Author: BlackDaggerLover

Title: Need

Rating: R for language and sexual situation

Series: The Black Dagger Brotherhood by JR Ward

Word Count: 2723

Spoilers: For Lover Awakened

Author's Comments: Zsadist is my favorite brother, and I think his story is the most heart wrenching of them all. I've become obsessed with his and Bella's missing moments and have started some fics to fill in the blanks. This takes place within the book Lover Awakened while Bella is in her time of needing. I might continue it and write out some more, but for now, this is what I have. If you would like me to continue, let me know. Many thanks to my beta... you know who you are!


From page 265 of Lover Awakened

With a curse, she lay down and pulled a sheet over herself. More heat boiled in her body, and she rolled over onto her stomach. Scissored her legs apart. Tried to cool herself down. The aching just seemed to get sharper, though.

The heat wave that came next started in the pit of Bella's belly, low and rumbling, and spread through her body. Up her chest, making her breasts ache. Down her legs, past the juncture in between, leaving dampness behind. And then it settled in her womb. Not settled in the sense that it stopped, but that it took root. Right there. In her womb. She felt it there. Heavy and pulsing and hot and greedy.

And then it twisted, and took Bella with it.

She wanted something. No. The heat wanted something. Needed something cool and wet to ease the fire inside. And it wasn't going to relent until it had what it wanted. And there was nothing Bella could do to stop it, for Bella didn't have what it needed. To prove the point, the heat sliced through her womb one more time, gripping her and forcing her to inhale sharply.

Oh… God!

No. No. It can't be. It can't be. This. Could. Not. Be. Happening. Not now. Not in the middle of the day. Not in a house full males, three of which were unmated warriors.

Her mind stopped for a moment and considered if Zsadist really was technically "unmated."

And with that thought came another slam of heat against her womb. Craving attention. Craving… Zsadist.

Bella groaned and buried her face into the pillow. No more thoughts about other people, she decided. Only thoughts about what could be done to calm the need she felt growing within her. But her body… the heat… had other ideas for her.

She tried deep breaths.


She tried crossing her legs tight.


She tried wrapping herself up in the cool sheets.


Perhaps water? Ice cold water could put out this fire, yes?

No. Zsadist.

And like a persistent child, the need pulsed in her belly again. Throbbing. Pounding. As if to tell her not to even consider an alternative to the one thing that could ease her discomfort.

No. He won't. I can't. No matter how much you demand it.

He had left her empty before. He hadn't been able to orgasm inside of her. And given how he completely misunderstood her feelings for him, there was very little to say that he would be able to ever orgasm inside of her no matter what her body wanted. She remembered how he thought he was dirty and how he couldn't accept that she loved him, let alone that she wanted him inside of her. He couldn't even stand to think of his cum on her hands. He'd nearly scrubbed her raw. And he had left her then, hurriedly running away from her with no indication of coming back.

The ripple of heat pulsed again, begging to be satisfied.

Ok, brain…body. You want Zsadist? Fine.

Flopping over on to her back and spreading her legs wide, Bella conjured up all of her most wicked and sensual desires that she ever worked out in her mind and brought them out to play. Her hand slipped down her stomach, allowing her fingers to dance over the slick, swollen slit between her legs. She imaged it was him touching her. Him making her feel this heat. His body pressing against hers. His penis filling her up.

The orgasm flared within her as a moan drifted off of her lips.

Her brain registered a sound from somewhere in the room. One quick glance at the door was all it took to make the fire shoot through her again.


Like a predator seeking prey, he approached the bed hungrily.

She cried out, holding back the orgasm slamming through her body, and forced herself to calm down. The bulge in his pants told her he could feel her need. Shit. Every male in the house had probably felt it by now. But if he was here, then it meant he had felt a responsibility to be there. Or maybe he had been sent by the others to take care of her.

She didn't want him there out of obligation. She wanted him there out of commitment. Out of love.

"I'm okay," she lied, rolling over onto her stomach and pulling her legs closed in a desperate attempt to hide the fact that she was ready to come again right then and there. "I'm… really…" She had to let him go - release him of his obligation. "It's going to be—"

The scent. Zsadist's scent. That spicy, delicious, completely male scent that claimed her as his own pierced through her senses and pulled at her core.



