" said Luigi angrily, driving the car, "You're doing such a lousy job at driving!"

"But Luigi!" laughed Peach, from the boot of the car, "How can I be driving if I'm bound and gagged here?"

Luigi grovelled angrily.

"I can make milk!" said Peach.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 7
th Place

Samus, driving, turned left. A tick noise played.

"You're doing good, Samus," said Wolf, brushing Samus's hair. "I've… never told you how hot you look in that Zero Suit… rawr…"

Wolf made a scratching action with his claw.

"Actually, it's pretty cool inside this suit," said Samus, turning on the heating.

Wolf sighed.

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 8
th Place

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" cheered Fox and Falcon in unison.

"Wow man," said Fox, stone drunk, fondling the steering wheel, "Our passports and travel money sure can drink a lot of booze!"

Fox and Falcon stared at their passports, stained and drenched in alcohol.

A buzzer sound played.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 9
th Place

Wario drove along.

An awkward silence filled the car. Wario remained silent, knowing Mr. Resetti would burst into a long tangent about his childhood experiences as a kid if he said anything. In a theoretical tangent he envisioned Mr. Resetti talked about his childhood days in Smashville, a young mole working on the coal mines with his father, also named Mr. Resetti. Now that Mr. Resetti also worked the coal mines. Mr. Resetti's father, aptly named Mr. Resetti, had a father named Mr. Resetti. A coal miner too, he was. It was a right family tradition. And this Mr. Resetti had a brother named Joseph. Joseph begot Samuel, Samuel begot Daniel, Daniel begot Samuel, Samuel begot Francis Samuel, and Francis Samuel begot

"SHUT UP!" screamed Wario.

"I didn't say anything, boy!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"Well don't say anything anyway!" said Wario angrily.

"The last time I heard that was back on my chicken farm when I was just a young boy," said Mr. Resetti, "In my childhood days in Smashville, I was just a wee young mole working on the coal mines with my father, who-"

Wario choked Mr. Resetti.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 10
th Place

"La la la…" sang Kirby, squirting Pikachu with a water gun, the car on auto-pilot.

Towards a ravine. Of death.

Lucas and Yoshi
Currently in Last Place

Lucas drove along, the seatbelt sitting on his chin, almost obscuring his vision as much as the large dashboard in front of him.

"You sure you don't want me to drive?" said Yoshi, three feet taller than Lucas.

"I'm sorry, if I heard someone talking it was probably my imagination because dogs can't talk!" said Lucas angrily.

"I'm not a dog!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you called dog-shi?" said Lucas angrily.

"Yoshi!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Whatever, dogshi," said Lucas angrily.

Mushroom Kingdom International Airport

"There are only four spots available for each of the three flights to Kanto," said Master Hand. "These flights are 3:30, 4:00 and 4:30!"

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 1
st Place

"Honey, we're here first!" said Marth excitedly, running into the airport line.

"Oh my gosh, we did so good!" said Squirtle excitedly, rolling his luggage into the airport.

"Look," laughed Marth, "We have company!"

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 2
nd Place

"We're second here," said Roy, running into the airport.

"Hi guys!" said Marth, waving to Roy and Zelda.

"Hi, I'm Roy," said Roy, shaking Squirtle's… …turtle hand.

"Hey," said Squirtle, "Pleasure to meet you!"

"Hey Marth," said Roy, shaking Marth's hand.

"Hi guys," said Zelda sexily, taking the clip out of her hair, thrusting her hair around like in the shampoo commercials. "I'm Zelda…"

"Hi Squirtle, you seem to have… the goods…" said Zelda cheekily, poking on Squirtle's turtle biceps.

"Ooh… so what's your relationship?" said Zelda, unbuttoning her dress, "Are you like… brothers… or besties?"

"We're together," said Squirtle, putting his arm around Marth's shoulder.

"Like… together as… friends?" said Zelda, chewing on a piece of twine, eyeing Squirtle lustfully.

Marth and Squirtle giggled, "Oh… we're a couple…"
Zelda stared.

"We're… boyfriends…"

Zelda stared.

Roy whispered in Zelda's ear.

"Oh! You guys are a gay couple?" said Zelda really loudly and uncomfortably, "Well it's always nice to meet a gay couple now excuse me… I have to go away… but I still love gays… not at all because your activity is unethical and sinful and against my beliefs… I really do love gays! Gay people! But uh… I have to go… because uh… my friend Clive is back there…"

There was no-one there.

Zelda ran away, cackling manically. "Hi Clive!"

Zelda frisked a plant.

Marth and Squirtle
1
st on 3:30 Flight

"We're gonna get this all the time," sighed Marth, taking the tickets.

"That's okay, I have you…" said Squirtle cutely.

"Aww," said Marth.

Squirtle kissed Marth on the cheek.

Roy and Zelda
2
nd on 3:30 Flight

"I am not sitting next to them on the plane," said Zelda, turning away from the kissing couple.

"Come on, now," said Roy, "They love each other very much… as long as you love the right person then it doesn't matter what race, gender or age! You have to just make sure the person you love is genuine!"

"No! No!" cried Zelda, breaking down, "Please don't break up with me because I'm marrying you for your money!"

"I never-"

"Testing!" laughed Zelda manically.

Zelda hyperventilating and made several whale-mating calls.

"Why do you keep on doing that?" said Roy, confused.

Zelda ran away, cackling manically. "Hi Clive!"

Zelda frisked a plant.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
3
rd on 3:30 Flight

"cAN wE hAVE tHE nEXT fLIGHT tO mEMPHIS?!" said Jigglypuff, headbutting her head against the window.

"Lol Jigglypuff we're not going to Memphis we're going to Kanto!!" said Ganondorf.

"Can you stop shouting?" said the airline ticket agent angrily.

"I HOPES YOU MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay, shut up, I'm calling security," said the ticket agent.

"I HOPES YOU MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Jigglypuff.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Coal Miners

"We have to run to the ticket desk before they do…" said Toon Link, "We might still make the first flight!"

Wolf and Samus
Newly Dating

"Catch them!" declared Wolf, trailing behind the fat penguin and the little boy by a few metres.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Coal Miners

"Stay in front!" declared Toon Link, jogging, several metres in front of them the dating team.

"Yes, ketchup to them!" said King Dedede, holding up a bottle of tomato sauce.

"Can you stop with the puns?" said Toon Link angrily.

"Did you say, can I stop with the buns?" laughed King Dedede, holding up a basket of bread.

Wolf and Samus ran past them.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 4
th Place

"Can we make the first flight?" said Samus, running up to the desk.

The ticket agent typed into her computer. Dramatic music played.

"Yes, you can!" said the agent.

"Good!" said Samus.

Wolf and Samus
Last on 3:30 Flight

"Oh, that footrace was worth it, we made the first flight!" said Wolf, excited, holding up the tickets.

"Oh yes, we're excited!" laughed Samus, nibbling on Wolf's ear.

"Hehe, cut it out," laughed Wolf.

"Okay…" flirted Samus, still nibbling on Wolf's ear, taking out a pocket knife.

"You haven't cut it out yet," said an unnotified Wolf.

"I'm about to, honey…" giggled Samus, raising her knife.

Toon Link and King Dedede
1
st on 4:00 Flight

"You idiot! If you weren't busy cracking your crappy jokes, we would have been on the first plane!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Hey! I don't do toilet jokes!" said King Dedede angrily.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 6
th Place

"We're gonna catch a plane… we're gonna catch a plane…" said Kirby, waddling up to the desk.

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 7
th Place

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" said Falcon, stone drunk, walking into the airport holding a six-pack.

Fox stumbled through the airport, drinking down his beer, when a female member of security walked up to him. "Excuse me sir, no public consumption of alcohol is allowed."

"You know what else isn't allowed?" said Fox, drunk, "…fat chicks!"

Holding Cell


Fox and Falcon
Currently in 7
th Place

"And I was like to the fat chick…" laughed Fox, drinking down more beer, his eyes blood-shot, "…no fat chicks!"

The female officer stood there angrily.

"Because she's fat!" said Fox.

"I get it!" laughed Falcon, drunk.

The female officer took out her taser.

Mushroom Kingdom International Airport

Kirby and Pikachu
2
nd on 4:00 Flight

"Look, Pikachu!" said Kirby excitedly, wearing a moustache and a nice hat, and some baggy jeans that didn't fit, "I'm the captain!"

"Wow! Cool!" said Pikachu.

"Where did you get that disguise from?" said Pikachu.

Kirby burped. "Uh…"

Fox and Falcon
3
rd on 4:00 Flight

"My ass is sore," said Fox, limping towards the gate.

"Dude, you really made that airport officer angry," laughed Falcon.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Last on 4:00 Flight

"So…" said Wario, "You looking forward to the airline meals they'll serve us?"

"Yeah," said Mr. Resetti.

"Sometimes they're pretty scrumptious…" said Mr. Resetti.

3:30 Flight
Delayed

Wolf and Samus
On 1
st Flight

"It's really good to be on the first flight," said Samus, sitting on a four-seat row next to Wolf and Jigglypuff.

"We're experiencing some delays," said a voice over the intercom. "Our flight will depart approximately 45 minutes later…"

"LOL Looks Like You wERE wRONG SaMUssss" laughed Jigglypuff.

Samus ignored Jigglypuff.

"bECAUSE oUR fLIGHT iS lEAVING rEALLY lATE" said Jigglypuff.

Samus ignored Jigglypuff.

"which means u were wrong" said Jigglypuff.

Samus ignored Jigglypuff.

"u were wrong about it being good on the 1st flight LOLS!!" sia dJIgglypuff.

"SHUT UP!" said Samus angrily.

"Looks like you're going to have a pleasant flight," laughed Wolf, sitting on the aisle. "I get to sit next to normal people."

Wolf looked at the row next to him, where Marth and Squirtle were making out violently.

"Okay… semi-normal…" said Wolf.

"ITTTS OVER NINE THOOUUUSSSADNNNNNDD" said Ganondorf.

Samus punched Ganondorf in the face.

4:00 Flight
Departed at 4:00 PM

Toon Link and King Dedede
Coal Miners

"Our flight's on the runway…" said Toon Link, "But I think we're leaving first, the other flight hasn't taken off yet…"

"I'll take you off the team if you don't score a home run, boy!" joked King Dedede.

A British man next to them chortled heartily.

"Shut your trap!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Your trap… like Von Trapp… like The Sound of Music?" laughed King Dedede.

"Shut up!" said Toon Link angrily.

"The hiiils are alliiive…" sang King Dedede.

"SHUT UP!" said Toon Link angrily.

