Summary:

A One shot:It's kind of an alternative to Chapter 20 Of Eclipse. When I wrote it I knew it was somewhere in Eclipse. I did not intend on re-writing Chapter 20, it just happened to fit well there, I love Chapter 20 and wouldn't change it, but I had fun writing this

Story Notes:

I've had this story floating around in my head for a while now and I just had to get it out. I love the books just the way they are and would never change them. However, Edward did make me, um, frustrated in Eclipse and I kind of took it upon myself to see what might have happen, had things gone a bit different. I've never written anything even remotely smutty and try as I might, I couldn't be "raunchy" with Edward and Bella, instead I ended up with sensual sexuality... I think. I tried to stay in character as much as possible because I love the characters. This is written in Edwards POV and Stephenie Meyers once said that he over thinks everything... so I over thought everything as well, including actually posting this. I tried my damnedest to get inside that man's head and it was exhausting! I'm hoping I did the characters justice. If I did or didn't, I would love to hear from you. I'm very open to critique and since this is my very first fanfic, although it's a one shot, I could really use the feedback so I know how to better myself as a writer.

Disclaimer:

All Characters are the owned creation of Stephenie Meyers... however the dirty thoughts those characters created in my mind belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended, I just can't let the characters go.


Her smell was intoxicating. Actually it was beyond intoxicating. For a while it was near torture to be around her; to be around her and have to smell her, but never taste her. And oh how I had wanted to taste her. To feel that need grow throughout me; the need for her warm pulse to course through my body. To satisfy that monstrous part of me that I acquired 9 decades ago. But that need, that desire, has since been forever silenced. Her blood no longer calls out to me, tempting me with its flow and warmth. However, temptation has not departed its ugly head from my existence. Instead it has merely increased its grasp on me, transforming that desire for her blood with the more then ever present desire for her body.

Her body, which she has been more then willing to surrender to me for some time now, mocks me with its frailty. Time and time again she has begged me to allow my resistance to falter, begged me to allow passion to take its course. But she doesn't understand the dangers involved in that. She condemns my self-control, thinking I am able to restrain myself at all costs. However, if that were the case, she would not be sitting two feet from me on a bed I have no personal nocturnal use for. She would not be willing to risk eternal damnation for me, because I would have been able to resist her pull. But I had not been able to and paths have been taken that will forever link our beings. She does not wish to live in a world without me, as I can not fathom one without her.

So it seems incomprehensible that I would ever allow a situation in which she could become harmed, especially by me. No, she will have to wait for immortality to have our bodies joined. Before that would be careless and risky. If I lost control and caused her injury or, worse, death I would never forgive myself. I could never spill one drop of her blood. That one drop would take part of her away from me and that, in and of its self, is unallowable.

A heavy sigh catches my attention, which is never truly away from her. Deep lines have formed between her eyes. She is studying something in front of her with the utmost attention. Annoyed at my still present inability to read her mind, I move closer to see what has caused her such worry. However, this is really unnecessary as my vampire eyes allow for flawless vision from a mere two feet; I just want to be closer to her. "What is it?" I asked, crawling across the bed and coming to a rest by her right arm. I look over her shoulder, but I am not paying attention to her homework, I am engulfing myself with her scent.

"Calculus," she grumbles.

"You know," I cooed in her ear. "I can do this for you. I've passed calculus many times."

She glanced over her shoulder at me, her eyebrows raised in skepticism. "What happened to your no interference rule when it came to my studies?" she mocked.

I nuzzled my nose into the hollow below her ear and whispered, "There are exceptions to every rule, Bella." Lightly, my lips kissed along her jaw line, dipping down on to her neck. Her breathing became erratic and I could hear her heartbeat quicken its pace. The fluttering sound made me smile as I brought my lips to hers. She kissed me back, moving her arms around my neck, hugging her body to mine. I could feel her attempts at trying to pull me down to the bed and I relinquished control, allowing the motion. My right hand cradled her body, while my left cradled her face. Her kisses intensified and try as I might I could not help but mimic her. A slight moan escaped her lips as I moved my right thumb under her shirt and stroked the side of her abdomen lightly, her muscles constricting to my cool touch. I loved the feel of her skin. Soft, smooth and warm. Electric tingles coursed through my thumb. Every time we had skin to skin contact was the same. At this moment, I wanted nothing more than to feel those electric tingles on every inch of my body.

With as much control as I could muster, I pulled my lips from hers and gazed down at her. She was the purest essence of beauty. Her eyes, deep and dark. Her lips, full and soft. And her skin... back to her skin. Creamy and translucent, it beckoned me to touch it. To cause that pink flush just below the surface. My eyes roamed down the length of her body, pausing on her light blue, buttoned down shirt. Six buttons. Six buttons was all that separated me from the electric tingles. Seven if you count the one on her jeans. Seven buttons and a bit of lace and cotton that wouldn't put up any kind of a fight. Seven buttons and I could feel nothing but those all-consuming electric tingles.

Her hands grasped my face and pulled my lips back to hers. I complied eagerly. Lightly, I licked her lips. She responded as I had anticipated and opened her mouth, allowing my tongue access to explore the contours of hers. Her hands dropped to my shirt, where she began to try to undo my buttons.

Stop her. She's not going to stop herself and then you won't be able to stop either of you. Stop her now.

With a defeated sigh I released my feather light hold on her body to take her hands in mine, halting the undressing process. "Bella," I chastised. "Behave," I said gliding my lips across her throat.

"What about there being 'exceptions to every rule'?" She asked breathlessly, trying to free her hands from mine.

"Every rule, but this one." I emphasized, pulling away from her and lying back on the bed.

"That's not fair!" She complained sitting up and looking down at me.

Every time I allowed things to go too far, she vocalized her frustration. Lately the vocalizations had gotten louder and more aggressive. It was getting increasingly more difficult to stop her and she was getting increasingly more flustered with every thwarted attempt. It was just as hard for me to stop as it was her, in fact more so. Vampires by nature are selfish, sexual creatures. Our needs control our every action. Our desires are increased when we truly want something. And God I wanted Bella. If I was sure I had a soul to sell, I'd sell it in order to be able to make love to her without hurting her. I'd sell it to be human with her for one week... one day... hell, one hour. But I was sure that I didn't have a soul, something I was forbidden to say in front of her, so there was no need to harbor a hope for that.