The heat radiated out through her womb, igniting her whole body. It knew that a male was in the room. And not just any male, the very male that it wanted more than any other.



The severe twist of Bella's core left her gasping in agony. The pain had been bad so far, but it seemed as if Zsadist's scent had ignited something more powerful than before. There was nothing she could do but curl up into a ball and pray to the Virgin Scribe for dear mercy. And she knew that mercy was not going to come. Not any time soon.

Zsadist's scent washed over her again, reminding her that he was still in the room. GOD! Couldn't he see that she was being tortured by his presence?

"Go," she barked, groaning from the ache between her legs. "Worse…" her nipples stung, "when you're here."

And Zsadist's bonding scent came again along with a fire inside of her body to match its power. "Oh… God…" she cried as a spasm in her core ripped through her, leaving her genitals completely enflamed.

Her ears registered the sound of frantic footsteps darting away from her… and then she was alone.

But she wasn't. His scent still lingered, still pulled at her body. That scent that provided a small glimmer of hope on the horizon that she would ever be free of the pain in her lower body remained behind to taunt her – tease her - torment her. That glorious, welcoming scent that persecuted her for loving the male who left it behind ultimately became her undoing.

There was a solution to this problem – a very simple solution. Get Zsadist to come back in here and give her what she needed. Simple? Sure. Easy? No way. He wouldn't come without a fight. The irony of the thought had Bella rolling her eyes, no matter how true it was.

Would he come back, though, she wondered? Would he do what she needed him to do? He left so quickly, as if he were grateful for the escape. Of course, she did demand that he leave her, and a bonded male, which Zsadist was regardless of his protests, normally did what his mate requested of him.

So if she asked him to come back… then theoretically he would.

With careful concentration on trying not to breathe in the heavenly spices wafting through the room, Bella rolled onto her side and pushed herself to a sitting position. Grasping onto her pillow for meaningless support, she scooted her legs over the edge of the bed and tried to stand. Even though she wobbled a bit, she made it to an upright position and exhaled in relief.


She had to breathe now. And when she did, the fragrance of her mate slammed against her with full force, twisting at her womb, pulsing through her core, tightening her nipples, swelling and growing and reverberating without end.

She collapsed on the floor from the complete inability to support herself. The need within her was too strong for her to even contemplate moving from her present location. All she could do was surrender to the pain inside of her, knowing that it would last for days without any remedy. For even though the surge had past, the tightening in her belly remained. With each wave of need that swelled through her frame, the pressure inside of her worsened, leaving an ever growing ache in its wake.

The emptiness of the moment consumed her. From the empty room to her empty womb, there was nothing but pain and agony. And as another surge of need ripped through her body, Bella pulled the pillow between her legs, squeezing it with her thighs, pressing it against the most tender and sensitive place on her body in a futile attempt to answer the demand of her genetics.

She laid there, unable to move outside of the uncontrollable quaking of her body. Tears were so close – so close – but she refused to let them fall. She tried to hold on to reason, to remind her brain that every female goes though this. She was no different. She would survive. But came up short when she realized that not every female had her desired mate in the house with her and was left to suffer.



"Bella, where…"

She saw him then. He found her, came to her, knelt by her. He came back even though she asked him to leave. She didn't care if he was there out of duty or if his brothers forced him. He was there. And the tears that she had held back spilled over with a sob.

"It hurts…" was all she could manage.

"Oh, God… I know, nalla. I'll take care of you." His hand was on her hair, brushing it out of her face. His voice was soothing, loving. And he had called her nalla.

"Please…" she sighed, asking for relief. "It hurts so badly." She relaxed enough to roll onto her back so she could better look up at him. The mix of concern and desire she saw on his scarred face would have been touching if she could have registered anything outside of her own sphere of pain. But she did recognize that the bonding scent he gave off had increased. She needed him to know that the more she smelled it, the more it hurt her. "It hurts. It hurts so badly. Zsadist, it won't stop. It's getting worse. It h—"

Her brief moment of possible verbal communication was lost to the fierce surge of fire that roared though her entire body, taking aim at every aspect of her nature that made her female and turning them inside out with desire. Not wanting to scream out and frighten him away, she bit her bottom lip, holding it closed as she grabbed on to the closest thing she could find and held on for dear life.

