Written for the Livejournal's partofhim Post Breaking Dawn Dazzling Vamparty using the prompts Trouble, 'Cos we will never listen to your rules, We will never do as others do, Know what we want and we get it from you' Party Hard - Andrew WK

Humans. They really believe what they want to hear, don't they?

Edward's head snapped up at the thought and his eyes locked onto Jasper's grinning face. The blond nodded slightly and Emmett's finger flipped a small switch on the left armrest and the universal sound was unmistakable.

He was locked in the Jeep.

Of course he wasn't truly restrained. He could easily rip the door from its hinges or jump through the ceiling, giving Emmett a new skylight. The meaning was clear though. The Cullen brothers had plans for the evening; plans of which he was the focus of.

Emmett laughed and caught Edward's eyes in the review mirror.

It's time you saw what scantily clad women look like.

"You can't be serious." Edward's eyes closed as his head hit the headrest and he groaned deep in his chest. The thoughts coursing through his brothers minds were clear. Naked dancing women on a stage surrounded by floodlights, a clichéd pole the focal point in the middle, Edward sitting in a chair flanked by fairly stereotypically attractive women. "Please tell me you are making this up."

Emmett's smile grew as he pushed the accelerator closer to the floor and Edward's hope plummeted, "But we aren't, little brother. It's time you become a man."

"Since when do our bachelor parties involve burlesque shows? What happened to our night of bear and mountain lion? Good old fashioned blood and mayhem?" Edward turned to Jasper, trying to plead with his rational side. Of Emmett this type of behaviour was to be expected, but he had thought that Jasper would have more sense of what he would enjoy. Practical, thoughtful, happily married Jasper could get him out of this debacle. His hopes were dashed by a shrug of the shoulders, "Sorry, Edward. You marry a human; you have to follow to human traditions." Jasper's expression suddenly changed and he mirrored his earlier reaction at Bella's and winked coyly at Edward's flustered face, "And human custom dictates that you have to look at naked women."

That's when Edward realised the Jasper was truly the one to blame.

Jasper reached up and tucked a crisp bill under a piece of fabric that Edward thought was far too thin to actually be considered to be a piece of undergarment and looked extremely uncomfortable to wear. Emmett snickered, "You better hope that your wife didn't see that or you are going to be in trouble."

Sitting back into his chair, Jasper picked up his drink and made a show swirling the dark liquid around, ice clinking against the glass and watched as the girl slinked off the stage, quickly being replaced by a new group of females. "She knows. She advised me on which club we'd like better. Apparently the other club in Port Angeles isn't quite as reputable. You should just hope my wife decides not to tell your wife where we are. Rosalie's not quite as understanding."

Emmett looked momentarily terrified at the thought of Rosalie's wrath, but shook it off to return his attention towards Edward who was doing his best not to pay attention to his surroundings but failing miserably. "Honestly, Edward. It's your last night being single. You should at least know what girls have under their shirts before Bella takes off hers and you are taken completely by surprise." Waggling his eyebrows he added, "I'm not sure if your control can handle it."

"I've seen enough naked girls." mumbled Edward casting his eyes to the stage. Three girls were moving slowly through what was obviously a very well rehearsed routine. Despite the smiles on their faces, he could tell they were bored. One of them was going through prep questions in her head for an exam she had the next day, while the others were both thinking about what they were going to buy with tonight's tips. Predictable and passé. Even in a scenario he had never been in, the collective human mind never changed.

"No one can ever see enough naked girls. Besides, seeing them through the minds of other people doesn't really count."

About to refute Emmett's claims, Edward was distracted as the thoughts of the girls changed swiftly, and he sank farther into his chair as the reason became clear. Jasper was talking to the women, speaking loud enough that he knew Edward could hear, but whispering enough that the humans thought he couldn't. Naïve creatures.

"Do you see the guy there with reddish hair? He's my little brother, and he's getting married tomorrow. Out for one last boy's night with his brothers, before his beautiful fiancée takes him off the market for good."

The chorus of female voices followed, "Aww."

Seeing Edward glaring at him, Jasper's smile exploded as he whispered conspiratorially, "Can you believe that he's never even dated another woman?" The wheels began turning in the girl's minds and they put their heads together to plot thoughts flickering on how to show him a good time. Edward's eyes narrowed and Jasper simply laughed. He took the blonde by the hand and led her back to where Edward was sitting, fidgeting in his chair. "Edward, I'd like you to meet Destiny."

That was the reason Emmett was his favourite brother; his bluntness and predictability. Jasper was far too sneaky to be trusted.

There were times when Edward loved having brothers. This was not one of them.

He had been irritated when Emmett locked him in the car. He had been shocked when Jasper had started telling the ladies that he was getting married tomorrow and needed a taste of the unknown. Now he was completely flabbergasted that one of said ladies was now sitting in his lap, writhing, blonde hair falling over her shoulders and continuing down to a place his eyes didn't dare follow. Edward kept his eyes locked on her face, while he could hear the mirth of his brothers and a quiet snap of Emmett's camera phone. Edward growled softly, making the human squirm more enthusiastically, mistaking his anger for lust. She was definitely delusional.