"How come you get to decide how far is too far?" She asked, anger dripping in her voice.

"Because you wouldn't. You don't seem to have a concept of 'too far'," I said, attempting to hide a smirk. She had no idea how cute she was when she was mad. And selfishly, I enjoyed knowing that she wanted me this much.

My answer only made her angrier or maybe it was the smirk. If only I could read her mind I would know for sure. She climbed down off the bed and began gathering her books, roughly throwing everything together, bending the cover to one of her notebooks.

"Bella," I said. "What are you doing?" Trying desperately hard to hide the laugh her temper tantrum was causing.

She stopped gathering her stuff and stood straight up. She pushed her hair out of her face and looked me in the eyes, blood flushed her cheeks. Throwing her hands to her hips she scowled at me. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you are a tease," she said, widening her eyes for emphasis. "And I'm leaving."

The laugh I had been stifling escaped slightly. "Bella, love... I drove you here." I reminded her.

"I'll walk," she said in a huff. She turned and took a step to the door. Hesitating, she turned back, fire in her eyes and spat out, "One of these times you're going to get me so worked up and then I'm going to have to run to Jacob Black just to get some form of a release! At least I know he wants me!" She turned back towards the door, but before she was able to take a step I was there, in front her, blocking her path. Her breath caught in her throat from both my speed and the anger that flashed in my eyes.

"Bella," I began, attempting to keep the rage out of my voice. She didn't mean it, she's just mad, I told myself. "That wasn't very nice," I said calmly, or as calmly as I could manage.

She composed herself and to my surprise, hardened her eyes. "No," she said slowly. "But it's true. Jacob would take me in a minute."

"Jacob Black has no concern for your safety," I responded, attempting to keep my voice steady. The unfortunate fantasies I had witnessed in his mind on previous occasions played through mine like a horrible nightmare. How I despised Jacob Black.

Bella rolled her eyes at this statement. It was one of the few things we ever argued about. "Jacob would never hurt me," she said. "I'm not arguing about this with you again."

"Okay fine," I said locking my jaw. "Then what the hell is this nonsense about me not wanting you?"

"Do you?!" She said, raising her voice and pulling her eyebrows together. "You don't want me to become a vampire, but you won't touch me because I'm not one! What am I supposed to make of that?"

I took a deep breath and moved closer to her, cupping her face in my hands. "Bella, you're going to be amongst the damned eventually." I said sardonically as I stroked my right thumb along her cheek, feeling the tingles again.

"But not anytime too soon!" She challenged

"No, not anytime too soon," I echoed.

"So I'm just supposed to... to wait?"

I released a chuckle and said "Yes. Forgive me if I am not ready to bring you into the fold of the soulless army just yet."

Her eyes grew wide and tears pooled within them, she shook her head. "No... you don't want me..." Her face took on an absolute resolution to it. "You don't want to turn me because you're afraid something better may come along and you'll be stuck with me! That's why! If you wanted me, wanted my body at all, you would have taken me by now! It's not like I haven't given you ample opportunities!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could her mind work so backwards? Why couldn't she see that I pulled away from her for her safety? That I delayed her transformation so she could live more? That everything I did was for her?? How could she not know? Me not wanting her. Ridiculous. There's never been a time since I've known her that I haven't wanted her in one way or another.

She forgets that you're dangerous.

She pushed my hands away from her face, bent down and gathered her things. She walked past me, nearing the door.

Remind her how dangerous you can be. Scare her a little, just so she knows why you have to restrain yourself, not so she runs from you forever. Just a little. Just a small reminder.

She was to the door, opening it when I reacted. It only took a couple seconds worth of time to slam the door closed in front of her and whirl her around, her books falling from her arms and scattering across the floor, so her back was pinned to the wall.

Just a little. Just a reminder.

Her eyes widened, a bit of fear crossed through them, or was it shock? I couldn't tell. If only I could hear her, I'd know when to stop. My eyes darkened, admitting my desires. Without speaking I raised her arms above her head. I brought my lips to hers with more force then I'd normally allow, but I was letting my vampiristic wants to come out and play. I had to make her see, to understand. She had to know why I backed off each time. I had to kill any lingering thoughts she may have had about me not wanting her.

She kissed me back, matching my passion, using the wall as leverage to push harder into the kiss.

Not scared yet, just a little more. Not too much, don't want to scare her away forever. Just a reminder.

I broke off from the kiss. Her breathing was heavy and ragged. I moved both of her wrists to my left hand and kept them raised above her head. Slowly I brought my right hand down, allowing it to glide down her cheek, past her jaw, along her neck until I got to her collarbone. I lightly traced along her collarbone, first on her left side then on her right, brushing my fingertips along her body, moving slowly down her sternum, relishing in all the electric tingles of each swipe of my finger along her skin. I got to the first button of her shirt. I grasped it between my fingers, ready to undo it, searching Bella's face for a sign of fear. I saw none.

You have to be more aggressive, just a little. You're just reminding her.

I slid my index finger between the two sides of the shirt and then jerked it down in one quick, smooth movement; removing all buttons in one motion, causing them to scatter in all directions. Her shirt opened, and so much of her delicious flesh was readily available. I moved my eyes up her slowly, taking in her abdomen and then lingering on her breasts, which were heaving with her deep, steady gasps, the lace of her bra making the action of her breathing hypnotic. My eyes continued to travel upward to her neck and then, then I checked her face again. It had changed. There was fear there. Guilt swarmed me. My face softened and I began to feel like the monster I knew I was. I could hear her heart race. Still pinning her hands to the wall, afraid that as soon as I released them she'd run, I moved my hand to where her heart beat like it was doing the work of two people, my hand exploded in those electric tingles I craved so much. She shuttered at my touch. I let out a heavy sigh. She's scared of me. I went too far. Maybe if I apologize before I...

"Edward," Bella said breathlessly.

Her voice interrupted my thoughts. I met her eyes and the fear was there still. I tried to think of what I was going to say. Tried to gather my thoughts on how best to get her to love me again. What could I say to make this all go away?

"Edward, please!" She pleaded with both her voice and her eyes.

I began to release her wrists when she shook her head slightly. "Touch me Edward," she whispered and bit her lip.

I looked at the hand resting above her heart and then I looked back into the face of the one person I've ever loved. "Please?" She whimpered. I couldn't deny her. I didn't want to deny her.