"…with the sound of muuusiiic…" sang everyone on the flight in unison.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Toon Link, bashing his skull against the window.

The window broke, the cabin depressurised, and Toon Link was sucked out of the plane.

"…with songs they have sung…" sang everyone.

Mushroom Kingdom International Airport

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
1
st on 4:30 Flight

"This completely sucks," said Ivysaur, taking the tickets, "One moment we were in the front, a wrong turn and now we're on the last flight."

Luigi and Peach
2
nd on 4:30 Flight

"You idiot, Peach! Now we're last!" said Luigi angrily.

"But look!" cheered Peach, "It's Lucas and Yoshi behind us!"

"Yaay!" said Luigi drunkenly.

"Shut up, woman!" said Luigi angrily.

Lucas and Yoshi
Last on 4:30 Flight

"Can I have one ticket to Saffron City?" said Lucas.

"But… there are two of you…" said the ticket agent.

"No… one adult… and one dog," said Lucas.

"That's clearly… a person…" said the ticket agent.

"And you're a kid…" said the agent.

"He's not a person, he's a dog!" said Lucas.

"He's a person," said the ticket agent.

"I'm a person," said Yoshi angrily.

"He's a person," said the janitor.

"He's a person," said Lucas.

"Damn you peer pressure!" said Lucas angrily.

"All teams are now on three flights to Saffron City, Kanto!" said Master Hand. "On the flight that departed at 4:00 PM, there is: Toon Link and King Dedede, Kirby and Pikachu, Fox and Falcon and Wario and Mr. Resetti!"
"On the flight that departed at 4:07 PM, there is: Marth and Squirtle, Roy and Zelda, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf and Wolf and Samus!"
"On the flight that departed at 4:30 PM, there is: Diddy Kong and Ivysaur, Luigi and Peach and Lucas and Yoshi!"

"Once teams arrive here, they must make their way to this gym, where they will receive their next clue!" said Master Hand.

1st Flight
Landed at 4:30 PM

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1
st Place

"Frats are out first!" said Fox, wheeling out a trolley of shoplifted beer from the duty-free section.

"Take us to Saffron Gym!" said Falcon to a taxi driver.

"Are you intoxicated?" snickered the taxi driver, "Because… I might have to take a free sample before I give you a ride…"

"I'm not giving up my beer!" screamed Fox, "What an awful, dirty country! I'm not taking your services!"

There was only one taxi there.

"Hmmph," said Fox angrily, handing over a can of beer.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 2
nd Place

Toon Link and King Dedede ran up to the empty cab rank.

"Damn! How is there no-one there?" said Toon Link angrily.

Toon Link spotted the taxi rank manager, "Get us a cab!"

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 3
rd Place

"You've got to be kidding me…" said Wario, "There's no cabs here!"

"You know, you should be grateful for the technology and the internets of the modern age!" said Mr. Resetti wisely, "Whilst you young boys go connecting your modems into your iPod shuffles… I was out in the corn fields slobbing away-"

"That sentence doesn't make any sense!" said Wario angrily.

"Neither one this does!" laughed King Dedede.

Everyone stared at King Dedede.

"Oh! I get it!" laughed Wario angrily.

"So do I!" said Toon Link.

"So do I!" said the fat mole, laughing forcefully.

"No you don't," said Wario angrily.

The mole sobbed.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 4
th Place

Kirby and Pikachu ran up to the taxi rank.

"Bummer! There's no taxis here!" said Pikachu.

Everyone stood there, in silence.

"Psst…" whispered Kirby very loudly, "We'll cut into the front of the line so that we get the quickest taxi…"

Everyone stared at Kirby.

"And because we're small and cute and quiet…" whispered Kirby very loudly, "They won't suspect a thing!"

Everyone stared at Kirby.

"Everyone's staring at you," said Pikachu.

"Geez, Pikachu! Way to blow our cover!" said Kirby.

Everyone stared at Kirby. Kirby noticed.

"…because uh… we're so cute?" lied Kirby, "And we want to make friends?"

Everyone stared at Kirby.

2nd Flight
Landed at 4:37 PM

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 5
th Place

"We're seven minutes behind, let's move," said Wolf, running through the airport exit lounge.

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 6
th Place

"Oh my gosh, this is like, so annoying," said Marth, running through the airport, "We worked so hard for this and now our lead just goes away!"

"Come on, hun! We'll show them all!" said Squirtle.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 7
th Place

"Honey, you do know we're in a race…" said Roy politely, "So maybe we shouldn't be… buying all of this stuff."

"Oh, but I'm having so much fun!" said Zelda, buying more clothes, "Don't you want me to have fun?"

"Yeah… I guess…" said Roy shyly. "But maybe you know… you shouldn't spend too much of our race money…"

"Don't worry, hun!" said Zelda, pointing to a corpse across the airport, "I'm going to use that dead man's credit card, so we won't have to pay a cent!"

"Okay, then!" said Roy.

"Wait… what?!" said Roy, shocked.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 8
th Place

"Hey Ganondor fWHen yOU wERE pACKING mAYBE wE sHOULD hAVE nOt BrOUght so Much STUFF" said Jigglypuff, lugging along a gigantic luggage of trolley.

"bUt I haD to BrING mY yacht… wHAT iF tHERE wAS a YATCHING task and wE had NO yACHT huh??" said Ganondorf angrily. "yOUR vERY MARrOW NINDED"

Saffron Gym

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1
st Place

"Stay here," said Fox to the taxi driver.

"Let's go!" said Falcon, running up to the clue box. He took a clue, and ripped it open. "Eat crickets for your next clue!"

"Teams must eat an entire bowl of fried crickets for their next clue!" said Master Hand. "Crickets aren't a local delicacy, it's just that the people who clean the gym picked up a lot of crickets, so we decided to use them in a task. Are they even edible? We're not sure!"
"To finish the task, teams must finish a bowl, each which contains roughly 120 crickets!"

Fox and Falcon
Eating Crickets

"Fried crickets man, gross!" said Fox.

"Hey man, a little beer should do the trick…" said Falcon, pouring beer onto the bowl of crickets.

They stared at the bowl.

"You gonna… eat that?" said Fox, staring.

Captain Falcon stared at the bowl.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 2
nd Place

"We got about ten taxis called in," said Toon Link, jumping into the taxi, "So here's where the race is really about to start."

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Stay behind those two," said Wario.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Fire Fighters

"Toon Link and King Dedede, we got along with them pretty well today," said Wario, "They could be our long-term allies, who knows?"

"Reminds me of a time in the marines, where I-" said Mr. Resetti.

"You weren't in the marines. You were in a crazy house for half your life," said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti cried.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 4
th Place

"Who's that on the right, passing us?" said Pikachu, peering out of the window.

"I think it's… Wolf and Samus…" said Pikachu.

Kirby and Pikachu
Best Friends

"I was a bit surprised today…" said Kirby, "I mean... we weren't exactly met with a warm response with our cuteness today… I guess they're all really competitive and stuff…"

"Yeah, I thought they were gonna be all like, 'they're so cute'! Let them pass!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Yeah! They'll pay!" said Kirby angrily.

Kirby looked at the camera.

"They'll… pay?" said Kirby cutely.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 4
th Place

"Keep on passing them," said Samus to the taxi driver.

The driver passed Wario and Mr. Resetti and Toon Link and King Dedede's cars.

"Oh, we're doing so well!" said Samus, excited.

"I know, hun," said Wolf, licking Samus's face affectionately.

"Okay seriously, stop that, I don't want to get rabies," said Samus angrily.

"Oh my gosh…" said Wolf angrily. "That is so insensitive!"

"I can make things… more sensitive…" said Samus, licking Wolf's face.

"I can't believe you'd just typecast my whole species as-"

"Are you feeling… sensitive?" said Samus, licking Wolf's face.

"…these bunch of rabid animals who just go around biting people and giving them rabies, and by the way-"

"I think you're feeling very sensitive…" said Samus, licking Wolf's face.

"…I do not have rabies nor do any of my friends!" said Wolf angrily, "And stop licking my face, I don't want cooties!"

The British 1920's audience applauded at the gag.

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 6
th Place

"Wow!" said Marth, amazed, in his overly stereotypical lisp, "There are like, so many Pokemon around here! And they're so cute! I wish I like, knew a Pokemon in RL!"

"Oh my gosh Marth, like, I'm a Pokemon!" said Squirtle, combing his hair.

"Oh my gosh, really?" said Marth.

"Yeah, really!" said Squirtle.

"No way!" said Marth.

"Yeah way!" said Squirtle.

They giggled.

Last Flight
Arrived at 5:03 PM

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Currently in 9
th Place

"We really have to just stay focused and get up the back," said Diddy Kong, running along.

"Hey… is that Jigglypuff and Ganondorf?" said Ivysaur.

"And that's Roy and Zelda!" said Diddy Kong, pointing to a shop.

"They were on the first flight! We're still in this thing!" said Ivysaur.

Lucas and Yoshi
Currently in 10
th Place

"Run faster, DOG!" said Lucas angrily, trailing ten metres behind Yoshi.

Yoshi punched Lucas in the face.

Luigi and Peach
Currently in Last Place

"I can't believe you, Peach!" said Luigi angrily. "You held us up in customs!"

"Actually Luigi," giggled Peach, "I think it was because you had seven prior criminal convictions and you had to use all of our race money to bribe us into the country!"

They ran out to the taxi rank. Luigi realised they had no money.

"Damn it!" screamed Luigi angrily.

"I'm a speed hump!" said Peach on the main road, getting run over by cars.

Saffron Gym

Fox and Falcon
Eating Crickets

"Dude, this stuff is really… disgusting…" said Fox, looking at their crickets covered in beer and tomato sauce.

"Uh…" said Falcon, "I know what can make this bowl better!"

"What?" said Fox, sipping some beer.

"Dirt!" said Falcon, pouring some dirt and rocks into the bowl.

They stared at the bowl.

"Can we switch?" said Falcon to the supervisor.

"Sure!" he replied, "But someone's going to have to eat the stuff in your bowl."

Falcon and Fox did their signature frat boy laugh.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" read Samus.

"Man, we're the second team here," said Wolf, running into the gym.

Fox and Falcon
Eating Crickets

"Hey, hey, we got company," said Falcon, scarfing down crickets.

"Let's do this!" said Fox, gobbling the insects down.

Wolf and Samus
Eating Crickets

Samus ran up to the table, to be met by Fox and Falcon.

"Hi Samus, remember me?" said Fox sexily.

"Hi Samus, remember me?" said Falcon slyly.

"Oh my gosh!" said Samus angrily, "…them two?! On the same team?!"