What? Carlisle asked that we bring him back some hard proof. Plus, I really like her sparkly top hat. Edward quickly planned out how to steal Emmett's phone and crushing it to dust. Always the first rule. Destroy the evidence.

Destiny's words brought him back to his present situation. "I can't believe you are getting married tomorrow. She must be a very lucky girl to have scooped you up so soon." Look at him. This kid isn't even old enough to be in here, but I'd have no problem if he broke the 'no touching' policy. He looks too scared to try anything though.

At her thoughts, he averted his eyes from her, searching out his brothers, hoping for an escape that didn't end up in a massacre. "She's extraordinary. There's nothing like her out there." The girl on his lap was attractive by human standards, but did nothing to capture Edward's attention compared to Bella. Bella was soft and gentle, while the naked girl was rough and felt slightly sticky as her skin pressed against him. Her natural scent was strong and filled with aroma of field berries, but it paled in comparison to Bella's, especially as it had a faint smell of oil covering it.

Emmett and Jasper were watching the other two girls dance with each other slowly, laughing and laying down bill after bill on the edge of the stage.

She pressed herself impossibly closer to him, and began stroking her fingers up and down his neck, getting them tangled in his hair. "Your brothers look like they are having a good night." Destiny tried to pull his head forward, closer to her own form, but Edward kept his head firmly locked. His face wasn't getting closer to hers or any other part of her anatomy.

"Immensely." Their thoughts were filled with laughter, poking fun at him from every angle. For a terrifying moment, Emmett considered inviting the girls to the reception the following evening, claiming that Seth was bound to need a date to keep him calm amongst all the vampires. He imagined how he would explain to Bella who they were, how she would fall into his lie of how they had met at Cornell. Jasper was simply watching him with Destiny and laughing. He was revelling in Edward's uncomfortable state.

Edward couldn't believe that he had once called himself a masochist while Jasper was the one who was obviously deranged.

"But you aren't having a good time."

"Not overly."

"Let's see if we can change that, shall we?" Destiny climbed out of Edward's lap and stood majestically in front of him, proceeding to sway to the music, rocking her hips side to side. She brought her hands slowly up her sides, trying to urge him to look at her breasts, to acknowledge her form, which he fully ignored. Not to be put out by his indifference, she spun around gracefully. Maybe he's more of an ass man…

This was Edward's private hell.

His eyes watched as Destiny moved, fluid and well practiced to the music, moving in ways that would arouse the male mind, making a normal human quiver and unable of rational thought, sending them into a spiral of fantasy. Edward's thoughts were elsewhere. In his mind, he was in a happier place. He was still in Bella's bedroom, holding her tight in his arms while she slept, listening to her mind as it called to him through her subconscious. How could he ever want what was gyrating in front of him when he could have that?

Edward saw Jasper approach and laughter slightly as Destiny jumped from the unexpected cold as Jasper's hand touched her shoulder, "I think he's had enough for now, Destiny. You were wonderful." He handed her a rather large wad of cash, making her jaw drop before she quickly recovered and tucked it into the band of her top hat. She bent down and surprised Edward by giving him a peck on the cheek and began her walk to join her colleagues. Edward watched her nude retreating derriere with a scowl, and once again heard the cackle of his brothers.

He missed the days when he was an only child.

Much to Edward's relief they didn't stay at the club much longer after his encounter with Destiny. On the way back to Forks they stopped outside a familiar forest to hunt. Emmett instantly took off into the trees eager to start, while Edward and Jasper got out of the car more slowly.

You are annoyed.

He scoffed. Jasper didn't need to be empathic to know that; it was clearly written across his face. "Why did you take me there, Jasper?"

Jasper's back was to him, still facing where Emmett had taken off into the wood. "What? Bella's the only one who gets to have her last human experiences? Just because your heart no longer beats doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to do the same." He sighed and turned to face him looking slightly wistful. "You were so young when Carlisle turned you, Edward, and not only by age. You were sheltered and hadn't seen the world or experienced things that every person really should get to do. Go out with your friends and do incredibly stupid and pointless things, or get ragingly drunk and lose all your clothes in a poker game." Edward laughed as a fuzzy image of human Jasper sitting naked amongst other military men crossed his mind. "We can go hunting any time. Emmett and I wanted to do something for you that you hadn't had the chance to do before, and you won't have the chance again. After all," he winked again, "your human has you pretty tightly whipped."

"You're not upset that I didn't enjoy myself?"

Of course not. "Only men who are secretly afraid to get married truly enjoy their bachelor party adventures for the premeditated purpose. Yes, they have fun night out with their friends, but they secretly want to get back home to their intended." Jasper nodded towards the looming darkness in the trees and smiled softly to himself. "You, my brother, feel like a man ready to get married."

Thanks for reading :)