I allowed my hand to slide down to her breast, cupping it gently. Slowly, I began to knead it. I released her wrists and brought my left hand to her other breast. Bella's arms remained above her head, against the wall. She moaned and her body slid down the wall slightly. We locked eyes and hers were pleading with me, as she mouthed the word "Please" once again. I dipped my fingers below the top of her bra, introducing her nipples to my icy fingers. She groaned and slid further down the wall. I moved my hands to her waist and stood her back up, pinning her there with my arms. I moved my face to her neck and nudged along her collarbone.

"Edward," she groaned. "Please!" Desperation filled her voice. "Please?"

A little more. You can do a little more. You want nothing more then her happiness. You can go a little further.

I kissed my way up her throat, my hands returning to her breasts. I brought my mouth to hers, my tongue pushed through her lips, demanding to find hers, as my fingers ducked under the lace of her bra again. Again she moaned and a gasp escaped her lips as my hands became surer of themselves. "Do you still love me?" I asked into her ear; I had to know.

"With every touch and every kiss, I love you more," she croaked out, her voice barely above a whisper.

That was all I had to hear. My lips found the underside of her chin. I dragged my tongue down the front of her neck, pausing to kiss the hollow at the base of her throat. Once again my tongue found its way on to her delicious skin, savoring the taste, sliding further down her body, towards her breasts where my hands were still exploring. I pulled the thin material down, exposing the nipple to one of them. My tongue flicked across it once and Bella's knees again gave out. I grabbed her to steady her, but never removed my tongue from its new toy. Her breathing became hoarse. I once again pinned her to the wall, her hands found their way into my hair, locking onto a handful.

I moved to the other breast, but was met with the slightest bit of resistance from her bra. "The clasp is in the back," was all she was able to get out. The vampire in me was having too much fun to play by the rules. I smiled the crooked smile she loved so much, grabbed the center of her bra with both hands and ripped it open, lace and cotton surrendering easily to me, exposing her fully. I peeled her torn articles of clothing from her body and discarded them on to the floor. I would have to buy her an entirely new wardrobe at this rate. Not that I would mind, I'd buy her anything. Give her anything. Anything, but what her eyes begged me for at this moment.

You can't take this much further, I told myself. I knew that. I knew that I shouldn't be moving my mouth to her other nipple, the one I had been denied access to just moments before. I knew I shouldn't be twirling my tongue around it, causing it to peak and tighten. I knew I should be stopping the small hands that grappled at the buttons to my shirt. I knew all this, but my actions didn't follow my mind. My desires were taking me over. The vampire was winning. I hated that it was. I hated that part of me. I hated allowing that part of me to have control, but I didn't want to stop. I knew I needed to stop, but I enjoyed her taste too much.

Tingles ignited on my chest. Her hands had gotten finished with some of the buttons of my shirt and she was exploring me as I explored her. I brought my face up to hers, kissing her gently. As she continued to fumble with the last few buttons of my shirt, reality began to crash down on me. In a moment there will be more clothing strewn about the floor. How much longer after that till another article follows? And then another? I was going to have to stop her.

With a heavy sigh I reached for her hands. "Bella," I whispered, looking down into her face. Her eyes were blurred and unfocused, her breathing labored and heavy. She looked up at me, her deep chocolate eyes begging me.

"Kiss me Edward," she said breathlessly. "Kiss me like you did before." I began to shake my head no, but my action was halted with an almost inaudible "Please?" I hated when she begged me. She knew I couldn't tell her no, but she rarely used it against me.

I relented and pressed her against the wall, my lips kissing along her neck, inching towards hers. My hands roamed across her low back, my finger tips sliding along the top of her jeans, dipping below the fabric. How much longer could I keep doing this? Every second I wanted her more then the previous one. I wanted to feel every inch of her, to consume her entire being.

In that moment, I wanted to turn her. Selfishly, I wanted to be unrestricted with her and I knew I couldn't do that with her in her fragile human form. Every fiber of my being wanted to take her, to make love to her while we stood there with me pinning her to that wall. But I knew it was too dangerous. Emmett and Rosalie had brought down entire houses. I can't imagine our passion being anything less, but I couldn't see how her breakable human body could survive it.

My lips had finally found hers, pushing them open so I could fill her mouth with my tongue. She threw her arms around my neck and pulled her body to mine, tangling her hands into my hair. Her breasts pressed against my stone chest, the warmth of them on my skin made it feel like a fire had erupted within me; it put the tingles to shame. I wanted more of it.

Letting go of her back, but without breaking the kiss, I pulled my shirt open, sending the last two buttons on to the floor with hers. She untangled her hands from my hair and began pushing my shirt from my shoulders, breaking the kiss to gasp for air. My mouth immediately moved to the right side of her neck, kissing my way down her shoulder. I allowed her to remove my shirt, her hands trailing softly along my skin, the tingles returning, intoxicating me. My arms engulfed her as my mouth moved across her throat and began kissing down her left shoulder.

I became suddenly aware that her hands had moved to my belt buckle, attempting to undo it.

Stop her, you've already gone further then you should have.

I released my hold on her body and took her hands in mine. I brought my face to hers and shook my head. "Bella, no." I whispered.

"Yes," she whimpered back.

"It's too dangerous," I reminded her, shaking my head again.

"Edward," she began. "I... I..." she stammered, biting her lip and looking down.

I hated not knowing what she was thinking. Hated that she was able to hold back from me. I didn't want her to filter her thoughts. I wanted to know everything that went through her mind. I waited for her to vocalize her last thought, the one she was keeping from me. When it didn't appear that she had any intention of doing that, I let go of her hands and moved mine so that they were cupping her face. I gently tilted her head up so she was forced to have eye contact with, my right thumb stroking along her cheek. "Bella, please don't do that." I pleaded. "Please tell me what you're thinking."

Instead of answering me, she stood on her tip-toes and brought her lips to mine. It was a gentle kiss. She removed my hands from her face and brought them down to her breasts, willing me caress them. Her hands remained on mine and together we massaged her. Our kiss intensified, our tongues dancing together. She reached out and softly stroked my abdomen, her fingers trailing down to my belt buckle again. I groaned and was about to capture her hands again when she removed them on her own, returning hers to cover mine. She pulled my right hand from her chest and brought it to her lips. She repeated this with my left hand. I gazed down at her while she lightly kissed my palms, taking in just how glorious she was. It was a good thing for all other females that clothing was mandatory, for she was perfect.

