Author's Note :I was sitting at my computer, writing the new chapter to my Charmed Next Generation series, and this popped in my head as I listened to this song. I've always loved this song, but now listening to it with Chris on the brain, I thought it was the perfect song for him and Leo.
Disclaimer : I still don't own anything Charmed. Chris is not mine, neither is Wyatt, Drake, Coop - the list goes on. They aren't mine, I wish they were, but they aren't, but life goes on, right? And … the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun! … Yes, I have watched Annie recently. Nevertheless, yeah, they are not mine. Don't own Charmed, neither do I own the song .But I wish I owned the singer, Jimmy Wayne.
In addition, please note. These lyrics may not be completely correct. I was listening to the song and I don't think I caught all the lines. So, please don't hate me. I don't own them anyway, so what's the harm? Anyway, continue.
Summary : this is a little piece I made to explain what Chris and Leo were both thinking that night on the bridge.
I Love You This Much.
Chris sat crossed-legged on the Golden Gate Bridge, once again coveting the calmness and peace the city seemed to hold as he watched the zooming cars race by - their twinkling lights taunting him as he wallowed in self pity. He knew he had wasted enough time with demons, genies, dark lighters and getting himself conceived - which as far as he was concerned, was way to weird to think about.
As the birth of the little him, the him that was growing inside Piper at this moment, approached, Wyatt's time was running out. Whatever happened to his older brother happened to Wyatt before Chris was born, and Chris would not allow that future to happen all over again. He would sooner die than allow that future - that hell to happen again.
Although, as he sat perched on top of the Bridge during a crisp California evening, Chris couldn't help but to allow himself a few moments of rest, well not rest - the complete opposite of rest. He decided it was time he allowed himself a moment to himself, to wallow. Besides, the last thing he wanted, or needed was for his emotions to get the better of him.
…Your powers come from your emotions…
If there was any reason the half-witch was up on the Bridge, it was for the fact that his father- Leo, he corrected himself. Leo knew. Leo knew that Chris was his biological son. Not son. Oh no, Wyatt was Leo's only son. Chris knew it was petty, but in his eyes, there was a big difference between a father and a dad. Leo was his father, not his dad.
A father was a matter of simple biology. A person who basically donated their sperm to make a child - that was all and that was what Leo was to Chris. Leo knew nothing about him, and that was not because Chris wasn't from this time. Hell, Chris was willing to bet that this Leo knew more about him, mostly lies, but still knew more about him than his father did.
A dad, a dad was someone that worried about their child when they were sick, a dad was there everyday to show them how much they loved them. A dad is just a matter of showing up everyday and caring for your family, which Leo did do - for Wyatt. Leo had never dared miss anything to do with Wyatt, which had bothered Chris as a child. He could never understand why his father loved Wyatt, and even Melinda, more than him. What he had ever done to earn his father's neglect?
He can't remember the times that he thought,
Does my daddy love me?
He was born. It was no lie that Chris had been a surprise addition to the family - especially this time. His very existence had messed up his father's life; it was the birth of Chris that put tension on Piper and Leo's marriage - making it his fault they ended up splitting. However, the only reason they kept fighting was Chris - his mom did not approve of Leo's attitude towards Chris. Even Wyatt never approved of it either, and on more than a few occasions Wyatt had ignored his father because of the way Leo treated his baby brother, but Wyatt forgave him. He always did.
Chris sighed as he looked leaned forward, starring intently as he watched the forever zooming cars, the people rushing to get to the next moment - concerned, always concerned with the future. He snorted; it had always amazed him how Wyatt had been his bigger protector, only to become the person that Chris despised the most. That was why Chris knew that Wyatt could be saved, Wyatt had been good - emphasis on had.
Chris could vividly remember, because it happened so often, what it was like to sit at the table after yet another extravagant Birthday party that his mother would throw him. All the streamers and balloons. The cakes and the cookies. The plates and the napkins. The millions of presents. Happy days filled with friends, uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, even his Grandpa. Everyone but Leo.
Chris had always known growing up that there was always something different about the way that Leo acted around Wyatt than the way he treated him, but no matter how Leo treated him, he had always known he would have his family. His Aunts and Uncles, Cousins and siblings, and his mother.
Piper Halliwell was, and always would be a special woman. She was beautiful, both inside and out. Sure, since he was her son there was a chance that he was biased, but Piper had never treated Chris as though he was less important than his siblings were. In her eyes her three children; Wyatt, Christopher, and Melinda were all special. Moreover, they all had something to love about each of them. All of them were unique. But that didn't matter to Leo - he had only wanted Wyatt.
But that didn't stop him from wishing that he did
But no matter how Leo treated him, Chris had never given up the hope that someday things would change. That someday he would prove to his father that he was his son, that he was worthy to have the title that he had often coveted for. All he wanted was to be acknowledged in his father's eyes, to be worth something to Leo.
