Summary: Set between seasons 3 & 4. Sam keeps expecting his brother to be there.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Kripke, et al owns Supernatural.
AN: All mistakes mine. I read this over, but there are probably still some mistakes…
I know I should be working on Being Back, but I've had to deal with a lot of stress and sadness the last few weeks and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. I guess you can consider it a prequel of sorts…
It's only been a little over two weeks and I keep expecting you to be there.
When I come back to our … my … room, I keep expecting you to be there. I keep expecting you to be sitting on the second bed that I keep forgetting I don't need anymore.
When I'm in our … my room, I keep expecting you to come back at any minute for any of a dozen or more reasons.
When I come back to … my room from a food run, I keep expecting you to be there. I keep expecting you to take the food containers from me as soon as I come into the room and threaten to eat all the food if I don't get my ass over to the table right that second.
When I feel like going to a diner, I keep expecting you to come and sit down across from me at a booth, smirk, and slap a napkin down on the table with some waitress's phone number written on it.
When I set down a menu and look across from me, I keep expecting you to be there making some crack about my food choices or asking for details about our current case.
When I finally get my food, I keep expecting you to steal French fries or other food off of my plate with an irritating, triumphant smile on your face.
When I go to take a shower, I keep expecting you to have already used up most of the hot water or to find a messed up tube of toothpaste on the sink.
When I'm driving the Impala, I keep expecting you to be in the passenger seat. I keep expecting you to threaten me to be careful with her or to complain about the music I chose even though shotgun should be keeping his cake hole shut.
When I'm researching for possible future hunts and have been at it for God only knows how long, I keep expecting you to make me take a break. I've never really had to worry about keeping track of the time before, because you were always there to make me stop for food or a beer.
When I finally feel like hunting again, I know I will keep expecting you to be there to watch my back. I will have to remember to not expect you to be there to keep me from getting hurt. I will have to remember not to expect you to come up with some crazy, half-assed, brilliant plan to get rid of the current monster we … I will be dealing with.
When I see something interesting in the newspaper or on TV, I keep expecting you to be there to tell you or talk to you about it.
When I'm frustrated, I keep expecting you to be there to listen to my problems and help come up with solutions to make them better.
When I'm depressed, I keep expecting you to make some random remark or lame joke to make me feel better.
I keep expecting you to be there when I turn around.
I keep expecting you to be there to talk to whenever I want.
I keep expecting to hear you at any moment whether it be a snarky comment or singing to your music or some teasing remark at my expense.
I keep expecting you to come back, but I don't think that will happen no matter what I do.
I miss you so much Dean, and I feel so alone in the world and it hurts me every time I keep expecting you …
Twenty plus years of expecting to hear you, to see you, know you are there.
It's a difficult habit to break.
I miss you more than I ever thought I could and I know I will never be able to forgive myself for causing your death.
Today's word of the day is: catharsis. Thanks for reading.