She released my palms and brought her lips to mine gently, cupping my face in her hands. A small smile played on my lips. These small motions were exquisite. The gentle kisses, the light touches... all of them burned into me, into my memory. Our lips parted and she gasped out, barely above a whisper, "Make love to me."

I sighed heavily and pulled her hands from my face. I hugged her to me, burying my nose in her hair. I took a deep breath in, her scent burning the back of my throat. I loved the feeling of that burn. I loved it because it meant I was near her. I loved being near her and I wanted nothing more then to be able to comply with her request. But I knew that I couldn't. I had to pick my words wisely.

"Bella, you know that's not possible yet. After you're turned. But not until then, it's too dangerous."

She turned to look at me, her eyes wide, pleading. "Edward... I... I," she started to say the last thought that she hadn't completed again. This time I would not allow her to sidetrack me. I would find out what she was thinking. What she was afraid to tell me.

"Tell me," I cooed to her. She bit her lip and looked down. I raised her chin up immediately so I could see her eyes. "Please, Bella?"

She swallowed loudly, licked her lips and said barely above a whisper, "Edward, make love to me." Her eyes grew big, worried about what she was going to say next. "I need you in me Edward. And since you won't give me your venom to turn me," she stopped and looked down. When she looked back up, there was a slight change in her eyes, a resolution. She took a deep breath and continued, "Please give me your body." With her last words her hand grazed across the front of my jeans, cupping my already tense erection. The motion shocked and excited me all at the same time. Instinctively, I grabbed her hand and pulled it away from me.

"Bella," I whispered, shaking my head. "Don't." It was the only word I trusted myself to say. What had really passed through my mind was, "Don't stop". She had never touched me like that before. Mainly because I wouldn't have let her, but also she had never gotten quite that brave before. It was obvious as we stood before each other, naked from the waist up, that we were in uncharted territory. I had never let things get this out of control and now I didn't know how to gain that control back.

"I want to touch you Edward," she said, her voice full of urgency. "I need to touch you!"

She reached towards me with her other hand, but I grabbed that one as well. My breathing became erratic. The aroma of her skin intensified with her arousal. I brought her arms to her sides and pinned them there, against her body. I brought my face to the side of hers, nudging her ear lobe with my nose. "Don't torment me Bella." I breathed into her ear.

She turned her head towards mine and breathlessly said, "Don't you want me?"

I pulled back from her, my eyes locking with hers. Even if I could bring myself to lie to her, to tell her no for the sake of her safety, my eyes had already betrayed me. She knew I desired her. She knew my resistance was faltering, finally, after all her attempts. Her eyes; those deep, chocolate orbs peered into me, waiting for my answer. "I've never wanted anything more in my entire existence then how much I want you right now."

"Then take me," she pleaded. "Edward, take me." I started to shake my head, knowing there was no real conviction behind it. "Take me and make me yours, only yours, forever." she said, her voice a strained whisper.

For a moment I just gazed down at her, contemplating her words. Could I allow myself to try and be with her? Could I trust that I wouldn't lose control and that I wouldn't hurt, or worse yet, kill her? No I couldn't. I couldn't let myself go completely, that would be too dangerous for her. But, my mind changed its course; I could let myself go enough to give her what she needs. Give her a release from the built up frustrations that have accumulated up to this moment. I could store it all in my perfect memory for later, playing it back for myself so I could get my own release. Yes, that could work.

Plan in place, I released my grip on her arms. Slowly I brought my right hand up to her forehead and let my fingertips glide down to her cheek, brushing away an imaginary piece of hair. My fingers followed their course down to her lips and grazed across them ever so lightly. Bella exhaled heavily and pushed her tongue out to moisten her lips, licking my finger in the process. The sensation was unreal, ten times stronger then the usual tingles I felt. My finger passed over her lips again, delving in a little deeper. Bella's lips molded themselves around the tip of my middle finger and she then began to gently suck. I let my finger drop from her mouth and drag down past her chin to her throat, taking the moisture of her mouth with it. My left hand rose up and cradled the back of her neck. Her lips beckoned to me.

With my left hand, I pulled her to me, my lips crushing down on hers. The kiss was rougher, more urgent then our usual ones. A mere fraction of the passion I was capable of showing was put into that kiss. My right hand moved to the small of her back, guiding her to me. Her body bowed towards mine, her arms wrapping around my neck. Our mouths moved hungrily with one another's. Once again, I moved her so she was pinned between me and the wall. My hands moved to her waist as I dropped my mouth from hers and began kissing my way down her body, pausing at her breast. I brought my hands up to cup them and gently push them together. My tongue trailed from one to the other, tantalizing her nipples. Bella moaned and dug her hands into my hair. I continued kissing down her body, returning my hands to her waist. The flavor of her skin consumed me. My breathing was heavy, taking in as much of her scent that I possibly could.

At her belly button, I paused again. Dropping to my knees, I kissed gently along her abdomen, returning to the divot in her stomach. I slipped my tongue into the small crevice and let it trail down to the edge of her jeans. I brought my hands to the sides of her pants and tugged gently. A half inch more of her skin exposed itself. I wanted more. I slipped my fingers beneath the fabric on either side of the front of her jeans and tugged roughly, pulling in opposite directions, jostling Bella's entire frame. The brass button of her jeans flew across the room, the teeth of her zipper ripped from each other and the seam of her pants gave way without hesitation. I brought my mouth to the top of her panties and allowed my tongue to drag along the line. Bella's body began to tremble, her breathing ragged. I looked up to see her watching me, biting her lip. I returned my mouth to her abdomen and gave it one gentle kiss before opening my mouth and touching my bottom row of teeth to her soft flesh. Ever so gently I scraped my teeth up the middle of her body, careful not to puncture her skin, stopping at the hollow of her neck. I kissed up the front of her throat, nuzzling the underside of her chin.

Between Bella's erratic breathing, the trembling of her body and the way she was looking at me, I became unable to keep her out of my arms. I reached my hands around to her behind and in one swift motion I pulled her up on me, her legs wrapping around my hips. Her hands released my hair and moved to cup my face. Her eyes were filled with want and desire, while her cheeks flushed pink. She grazed her lips across mine gently and said "Make me yours."

