Disclaimer: I don't own Tai Lung or any character from the movie Kung Fu Panda.
Okay, this here is a stupid parody that I made out of nowhere. I read a bunch of stupid drabbles and random stuffs and I suddenly wrote this down without warning. I was bored waiting for my mum while she was making her hair. So, I took a paper, and started writing dumb stuffs that my fave character, Tai Lung shall, will, never, prohibit, etc… do when he is in the Jade Palace.
101 that I may not do when I'm living in the Jade Palace or valley of peace.
101 that I may not do when I'm living in the Jade Palace or valley of peace.
1. I may not parade around naked in the Jade Palace just because I have a hot body.
2. Or anywhere in the near future.
3. I may not hide everyone's clothes in the Jade palace so that I can have the training hall all to myself.
4. I may not cage Mantis in a jar.
5. Or, in an incubator.
6. I may not use Crane's calligraphy inks to draw funny faces on Master Shifu's face while he is asleep.
7. Or, anybody in the palace, even though it would be extremely funny.
8. I may not put up posters in the whole valley saying, I was once a great ruler during the Manchurian Dynasty.
9. Or any other dynasty in the history of China.
10. I may not duplicate more Dragon Scroll so that everybody can become a Dragon Warrior.
11. Even and idiot who couldn't different shape between me and Ian McShane.
12. I may not make love with any whore in front of Master Shifu just so I can see his eyes twitch madly in a funny way.
13. I may not pull Po's extremely short pants down in public when we are in the valley.
14. I may not dye my fur orange and stripe it so that I could look like Tigress's twin brother.
15. Or black and white to look like Po.
16. I may not steal Viper's collection of romance novels and replace them with sci-fi stories; like Star Wars.
17. I may not use Viper's make-up materials so that I could look pretty.
18. I may not enter in a beauty pageant contest so other females can be jealous of me.
19. I may not replace the training hall's facilities with dummies of doom so that everyone can start back with level zero.
20. I may not hide the foods in the palace so that everyone could go hungry after training.
21. Or water, so we could all die.
22. I may not spread rumours that Tigress is an 80 years old woman that had gone through plastic surgery to look younger.
23. I may not replace Monkey's cookies with stale ones so I could see him rush like a mad monkey to the bathroom every hour.
24. I may not use up all of the water in the bathhouse so I can smell fresh and clean after training while the others smell like dead fishes.
25. I may not try on women clothing.
26. Or any female undergarments.
27. I may not speared rumours that Po has an eating disorder and he was to eat every hour and that is why he is so fat.
28. I may not use the Dragon Scroll as a parchment for me to draw silly faces of Master Shifu.
29. Or any other people even though it is funny as hell.
30. I may not claim that I have magical powers to change people into ugly toads like Harry Potter.
31. As well as not waving a big stick around everywhere to prove I am a wizard.
32. I may not shave Po's head to make him bald.
33. I may not poke holes in my room so that I can peek into my companion's privacy.
34. Or, so that they can see me naked in private.
35. I may not mix up the herbs and spices labels in the kitchen so that I can see Po's confuse expression when he's cooking.
36. I may not tell that Mr.Ping's noodles do not contain any secret ingredient so he can go out of business.
37. I may not dig a big hole in front of the courtyard and hide it so everywhere can fall in it just to make Master Shifu explode.
38. I may not adopt an orphan and claim that he is my son and make Shifu faint from a heart attack.
39. I may not burst into tears when I am unable to perform a Kung Fu technique.
40. I may not ask females to show me their 'juicy, juicy melons' in public areas.
41. Or in private as well.
42. I may not read girls magazine, just so I can ask Master Shifu, Tigress, or Viper what PMS is.
43. I may not sound the morning gong one hour earlier that usual.
44. Or bellow out suddenly in that morning with no apparent reason.
45. Everyone knows I'm a hot, muscular Snow Leopard. I may not prove it randomly by pulling my pants down as well to point it out.
46. I may not scream "WHY?!" at the top of my lungs in a crowded area.
47. I may not tell Tigress or Viper that they have put on weight.
48. I may not speak in a ghostly way to Po so that I could scare the pants out of him.
49. I may also not scream like a little school girl when Tigress is chasing after me.
50. Or, Master Shifu for no apparent reason.
51. I may not destroy the tools in the training hall and blame on the fault to my imaginary friend.
52. I may not cook Mantis just so I could taste how crunchy he is since eating a paying mantis is a delicacy in other regions.
53. I may not spread rumours that Master Shifu is taking steroids and that is why he is still strong despite is age.
54. I may not throw food at Tigress during dinner while nobody is looking so I can start a food fight due to the fact that Tigress is a horrible cook.