"We're both single and sexy," said Fox sexily, cricket shells falling out of his mouth.

"Back off, she's my girlfriend," said Wolf angrily, raising a claw.

"Oh, don't worry," said Falcon sexily to Wolf, "I can go both ways…"

Everyone stared at Falcon.

Falcon cleared his throat.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Eat crickets?!" said Kirby, shocked, "Disgusting, man!"

Kirby smiled at Pikachu. "Do you like crickets?"

"Oh, come on!" said Pikachu angrily, "You're the one that eats people for a living! It's just a tiny bowl of crickets!"

"But they're crickets! They're slimy… they're crawly!" said Kirby. "And besides… I have very high standards for what I eat!"

Kirby stared boastfully at Pikachu.

A cricket crawled onto Kirby's face.

Kirby quickly ate it.

Said Kirby, "Uh… like I was saying… I have very high standards for…"

Pikachu stuffed the bowl of crickets into Kirby's mouth.

"Hey!" said Kirby angrily.

Pikachu took the clue.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 1
st Place

Pikachu ripped open the clue, "Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel, and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!"

"Teams must now navigate their way around the streets of Saffron City two kilometres to this hotel!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they will collect a ferry departure time for the next day! The three possible times are: 8:00 AM, 8:25 AM and 8:40 AM! There are limited slots, so teams must hurry!"

"Let's go!" said Pikachu.

"Whee! We're in first!" said Kirby, running off.

Wolf and Samus
Eating Crickets

"They're done already?" said Wolf angrily, his mouth full of crickets.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 4
th Place

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" said Toon Link.

"Hyuk, hyuk! I can imagine them insects crawling down my throat now!" said King Dedede.

"They actually want us to eat crickets," said Toon Link.

"Oh," said King Dedede.

"Hyuk, hyuk!" chortled King Dedede.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 5
th Place

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" said Wario.

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 6
th Place

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" said Marth.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 7
th Place

"CLIMB uP tHE eIFFEL TOWER AND JUMP OFF THA Sydney harbour bridge 4 YOUR NEXT CLUESS" said Ganondorf.

OMG REALLIES?!" said Jigglypuff.

"NO WE HAVE TO EAT CRICKTS" said Gandoefnfdorf.

OLOL said Jigglypuff.

A meteor landed on them.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 8
th Place

"Eat crickets for your next clue," said Zelda, shocked. "Oh my gosh!"

Saffron Gym

Wolf and Samus

"This is so disgusting…" said Samus, chewing down slowly on her crickets.

Fox and Falcon

"Fratt… power!" said Fox, stuffing twenty crickets into Falcon's mouth.

Falcon vomited.

"Fraattt… powwweerrr!" said Fox, stuffing more crickets into Falcon's mouth.

Toon Link and King Dedede

Toon Link vomited into a production-provided bucket.

"Better out than in, I say!" said King Dedede.

Toon Link vomited again.

"It's only natural… although it's in the wrong direction!" chuckled King Dedede.

"Shut up and eat!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Now boy, if my mouth were shut… how could I eat?!" said King Dedede.

A Waddle Dee next to him played a laugh track.

Toon Link grunted.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"Eating crickets…" sang Wario, happily chewing down, "Eating crickets…"

Marth and Squirtle

"Oh my gosh, I can feel them wriggling inside of me!" said Marth, squinting his eyes.

"I'll wriggle inside of you if you finish this up," said Squirtle slyly.

"Okay honey…" giggled Marth.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

"FUR HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE CHUBBY BUBBIES" said Jigglypuff, one cricket inside her mouth.

"TWENTY MILLION THREE HUNDRED AND ELEVENTY CHUBBY BUBBIES" said Ganondorf, having consumed no crickets yet.

Roy and Zelda

"I can't do this, honey!" said Zelda, sobbing, chewing on a cricket, "It's just so disgusting!"

"Come on, honey, do you want to be in this race?" said Roy, chewing on several crickets.

"I do, honey!" cried Zelda, hyperventilating, "But this is too much!"

"But honey, this is about teamwork!" said Roy, trying to sound reasonable.

"ROOY!" wailed Zelda, "I can't do this! And I can't believe you'd treat me like this!"

"Zelda, I'm sorry," said Roy, putting his arm around Zelda's shoulder. "But we have to do this! It's part of the race!"

"I can't!" sobbed Zelda, "I can't!"

"Oh my gosh!" said Roy, pulling out his hair.

He stared at the hair in his hands.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Currently in 9
th Place

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" said Ivysaur.

"We can do this!" said Diddy Kong, "We're still in the mix!"

Lucas and Yoshi
Currently in 10
th Place

"Dog, open the clue!" said Lucas.

Yoshi threw Lucas against the wall and pointed a gun to his head. "I swear, if you (bleep) call me a (bleep) dog again I'll (bleep) blow your brains out! You hear me? I'll (bleep)-"

The cameraman walked up to Yoshi to get a closer look.

Lucas escaped Yoshi's grip, and ran away shuddering.

"Yeah, we were just talking about happy rainbows and sunshine!" said Yoshi happily.

"Why do you have a gun?" said the cameraman.

"Uh…" said Yoshi.

Luigi and Peach
Currently in Last Place

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" read Luigi.

"I'll be really good at this one!" said Peach happily to the camera, "Remember Luigi, when you keep me in the basement and force-feed me crickets and you tell me I should be more like Daisy who dumped you? This is going to be a great task!"

Luigi looked at the camera, looked at Peach, and twitched angrily. "What she was saying… was a very funny joke! Hahaha!"

Everyone stared at Luigi.

"Shut up," said Luigi angrily.

Saffron Hotel

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 1
st Place

Kirby and Pikachu proudly walked into the hotel.

"Kirby and Pikachu," said the owner, "You are on the first departing ferry! Congratulations."

"Yay!" said Pikachu, taking a large, metallic sign from the wall.

Kirby and Pikachu
1
st on 8:00 AM Ferry

"Now, you can go and play in our indoor heated pool," said the owner, "One of the many five-star facilities of this hotel!"

"Yeah! Let's go swimming!" said Kirby excitedly. "Last one in's a rotten egg!"

Replied Pikachu, "Actually, I don't swim because-"

Kirby pushed Pikachu into the pool.

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Pikachu, electrocuting himself.

"Hahaha!" chuckled everyone heartily.

Saffron Gym

Fox and Falcon

"Frat power! Finish off this bowl!" said Fox, swallowing the last few crickets down with some beer.

Falcon took the last cricket.

"Awesome!" said Fox and Falcon, doing their signature frat boy belly high-five.

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel, and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!" read Fox.

"Let's go!" said Falcon, running out.

Wolf and Samus

"I can't believe those guys are done already!" said Samus angrily.

"Come on, Samus!" said Wolf, holding up a cricket, "Num num num!"

"Oh my gosh, Wolf, I am not a baby," said Samus angrily.

"Here comes the airplane!"

"Hehehehe!" giggled Samus, eating the cricket.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Wario and Mr. Resetti

"Can you shut up, and start eating?" said Toon Link to King Dedede, drunkenly reciting country folk-tunes with Wario and Mr. Resetti.

"Now boy, you need to take an appreciation for the fine arts!" said Mr. Resetti. "Narrow-minded city folk like you should know that-"

"Shut up, mole!" said Wario angrily, eating his crickets down.

"The last time I heard that was back in the Vietnam War in 1826!" said Mr. Resetti, "You see, those days, the crackers that we ate weren't just made of cracker, they were made of genuine sheep-hyde! A popular colouring-in periodical during the Middle Ages was-"

"SHUT UP!" said Wario angrily, taking King Dedede's banjo and stuffing it inside Mr. Resetti's mouth.

Mr. Resetti choked and died.

"Banjowned!" said King Dedede.

Everyone laughed.

Toon Link grunted angrily.

Marth and Squirtle

"Come on, honey! We're getting there," said Squirtle, shoving a few more bugs into his mouth.

"You're so good at this," said Marth.

"I guess I'm a natural," said Squirtle.

"Maybe because you Pokemon just eat bugs all day," said Marth.

Squirtle gasped. "Oh my gosh, we do not!" he giggled.

Toon Link and King Dedede

"Oh my gosh, you have not contributed anything!" said Toon Link angrily, the bowl half-eaten.

"Now, now, I've made some funny jokes!" said King Dedede.

"Funny if you were like, born in the eighteenth century," said Toon Link angrily. "Now can you eat something with your big old bird beak?"

King Dedede inhaled Toon Link.

"Not me!" said Toon Link angrily.

Toon Link grunted.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 3
rd Place

"See? How hard was that?" said Toon Link angrily.

"It took a few very hard seconds of effort," said King Dedede angrily.

Toon Link opened "Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel, and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!"

"Let's go!" said King Dedede, sitting on a gigantic floating disembodied foot.

"Har, har, har," said Toon Link angrily.

"Since when is there a gigantic floating disembodied foot?" said Toon Link angrily.

"Well… It's Master Foot!" said King Dedede, "His brother is Crazy Foot!"

"This… is so lame…" said Toon Link angrily.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

"OMG THESE CRICKTS ARE SO EASY TO EAT n STUFFS" donated Jigglypuff, "THERE LIKE POP KORBNN CHCIKEN FROM THE KFCSSS"

"OMG JIGGLYPUFF GEEZ GET UR grammarsz right it'sn THEY'RE not THERE you SILFFFLly MUFFIN" fried Ganondorf.

Roy and Zelda

"I can't do this!" cried Zelda, Roy having consumed only a couple of crickets.

"Honey, we have to do this!" said Roy, comforting Zelda, "Do you want to go out this leg?"

"Oh my gosh, you are so mean!" cried Zelda, her tears dropping onto the table, "This has been the most horrible day of my life and you're making it worse!"

"Bu-"

"Don't interrupt me!" wailed Zelda, "I'm a princess! Princesses don't have to endure this kind of torture! I-"

Peach was sitting next to Zelda, munching loudly, stuffing the crickets down her mouth.

Zelda punched Peach in the face.

"Oh my gosh! I hate this! I hate this task! I hate this stupid race! I can't do it! I'm going to vomit! ROOY!" cried Zelda uncontrollably, "This is… so… awful! I hate this! I hate this!"

"Oh my gosh, we're done for!" said Roy to the camera.

Dramatic pre ad-break music played.

Advertisement

"Monday Mornings on SBN is a morning of family-friendly fun!"

"Mondays, 8am on SBN, the adventures of Master Foot and Crazy Foot! Join these two disembodied foots with the rest of the Super Smash Sisters gang… Pichu! Mewtwo! Dr. Mario! Roy! And the rest!"