In a second I had her on the bed, her back on the soft comforter, her legs still wrapped around me. She ground her hips into mine, a fierce heat was radiating from between her legs. I stared down at her, a look of intensity on my face. I had imagined this moment so many times in my mind. With our eyes locked on each other I lifted my body from hers, her legs untangling from me and falling away on to the bed. I began to pull her jeans down, inch by inch revealing more of her warm flesh. She lifted her hips, helping me expose her perfectly rounded backside. Lust consumed me and her jeans were quickly removed from her body and discarded on the floor. I sat back and drank her in. There she was, my Bella, vulnerable to me in a way she had never been before. Naked, save for a delicate pair of white panties, she lay on the bed watching me, watch her. A small smile pulled at the corners of my mouth, my imagination had not done her justice.

I slowly moved so I was lying by her right side and kissed her tenderly on the lips, bringing my right hand to her waist. Our soft, tender kiss began to intensify as my hand grazed over Bella's panties, over where I had felt the warmth radiating from before. A gasp escaped her lips as I stroked her gently, feeling the thin cotton grow moist. I pulled my lips from hers, locking her eyes with mine as I slipped my hand under her last remaining article of clothing and allowed my fingers to explore her inside and out. Her already heavy breathing became staggered as I continued to play with her bud, her body growing wetter by the second.

I kissed her lightly on the lips and then moved to her chin, then to her throat, continuing down the length of her body. My fingertips dipped below the top of her panties and I started to guide them down, my tongue trailing over the newly exposed flesh, inch by inch. Once again Bella helped me by raising her hips. I slowly moved her panties down her thighs and past her knees. My face hardened and my eyes burned, darkening their color, from my pure desire for her. Bella kicked her panties from her feet and I positioned myself between her legs. I brought her legs up, bending her knees. Gingerly, I kissed her inner thighs, moving from one to the other, edging closer to where I had just been exploring.

My tongue delved into her folds, flicking across the bud that had formed at the top. Bella moaned in a way I had never heard her moan before. I stopped to check to see if she was okay only to have her hand tangle in my hair, attempting to push my mouth back down. I complied eagerly. I loved her taste. I had tasted her breath, her skin, her tears and yes her blood, but none could compare to this. Her arousal sweetened her, which I didn't even think could be possible. My tongue continued to dance over and in her, changing pace with her breathing. My hands moved under her, grasping her behind, giving me leverage to pull her to me, increasing my intensity in pleasing her.

Suddenly her breathing started coming in shallow gasps. Her right hand gripped my hair more tightly while her left raised above her head and grasped the headboard. Her hips rose slightly and her legs tensed, her knees trying to push together. She threw her head back with a whimpering gasp and closed her eyes, then her body went limp. Her heart was racing faster then I've ever heard it. I kissed my way up her body, moving to lay on her left side so as to rest my head on that heart, while I listened as it tried desperately to beat it's way out of her chest. God, how I loved that sound. Loved that I could make her heart do that.

We laid there for a moment before she slid her body from under my head, scooting down the bed until she was face to face with me. Her eyes were wide and she was biting her lower lip as she reached out her right hand to lightly stroke my abdomen, allowing her hand to glide down to my belt. My left hand grabbed hers and pulled it away. "No Bella," I whispered.

Confusion covered her face as she tried to pull her hand away from mine. "What?" she asked exasperated.

"It's too dangerous for me. This was about you. Giving you what you needed," I said bringing her hand to my mouth.

"But..."

"I don't mind Bella." I interrupted. "I like pleasing you. Actually, "I smirked, "I really enjoyed pleasing you."

"But I mind!" She interjected, pulling her hand from mine. "This isn't just about me. And it isn't just about you. It's us, Edward. It has to be us at all times." She pulled her eyebrows in, causing the lines to form between them. I reached my hand up to smooth them out at the same time she reached down and cupped my overly stiff erection. "I need you to make love to me. Please?" She pleaded as she rubbed me gently.

I brought my hand down to stop her, but found myself unable to complete the action; it felt too good. Stifling a groan, I rolled onto my back and tried to control my breathing. Bella took notice of my surrender and moved her palm up to the edge of my jeans and pushed her hand down under my clothes, taking hold of my hardness. A gasp escaped my lips and I closed my eyes as I began to lose my internal struggle for control. Her hand gripped my shaft and stroked me as I grew more erect in her hand. She was lying beside me, her breath bouncing off my neck as she watched my reactions to her touch. Her hand continued to move along my length, struggling against the clothes I still wore. She kissed my shoulder gently as her eyes met mine. She removed her hand from beneath my clothes and sat up, moving so she was kneeling next to my abdomen. With her eyes still on mine she unbuckled my belt. She made quick work of my button and zipper as well and began tugging my pants and boxers down together. My hands reached out to stop her, but instead found themselves helping in the undressing process. In seconds the rest of my clothing was discarded on the floor with hers.

Bella brought her mouth down and lightly kissed my pelvic bone, grazing her lips towards my hard member. She kissed the base of my shaft and let her tongue trail up it until she got to the tip. Her lips enveloped me, gliding up and down slowly. Her mouth was warmer then anything I had ever felt in my years on this Earth. Combine that with the feeling of her tongue sliding along me and I was quickly losing all sense of control. Desperate to get it back, I reluctantly reached out and stopped her, grabbing her by the arms and lifting her off of me as I sat up.

Bella looked at me with confusion written all over her face, her eyebrows furrowing. "Was I doing something wrong?" She asked.

A small, breathy laugh escaped me as I said, "No, just a little too right is all." The confusion remained on her face, wanting me to explain further. I moved so I was on my knees before her, bringing her up so she was on hers as well, placing my hands on her waist. I gazed down at her as she looked up at me with wide eyes. "If I'm going to let any of my control go," I paused, willing myself to go on. "Then I want it to be with you, not just because of you." As I said the words, I feared that they might be a mistake. It wasn't like me to be careless with Bella and I was afraid that my own wants were getting in the way. I could smell her arousal and my body ached to take her.

Understanding was coming into Bella's eyes and a small smile came to the corners of her mouth. I moved her body to mine and brought my lips to hers tenderly. Our kiss intensified as I cradled Bella's body to mine, slowly easing her back on to the bed. Her heart raced as my body settled between her legs. Our lips parted so she could breathe. I stared down into her deep eyes. Her eyes always told me what her mind kept silent from me. What I saw there echoed my own feelings. Fear. We were both afraid, but for different reasons. She was afraid that I'd stop and I was afraid that I wouldn't.