That day, however, would never come. No matter how many times he won a contest at school, despite the fact that he had stayed on the honour roll throughout his entire time in school, disregarding the fact he never got in trouble - he wasn't Wyatt. His older brother had cast a huge shadow, and no matter how hard Chris tried, it was never his time to shine. The sun light never shone on his face, but Chris had never despised or resented his siblings. To him it only meant he had to try harder next year.
Didn't keep from wanting or worshiping him.
Rolling his eyes, Chris realised that he had never hated Leo as a child - it had been the complete opposite. He had worshipped his father. It didn't matter that his father had never been there for him, Leo had had an important job. How could Chris hate him for putting that first?
He saved the world! If anything his father was a hero, and what child wouldn't want that? His father had the coolest job in the world; only, Chris couldn't tell anyone what his father did. But that didn't matter, his dad was his hero.
He guesses he saw him about once a year.
But despite his worshipping his father, Chris only saw him one a year. On the same date, every year for his life. That was the only day Chris really saw his father, February 2nd - in plain English, Wyatt's birthday. The only other exceptions was when Wyatt had something important - a mini league game, a concert, or even a little bump on the knee. All Wyatt had to do was call out, "hey dad," casually, and then Leo was there in a heartbeat.
Before Chris could complete his train of thought, the lone person he did not to want to see orbed onto the bridge in a million blue and white lights. Causing Chris to stare more intently at the traffic below. He did not need, nor did he want to talk to Leo. He had attacked his father earlier, he had literally knocked him to the ground a beat him to a pulp - and the regret hadn't sunk in yet, assuming that it would at some point.
Hell, Leo deserved it, and not only for what he did to Chris in the future, but if only for what he had done to him in the past. Trying to have Chris sent back to the future, trying to have his soul recycled, attempting to have his wings clipped, trying to kill him in Valhalla, trying to turn him into dinosaur kibble, mistrusting him at every turn - those were just since he had been in the past. If he had to list all the reasons Leo didn't deserve the time of day he would be here all night, something his mother would fret over. Chris knew the fact he was on top of Golden Gate Bridge without a jacket would surely be enough reason for Piper to lock him up forever.
"Can we talk?" Leo asked, stuffing both of his hands in his dark blue jeans, something that was uncommon for an Elder to wear, but that was only to Chris. He had been up here since the incident so he wasn't aware that Leo was sticking around -but where had he heard that before?
Leo couldn't help but feel awkward around Chris. His son. Chris was his son. The person he had mistrusted since he had known was his son. The person he had blamed all his problems turned out to be he son. His and Piper's son. A son that apparently hated him. He needed to know why Chris hated him, if he knew what had been so bad, there was a chance he would be able to fix it.
Inhaling sharply, Chris looked up at the night sky, wishing once again he could absorb that calmness that was taunting him. This was the last thing he needed at the moment as his clasped hands fell and rested on his lap. "There is nothing to talk about," he pointed out, his voice filled with untapped and anguished emotion that Chris hadn't even realised he had been feeling. Since when had he actually begun to care what Leo thought or wanted? That had died a long time ago. His forgiving attitude towards Leo had ended when he had lost two people that had meant the world to him.
He grew to hate him for what he had done.
The day that Chris' forgiveness towards Leo had ended had been when he had missed the most important Birthday. Sure, Chris hadn't expected him to be there, but when he began screeching for his father to come heal his mother, Chris had lost all hope in his father. Leo Wyatt was nothing more than a waste of oxygen and because of his apparent resentment towards his son, Piper had paid the price - she had died.
Chris' father, the Leo of the future, the one that this Leo would surely become, had tried to have himself excused. But Wyatt and the rest of the family had stood by Chris. Especially when Leo's excuse was, "it didn't sound important."
That had been the final draw for Chris, the straw that broke the camel's back, the end of the line or however you wanted to put it. Chris didn't know how he could have made it sound more urgent. He had thought, "Dad mom needs you," had pretty much said it all.
Then his father had done the unthinkable, he had accused Chris of allowing his mother to die. Leo Wyatt had tried to push the blame, to Chris naturally for not being able to heal, saying that he had allowed his mother to die, which had caused the whole family to snap. That had been the one time Wyatt hadn't forgiven Leo, and Melinda, well she still hadn't spoken to their father since when Chris had headed to the past.
That had been when Chris realised his father didn't love him. He was no one to Leo; he was simply the 'other son.'
'Cause what kind of a father, could do that to his son?
Leo sighed as he peered up at Chris - his second son. His son. The son that Piper was currently pregnant with at that very moment. His son that he had left behind months before without any knowledge of the fact. Which Leo knew had been Chris' doing, he had no doubt in his mind.