"Jealous now Master Hand?" said Mewtwo angrily, "This is what you get for cutting us! We stole your trademark! Mwahaha! Super Smash Sisters will be the new gaming phenomenon! Does Super Smash Brothers have a show? Nooo!"

"Why is it called… Super Smash Sisters?" said the cameraman. "That's a pretty… feminine name…"

Mewtwo ran towards the camera, his claws out.

Static.

"Mondays, 8:40! Dirty Dirty Lingerie hour! Erotic bikini-clad women!"

"All of this family fun starts from 8:00, every Monday!"

The Smashy Amazing Race

"This is… so… awful! I hate this! I hate this!"

"Oh my gosh, we're done for!" said Roy to the camera. "Please honey, just control yourself for a bit! Please!"

Saffron Hotel

Fox and Falcon
Toon Link and King Dedede
2
nd and 3rd on 8:00 AM Ferry

"Yeah dudes! We're in the top group!" said Fox, doing a knuckle-high-five with King Dedede.

Saffron Gym

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 4
th Place

"Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel, and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!" read Squirtle.

"See you later, guys!" said Marth, waving playfully.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 5
th Place

"…collect your ferry departure time for the next day!" read Wario.

"Let's beat these guys!" said Mr. Resetti, putting his runners on.

"Let's do this thing!" said Wario, putting on his jogging gear.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Firefighters

"Mr. Resetti and I recently ran several marathons together," said Wario, "We're two very fit-"

Master Hand started snickering, trying to hold back his laughter.

"I said, we're two very fit-"

Wario's stomach bulged out of his shirt, his bare flabby tummy being shown to the camera.

Master Hand burst out cackling.

"Anyway, what I was saying-" said Wario angrily.

Master Hand's laughter got louder.

"We're actually two really fit-"

Master Hand's laughter got louder.

"Okay, cut the freaking tape!" said Wario angrily.

Marth and Squirtle

"Come on, honey! We've got company!" said Marth, strolling along gently.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"Come on, we're winging it!" said Wario, running along elegantly.

"Let's beat these fairy boys!" said Mr. Resetti, wearing his uncomfortably revealing gym gear, running briskly through the pavement.

Marth and Squirtle

"We had like eighty metres on them before!" said Marth, looking behind as he walked along. "They're like… fast!"

"I cbs running," said Squirtle.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"We're going to beat you!" said Wario, sprinting past Marth and Squirtle at a brisk half-metre a second.

"How are you guys so fast?" lamented Squirtle, walking along.

"We trained for months and months!" screamed Wario proudly.

"I'm sure you did boys, wow, you'd beat us in a footrace any day," said Squirtle, walking apace with Wario.

Saffron Gym

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 6
th Place

"Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel…" read Wolf.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 7
th Place

"…and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!" read Jigglypuff in a deep British accent.

Saffron Hotel

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Last on 8:00 AM Ferry

"Yes! First group!" said Wario excitedly.

"With the power of athletic ability, we landed ourselves in the first group!" cheered Mr. Resetti.

Marth and Squirtle
1
st on 8:25 AM Ferry

"Guys, we took twenty minutes off to buy hamburgers and we came back and you only just beat us," munched Squirtle, taking a time card.

Saffron Gym

Roy and Zelda

"This is disgusting…" said Zelda, still crying. "I can't do it! I can't do it!"

Luigi and Peach

"Peach, you moron!" said Luigi angrily, "You ate the first half of the bowl so quickly! How come you can't eat anymore?"

"Well Luigi," said Peach sweetly, "Because you lock me up in the basement all day and give me a tiny tin of tuna to eat, I don't exactly have a big appetite!"

"Come on, Peach!" said Luigi angrily, sipping down his whisky. "Be a man!"

"But I'm a lady!" said Peach, curtsying nobly.

Luigi spat out his drink. "You're not a dude?! My whole life is a lie!" he moaned.

"Luigi, the signs really aren't that hard to pick up," said Peach intellectually, "I mean, first of all there's the primary sex characteristics of a member of the female gender. The primary-"

"Shut up!" cried Luigi.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur

"I can't eat much more of this…" groaned Diddy Kong.

Lucas and Yoshi

"Oh my gosh, Yoshi!" said Lucas angrily, chewing down the crickets, "You are just, so selfish!"

"I told you, I have allergies!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Only losers have allergies," said Lucas angrily.

Yoshi stuffed a piece of bread into Lucas's mouth.

Lucas died.

From allergies.

Roy and Zelda

"Honey," said Roy, comforting Zelda, who was sobbing, "We're in this together…"

"I know," cried Zelda, hugging Roy, "But I can't do this! I just can't!"

"Honey, do it for me," said Roy romantically. "Do it for us…"

Zelda sobbed.

"Do it for the million dollars," said Roy.

"Oh god I forgot about that fact!" said Zelda, shocked, "Come on! What are we waiting for?"

"But-" said Roy.

"Oh my gosh! Hurry!" said Zelda angrily, tipping the rest of the bowl into her mouth. "Where's my money?"

"Honey," chuckled Roy, "It's our money…"

"SHUT UP! MINE! MINE! MINE!" screamed Zelda, biting Roy in the face.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 8
th Place

"Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel!" said Zelda.

"Let's go, Roy!" said Zelda.

"Okay," said Roy angrily.

"…what's your problem?" said Zelda angrily.

"You bit me in the face!" said Roy angrily.

"Honey!" said Zelda, hugging Roy.

Roy stared angrily.

Saffron Gym

Wolf and Samus
2
nd on 8:25 AM Ferry

"We're a bit disappointed," said Samus, "We got at the top of the pack, but we just didn't too well on the task."

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
3
rd on 8:25 AM Ferry

"oMG i'M LIKE SO EXCITED" plucked Ganondorf, "I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A FAIRY BEFOrE"

"oMG it'S reALLY cOOL u gets to SEE THE COOL TRICKS THAT The FAIRY DOES" coped Jigglypuff.

Roy and Zelda
Last on 8:25 AM Ferry

"Zelda and I really believe in ourselves," said Roy, "And I think that's why we're not in the bottom group today!"

"Can I have some free money?" said Zelda.

Roy glared at Zelda.

"My… sweet… honey-honey?" said Zelda.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
On Last Ferry

"Today was very disappointing," said Diddy Kong, taking the time. "I don't think we can be happy about today."

Lucas and Yoshi
On Last Ferry

"It's all your fault Yoshi," said Lucas angrily.

"Because you're a loser," said Lucas angrily.

"Go make an egg," said Lucas angrily.

"Yo-shi…" said Lucas angrily.

"What a stupid name-"

Yoshi choked Lucas to death.

Luigi and Peach
On Last Ferry

"You idiot!" said Luigi angrily, "We did so awful today! And it's all your fault, Peach! You're such a horrible wife!"

"Hey!" said Peach optimistically, "At least we're not last!"

They were in last place.

"OEWNFOIEWNFIO!" screamed Fox, vomiting beer onto Peach's dress.

"All teams are now making their way to a mystery location: Cinnabar Island on three ferries tomorrow morning!"
"On the first, 8:00 ferry there is: Kirby and Pikachu, Fox and Falcon, Toon Link and King Dedede and Wario and Mr. Resetti!"
"On the second, 8:25 ferry there is: Marth and Squirtle, Wolf and Samus, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf and Roy and Zelda!"
"On the last, 8:40 ferry there is: Diddy Kong and Ivysaur, Lucas and Yoshi and Luigi and Peach!"

Ferry Port
7:55 AM

Stock footage of the sunrise played.

1st Ferry
8:00 AM

Toon Link and King Dedede
Coal Miners

"We're at the top of the pack, and we're feeling good," said Toon Link happily, "Hopefully we can win our first leg today."

"Don't worry, I've already got that covered!" chuckled Dedede, holding up a disembodied leg.

All of the other racers chuckled.

"Uh…" said Toon Link, "Where exactly did you-"

Toon Link noticed the screaming, newly-amputated woman sitting on the other side of the ferry, cursing at King Dedede, a saw next to her leg.

"Guess that was a royal error…" laughed King Dedede.

Everyone stared at King Dedede.

"I'm a king!" said King Dedede.

"Oh!" said everyone, laughing.

2nd Ferry
8:25 AM

Wolf and Samus
Newly Dating

Wolf and Samus, Marth and Squirtle, Roy and Zelda and Jigglypuff and Ganondorf sat in silence.

"So…" said Roy, "…looks like all of the dating couples are on this boat… guess it's the love ferry!"

Everyone laughed politely, with the exception of Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, who were picking stucco off the bottom of their seats.

"Oh my gosh… are those guys together?!" said Zelda, shocked, pointing to Wolf and Samus. "That's just… just completely immoral, and completely wrong!"

"Hey, back off, lady," said Wolf angrily.

"Oh, I don't really appreciate your opinion, Mr. Immoral Inter-species dating…" said Zelda angrily.

Wolf, Samus, Marth, Squirtle, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stared at Zelda angrily.

"I mean, only such a low and unintelligent person would…" said Zelda, chuckling, "Actually think that love would exists between two species…"

Wolf, Samus, Marth, Squirtle, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stared at Zelda angrily.

"Oh, and don't get me started on gays…" scoffed Zelda.

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

"So, who's up for a race alliance?" said Zelda happily.

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

"Ooh! Ooh!" said Zelda excitedly, "We can be called the eight-pack!"

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

"Or how about 'The Smashy Amazing Race Coalition Against Inter-Species Dating Because It's Wrong'?" said Zelda.

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

"Huh?" said Zelda, "What do you think about my absolutely true statement?"

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

"I think I'm really, really awesome…" said Zelda.
Samus raised her gun.

Last Ferry
8:40 AM

Everyone sat there angrily.

"So…" said Luigi, strumming a guitar, "Who wants to… sing a song?"

"Shut up," said Diddy Kong angrily.

"No!" said Luigi angrily.

"…you shut up," said Luigi angrily.

"La la la," hummed Peach, pouring full cream milk over Luigi's head.

"I sure showed you," said Luigi, cackling evilly.

Cinnabar Island

1st Ferry
Arrived at 10:00 AM

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 1
st Place

"We're off the ferry!" said Kirby excitedly, sprinting to the clue box.

Pikachu ripped open a clue. "Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!"

"Teams must now make their way over eleven kilometres to this Pokemon Contest Hall!" said Master Hand. "Once teams arrive here, they will find their next clue."

Kirby and Pikachu
Best Friends

"So, we were like first place on the first day, so I think we'll go pretty far in this race," said Kirby.

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" said Fox.

"Let's go!" said Falcon, "To the taxi rank!"