I moved my right hand so it covered her fast paced heart and felt it tap against my palm. "It beats only for you," she whispered.

I closed my eyes and swallowed, wanting desperately to be able to return the sentiment. When I opened them again, I looked longingly into her beautiful face and said "Bella, you're daring mine to beat again." I brought my lips to hers gingerly and kissed down her neck to where my palm held onto her heart. I removed my hand and kissed her thumping skin, grazing my lips up to her collarbone. I lifted my head and asked "Are you sure?"

She nodded quickly and breathlessly answered, "Yes."

I leaned down and nuzzled into her neck as I slowly slid into her. She bit her lip in attempts to try to muffle her gasp.

Ow.

I pulled my head up sharply and looked at her. I had hurt her, already. My first motion in trying to make love to her had immediately caused her pain. It was a mistake, I am a monster. A selfish monster. Her eyes were closed, her bottom lip still between her teeth. "Bella, I'm sorry." I said, regret dripping in my voice as I slid back out and moved off of her.

"Wait! What? No!" She breathed heavily, sitting up and looking at me, confusion and frustration clouding her face. "Sorry? For what?"

Angry with myself for going against my better judgment I grumbled at her, "I heard you Bella. Don't try to protect me from what I've done to you. I'll never forgive myself for it." I said lying back against a pile of pillows, looking off to the side, not meeting her bewildered gaze.

She moved so she was next to me, trying to meet my eyes. "I don't understand..." she trailed off shaking her head.

I whipped my head around so I locked eyes with her and said, "Dammit Bella, I heard you." Confusion stared back at me. "You said ow."

Her eyes grew huge and she shook her head slightly. "No I didn't."

My anger got the better of me and I grabbed her by the arms and brought my face inches from hers. "I. Heard. You." I said each word individually for emphasis.

She shook her head slightly again, her eyes the size of saucers and whispered, "Edward, I didn't say it." She brought her hands up to cup my face and breathlessly said, "I thought it."

It took a moment to understand her words. One look at her face told me she wasn't lying, she was a horrible liar and this was beyond her scope. I shook my head, comprehension escaping me. "But I can't..." I trailed off. I found myself staring at Bella, concentrating on trying to hear her thoughts. Nothing. I shook my head and looked at her, "I can't hear you. Are you sure that you just thought it?"

She rolled her eyes at me and said, "Yeah I'm sure because I knew that if I said it out loud this would happen." She motioned her arms out for emphasis.

"I don't understand..."

"Neither do I," she interrupted. "But you did hear me!"

"How? Why then, but not now?" Desperation filled my voice. I reached out and cradled her face in my hands. "I want to hear you again!" She paused for a moment, thinking, silently thinking. She smiled shyly and threw one leg over me, straddling my lap. She began to position herself over my hard member when I stopped her. "What are you doing?" I asked, widening my eyes and shaking my head.

"Well I'm going to conduct a science experiment," she said coyly. "It seems the only time you were able to be inside my mind coincided with the only time that you've been inside my body." She smiled seductively, "You never knew science could be so much fun did you?" She opened her knees and began sliding down to once again position herself when I grabbed her outer thighs and stopped her again. Frustrated, she tossed her head back with a groan, "What now Edward?!"

"Whether you spoke it or you thought it, you still said 'Ow'. You were still in pain."

She blushed slightly and looked down at her hands for a moment, before bringing her eyes back up to meet mine. "It's my first time Edward. It's kind of inevitable." She pushed her lips into a slight pout and furrowed her brow. "It didn't hurt a lot..."

I sighed and considered that her fragile human body would have had the same reaction to another human body. It was perfectly understandable. I slid my hands from her outer thighs up to her waist. She bit her lip and positioned her wet opening above my more then eager erection. She smiled shyly and said, "For science." I couldn't help but smile back at her. I moved my hands to hers, our fingers interlocking and moved both our hands back to her waist.

We moved her together; moved her down until my tip broke her surface again. She gasped and her body stiffened. I held her in place until she was ready to move further down me. Slowly she took me in, inch by inch. I bit my lip, keeping my lust for her at bay. My mind became consumed with a total awareness of her body. I could feel her muscles tense and release with each motion our bodies did together. Her heart beat quickened. Her scent intensified.

Oh God!

My breathing became heavier, unsure if I had imagined that or not. "Bella," I whispered. Her eyes opened and met with mine. "Think of something. Something not in this room." She nodded and closed her eyes again, continuing to slowly slide herself along my shaft. A moment later I was met with quick flashing images, none lingering very long until I saw a very familiar one. I was looking at the meadow on the day when she became my life. She showed me our first kiss, my sparkling skin, the first night I stayed with her... the images kept coming. I gasped feeling every aspect of her, pleasure enveloping me, inside and out. She opened her eyes and I smiled at her. "Our meadow," I whispered. She returned my smile and moved her hips faster, arching her back.

I was met with more images: my hands on her, lightly trailing down the front of her body; exploring the folds of her wetness; my face as I removed her clothing earlier... I let go of her hands and she moved hers behind her so she could brace herself as she leaned back. I raised my right hand up to her neck and opened my palm so the hollow of her throat was between the curve of my thumb and index finger. Slowly, I moved up her neck until my finger was in her mouth. She sucked and nibbled on it. When I withdrew it, I trailed the moisture down the front of her body not stopping until I reached her bud. I massaged her gently with one hand and helped steady her hips while she continued to grind up and down on me. Her breathing quickened and started coming in short gasps. The intensity in which she road me increased and her mouth repeatedly opened and closed while no words came out. I could feel her climax coming. I could feel it ripple throughout her entire body.

I love you.

In those three words she pushed me over the edge. I was making love to Bella and I was hearing her thoughts. I was touching her body the way she wished to be touched because she was showing me what she wanted. And with those three words I was reminded that I didn't deserve her. She was the most perfect creature I had come across in my nearly 11 decades in this world and for some reason she loved me. The two things I had been longing for had been given to me in a joined package. Her mind and her body. If I took one, then I get the other. One is harmless to her, while the other is potentially fatal.