"Nalla…" he said once the surge had passed. "Bella, I need to know something."

"What?" Oh, what? What could he possibly need to know other than she was in desperate pain and he had the perfect way to sooth her?

"Is this your first time?"

Although the question shocked her a bit, she nodded and said, "I didn't know it would be this bad— Oh, God…"

Another spasm blazed over her, worse and more powerful than all the others, robbing her of her ability to speak – to think – to really process anything around her other than the male in the room.

She could smell his delicious, dangerous scent covering her. He was aroused, for she could smell his desire as her own increased. His blood thrumming though his veins set the rhythm of the tremors pulsing through her core. His body touching her, lifting her, protecting her. There was nothing but him… and the overwhelming pain of her need.

"Shhh… easy," he whispered, climbing over her – on top of her.


He was naked. She could tell from the feel of their skin, even though she had no memory of his getting undressed or of him placing her on the bed. She moaned in delight. All she knew now was that he could enter her and give her the release she so desperately needed. Her legs opened and closed frantically as her hips sought out the union with his body. His hands forced her legs to open, only relinquishing their position when he could hold them in place with his thighs.

Then he touched her core.

And she came.


In the fleeting moment of stilted calm that followed, she savored the fact that one touch from him was all it took to bring her to orgasm. Her body stilled. She took a slow breath.


With power like a freight train smashing into an insect, the fire erupted, swelled, and exploded inside of her again. Whatever pain she had felt before was mere child's play compared to this. Robbed of all conscious thought, her only response was a scream of ultimate misery.

Zsadist's body fell on top of hers as she wept fully. At the contact of the hard flesh of his groin against her thigh, her body began thrashing around in frustration. The instinct to join – to mate was all consuming. She writhed and kicked and thrust against him, unable to put into words how much it hurt her that he wasn't yet inside of her. She needed him inside of her. He had to get inside of her or she was going to break apart into a thousand pieces.

He was above her again saying something, but she had no ability to comprehend. It wasn't until she felt the rough, hard thrust of him penetrating her core that she could even understand what was happening. The shout of relief that left her throat was echoed by his own, and she reveled in it.

He collapsed against her, but soon his hips began moving with hers. With each pull away from her, she pulled him forward again. Deeper. Harder. Deeper. Stronger. Deeper. He couldn't be deep enough. His bonding scent was so strong, it drew out the need for more of him. Deeper. Deeper. Until she toppled over the edge into an orgasmic oblivion.

"Zsadist!" she cried, for his name was the only word of importance in that moment.

And then she was filled with him - by him. His seed washed through her, over her, cooling off the fire in her core and soothing the need she felt in her womb. It flowed out of him and into her in waves as she was bathed in his precious release.

This was what she had needed from him. This was what her body required to be soothed. It was as if someone had flipped a switch inside of her that instantly turned off the raging heat and filled her with cool, soothing balm. The contrast was startling and comforting at the same time.

Tired from the energy her body had expended while feeling the pain earlier, she ran her hands gently up his torso. She could feel each of his ribs and the bones in his shoulders, but it didn't matter. She would feed him later. She didn't have the strength to do anything right then but turn her face into his arm and inhale his exquisite scent once more.

Suddenly, he was gone. The void he left behind was painful to both her heart and her womb. She needed him – needed more of him – all of him. The swelling heat in her body warned her that this day was far from over. And from the way it twisted her insides, she knew that it was only going to get worse before it got better.

"Zsadist…" she groaned, feeling his presence near her. "It's… back…"

He mounted her again, but her relief in having him between her legs was short lived. His body froze above her, not entering her. She opened her eyes to stare up into the dark, black orbs thick as night that once terrified her and now drew her in. What he said next sent an uncomfortable chill down her spine.

"I can drug you. I can make you feel no pain and you won't have me inside you. I can help you without hurting you."

It was then that she realized he wasn't kidding. He meant what he said. Bella had heard of drugs that could put an unmated female out while she passed through her time of needing. But she knew that even though she wasn't technically Zsadist's shellan, she was certainly his mate. And she wanted him inside of her again.

All of him.