I, Rally4ever do not own Law & Order: SVU or any affiliated characters. And I hope you all will understand that I just had to write something in response to Swing. It helps me deal and writing helps me feel better.
"Liv, can we talk? Can you meet me somewhere?" Elliot's voice rang through Olivia's cell phone.
Olivia hardly ever got these kinds of calls from him; it threw her off guard but she knew what her response would be and he probably did too, "Of course El, you should know you can talk to me about anything. I'll be there."
She heard a pause before he continued in a softer tone, "Thanks Liv, I can always count on you. I just need to talk to you about what's been happening with me lately, beating the heck out of the perv, what happened with Kathleen."
Olivia was relieved he was reaching out, "Okay El, where do we meet?"
She could almost feel his smile through the phone as he said, "You know me so well. You should know where. The usual place?"
"Alright, I'm pretty close. I'll be there in 15." Olivia grinned with a shake of her head.
"I'm already here and waiting. See you soon." Elliot stated.
Olivia smirked, "Not unless I see you first."
Olivia hurriedly made it to Central Park in 10 minutes. She spotted El standing on the usual bridge looking out at the water.
He almost seemed lost in thought as she approached him and said, "Looks like I saw you first, El."
He turned towards her and said with a smile, "You know that's not quite the way I remember it. I remember that day you walked into the squad room. I couldn't believe I had given the captain such a hard time about breaking in a new partner when I saw you standing there. I thought it'd be interesting to get to know you."
Olivia questioned, "Did I disappoint?"
Elliot looked directly into her eyes as he said, "No, never. You never let me down Olivia."
Olivia looked down as she said, "I'm not so sure about that. I'm not sure I've always been a help to you."
"Liv the only time I ever regretted having you around me, was when you were gone.
And that's usually because I realize too late I've done so many stupid things to push you away. I drive you to it. I don't know how you've put up with me."
"No Liv, I really need to let you know I understand. I know that my 'problem' doesn't just affect me, my job, my family, it has affected you too. I've seen it.
I'm your partner; my problem is your problem. It reflects on you. I hate to think I rubbed off on you."
"If you did Elliot, it's only made me better."
"You know I hate always just talking about me Liv, you say you share things with me; you share more than I do true but I don't always know what's going on with you. It kills me when I see you dealing with something and I don't know how you're doing."
'Yeah, these last few months, this past year hasn't been a cake walk. I don't…"
Olivia's eyes started to water.
Elliot stepped closer to her, pulled out his handkerchief from the suit he was wearing and began to wipe her tears away, "It's okay. Talk to me, Liv."
"I don't think I've needed you more. It scares me." Olivia couldn't control how fast her tears were coming anymore.
Elliot pulled her to him and held her, as she continued to say, "I see his face. I try to sleep, I try to forget…"
Elliot muttered, "I wish I could've killed him for what he did to you. What he put you through. Most of all, I wish you would've let me in, let me help you."
She replied, "But you have helped me Elliot more than you know. The only way I can get rid of his image is to think about the person who makes me feel truly safe. I think about your face instead, your strength and I remember that I'm not alone."
Elliot backed away slightly and cupped her chin upwards in his hand to make her look up at him, "That's right. You're not alone Olivia, you never have been."
Olivia felt her breath catch in her throat as her heart beat more rapidly, but after a moment she managed to say, "I know, though I appreciate being pleasantly reminded."
"I'll be sure to help you remember more often." Elliot smiled.
Olivia shivered as she took a step away from Elliot noting his reluctance to let her go,
she wasn't exactly sure she could completely attribute her shivers to the chill in the air.
"You're cold Liv." Elliot observed as he started to remove his suit jacket and proceeded to place it over her shoulders.
"Thanks, yeah it's getting to be that time of year and this blouse as beautifully stylish as it may be doesn't do much to keep me warm." Olivia noticed how
his hand was still on her shoulder as she pulled his jacket tighter around her. They were both facing the water and his arm was draped almost protectively
across her back; he seemed to want to keep her warmed up; in her estimation he was doing a fine job.
Olivia looked at him; aware of how at ease he seemed to be she commented, "You like being outdoors don't you. It seems to calm you."
Elliot tugged at her giving her a little squeeze as he said, "It's not the only thing that calms me."
Olivia smiled at his words.
He continued, "But yes, it seems that along with my mood swings and erratic behavior
I get my love of fresh air from my mother."
"Elliot you're okay. You're not bipolar."
"Yes, but you were right about me having a problem. I guess I was hit on both sides, my father had quite the angry temper and my mom well you know her story now. I wonder if who I am… maybe Kathleen's illness is my fault. Did I pass what's bottled up inside me onto her?"