In one smooth motion I pulled her to me and rolled over so she was beneath me, our bodies never disconnecting. I stared down at her beautiful, shocked face and smiled her favorite crooked smile. "I love you too." She returned my smile briefly before it was interrupted by a quiet gasp, as I rocked my body, sliding in and out of her. I held myself so none of my weight lay on her, trying to avoid any unnecessary chances in her getting hurt. She reached her arms around me and held onto my back, bringing her face to the crook in my neck, kissing me softly while trying to pull me down onto her.

"Edward, let yourself go," she whispered.

I smirked and breathed out, "Don't you ever tire of endangering yourself?"

She moved her hands to my face, tracing my cheekbones with her thumbs. "What danger? You'll know if you've hurt me. I can't hide anything from you when we're like this." She returned her hands to my back and attempted to once again pull me down on top of her; I relented. She moaned softly and closed her eyes, the simple act of my body truly being on top of hers seemed to give her pure pleasure. I kissed her as I continued to grind myself into her.

Faster.

I complied eagerly. With my own needs growing more urgent, I found what slight grip I had on my self-control was slipping. I just didn't want Bella anymore, I needed her. I needed her with such ferocity that my mind was no longer calling the shots, my body had taken over. The animal in me was in control. "Put your legs around me," I demanded my voice rough with my jagged breath. She obeyed instantly and I continued on, moving deeper and faster into her.

Harder.

The sliver of self-control that still remained allowed me to shake my head. "No."

"Please?" she begged breathlessly

"No Bella," my voice hoarse. "I'm not in control enough."

Edward Please!

A growl escaped from my throat as I thrust into her harder. Her hands dropped to her sides and she balled the comforter up into her fists, locking her arms as she braced herself for every thrust. Her mouth dropped open and she again moved her jaw as though speaking in silence, quick and quiet gasps coming from her as her body repeatedly arched off the bed ever so slightly. I felt the ripples dance through her body again. My body reacted to this and I could feel my own set of ripples begin. My entire being was engulfed and my control was gone. I continued to move in and out of her, thrusting rough and fast. My right hand moved down the side of her body and gripped her hip, kneading her soft skin. The ripples of pure desire intensified and so did my hand holding that tender flesh.

I felt her body and mind at the same time as she winced in pain. Within seconds I was off of her, standing by the side of the bed, all control back. My hands dug themselves into my hair; fear coated my face as I looked down at Bella. I watched a purple bruise already begin to form just under the skin on her hip, where my hand had been. The anger and disgust that I felt for myself would have to wait, I needed to know if she were okay. I rushed to her, but didn't touch her. "Bella! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I said, my hands hovering over her, wanting to cradle her to me like a baby. I locked my jaw and furrowed my brow. I pulled my hands from over her body and made them into fists at my sides.

Bella sat up slowly, hiding her new bruise with her left hand and stared at me, worry etched in her beautiful features. "It's okay Edward. I'm fine," she lied. She reached her hand towards me, wanting to comfort me. I pulled mine away and she paused before trying again.

"Bella don't." I said sternly.

"Edward," she drew my name out in a sigh. "I'm fine. I bruise all the time!"

My eyes grew big as I turned my head slowly to look at her. "Bruise? You think I'm worried that there's a bruise? I'm glad that there's a bruise!" I said, my voice rising. "Dammit! I could have killed you! Or shattered your hip!" I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. "This was a mistake."

Bella's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open, shock and hurt on her face. She rose to her knees and crawled to where I was sitting across from her. "Edward Anthony Cullen! Don't you dare say that!" She reached for my face, but I jerked it away. Undaunted, she reached again and this time was able to cup my face in her hands. She tried to pull me to look at her, but I refused. So instead, she moved so her face was in front of mine. "Today was the best day of my life! Don't say it was a mistake!" She softened her voice and whispered. "I love you Edward."

I sighed and said "You don't know what you mean to me. Love doesn't begin to cover it," I said shaking my head. With my voice barely audible and shame in my eyes I said, "I hurt you Bella." I brought her hands down from my face and held them in my own. "I vowed to never hurt you. To never put you in a position in which I could hurt you. I lost control. I knew better then to try this..."

"We're still new at this! Don't give up on us!" she interrupted. She removed her hands from mine and threw her arms around my neck. She pushed her lips against mine, which lay still and unresponsive to hers. She continued to kiss me, willing me to return the favor. "Edward," she said breathlessly, kissing me again. "Give it another chance."

I pulled her face from mine and locked eyes with her. "No. Not until you've been turned."

"But Edward... what if you're not able to hear me after I've been turned?" She said quietly, reaching out and lightly stroking my chest. "Don't you want to hear me again?" She whispered. She leaned in to kiss me, but I stopped her.

"Not at the risk of hurting you again," I said flatly. I got up from the bed before she could make another attempt to persuade me. I moved to my closet to find clothing for us, she'd have to wear something of Rosalie's home, but for now she could wear one of my shirts.

"I'll marry you," she said, standing behind me.

I turned quickly from my closet and stared at her, not believing what I had just heard. The conversation of marriage had been banned since my first proposal after Italy. The thought of marriage was equivalent to torture in Bella's mind. She stood before me defiantly, daring me to turn her down again. "What?" Was all I managed to get out.

She took a step closer to me and said, "IF you give it... us... this... one more chance, I'll marry you."

"When?"

"Right now."

"You'll marry me now? Today?" A small smile came to my lips.

"What? NO! I meant give us another chance today. I'll marry you eventually." She was in front of me now, staring into my eyes, touching my chest lightly.

"Eventually?" I asked, not liking the word. Eventually could be a week or a hundred years. No, there needs to be more clarification. "I'm still not turning you until you marry me. Even if I give into your," I paused and brushed her hair from her face, "manipulations today, that part of our original bargaining remains."

She pursed her lips together and furrowed her brow. Even though I couldn't hear her, I could see her thinking, weighing the options presented to her at this moment. She hated negotiating with me; things never went the way she intended. Her face softened a little as she came to her conclusion. "Fine," she said grabbing my hand, trying to pull me along with her.

I didn't budge; instead I pulled her to me, catching her as she bounced off my chest. "That was too easy," I said skeptically.

"So?"

"So, what are you up to?" I asked trying desperately to hear thoughts that I knew all too well were silent to me.

"Up to? Nothing." She said innocently.