"But where's the taxi rank?!" said Fox, puzzled, the taxi rank about ten metres behind him.

"My frat boy senses are tingling!" said Falcon dramatically, "Frat lock!"

They locked their arms into each other's, and made high-pitched tingling noises.

"The taxi rank is that way!" said Fox dramatically, pointing to a trash compactor several metres away.

"Frat boy power!" said Fox and Falcon in unison, running into the trash compactor.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" said Toon Link.

"What, no puns?" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede was on the ground, shivering from hypothermia.

"Well that's okay, I like my piece and quiet," said Toon Link obliviously. "I like this new King Dedede!"

King Dedede died.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 4
th Place

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" said Wario.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Firefighters

"Mr. Resetti and I are just a couple of fun-loving guys," said Wario. "We're out to show that-"
"I don't want to have fun, boy!" said Mr. Resetti angrily, "I want to win, boy!"

Wario turned red.

2nd Ferry
Arrived 10:25 AM

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 5
th Place

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" read Wolf.

Wolf and Samus
Newly Dating

"We're pretty annoyed," said Wolf, sharpening his claws, "The four teams on the first ferry were the people on the first flight that got delayed. Now, we were only behind the first four people by about two minutes, so if our flight actually landed on time, we would be in the top group."

"I think if there's going to a be a 'strong group'," said Samus, "It's everyone on this boat. I could imagine us four teams being the top four."

"HI I'M JEEGLYPUFF" said Jigglypuff, sticking out her hand.

"With a few possible exceptions," said Samus.

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 6
th Place

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" read Marth.

"Oh my gosh, I'm going to be in a Pokemon contest!" said Squirtle, fluttering his eyes.

"I think we should leave the expertise to the… seasoned Pokemon…" said Marth, pointing to himself.

"You're not a Pokemon," giggled Squirtle.

"It was a joke, honey," dismissed Marth.

"Oh my gosh, and I was laughing!" said Squirtle angrily.

"I am never talking to you again!" said Marth.

"Bring it on, sister!" said Squirtle angrily.

Cue angst.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 7
th Place

"Rake YOUr WaY to the ROKEMON PONTEST CALL" commuted Jigglypuff.

"wTF I DON'T understands" handbag Ganondorf.

"tHAT'S bECAUSE I AM THE KING OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE" gummed Jigglypuff.

"I THINK UR LYING" Craig'd Ganondorf angrily.

"hONEY I'm SORRY WE'RE fIGHTING I"LL MAKE YOU bIG PIZZA pIE AT THE PIT STOP" said Jigglypuff.

"AWW I LOV YOU" said Ganondorf.

They slopped their gigantic tongues on each other's face.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 8
th Place

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" read Roy.

Roy and Zelda
Engaged

"I think the best thing about Zelda is she's such a kind, angelic spirit," said Roy, "Whenever I wake up next to her I say to my self, I am such a blessed person."

Roy smiled.

"Uh… and I think… the best thing about Roy…" said Zelda, "Is um… his uh…"

"…his uh…"

Pokemon Contest Hall

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1
st Place

"Frats are first!" said Fox, pouring beer over his head.

"Dude, you're so wasted," laughed Falcon, opening the clue. "Stop wasting that beer…"

"What are you talking about? I'm drinking this stuff!" said Fox angrily, tipping the beer over his head.

Falcon clumsily took the clue out of its envelope. "Detour! Strength or Skill?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, floating through an empty arena, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour… strength… or skill!"
"In strength, teams must use their muscle and transport fifty Pokemon from one side of the dojo to another, where they will load their Pokemon into the back of a truck! This task requires- no! They're not being trafficked, okay?"
"In skill, teams must find their co-ordination and perform a dance routine with a Pokemon partner they have never seen before! This is the same process used for any Pokemon who wants to participate in a Pokemon contest! If teams are creative and perform their routines correctly, they could be dancing their way to the clue!"

"Let's do Strength!" said Fox.

"Frat power!" said Falcon, giving Fox a high-five.

"Maybe we should do the task now or something…" said Fox.

"Yeah," said Falcon.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Detour! Strength or Skill?" read Kirby.

Kirby lowered the clue. "Which one do you want to do, Pikachu? I think it would be really cool if were doing the dance, what do you think?"

"Actually," said Pikachu, slightly scarred, "I've had some bad experiences with Pokemon contests…"

"Second place?!" screamed Ash, chugging down a bottle of whisky, "You're a failure, Pikachu! You're a failure!"

"I'm sorry!" sobbed Pikachu.

"And you know what failures get?" said Ash, holding a bucket of ionised water over Pikachu.

"No! No!" screamed Pikachu.

Ash tilted the bucket.

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu.

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu. "Nooo! Nooo! Nooo!"

"O… kay…" said Kirby, "If you really feel that strongly against it…"

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu, delusional, "Nooo! Nooo!"

"So, what task do you want to do?" said Kirby.

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu, delusional, "Nooo! Nooo!"

Kirby grinned slyly. "Do you not want to do the Pokemon dance?"

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu, delusional, "Nooo! Nooo!"

"Awesome!" shouted Kirby, dragging Pikachu off to 'skill'.

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu, delusional, "Nooo! Nooo!"

Kirby slapped Pikachu.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Should we do strength, or skill?" said Toon Link, deep in thought.

King Dedede stared blankly into space, smiling dumbly.

"Uh… do you have an opinion on what task we should do?" said Toon Link.

King Dedede smiled dumbly.

"Are you going to offer any conversation, or what?" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede uncapped a bottle of water, labelled in black ink 'conversation', and tipped it over Toon Link's head.

Toon Link grumbled angrily.

"How can you set up those props so quickly anyway?" said Toon Link.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you," said King Dedede.

"Haha, that's pretty funny," laughed Toon Link politely.

King Dedede stared evilly at Toon Link.

Toon Link shifted uncomfortably.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 4
th Place

"Detour!" said Wario. "Strength or Skill?"

"We'll do Strength!" said Mr. Resetti, flexing his mole biceps, "I'm really strong and fit!"

"…that's fat…" said Wario, pointing to the flab on Mr. Resetti's arm.

"Fat this!" screamed Mr. Resetti, raising his arm back.

The weight of his flabby arm created a paradigm shift of literal proportions, tipping him over backwards.

"Owned!" said Wario.

"Please help me up, boy," begged Mr. Resetti, his flab weighing him down.

"Haha, okay," said Wario.

Wario tripped on a piece of gum and fell down on the ground.

"Oh no! I'm on the ground as well!" screamed Wario.

"We're done for!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

Dramatic pre ad-break music played.

"The last time I was done for was back in-"

"SHUT UP!" said Wario angrily.

Advertisement

"Hey Maggot, do you want to get fit like me?" said Mr. Resetti, holding up a dumbbell, "Try the Mr. Mole Weight Loss System! I lost 480 pounds and I'm now only 1040! …years and pounds! What a difference!"

"Hear some of my testimonials!" said Mr. Resetti. "…maggot!"

Testimonial for Mr. Mole Weight Loss System

"I'm a girl, and… I really like Mr. Resetti and I think he's hot and I lost weight and stuff!" said Mr. Resetti, wearing a wig, in a high-pitched voice.

"That's obviously you…" said the cameraman. "No-one's going to fall for that."

"Why yes, I am rather feminine…" said Mr. Resetti.

"Just… give it up…" said the cameraman.

"Shut up! I'll be cool!" cried Mr. Resetti.

The Smashy Amazing Race

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"Damn it! We're done for!" screamed Wario, lying on the ground.

"It's so comfortable here! We're losing valuable time!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

Cinnabar Pokemon Contest Hall

Kirby

"Whee!" said Kirby, doing a waltz with an Ivysaur. "This is so fun!"

Pikachu

"Is this part of the dance routine?" said a sore Pikachu, being slapped repeatedly by a Wigglytuff.

The camera panned to the other side of the hall.

Fox and Falcon
Pokemon Transported: 17

"Dude, this is like, so easy!" said Fox, carrying several Pokemon along at the same time.

"Uh… dude… maybe you're handling that one a bit rough…" said Falcon, pointing to a Pokemon within Fox's teeth.

"Nonsense!" laughed Fox, putting the Pokemon into the truck.

Half a Pokemon carcass fell out of Fox's mouth.

The judge stared, shocked.

"Uh…" said Fox, "Does that count?"

Fox and Falcon
Pokemon Transported: 23.5

"Awesome!" said Fox.

More blood and organs spilt out.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Pokemon Transported: 2

King Dedede sat on his mallet pose, on the ground. Toon Link, sweating, dragged the third fat Pokemon towards their truck.

"Are you going to try?!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Yep," said King Dedede, lying on the ground, closing his eyes.

"…now?!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Nope!" hyukked King Dedede.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"Oh god! Somebody help us!" screamed Wario to several bystander Japanese tourists, who were taking his photo.

"Damn it! Why are we so fat?" moaned Mr. Resetti.

"…the last time I said that was back in 1882, when me and the governor-general at the time, Sir Atticus Finch was-"

Wario shoved a pineapple into Mr. Resetti's face.

Cinnabar Island Ferry Terminal

Last Ferry
Arrived at 8:40 AM

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Currently in 9
th Place

"Make your way…" said Diddy Kong.

Luigi and Peach
Currently in 10
th Place

"…to the Pokemon…" said Peach.

Lucas and Yoshi
Currently in Last Place

Lucas stared at the clue, stuttering. "C- c- c-"

"Contest," said Yoshi.

"I can read, you know," said Lucas angrily, concentrating on the clue very hard.

Lucas regained his concentration. "H- h- h-" he stuttered.

"Hall!" said Yoshi angrily.

Lucas kept on staring at the clue.

"There's nothing left!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Only an inferior dinosaur like you would-"

Yoshi kicked Lucas in the face.

Pokemon Contest Hall

Kirby and Pikachu
On Skill

"We're ready to perform our dance," said Kirby to their DJ.

Country music started to play. Kirby paired up with his Ivysaur and Pikachu teamed up with his Wigglytuff.

The camera panned on Kirby, wearing a cowboy hat, performing the moves with his partner to absolute precision, displaying an aura of fun at the same time.

The camera panned on Pikachu, who was being slapped mercilessly by the Wigglytuff, who appeared not at all interested in dancing.

The music stopped.

A drum roll played.

"Kirby…" said some random judge guy who never appeared before, "You… passed!"

The bystander Pokemon applauded. Kirby took a bow.

"Pikachu…" said the judge, a drum roll being played.

Pikachu rolled his eyes.

"You failed! What a shock! Try again!" said the judge dramatically.

