ATTENTION: After much thought, I have decided to not have this take place in England. Mainly because I have never been to England, I originally wanted it to be there since that's where the Black Order is (though one episode insinuated that it was in Paris). Since I know nothing of England it will be taking place somewhere I know extremely well: Portland, Oregon. Google it if you have no idea where/what it is. Portland is extremely weird and amazing City which is perfect for this storyline! As they say 'Keep Portland Weird'.

Now that we're to an understanding, continue!

Sorry, but Kanda's not a girl. But we can make him look like one!

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Allen's eyes were bloodshot and his head was throbbing. The nervous and peaceful sleep he had first warranted had been rudely stolen from him by his roommate. Apparently Kanda also snored obnoxiously loud. Sun was slipping through the blinds and illuminating the room. Birds outside were chirping, a noise that Allen usually enjoyed hearing but now it made him have violent thoughts… such as taking a gun to them, or to Kanda.

He took the blue comforter and pulled it over his head in a last sign of desperation. It made him want to cry out in frustration for not being able to do a simple thing as sleep! When Kanda had stopped snoring he should have been able to fall asleep almost immediately. But he found that whenever he was on the verge of sleep he would begin thinking which would wake him up even more with stress.

What had Cross used 100,000 dollars for? More importantly how could he not realize Cross coming into such wealth. Surely the man would have at least bought a hotel room instead of the tent. Well, Cross used the tent and he stayed outside to make sure that 'no intruders came.'

Yet again he was wide awake.

He let out another angry cry and buried his head underneath his pillow.

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Two or three hours later, Allen gave up. Judging from the amount of light in the room he would have ventured that it was at least 8 A.M. He sat up and pushed the white blinds to the side a little and looked at the city around. It looked dismal. All the buildings were grey and concrete. It looked more like an industrial factory more than it looked like a city. Welcome to Portland, OR, his mind sardonically added.

After a few more moments he threw the blue comforter off and slid to the edge of the bed. Subsequent to working here, Allen was determined to find Cross and make the man suffer for this purgatory.

A rustling of sheets caught Allen's attention and he turned to see his roommate get to the beginning parts of waking up. His mind began to race. What if she freaked out at him and called him a pervert? After all it would be considered to be indecent. It wasn't like he decided to room here willingly! He was caught in a morbid fascination as she began to sit up with the sheets strategically placed.

"W-would you like some privacy?" Allen stammered. This Kanda person was rather fit for a girl. Her arms were well toned, but her hair was messy and looked coarse. It wasn't the kind that you would willingly comb your hand through.

What Allen could not understand was why Kanda was shooting him a glare and a mighty deadly one at that!

"I'm sorry, I'll leave!" He began to get up and dashed across the room. At this moment glad that he had decided to stay in his street clothes rather than grab his pajamas.

"Tch." Was the only reply that Allen heard before he slammed the door closed. If he would have been paying attention then he would have realized that the voice was much to deep to be female.

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"What did I get myself into?" Allen berated himself. Currently he was hiding in the bathroom, not because of bowel movements but from pure mortification. He wouldn't blame Kanda if she hated him! He must have looked like a pervert, like Cross. No, his mind protested. Next thing and he would be waking up with five girls in bunny suites, an empty bottle of Viagra, and wonder what he did the night before!

He was pulled from his thoughts as someone knocked on the door. "Hello? Is anyone in there? Komui you better not be stinking up the bathroom, again."

Allen stood from the white toilet and took the three steps across the small bathroom. He reached for the door knob and stopped. Right then it all came crashing down on him. There was no one in this strange place that he knew. Except Komui, but do eccentric people count?

"Damn it Komui! I told you 12 cups of coffee makes you get the runs! Use the— Komui can't you see I'm yelling at you…" the man on the other side trailed off when Allen opened the door. "Oh, you're not Komui."

Allen gave a nervous smile and stammered a quick 'no'. "My name's Allen Walker," He paused and wondered what exactly to say in one of these situations. "It's a pleasure to meet you" he extended his hand. To which the blonde man raised his eyebrows and his blue eyes flashed to the toilet and back to Allen's hand as though debating. "Oh! No, I wasn't using the bathroom! I was hiding from Kanda!" Then Allen began blushing at how childish he must sound.