"Elliot, she's sick and it's not because of you; it's not your fault. You couldn't have helped it anymore than she could."
"Thank you, part of me knows that. But I'm her father I couldn't help feeling somewhat responsible."
"She's gonna get better El, you'll see."
"Olivia, I paid another visit to my mother to let her know that Kathleen had agreed to get help. She didn't seem too surprised by that."
Olivia nonchalantly replied, "Oh really…"
Elliot noted her tone and behavior, "Yeah really and while I was spending some time with her she wanted me to look at these pictures she had.
Not that I like remembering my past, but do you really think I looked cute as a carrot?"
Olivia grinned, "Yes I do think so. Orange is really your color. I'm busted aren't I?"
Elliot chuckled as he said, "Yes you are. My mother told me everything after a little coaxing. She told me all you did for Kathleen and for me.
When I couldn't find another way to help my daughter but to lock her up, you did. You have amazing ways Olivia Benson."
"What else was I supposed to do? You bet I'd do anything to help you and your family.
I have your back, even when you don't know I do."
"Olivia, I can't thank you enough. You go above and beyond. You talked to my mother then got her to talk to Kathleen. I would have never thought of that.
And the only clue I ever had that you had anything to do with her sudden change of heart was that carrot reference. I kept thinking about that one."
"That was more for your mother than for me El, even though she told me not to say anything she wants a relationship with you. You should give her a chance. At least your mother is still around so you can work out your issues with her. I didn't really try to change things with my mother before she died.
I regret that, I don't want you to have any regrets."
"There are some regrets I have Olivia… a lot of them to do with you."
Olivia had a puzzled expression on her face, "What do you mean Elliot? You don't have anything to be sorry for when it comes to me."
"Liv, you've wanted me to open up… there's a reason I haven't. I don't want you thinking less of me.
That's probably why I never told you about my mother, then you would know how messed up I really was."
"Elliot stop, if you want tell me something please do but don't beat yourself up about it. Don't you know by now after everything we have been through that there is nothing you could do or say that would ever lessen my opinion of you. I may get frustrated maybe even angry with you but it never lasts. You are not getting rid of me easily, get used to it. I'm here; I'm not going anywhere you might as well get it off your chest."
"Okay, it's just there are some things about me you should know. You deserve to know. I don't want to keep these things from you anymore."
"Go on Elliot, I promise it doesn't even have to change anything." Olivia said with a wink.
Elliot chuckled, "It probably won't. It's been this way for a long time now. You think you know me, but even this you might not know."
Olivia commented teasingly, "Oh, you've perked my interest now."
Elliot's expression became more serious, "Well you probably don't know to me you are so beautiful it hurts. Though, you know I love my family
I wonder how different my life would be if I had met you earlier on in it…"
Olivia started to interrupt him, "Elliot you don't have to…"
"Yes, I do Liv. You need to know; at least I need you to."
Olivia acquiesced, "What do you need me to know Elliot?"
"I need you to know Olivia that you will be in my heart as long as it beats. I need you to know that I will always be a little, probably a lot in love with you.
It's a part of who I am and I have come to accept it. I had to face it especially with what happened these past few months, to have to watch you go through so much this past year it was almost unbearable. It affects me too. I never want to lose you in my life, so even though it seems like I try to distance myself from you it's the last thing I want. You aren't the last person I want to talk to or turn to Olivia, you are the first.
I don't want to seem dependent, but I don't know what I would do without you."
"In that case, there are some things you should know about me Elliot. You know I would never do anything to hurt you or jeopardize your happiness.
But, I have wanted you to know that you are in my heart, so much a part of who I am; I can't begin to imagine who I'd be without you.
It's true that I compare every man to you. I don't even know if I will ever love someone the way I do you. At least now I know I am capable of
really loving someone. Truth is I'd rather be alone if I can't truly, completely love someone. I want that feeling, that commitment, where I would do
whatever it takes to be there for him. It's almost natural, instinctual. I don't have to question it; I just know it's what I have to do, who I have to be."
Elliot looked into her eyes as he said, "You deserve that. You deserve to have it all; to have the best."
Olivia affirmed, "I know that now, I know that because of you."
"Olivia you will always have someone that loves you."
"And you have someone that loves you, Elliot."
Elliot proceeded to place a kiss on her forehead between her eyes, then he kissed the tip of her nose before placing a brief, chaste kiss on her lips.
He started to back away; before he could Olivia drew him back for more.
Years of pent of emotions, love were infused in that kiss. Something both had wanted to do for longer than they could remember.
When they broke a part, speechless for a time before …
Elliot said with a release of air he had been holding in, "You weren't wrong. It's the same as it has always been."
Olivia nodded, "Yeah. Some things never change."