"That's because my partner's a moron," said Pikachu angrily.

"Now, now, just because you're jealous of my talent," said Kirby on the side, eating a sundae.

Pikachu growled.

Fox and Falcon
Pokemon Transported: 41

"Dude, we're almost done," said Fox, pouring a trail of beer towards the truck, which the Pokemon followed, sipping along excitedly.

"Dude, the Pokemon are trying to get out!" said Falcon, being mobbed by several Pokemon, who were clawing at his face.

"Dude, use your frat power!" said Fox proudly.

"Okay! Frrraatttt Powwweerrr!" exclaimed Falcon dramatically.

The Pokemon stared at him.

"Uh… I guess that stopped them…" said Fox, loading the last nine Pokemon into the truck.

"Here's a clue!" said some random lady who we've never seen before and probably doesn't even work there.

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1
st Place

"Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!" said Fox.

"Teams must now make their way on an uphill hike one kilometre to this volcano!" said Master Hand. "Once here, they will find their next clue!"

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 5
th Place

"Detour!" said Marth. "Strength or Skill?"

"Oh my gosh we should do skill!" said Marth excitedly.

"Oh my gosh me too!" said Squirtle in a high-pitched voice, fluttering his eyes.

"Oh my gosh I am so in!" said Marth excitedly in a squeaky high-pitched voice.

"Oh my gosh I'm going to dance and it's going to be so cool!" said Squirtle in a high-pitched voice.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 6
th Place

"oH mY GoSH THOSE PPLZ TALK funny" larfed Ganondorf at Marf and Squirtle.

"BUT U SHOULDN'T LAUGH THERE DISABLED" said Jigglypuff, "SO TALK TO THEM IN A VERY LOUD AND PATRONISING voice okay?"

"wOW jIGGLYPUFF yer SO TOLARENT" said Ganondorf.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 7
th Place

"Let's boogie down," said Wolf, doing disco moves.

Samus stared at Wolf.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 8
th Place

"Oh my gosh, we have to do skill," said Zelda, "I am so good at that! And I won't have a breakdown this time, I promise!"

Two seconds later…

"Oh my gosh this is so hard I hate you Roy I'm leaving you forever!" screamed Zelda, bashing her legs on the floor.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"Help us!" screamed Wario, as the other teams walked past, "We need your help! Please somebody, help!"

"Relax, at least we have each other as friends!" said Mr. Resetti.

An ant colony started forming on his face.

"NOOO!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

Cinnabar Island

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1
st Place

"Dude, we have to find the volcano!" said Fox, a gigantic freaking volcano in the shot behind him.

"I know! We'll go underwater!" said Falcon smartly, pointing to a scuba diving shop. "All volcanoes are under the sea!"

"Awesome!" said Fox.

"Fratttt powwweerrr!" said Falcon.

They ran into the sea.

And drowned.

"That was a crap idea!" said Fox angrily.

Pokemon Contest Hall

Pikachu
On Skill

The music started playing. Pikachu, severely bruised, stared angrily at the Wigglytuff.

The Wigglytuff slapped Pikachu in the face.

Pikachu angrily kept on trotting side to side, doing his country heel flicks.

The Wigglytuff slapped Pikachu in the face.

Pikachu, fuming red, continued to trot around.

The Wigglytuff slapped Pikachu in the face.

"AAAHHHH!" screamed Pikachu, zapping the Wigglytuff.

The Wigglytuff launched out of a window, breaking it, causing a trail of blood to run into the hall.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

Pikachu took the clue.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!" read Pikachu.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Pokemon Transported: 24

"We're going to come last because of you," said Toon Link angrily, carrying along two Pokemon at the same time, struggling to walk along.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in a deep state of shame

"Mr. Resetti!" cried Wario, "We have to try and get up! Otherwise we'll lose!"

"I know, but I just don't have the energy!" screamed Mr. Resetti, a pigeon pecking at his face.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
On Skill

"OMGZ THIS IS ReALLY hArD" said Jigglypuff, impaled on a sharp spike on the ceiling, "I gUESS I'M NOT THAT gOOD of A daNCER"

"uR RIGHT LETS SWICH TASKS" said Ganondorf, his skull impaled on a whiteboard, bleeding.

"oMG u SERIOUS WE'VE MADE SO MUCH PROGRESS" said Jigglypuff, bleeding.

Cinnabar Volcano

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1
st Place

"Dude, we lost heaps of time trying to find this stupid volcano," said Fox, "The kids are behind us now."

Fox ripped open a clue. "Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!"

"Teams must now make their way over six kilometres to this resort, the first of ten pit stops in this race around the world!" said Master Hand. "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, will be eliminated."

"Run, dude!" said Fox.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Warning, the last team to arrive will be eliminated!" read Pikachu.

"Let's go!" said Kirby.

Pokemon Contest Hall

Toon Link and King Dedede
Pokemon Transported: 26

"You are so selfish!" sobbed Toon Link, "I'm not doing any more work anymore! I expect you to do it all, you fat bird!"

"Okay! Okay!" said King Dedede, smiling.

King Dedede inhaled 24 Pokemon at the same time, and spit them into the truck.

"WHAT?!" screamed Toon Link angrily, "Why didn't you do that after we opened the clue?"

"I did," said King Dedede.

"I mean right after!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!" read King Dedede.

"We could have come first!" said Toon Link angrily.

The camera panned over to the other side of the large hall.

Wolf and Samus
On Skill

"Everyone here's going to attempt to do the dance," said Wolf. "So we have three teams doing the dance at the same time."

The music started. All teams danced in unison in front of the judges.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
1
st Attempt

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf danced violently, knocking their partners and each other in the face. They all fell down.

Wolf and Samus
1
st Attempt

Wolf and Samus danced satisfactorily to the beat, with the taste of the crispy duck just not enough to be authentic Chinese cuisine. The wine list was slightly overpriced, and the spring rolls were if not the chef's intentions, poisoned with garlic to the chef's intentions.

Marth and Squirtle
1
st Attempt

Marth and Squirtle did a jive dancing rave-club thing, that had nothing to do with the foxtrot.

Roy and Zelda
1
st Attempt

Zelda timidly tapped in time to the beat, Roy geekily putting all his energy into the normal routine.

The music stopped.

Judge

A drum roll played.

"I was too busy checking out that chick," said the judge, pointing to some random model we'd never seen before, "And I bet you all tried so hard so you all passed."

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

The judge dropped several clues in front of him.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"Help us!" screamed Wario and Mr. Resetti to Toon Link and King Dedede.

"Son, help them up!" said King Dedede, shocked.

King Dedede lifted the fat Wario and Mr. Resetti up.

"Thank you so much!" cried Mr Resetti, "Today I've learnt the true value of friendship!"

"Aww," said everyone.

"And being yourself!" said Mr. Resetti, teary-eyed.

"Aww," said everyone.

"And-"

Wario kicked Mr. Resetti in the stomach.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 8
th Place

"Come on! Everyone else is here!"

Roy and Zelda

"Make your…" read Roy.

Wolf and Samus

"…way on foot…"

Marth and Squirtle

"…to…"

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

"Gilligan's ISLAND!1" said Jigglypuff.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Currently in 9
th Place

"Detour!" read Diddy Kong.

Luigi and Peach
Currently in 10
th Place

"Strength or…"

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

"Gilligan's ISLAND!1" said Jigglypuff.

Downtown Cinnabar Island

Fox and Falcon

"Dude, we got company," said Fox, their taxi driving along the highway.

Kirby and Pikachu

"Look! It's another team!" said Kirby, shocked.

Fox and Falcon

"Get your frat boy sprinting gear on…" said Fox.

"Done!" said Falcon, putting two cardboard beer cartons on his feet.

"Get your frat boy juice into your system!" said Fox.

"Done!" said Falcon, chugging down more beer.

Kirby and Pikachu

"It's going to be a footrace!" said Pikachu, shocked.

"Woah, footraces like, never happen!" said Kirby, shocked.

Ribbon Resort

The two taxis entered the compound.

Fox and Falcon

"Frat boy nail polish…" said Fox, their cars bumper-to-bumper.

Kirby and Pikachu

"Let's beat them," said Pikachu, "Run as fast as you can!"

Fox and Falcon

Fox and Falcon's taxi stopped. The other taxi pulled to a halt, and the two teams jumped out of their cars and spotted the mat.

Fox and Falcon sprinted ahead, getting a good start on the slower Kirby and Pikachu.

They both sprinted towards the pit stop, a straight line ahead of them.

Pit Stop

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Fox and Falcon, several yards in front of the other team charged for the mat.

"We're doing it!" cheered Falcon.

Their alcohol binge started to take effect on their bodies, causing them to fall asleep inches before the mat.

Kirby and Pikachu, shocked, screeched to a halt, and tiptoed onto the mat.

"Kirby and Pikachu," said Master Hand excitedly, "You're team number one!"

"Cool!" said Kirby, hugging Pikachu.

"And for coming first this leg, you've both won ten thousand dollars!" said Master Hand. "Each!"

"Yay!" said Pikachu.

Kirby put on his professorial pair of glasses, "You… could have omitted the 'Each', because by saying 'both' you were implying that there were already two subjects that were-"

"Ten thousand dollars," said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Kirby.

Fox and Falcon

The camera panned on the sleeping frats.

Fox woke up. "Did we win?" he said excitedly.

"No," said Master Hand.

Fox and Falcon clumsily stepped on the mat.

"Fox and Falcon, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

"That's okay," said Fox.

Cinnabar Volcano

Toon Link and King Dedede

"We've almost made it!" said Toon Link, getting to the top of the volcano.

King Dedede opened the clue. "Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort! Warning! The last team to arrive will be eliminated."

Pokemon Contest Hall

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Pokemon Transported: 14

"It's a four-way duel on this task," said Wario.

Luigi and Peach
Pokemon Transported: 9

"Hurry up, woman!" said Luigi, whipping Peach on the back.

"Silly, this is a team game!" giggled Peach.

"You know what's silly? Having to be married to this dumb moron!" said Luigi angrily.

"Are you calling me a dumb moron?" giggled Peach.

"Yes!" said Luigi angrily.

"I think you're calling me a dumb moron, honey!" giggled Peach.

Lucas and Yoshi
Pokemon Transported: 6

"I hate you," said Lucas angrily.

"I hate you too," said Yoshi angrily.

"How could you say such a mean thing?" sobbed Lucas.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Pokemon Transported: 12

"This sucks," said Ivysaur, loading the Pokemon into the truck. "We're the aggros, and we're supposed to be the ones that are in the front of the pack, not back here with these idiots!"

