Hiro's vision was starting to blur a little around the edges. Perhaps he'd had one bottle of sake too many… He'd lost count a few hours ago.

His eyes drifted lazily over the rest of the bar's occupants, most of them as drunk as he was, or worse. A couple making out in the corner, a group of Leaf shinobi playing cards at a table, mugs at their elbows, the grubby bartender wiping the bar down with a filthy cloth, a red-headed boy in a black coat who didn't even look legal, let alone old enough to be ordering alcohol… and a very attractive blonde woman that just walked through the door.

There were several wolf-whistles from the card-playing ninja. The woman just shrugged them off, expression hidden behind a curtain of hair hanging in her face, held back by a hitae-ate. He couldn't see the village. She sat down at the bar besides the red-headed kid, picking up the untouched drink in front of him and draining it.

Hiro stood up, swaying slightly, and picked his way over to the bar stool next to the lady.

"Come here often, missy?" His speech was slurred, but coherent, which was an effort all in itself. One clumsy hand dropped down to rest on the woman's thigh, uncomfortably high.

Apparently that was a little too close. 'She' spun around, fixing him with an icy glare through one blue eye, rimmed with heavy black liner. The other eye was hidden behind a piece of machinery that winked menacingly in the dingy light of the bar. The slashed Stone hitae-ate was visible for a moment, before blond hair settled once again in front of it.

"You have three seconds to move your hand and leave, or say goodbye to your balls, un," 'she' growled in a definitely masculine alto. A razor sharp kunai was grasped in the hand not holding the glass, pointed at a very sensitive area for emphasis. The red-head on the next seat stifled a low chuckle behind his hand, averting his eyes.


Hiro's eyes widened. He suddenly regretted ever coming to this bar in the first place.


"Hey, wait a – "


He was gone. The bartender and the other patrons barely batted an eyelid.

"Shit, that's the third time that's happened in this goddamn hell hole of a village, un…" Deidara held his glass out for a refill. His partner, grinning, tapped him on the shoulder.

"What, Sasori-danna?"

"Those four guys with the cards are giving you weird looks again…"

Indeed they were. Deidara's head hit the bar with a loud thunk and an exasperated groan. Sasori, in an uncharacteristic show of emotion, laughed.

"Well, you sure are popular with the men, brat. They're still watching."

"Oh, shove it, danna."

Quick one-shot plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone. Inspired by numerous comments on Deidara's feminine appearance while playing Narutimate Accel 2. Poor guy.