A/N: This fic is actually one scene taken from the multi-chaptered story I'm working on, called "Membrane's Christmas Carol" (bet you can't guess what it's about). I thought this was a cool scene that could stand on its own with some tweaking, so here you go.


Christmas night found Membrane holed up in his lab, working on his laser guided electric chainsaw experiment. As he was about to start up the chainsaw, the monitor on his desk lit up with his son's image. Dib looked like he'd seen better days, to put it mildly. His right eye was blackened, his ears had ragged chunks torn out, and his arm was in a sling.

"Ah, son. You're just in time to witness my amazing new experiment! If it works, it could be bigger than Super Toast!"

Dib's shoulders slumped. "Don't you want to know how my battle with Santa turned out?"

"Santa?" Membrane's gloves squeaked as he tightened his grip on the chainsaw. "Of course I want to know! Did you defeat the jolly fat menace?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't easy. I flew your mech to the north pole and shot him with the plasma cannon, but it just made him grow bigger - as big as the mech!"

"I was afraid of that," Membrane said gravely.

The boy went on to describe how he fired all the mech's missiles, critically wounding Santa and causing him to shrink somehow. Santa was small enough to fit inside one of the mech's rocket hands, so Dib launched him into space. Membrane listened attentively, putting his fist over his heart as Dib finished.

"Son, you have avenged me. I'm proud of you."

Dib gaped at him as though he'd just reversed his stance on Bigfoot. "You're proud of me?"

"Of course I am. You destroyed my sworn enemy!"

The boy grinned. "Finally! Somebody actually appreciates something I did!" He squeezed his eyes shut as if savoring the moment.

Membrane nodded. "Yes, thanks to you, no child will be ever buried in socks for Christmas again!"

Dib's face darkened. "Yeah, well, the crowd up at the North Pole wasn't happy about me shooting Santa into orbit. Ten or fifteen of them jumped me as soon as I-"

"Professor!" One of the two interns working that holiday burst into the room. "The radioactive cyborg kitten escaped!"

"Not again!" Membrane clutched his head with one hand. "We have to make sure it doesn't leave the lab, or it could bring disaster unlike any the metropolitan area has never seen!"

"Dad, I-"

"We'll talk later, son."

Membrane ran out of the room, still holding the chainsaw.

Dib stared at the empty room and sighed. "At least the worst is over." He swallowed. "Maybe."


A/N: For those who care, I'm going to post the first chapter of "Membrane's Christmas Carol" by Thanksgiving, unless I die first. No seriously, I mean it this time!