Pit Stop

Toon Link and King Dedede
Arrived 3
rd

"Toon Link and King Dedede, you're team number three!" said Master Hand.

"Damn it!" said Toon Link angrily. "Had you not been cracking those stupid jokes we would have come in first place! You're a moron!"

"You're right!" said King Dedede, "Morons don't leave their bags and passports in volcanos!"

Toon Link had no bag on his back. His eyes widened. "That's pretty funny, King Dedede!" he said, laughing nervously, "Where did you put my bag?"

King Dedede swivelled his mallet and did a walking twirl.

Toon Link grunted.

Cinnabar Volcano

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 4
th Place

"Everyone here's so annoying," said Samus, walking briskly up the hill. "At least we're miles ahead of the other teams."

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 5
th Place

"IF YOUR SEW AHEAD OF THE OTHER TEAMS SAMUS WHY ARE WE RIGHT HEAR" said Jigglypuff.

Samus grunted angrily.

"oMG aND WHY ARE YOU MARRIED TO THE WOLFS THAT'S WRONG IMMORAL INNATURAL AND INCAPACITY" said Ganondorf.

"You're in an interspecies relationship too, bud," said Wolf angrily, grabbing Ganondorf by the collar.

"I THINK NOT I THINK YOU'LL FIND WE ARE BOTH THE POKEMON" said Ganondorf. "JAJAJA"

"Why are they such n00bs?" said Samus angrily.

"(quote)'Why are they such n00bs?'(slash quote) DOES UR MUM SAY THAT TO U EVERYNIGHT AFTER SHE TUCKS U INTO BEDS MUMMY'S GIRL??" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Wolf ignored Jigglypuff.

"OMG WhaTS ur REPLY Noob" said Ganondorf.

Wolf ignored Jigglypuff.

"pls talk 2 me" said Ganondorf.

Wolf ignored Jigglypuff.

"WHAT A BORING FORUM IM LEVING 4evers" said Ganondorf.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 6
th Place

"Roy! I just can't do it!" said Zelda, wearing high-heels, attempting to walk up the mountain, "I need to take a rest!"

"Honey, this is a race!" said Roy.

"Oh my gosh, Roy, you are so insensitive to my feelings!" said Zelda angrily.

"Honey, you have to believe in yourself…" said Roy. "And believing in yourself-"

"Is there a monetary reward?" said Zelda, suddenly grinning, her eyes turning into dollar notes.

"Why do you keep on asking me about my money?" said Roy angrily.

"What? I never! Money?" laughed Zelda manically, "Throw it away! Ha! What do you think I am, a gold digger?"

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 7
th Place

"I spy with my little eye, a gay turtle!!" said Marth.

"Oh… this is a hard one…" said Squirtle, walking up the mountain.

Squirtle sighed. "Who is it?"

"It's you!!" said Marth to Squritle.

"OMGNOWAI!" they said in unison.

They did some yaoi kissing.

Pokemon Contest Hall

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Pokemon Transported: 36

"We are doing so good!" said Mr. Resetti, choking another Pokemon and tossing the lifeless body into the truck, "Our Pokemon aren't even putting up a struggle!"

Luigi and Peach
Pokemon Transported: 8

"Aaah! Help me!" screamed Luigi, being attacked by feral Pokemon, "Evil witch wife lady! Help me!"

"Maybe you should be nicer to the Pokemon!" said Peach, doing a twirl.

"Oh Daisy, you're so inspirational!" said Luigi.

"I'm not Daisy!" laughed Peach.

"What?!" screamed Luigi, being mauled by the Pokemon. "You mean you're not Daisy?!"

"She dumped you after he realised what a failure he was!" said Peach. "And then you pay me with your robbery money to stay with you! I'm now a millionaire!"

Peach took some of her board game money and showed it to the camera.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Pokemon Transported: 22

"Come on!" said Ivysaur, dumping several more Pokemon into the back of the truck. "The evil team can't come in last place!"

"So… if we're the evil team…" said Diddy Kong, "Why haven't we done anything remotely evil this leg?"

"Evil this!" said Ivysaur evilly, squashing a bug.

"I'm allergic to bugs! Thank you, kind sir!" said Peach happily.

"Uh…" said Ivysaur, scratching his head, "Evil this!"

Ivysaur murdered Peach.

"Thank you!" said Luigi gratefully, "She was so annoying!"

Ivysaur grunted and swung an axe into Luigi's arm.

"Oh… thank you! I'm a masochist, and I love pain of any shape or form!" said Luigi, bleeding.

Ivysaur gave Luigi a back rub.

"No! No! No! You're so evil!" screamed Luigi.

Lucas and Yoshi
Pokemon Transported: 13

"Yoshi, I'm sick of all of this fighting, can we be friends?" said Lucas.

"Okay," said Yoshi.

"Besides, I've realised that dogs with low IQ can-"

Yoshi punched Lucas in the face.

Cinnabar Volcano

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 4
th Place

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Wolf.

"LETSH GO HONEY" said Jigglypuff.

"I'm not Ganondorf," said Wolf angrily.

"I think you are…" said Jigglypuff sexily.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 5
th Place

"MAEK YOUR WAY TO ENGLAND AND TOUCH THE QUEEN, DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS" said Ganondorf.

"ADVANCE TO MAYFAIR" said Jigglypuff.

"NO IT'S BOARDWALKs duh" said Ganondorf.

Marth and Squirtle
Dating Six Years

"We're almost there, honey," said Marth, the other two teams running down the hill.

Roy and Zelda
Engaged

"Rooy! This is so hard!" complained Zelda, barely halfway up the climb, "My feet are hurting!"

"You'll be fine," said Roy, slowly walking up.

"Roooy!" wailed Zelda.

"Zelda, please…" said Roy.

"Roooy!" wailed Zelda.

"This is too hard to handle… this is just… so stressful…" said Roy.

Dramatic pre-ad break music played.

Marth and Squirtle
Currently in 6
th Place

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Marth.

"Now that we're at the top of the hill… you can ride on my shell down the hill!" said Squirtle, like a kid's show presenter.

Marth hopped on Squirtle's back and they slid down the hill.

Lame 80's music played.

Pokemon Contest Hall

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 8
th Place

"We did it!" said Wario excitedly, ripping open the clue. "We're still in it!"

"Awesome! Now nothing can stop us!" said Mr. Resetti, patting the gigantic bulge that was his tummy.

They stared at the narrow doorway leading outside.

"Damn it," said Wario angrily.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Currently in 9
th Place

"Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!" read Diddy Kong.

Luigi and Peach
Pokemon Transported: 25

"Hurry up and help!" said Luigi angrily.

"I am helping!" said Peach angrily, mopping up the blood.

"No! Conceal the murder later! Do the task now!" said Luigi angrily.

Lucas and Yoshi
Pokemon Transported: 28

"We're the last two teams and it's all your fault," said Lucas angrily.

"Excuse me, who was the one that had to have three shower breaks and four toilet breaks that cost us a whole hour?" said Yoshi angrily.

"You!" said Lucas angrily.

"Actually, it was you," said Yoshi.

"Oh," said Lucas.

Downtown Cinnabar Island

Wolf and Samus

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf are in the car behind us," said Wolf.

"I swear, they are the most annoying team I've ever come across," said Samus, "They're such n00bs."

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

"I THINK samus and I will be life pals" said Ganondorf.

"NO SHE'S my life pal" said Jigglypuff.

Wolf and Samus

"If we lose to them in a footrace…" said Wolf angrily, their cars bumper to bumper.

Ribbon Resort

Lots of dramatic, zooming expensive dolly shots and camera angles.

Wolf and Samus's taxi, followed by Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's taxi pulled into the main driveway.

Wolf and Samus

"Run! Run!" said Samus, sprinting along with Wolf towards the finish line.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

"OMGz we can't beat them we need a plan" said Jigglypuff.

"plan… like A RECIPE??" said Ganondorf.

"ONLY KIDDING" said Ganondorf.

"Okay, so right you have your, Warlock Punch attAck" said Jigglypuff, "And I am very light sexy and flexible so you can use your, attack, on me and then I'll fly onto the pit stop mat very fast"

"OKAY good idea" said Ganondorf.

Ganondorf raised his arm. "GGNNNNNRRRGGGGNNNNRRRR…" he grunted.

Wolf and Samus

Wolf and Samus ran onto the pit stop.

"Wolf and Samus, you're team number four!" said Master Hand.

"That's good," said Wolf, kissing Samus on the cheek.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

"HGGGNNNGNGGHHHHHH" screamed Ganondorf, charging up his Warlock punch.

"Honey, you can!! Stop now because their already on the pit stop"

Ganondorf: I HIT U ANYWAY (punches Jigglypuff)

Jigglypuff: Ow!!

"OOPSIE DAYSIES" said Ganondorf.

Fourteen lines of disregard for the English language later…

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, you're team number five!" said Master Hand.

"YAY" said Jigglypuff, eating Ganondorf.

Marth and Squirtle
Arrived 6
th

"Marth and Squirtle, you're team number six!" said Master Hand.

Cinnabar Volcano

Roy and Zelda

"Honey, you're doing good! We're almost there!" said Roy supportively.

"Oh no, Roy! We're going to come last!" said Zelda, looking behind her.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"Doo doo doo…" hummed Wario, walking past Roy and Zelda.

Roy and Zelda

"I don't want to get eliminated!" cried Zelda.

"Honey, we're less than twenty metres away!" said Roy.

"But then we have to go down again!" cried Zelda.

"I'm gonna get you out of this, okay?" said Roy.

"Why are you so mean to me?" cried Zelda.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur walked past Roy and Zelda.

Roy and Zelda

"We're in ninth place now!" sobbed Zelda, "If the other two teams pass us I'll never get that million dollars!"

"Honey, we're almost at the top!" said Roy, helping Zelda along.

"But then we have to go down again!" cried Zelda.

"I'll even carry you down the hill!" said Roy.

"But then I'll fall into the volca- a- no!" cried Zelda, hiccupping as she cried.

Cinnabar Volcano

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 7
th Place

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Wario.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Currently in 8
th Place

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Diddy Kong.

"Let's go!" said Ivysaur, dropping the clue.

Loud shrieking orchestral music played.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 9
th Place

"Look honey, we made it!" said Roy.

"I'm… so tired…" said Zelda.

"Here, I'll read it," said Roy, opening the clue. "Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!"

"I'm so tired…" moaned Zelda.

"Honey, now we get to go all the way down!" joked Roy.

"I hate you," said Zelda angrily.

Pokemon Contest Hall

Lucas and Yoshi
Pokemon Transported: 34

"We're the last two teams," said Yoshi angrily, "Maybe we should actually try and work together."