55. I may not randomly burst into a song during training.
56. Or, point out horrible remarks like 'You punch like a senile geezer.'
57. I may not claim that I am transsexual and pregnant
58. And I may not say that the baby belongs to Tigress.
59. I may not burn down the training hall just so I could have Shifu get a new one because I was bored with the old.
60. I may not indulge in food and could look like Po.
61. I may not put blue dye in the bathhouse's water so I can see everyone to be in the blue everyday.
62. I may not collect Viper's dead skin after she sheds and have an exhibition to show her growth.
63. I may not claim that Monkey's fur is, in reality, made of real gold and that is why his species is a Golden Langur.
64. Or mine, made from real Snow.
65. I may not use up all of Crane's calligraphy inks and paint them on the wall's of the Jade Palace because I felt that it was dull.
66. I may not draw a fake image of Tigress and post it up in the valley saying: 'Hooker available.'
67. I may not purr and growl lustfully whenever I'm next to a beautiful woman.
68. Or in private, so I can receive a slap on the cheek from her.
69. I may not mix up all of the thousand scrolls in the hall of warrior just to see how Master Shifu will react to it.
70. I may not steal any male or female undergarments from the Jade Palace and try to sell it in the black market.
71. Or any private stuffs for that matter.
72. I may not chop down the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom just so I could have an apple tree.
73. I may not spread rumours about Master Oogway being an old stupid turtle that do not know how to speak correctly but in riddles.
74. Even about Master Shifu for that matter.
75. I may not put up posters all over town saying I'm a gigolo that will hump you till you bear a child.
76. I may not barf in front of anybody for no apparent reason.
77. I may not touch a female's private in public so I could receive a slap in the face.
78. Or a male's private so I could get a phone number.
79. I may not burn all of the scrolls in the hall of warriors and write made-up kung fu skills to replace them.
80. I may not dream to be marine biologist in near future.
81. I may not threaten Zeng to send a fake letter to the Emperor saying, 'I challenge you to a humping competition.'
82. I may not shout on top of my lungs that China is experiencing an inflation and every male are to be sent to war to fend off aliens.
83. I may not invade the valley of peace with an army of talking stuffed bears.
84. I may not destroy every Peipa in China because I hated the sound of it.
85. Even if it is an expensive instrument.
86. I may not stare at Po for over 10 minutes so I can make him feel guilty and hear him say: "What did I do?!"
87. I may not snoop around till late at night so I can prove that ghost does roam around the hallway at 12am.
88. I may not sell all artifacts in the hall of warriors so I can get myself some brand new clothes.
89. I may not claim that I'm suffering from PMS.
90. I may not give seashells to children during Chinese New Year as Ang Paus.
91. Even though seashells were a huge currency during the ancient times.
92. I may not shout without warning that a giant dragon is coming to eviscerate all of us if we don't jump off a cliff.
93. I may not paint the roof of every villager's house red so I can say it rained blood yesterday.
94. Or yellow to say that the clouds are peeing.
95. I may not decimate the Jade Palace in order to make way a fun fair named after me: 'Tai Lung's house of dumbs.'
96. I may not force everyone to call me Emperor Tai Lung, master and ruler for the year 2008.
97. I may not sell rotten fruits and vegetables so I can see them rush to the bathroom every single second.
98. Or lock the whole villager's bathroom up and let them shit on their pants.
99. I may not giggle hysterically when someone dies in front of me.
100. I may not cry out loud that I am an alien from the planet Pluto and my sole purpose is to get the Dragon Scroll.
I have agreed to all of this term and conditions and I hereby-
FalconMage: WAIT!! You're missing one more; number 101. The last bit.
Tai Lung: Geez… I thought it was 100.
FalconMage: No, it's 101 things. Make the last bit.
Tai Lung: sigh, Fine, just to make you happy.
101. I may not spy on: Awerewolf, Luna Goldsun, Lucius Ferus, corset-rebellion-follower, PointyEdgesofaSign, Tokokono,
RenkonNairu, Spyro-N-KungFuPandafan, Sindalstar, Princess of the blood, clanmcg24, Kippis05, XangLi, The Hand of Kane,
nievelion, Lao Shi, wolf guardian of light, Arceus.Conberma, SkytheHawk, Animationteen16, Chibi Renamon, Peter the Muggle,
Wolf Mystic, BiracialBeauty, xcgirl08, spirit sl, Twilightgirl, sindragon, KamichamaMisuzu, hollyberry29, Miharu Mizuneko,
The Geeky Brunette, Hides His Eyes, Vigilance, Duskblood, snowbellathecheetah, shadowfang901, chibifurby, Slinky Thief,
Damian Gentleheart, Damien360, Demon Chick, viper6677, Sora W.T.K, V-gum, hornsrock, Cursor, Icemeerkat,
Open Season Fangirl5000, Paradoxal Reality, ScourgeChan, and many others. Instead, I claim that I know them, here, in FanFiction that they write great stories about Kung Fu Panda.
Signed: Tai Lung, Master of the Leopard fighting style
Tai Lung: There. Happy?
FalconMage: Excited. Hugs Tai Lung
There you have it. Some stupid things that I randomly thought about and recycled when I was waiting for my mum to finish her hair thingies. Don't ask me what it is cause I don't know.