Finding out that Chris was his second born, that had been a mind blower. Chris was his son. The deceitful person that he couldn't help but be annoyed with and send away was his son, and at that moment, he was the one presence that Leo wanted with him. Ironic that the one man that could frustrate and install fury in him like no other would turn out to be his son. Chris was a man that he had helped bring into the world. It was true. Irony was overrated.
But not caring what the reason for his son's current attitude towards him, Leo intended on finding out what was causing the harboured anger from his son that had yet to be born, but had been all at once. He didn't care if it was something small such as missing a school play or taking away a favourite toy, or even if it was something big such as playing favourites with Wyatt. Leo would not make the same mistake that his future self had apparently made. He would not become the man whose son couldn't stand the very sight of him.
Turning his head to look out over the city, the only thing that Chris and he seemed to be able agree on - the Bridge being a good place to think. Leo took a deep breath before taking on his responsibility as a parent in full force. He was Chris' father, whether Chris acknowledged it or not, but that did not change the facts. Chris was his son, and he was not leaving this bridge until Chris talked to him. Apparently, he hadn't been a father to Chris in the future, but that stopped now.
"I think there is," Leo stated, authority ringing in every word as he spoke to his newly found son, causing Chris to roll his eyes and gently shake his head in disbelief. The man never gave up, did he? "A lot actually," Leo continued as his mind flashed back to earlier in the cave. The demon hadn't been in control, not then. Chris had been in control, and all his hate, rage, and heartache was all aimed at Leo. And Leo had seen that so clearly in his eyes, eyes that were identical to his own. Which only made him realise they - he must have been blind for not seeing Chris for who he was. For not seeing Chris as his son.
He said 'damn you daddy', the day that she died.
Chris didn't acknowledge that Leo was talking to him. After almost twenty-three years of abuse, Chris thought that Leo deserved a few moments of his own medicine. Besides, it wasn't like there was any way that a few nice words and a heart-to-heart would get rid of any negative or hateful feelings Chris harboured against his father. Leo had lost - or will lose - the right to Chris' time when he caused the death of piper, and on top of that, it was the death of Piper that caused Wyatt to spiral out of control.
Which had given the evil that had laid dormant in Wyatt for fourteen years an opportunity to break free. Causing Melinda and Chris to not only lose their mother, but also their brother in the process. And for that, Chris would never be able to forgive him.
Wyatt was just as sore of a topic as Leo, if not more so because Chris had actually felt some love towards his brother. In all honesty Chris would rather face future Wyatt over an attempt at a heart-to-heart with their shared father any day. "It doesn't matter," Chris stated, shaking his head.
That was the truth. To him it no longer did. He had long ago washed himself free of everything about his father, which was partially why he had sent his father to Valhalla. But in all honesty, it hadn't been Chris' first choice - an island filled with beautiful women, what was so bad about that? There had been a time where he had been considering Hell, The Underworld, Purgatory or something along those lines, but his cousin Prue, Phoebe's eldest, had argued black and blue until Chris agreed that that was a little too cruel.
But she had been completely okay with sending him to Valhalla - so apparently Chris wasn't a cruel person, he had put it to a vote. Therefore, it wasn't completely Chris' fault, there were others involved in on this plan. One was Paige.
The man didn't blink, but the little boy cried.
Chris was once again lost in his thoughts as he avoided his father's piercing gaze as he looked at him with a look that Chris had longed for as a child, and now one that he couldn't bear now. One of longing, confusion, and if Chris was paying close enough attention, he could almost swear he could see pride and unconditional love shine in the Jade orbs that were identical to his own.
Chris had only been used to the cold vibes he had ever received from his father. And the looks of hatred and disgust after the death of Piper, Leo had been angry after Piper had died. He hadn't shed a tear at her service while her sons, daughter, nephew, nieces, sisters, father, and brother-in-laws cried. But out of them all Chris cried the hardest, it had been his fault.
But no matter how hard the others cried, Leo never blinked an eye. But soon after the service, well more like five months, he had visited his children and tried to earn Chris' forgiveness, but he had learned quickly that Chris' forgiveness had run out. And now, it was time for this Leo to learn that lesson.
Seeing that Chris wasn't going to continue, Leo let out a frustrated breath, but he did notice what Piper had pointed out to him. Chris was as stubborn as he was, but the only problem was, Chris had been raised around the women of the Halliwell family, so he had inherited all the stubbornness - which made him even more difficult to talk to. "It does to me, Chris!" Leo exclaimed, annoyance apparent in his voice as he tried to get through to his son. "You're my son," he pointed out, not noticing how Chris shook his head and looked away at those words. "I think I deserve to know what I did that's so bad."
I love you this much and I'm waiting on you.