"Okay!" said Lucas angrily. "I will!"

"Good!" said Yoshi angrily.

Luigi and Peach
Pokemon Transported: 33

"Hurry up, woman!" screamed Luigi, chugging down his brandy.

"I'm trying as hard as I can!" said Peach, lugging several Pokemon along. "Maybe you could help too!"

"Maybe if you don't shut up, I'll drown your pets in the tub!" said Luigi angrily.

"I don't have pets, silly!" laughed Peach, "I've never gotten to go outside, let alone the pet store!"

"I'll drown you in the tub!" said Luigi angrily.

"We don't have a tub! You sold it for alcohol money!" cheered Peach.

"When we get back," said Luigi angrily, "I'm going to take a big stick out of the cupboard and give you a good-"

"You sold our walls and cupboards for alcohol money too!" said Peach.

"Do we have anything left?!" screamed Luigi.

"You have meee!" cheered Peach.

Luigi grumbled.

Downtown Cinnabar Island

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Firefighters

"Taxi!" shouted Wario.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Evil Twins

"Taxi!" said Diddy Kong.

Cinnabar Volcano

Roy and Zelda

"Zelda, you can do it!" said Roy, walking down the mountain with Zelda.

"I can do it!" cheered Zelda.

Zelda tripped over a rock.

"ROOOY!" screamed Zelda.

Pokemon Contest Hall

Lucas and Yoshi
Pokemon Transported: 45

"We're just beating them!" said Lucas, "We can do this, Yoshi!"

Pit Stop

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Arrived 7
th

"Wario and Mr. Resetti, you're team number seven!" said Master Hand.

Downtown Cinnabar Island

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
Evil Twins

"I feel like our taxi driver is completely lost," said Diddy Kong.

"We have no idea where we're at right now," said Ivysaur.

Cinnabar Volcano

Roy and Zelda

"Come on, Zelda! Get through this!" said Roy, helping the limping Zelda down. "We're halfway there!"

Pokemon Contest Hall

Luigi and Peach
Pokemon Transported: 42

"We're just being edged out, Peach! Come on! Work faster!" said Luigi manically.

Lucas and Yoshi
Currently in 10
th Place

Lucas dumped the last Pokemon into the truck.

Lucas ripped open the clue. "Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!"

Roy and Zelda

"I want this soo bad!" moaned Zelda, walking down the hill.

Lucas and Yoshi

"Come on, let's work together for once and get up this hill!" said Yoshi angrily.

"How about you work together?" said Lucas angrily, lagging behind Yoshi.

"Just hurry up and run!" said Yoshi angrily.

Luigi and Peach
Pokemon Transported: 47

"You know, Peach," said Luigi, taking the last three Pokemon and dumping them in the truck, "No matter what happens, I still love you!"

"Aww!" said Peach, opening the clue.

Luigi and Peach
Currently in Last Place

"Does that mean I don't have to sleep in the dog's kennel anymore?" said Peach sweetly.

"NO" said Luigi angrily.

Roy and Zelda

"Oh no! We have company!" screamed Zelda, noticing Yoshi, several metres down the hill from them.

"Honey, we can make this!" said Roy, helping Zelda down the rather steep descent.

Lucas and Yoshi

"Stop trying to defy me and just walk!" said Yoshi angrily down the hill. "We're going to lose unless you go quicker!"

"How about you start being nice to me!" sobbed Lucas.

Luigi and Peach

Luigi and Peach jogged up the hill.

Lucas and Yoshi

"But you haven't been nice to me!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Well, that's because you beat me in the spelling bee when I was clearly a better speller!" said Lucas angrily.

Luigi and Peach

Luigi and Peach jogged past Lucas.

Lucas and Yoshi

"So, you haven't been nice for the last month because of a spelling bee?!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

"I know you cheated!" said Lucas angrily.

"I didn't cheat!" said Yoshi angrily.

Luigi and Peach

Luigi and Peach jogged past Roy and Zelda.

Roy and Zelda

"Come on, honey!" said Roy, "Let's go! We're almost at the bottom!"

They reached the bottom of the hill.

"Oh, Roy! I love you so much! You're so supportive!" said Zelda.

Zelda
"Although I'm marrying Roy for my share in multi-millions of dollars!" squealed Zelda excitedly, "Today, I learnt he's actually a really sweet and cool guy!"

"I don't love him though, as if, what a dweeb," dismissed Zelda, "He's so nerdy… I might ditch him after four months of marriage, not three."

Roy and Zelda
Engaged

"Taxi!" said Roy, holding up his arm.

"You're so sweet," said Zelda.

Ribbon Apartments

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur got out of the taxi.

"Let's find the pit stop!" said Diddy Kong, "It's got to be here somewhere!"

Shrieking orchestral music played, as the camera panned on the pit stop on the other side of the road in the 'Ribbon Resort'.

Cinnabar Volcano

Luigi and Peach
Currently in 10
th Place

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Luigi.

Lucas and Yoshi
Currently in Last Place

"You cheated!" said Lucas angrily.

"How did I cheat?" said Yoshi angrily.

"You looked through the see-through paper as he was reading out his question!" said Lucas angrily.

"Fine!" said Yoshi angrily. "But you cheated too!"

"How?!" said Lucas angrily.

"You looked through the see-through paper as he was reading out his question!" said Yoshi angrily.

"What kind of friend would say that?!" said Lucas angrily.

Ribbon Apartments

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur

"I can't see anything!" said Diddy Kong, peering through the window.

"Look at the clue again!" said Ivysaur.

"You had the clue!" said Diddy Kong.

Ivysaur widened his eyes. "The clue! I left the clue!"

"We need to go back!" screamed Diddy Kong.

Ribbon Resort

Roy and Zelda

"Okay, get out," said Zelda, paying the taxi driver.

"Now… where's the pit stop?" said Roy, hopping out.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur

"Damn it! We can't get a taxi to stop!" said Diddy Kong angrily.

"Go into that resort! We can book a taxi there!" said Ivysaur, pointing to the 'Ribbon Resort' across the road.

Roy and Zelda

"It's not in here…" said Roy, looking through the lobby.

"I think I see it!" said Zelda, pointing out of the window.

Cinnabar Volcano

Lucas and Yoshi
Currently in Last Place

"I'm sorry man, we should be so much better friends after this misunderstanding," said Lucas.

"But why did you call me a dog then?" said Yoshi angrily.

"You're not a dog?!" said Lucas.

Yoshi glared at Lucas angrily.

Ribbon Resort

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur

"Hey! That's another team!" said Diddy Kong, walking into the Ribbon Resort.

"Guys, are you struggling to find a taxi too?" shouted Ivysaur.

Roy and Zelda

"Pardon?" said Zelda, walking up to Diddy Kong and Ivysaur.

"We can't find the pit stop," said Diddy Kong.

"Neither can we," said Roy.

"Get a taxi from reception!" shouted Ivysaur.

"Yeah!" said Diddy Kong.

"Uh… okay…" said Roy.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur ran into reception.

Downtown Cinnabar Island

Luigi and Peach

"We haven't seen the other team at all…" said Luigi, "Hopefully we're in front, because this is a battle to stay in."

Lucas and Yoshi

"We want to be a lot nicer to each other…" said Lucas, "Just hopefully we can stay for another leg."

Ribbon Resort

Roy and Zelda

"Wait! There it is!" said Zelda, pointing across a field.

"We missed it?" said Roy.

They ran onto the pit stop.

"Roy and Zelda, you're team number eight!" said Master Hand.

"We're just so glad to still be in," said Roy.

Ribbon Resort Reception

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur

"Hey, could you book a taxi?" said Diddy Kong.

"Sure," replied the receptionist.

Downtown Cinnabar Island

Luigi and Peach

"Wait… that's them!" said Luigi, shocked.

Lucas and Yoshi

"This is going to be a footrace!" said Lucas, the two taxis next to each other.

"It's the next left!" shouted Yoshi.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur
At Reception

"We're in a race, you see," said Diddy Kong.

"You sure you folks aren't supposed to go on the mat?" said the receptionist.

"…what mat?" said Ivysaur.

"The mat out there…" said the receptionist.

They spotted the pit stop.

"RUN!" screamed Diddy Kong.

Ribbon Resort

Dramatic camera angles of Diddy Kong and Ivysaur running out of reception were shown.

Luigi and Peach's, and Lucas and Yoshi's taxi pulled up 40 yards in front of them.

Luigi and Peach

"Run! Run!" screamed Luigi, dragging Peach along.

Lucas and Yoshi

"Come on, buddy! For our friendship!" said Lucas, running along.

Cheesy 80's music played.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur

"Nooo!" screamed Diddy Kong, trailing behind.

Pit Stop

Dramatic camera angles.

Lucas, followed by Luigi, Yoshi, Diddy Kong, Peach and Ivysaur ran onto the mat.

Everyone waited in anticipation.

"Lucas and Yoshi, you're team number nine!" said Master Hand.

"We made it," said Yoshi.

"Luigi and Peach, you're team number ten," said Master Hand.

"Yay!1" said Peach.

"Diddy Kong and Ivysaur, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand.

"And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand. "You have been eliminated from the race."

"We don't care," said Diddy Kong.

"Oh yeah? We don't care…" said Master Hand, "…about you!"

Diddy Kong cried.

Finish Times:

Kirby and Pikachu: 11:22 AM

Fox and Falcon: 11:26 AM

Toon Link and King Dedede: 11:55 AM

Wolf and Samus: 12:37 PM

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf: 12:42 PM

Marth and Squirtle: 12:50 PM

Wario and Mr. Resetti: 1:36 PM

Roy and Zelda: 2:20 PM

Lucas and Yoshi: 2:54 PM

Luigi and Peach: 2:55 PM

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur: 2:56 PM- Eliminated

Author's Note: Well, The Smashy Amazing Race is back for a fourth season! This was a double length episode, so every chapter won't be as bulky as this one.

All of your reviews are read and appreciated! Point out any mistakes.

Review telling who your favourite teams are, and who your least favourite teams are, suggestions for locations/tasks etc!

Also, vote on the 'Favourite Character Poll' on my profile!

Thanks for reading!

"Next time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "The frats get down and dirty!"

"Why is there so much mud??" screamed Fox.

"Zelda breaks down… again!"

"MY MOOSE IS BROKEN!" screamed Zelda.

"And Jigglypuff and Ganondorf get a serving from Luigi!"

"You are the most rude, disgusting people I have ever come across!" said Luigi angrily.

"I'M BLOCKING YOU!!" said Jigglypuff angrily.