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"You're not really leaving me with much of a choice here are you? Now come with me, I have an idea." She said once again trying to drag me with her. This time I relented, skepticism still worn on my face. She dragged my reluctant body to the leather couch in my room and had me sit on the center cushion. She moved to straddle me, knees on either side of my legs and began lowering her body to mine.

Fear, guilt and anguish all flooded my senses causing me to stop her before she reached her destination on my lap. "Bella," I croaked pain in my voice. "I don't think we should..."

"You don't want to marry me?" She asked, her eyebrows rose, questioning me.

"Of course I do, you know that."

"This is my one condition Edward. You have all yours, but this one is mine."

I sighed heavily and she continued to lower her body, positioning herself so I could be inside her when she was ready. My eyes fell to the large, nearly black bruise that consumed her left hip. I reached out and stroked my thumb along it, feeling the anger show itself on my face.

She grabbed my face between her hands and brought her eyes to mine. "Don't you dare start pouting now!" She demanded. "It doesn't hurt Edward, I promise you."

"What if I do something worse this time?" I asked, pain filling my eyes.

"You won't. Trust me," she whispered. "Now let me know when you start feel like you're losing control."

"I'm not going to lose control."

She smiled a sexy smirk, almost as though she were taking my words as a challenge. She brought her lips to base of my neck, kissing up the side until she reached my ear. She gently nibbled on the lobe causing an involuntary twitch between my legs, making her breathing become heavier. She brought her face to mine and gently nudged my nose with hers. Bella licked her lips and kissed me softly, moving her body so I penetrated her. She pulled her mouth from mine and gasped quietly. Despite myself, I couldn't help but to kiss her neck as she rocked her body on mine. My arms encircled her, bringing her chest to mine, as we moved together. My face passed through her mind, I was all she thought of. That fact only aroused me more. Our rocking grew faster and rougher and I could feel my control begin to slip ever so slightly, but I was still in control.

She broke from my embrace and leaned back, using my knees to hold herself up, still rocking back and forth along my length. She bit her lip as she looked at me.

Touch me.

I obeyed eagerly, gliding my hands up her abdomen, spreading my fingers out to touch as much skin as possible. I reached her breasts and began kneading them gently, brushing my cold thumbs across the nipples causing them to tighten and tempt me. I brought Bella's body back towards mine and buried my face in her breasts, licking and kissing the expanse of her chest. Her breathing quickened and became ragged as her body moved faster over mine. I could feel more of my control slip away. I wanted to bring her to me, as close to me as possible. I gripped her soft skin and squeezed gently, remembering what she had told me. "Bella..." I breathed.

She removed my hands from her body and whispered in my ear, "Hold on to the back of the couch." I did as she said and gripped the soft leather in my hands. She brought her hands to the sides of my face, her fingers attempting to dig their way into the back of my neck, her face inches from mine. I felt the beginnings of her body starting to ripple, causing mine to echo hers. I felt more of my control slip away as my fingers ripped through the leather, taking cushion with it. I repositioned my hand, grabbing onto the back of the couch once again.

"Bella..." I repeated through gritted teeth, passion and pain in my voice.

"Just look at me," she said locking her eyes on mine. "Just look at me, Edward." Her breath bounced off my face, coming in gasps now, as she increased her gyrating. "Edward, I can't hold off much longer."

I wanted desperately to grab her as the first wave came over me. I ground my teeth together as she continued to bounce and grind on me, as she too was hit by the same wave. Something between a growl and groan came from me as my hands ripped through the frame of the couch, turning the wood into pulp in my hand. My entire being was consumed by pure, unfiltered passion. I never wanted this moment to end. I knew now why Emmett and Rosalie didn't stop for ten years. Emmett had said that he couldn't see beyond anything besides Rosalie because of how much he wanted to keep feeling that moment, that moment when all control is lost and you are completely joined with one person. I just figured he couldn't see beyond Rosalie because she wouldn't let him. I would have to apologize for not understanding later.

After that initial wave I felt some control immediately come back to me. My eyes were still locked on hers, watching her climax, neither of us breaking the eye contact between us. I brought my arms around, encircling her as she moved her hands to my hair, gripping it tightly. Our bodies continued to rock back and forth as I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck and she hugged my head to her, pressing her cheek into my hair, our bodies still moving, extending our climax. As her breathing slowed, so did we. Without speaking, we sat there for some time, just grasping at each other, not moving. I listened to her heartbeat; it was by far my favorite sound.

Bella moved her forehead to rest on mine and looked me in the eyes. "I told you to trust me," she said coyly. She kissed me tenderly as her body went limp in my arms. I moved her legs so they were no longer straddling me so I could carry her over and lay her on the bed. She was clearly exhausted. Her human body wouldn't be able to take anymore until it had time to rest. I didn't need time to rest, I couldn't become exhausted; I could only become addicted. And addicted I was, she was my drug. Bella had given me herself completely, allowing me to feel something I had never truly felt before, ecstasy. In my entire existence I had ran the spectrum of human emotion, but never feeling how I felt at that moment. It was indescribable. Would I allow myself to endanger her again so I could get my high?

I lay there staring down at her tired body, tracing my finger lightly along her arm as she gazed up at me, contented smile on her lips. Our quiet moment was then interrupted by her apparently hungry stomach. I glanced down at her abdomen, eyebrows raised as she laughed lightly. "I guess someone is hungry," I smiled.

"A little," she admitted.

"Want me to get you something?"

"I don't know what I want though," she said with a slight pout on her lips while furrowing her brow.

"We'll go look," I said, pulling her up to a sitting position. She glanced over at the discarded clothes on the floor. I knew what she was thinking. In a flash I went to my closet and returned with a shirt for her to wear. It was blue, she looked amazing in blue. I unbuttoned the shirt and held it out for her to put her arms in. She complied and I dressed her; buttoning the buttons and rolling up the too long sleeves. I fixed her hair; pulling it from under the shirt so it laid on top, brushing it back from her face. It was a bit unruly, but I liked it that way. Once she was dressed, I kissed her lightly and took her hand, pulling her off the bed gently.

We walked past the ruined pile of clothing towards the door, me leading the way. She paused, causing me to stop. I looked back and saw her staring down at the floor, her eyes scanning over our early destruction. She looked up at me, a curious smile on her face. "Edward, what do you have against buttons?"