"Oh, you must be the new kid, I'm Reever." Reever took Allen's hand in a firm but lazy handshake. "Don't blame ya for hiding from Kanda, he's a piece of work that kid."

He began nodding in agreement then the words sunk in. "Wait! Kanda's a HE?"

Now Reever's brows were furrowed. "You didn't know that? Don't tell him that, or else that may be the death of you." Reever's face turned dark as though he were remembering something and it didn't help Allen's nerves when Reever silently said 'rest in peace'.

Allen's eyes widened and he fervently nodded his head.

"Now may I use the bathroom?" Reever asked and pointed to the door. "It's the only bathroom and I want to get to it before Komui stinks it up."

With yet another blush and fervent nod, Allen hurriedly exited the bathroom.

OoOoO

Allen paced around the hallway, afraid to venture anywhere else. Such a strange and unfamiliar place was not exactly what Allen was banking on. He knew that he was right to be suspicious with the first class plane ticket. If it was nothing this bad Cross would have opted that he suffer. Probably even force Allen to swim across the Atlantic Ocean and walk 3,000 odd miles to get to his destination of Portland, Oregon.

He shook his head and continued to stare at his black boots as they made contact with the wooden floors. Allen began to frown and then bit his bottom lip. Everything was happening way too fast. Dammit! Why didn't Cross have the decency to warn him at the very least?

"Ouch," Allen said when he ran into something—or someone. He began to mumble an apology but stopped when he realized that it was Kanda. This had to be one of the worst first impressions that he had suffered through. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

Allen tried to offer a smile that looked more like a nervous grimace. Kanda glared and crossed his arms across his chest. Silence.

"My name's Allen Walker. We're roommates now." Not like Kanda could forget especially as how Allen darted from the room as though Kanda had the plague. Still Kanda was silent and now the silence seemed to be stiffing as though Kanda were threatening to kill him.

For the second time that day Allen extended his hand in hopes of a 'truce'.

"Tch, idiot," Kanda said and shoved past Allen.

Truce: Denied.

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A/N: Peeps have been trying to guess EXACTLY what pairing I have in store for Kanda, sadly no one has gotten it right, BUT I have heard some amazing ideas. So I decided to write a short oneshot for the brilliant person who came up with this one.

Komui was roaming the halls in search for nothing in particular. He had just finished closing up the café at three in the morning. There was a definite reason why he drank so much coffee, if he didn't he would collapse at eight in the morning when he was required to wake up to open the café. Normally he never had to stay up until three but currently he was out a 100,000 dollars. That was enough to stress anyone out. (Though Komui had to admit it was a lot more stressful when Lenalee had a boyfriend.)

It was when Komui began to hear moans and groans coming from the end of the hallway that he began to realize that he was indeed becoming delusional. Why else would he hear sexual noises coming from Kanda Yuu's room out of all the other rooms? This would be something that he would expect from Cross back when he worked at the café, but Kanda?

Curiousity took over his common sense and he tip-toed towards the door. The moans grew louder and he now could hear panting. It was more soft and feminine Komui soon realized. Wait. Was it Lenalee? Just the thought of it made his pulse dart off the charts.

"I'll save you Lenalee!" Komui screamed and ran the rest of the way tip-toeing be damned! He reached the door and heard more erratic moaning. Then he slammed the door open intending to save his sister from the hands of Kanda, and then maim Kanda.

Instead of finding Lenalee, he saw a rather different scene.

"Mugen!" Kanda loudly moaned with his hands behind his head, completely nude, and his eyes closed with passion.

"Mugen?" Komui screeched. "My eyes are being raped!

The sword moved on its own accord with the blade gleaming with a blue aura. Was the sword possessed? Wait why was Kanda having sex (if you can call it that) with the sword in the first place! It made no sense! Komui slammed the door closed and darted out of the room.

For the rest of the night his mind was continuously raped with the images of the hilt of Kanda's sword continuously thrusting hilt deep inside of Kanda. He was going to hurl. It was that moment that he wished that it would have been Lenalee with Kanda.

Remember kids: when hearing strange noises emanating from a room, knock before entering!

A/N: I feel like an IDIOT. I lost my Beta's e-mail. Fuck. So now this story is beta-less. What to do in such a queer situation?

ALSO I will update more often. Most likely once a week. It is FINALLY summer vacation so now I actually have the time.

Reviews are my happy crack that keeps me going.