Chris couldn't stop the expression that appeared on his face. Didn't his father get the message earlier? Chris had thought he had made it pretty clear that he and Leo didn't have anything to talk about. But his father, appeared to be holding onto the hope that there was a chance for Chris to open up to him, tell him what he did wrong, and then promise to fix it later - but in the end, Leo would only be a disappointment again.
Well forgive him for trying to save himself some heartache - he had experienced more than enough of that in his lifetime.
He resisted the urge to scoff at his father. That was so Leo, apparently the message hadn't made it across earlier, which was fine by Chris. He had no problem laying another punch on his father, and the only thing stopping him was the fact that his mother would be pissed and since she had learned his identity she had taken mothering him to an all new high making her eligible for den mother of the year. And Chris often found the lines between this Piper and the one who had raised him blurring.
But Chris would not have a heart-to-heart with Leo, of all people. He was not going to let his walls fall and allow two decades of pain to tumble out of his mouth to the man that had caused it.
And worst of all, Leo had called him his "Son."
That term just sounded wrong coming from Leo's mouth when referring to him. Wyatt was his son, not Chris, nor would he ever be. Leo had had his chance, and he had messed up bad. And Chris would be the son he never had.
But in his internal turmoil, Chris could feel the long dead dream of his father caring for him flutter to life. And it soared as he heard the love and concern in his father's voice, but Chris instantly shot it down with all the broken promises that Leo had made him.
He had had enough of waiting for Leo to decide how he felt about him. One minutes Leo hated him, and the only reason they were on good terms was because of Chris' wish with the genie - and the only reason Leo wanted him to open up was because of who he was to him, not because of who he was.
To make up your mind, do you love me to?
But Chris couldn't fight two battles at once. He was fighting a battle to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall, but he was also fighting a battle with the feeling he had that he was trying to ignore. He actually felt the need to confide in Leo.
And then finally he lost a battle, but the tears did not fall from his Jade eyes, instead Chris furrowed his eyebrows together and looked down at his hands and sighed, then turned to Leo - silently praying that he didn't regret this later.
"You were never there for me," Chris stated, shrugging as if it were something he was used to, effectively shattering his father's heart. But Leo's heartbreak didn't end there, but to continued with every word that Chris said. "You were there for everybody else," Chris said bitterly, "for mom," he said, his voice straining. Leo had usually been there for Piper - except the one time she needed him most. "Wyatt," Chris said, laughing humourlessly, his inferiority complex shining through, but to Leo's surprise there was no hate in Chris' tone. "Half the world," Chris added, "but you were never there for me," but Leo detected a hidden message in there, but didn't press the matter. "You didn't have the time," Chris said, and silently he added, you didn't have time the one time I needed you most.
Leo felt his heart break more and more with every word his son said in that casual tone, as though it didn't really matter to him anymore. Something that told him that Chris was used to it. And from the sound of it, Chris was. And because of that, Leo found it hard to breathe.
He couldn't understand it! Now that he knew Chris wasn't a threat to his family - their family, Leo could honestly say that Chris was a good guy - Piper had raised him well. But how could he favour one son over the other? He couldn't wrap his mind around that thought, it was ungraspable to him.
Every child was different, each one had something to love about them, but why had his future self not seen that? But in that moment, Leo swore he didn't care what he had to do, he would find a way to get through to repair his relationship with his youngest son. His baby boy.
However long it takes
Leo took a deep breath, he would find a way to make it up to Chris, other than saving Wyatt his time went to Chris. His time was now divided to both of his sons, and when the new baby was born - baby Chris, Leo would make sure he had the life he had earned.
"So," Leo said slowly, taking another deep breath. "Maybe you came back from the future, not just to save Wyatt … maybe you came back to save us, too," Leo said, a hopeful tone in his voice. He couldn't let this go, he would never give up on Chris. He only prayed than Chris hadn't given up on him - not completely.
I'm never giving up
Chris looked at his father - father, not dad and felt as a few tears from his Jade orbs finally began to fall from his eyes and stained his cheeks. This was a record, he had lost both battles with himself in one night.
Alert the presses!
Giving his father one last look, Chris decided to deal him another fatal blow and narrowed his eyes. "I Doubt it," he said as he starred hatefully at Leo who made no movement, and then after a few moments Chris' body erupted into orbs as he orbed away, leaving Leo alone on the Bridge to gather his thoughts.
No matter what, I love you this much
Leo loved his sons, both of them. He didn't need to know them, they were his children. It was inbuilt for him to love them - he was destined to love them. Something that his future self had seemed to have forgotten making Leo think he was an entirely different person.
But he didn't care if he had to work at it for the rest of his life. He would mend his relationship with Chris. He loved him that much.
Author's Note: Hey, there you go. I'm getting ready to post the next chapter in my story, but I felt the need to finish this first. So, what do you think? Did I show both of their feelings, I know it was more Chris-Centered, but it's Chris! Please review, if I get reviews some more one shots may be in the near future.