Series 5, Episode 5

"Happily Ever After"

FADE IN.

Interior of Fitzgerald's pub, with all the regulars. NIAMH is behind the bar, and AMBROSE sits in front of her. SIOBHAN, BRENDAN and PARAIG sit at the end of the bar, Brendan with AISLING over his shoulder. All eyes are on Ambrose.

AMBROSE
I can't do it.

NIAMH
Oh, come now. You've fathered
two sons on me. Of course you
can do it.

AMBROSE
I will not talk to Peter about
s-e-x.

NIAMH
Doesn't Assumpta deserved to be
happy?

AMBROSE
I am not responsible for
Assumpta's…happiness.

Paraig snickers. Niamh raises an eyebrow at her husband.

NIAMH
I wouldn't have asked you if
I didn't think you were the right
man for the job.

Ambrose straightens and grins smugly.

AMBROSE
Yes, well…be that as it may, I'm
not going to do it. I can't. He's my
priest.

NIAMH
(rolling her eyes)
He's not your priest anymore. Now, he's your friend.

AMBROSE
I'm Catholic, Naimh, he will always be my priest. The less I know
about…that, the better.

NIAMH
Coward.

AMBROSE
Call me what you like. If you're so set
on instruction, why not talk to him yourself?

NIAMH
It would be better coming from a man.

AMBROSE
Ah. Yes. Very convenient.

NIAMH
Bloke to bloke.

AMBROSE
You don't want to do it, either.

NIAMH
Well, it is a bit…

AMBROSE
It is!

NIAMH
(irritated)
Fine, so.
(to Paraig)
You can do it.

PARAIG
Do what, exactly?

AMBROSE
Make an ass of yourself, and
embarrass Peter in the process. Niamh,
it's none of our business.

NIAMH
Assumpta's my best friend! I'm her
matron of honor!

AMBROSE
No, you're not.

NIAMH
Well, I would be if the ceremony wasn't
too small for a matron of honor.

BRENDAN
Oh, what are you two on about?

AMBROSE
My wife is a busy-body.

NIAMH
(nodding between Siobhan and Brendan)
You two seem happy enough. Peter
needs some instruction in the bedroom
department.

SIOBHAN
(laughing, and nodding to Brendan)
And you want this one to play teacher? God
help us!

BRENDAN
What's that supposed to mean? You've
never complained before.

SIOBHAN
No. That's true. I haven't. I'm a stoic.

Paraig laughs, and Brendan stands, offended.

BRENDAN
There is nothing wrong with the way I-

SIOBHAN
No, but what's right with it that
you'd pass on your great tantric
wisdom? Although, maybe you should
talk to him. It's possible he might
give you a lesson or two.

Brendan shoves the baby at her, and makes to storm out, but Siobhan catches his arm, laughing lightly.

SIOBHAN
No, no, I'm having you on.
You're lovely in the bedroom,
Romeo.

BRENDAN
You've besmirched my manhood!

SIOBHAN
And lovely in the bathroom.

BRENDAN
In front of my friends!

SIOBHAN
And that one time in the kitchen.

BRENDAN
A man's performance is not for
public discussion!

AMBROSE
I agree. It's between the man and
the woman. If Assumpta's…unsatisfied,
then she can tell him herself. They're
not even married, for goodness sake!

PARAIG
(smirking)
You can't imagine that she would, though.
Not a wilting flower like Assumpta. When
has she ever let her feelings been heard?

SIOBHAN
And there was that time in the car…

BRENDAN
Will you stop?

SIOBHAN
All lovely. And all completely…satisfying.

Siobhan tilts her head to one side and assesses her husband.

Maybe you best have a word with him, so.
It's not like Peter could have a tremendous
amount of experience.

NIAMH
If any at all.

SIOBHAN
Do it for Assumpta.

ASSUMPTA comes from the street carrying an arm full of boxes.

ASSUMPTA
What's for me?

PETER follows with his own load. Ambrose jumps up to take the boxes from Assumpta and helps settle them on the bar.

NIAMH
(nodding to the boxes)
So, it went well, then?

PETER
If by well you mean we looked at a
hundred dresses and didn't get a single
one, then yes.

ASSUMPTA
They're too expensive. And too white.

PETER
The bride's supposed to wear white.

ASSUMPTA
Not on her second go.

AMBROSE
Then what's all this?

Assumpta swats his hand when he tries to open one of the boxes.

ASSUMPTA
Peter's suit and some things for
the party.

Siobhan elbows Brendan and nods to Peter. He glares at her.

SIOBHAN
On the living room floor under
the Christmas tree…

BRENDAN
(still glaring at Siobhan)
Peter, let's talk stag night. Walk with me.

PETER
Oh, I don't know. A stag night?
It's not really me, is it?

BRENDAN
(clapping him on the back)
Nonsense.

Brendan helps him unload the boxes on to the bar, and then leads Peter out the door. Niamh and Siobhan smirk and Paraig hides his laughter behind his pint.

ASSUMPTA
What's going on?

NIAMH
It's nothing.

Assumpta stares after Peter and Brendan, looking anxious.

You don't look very happy, Assumpta,
for a bride-to-be.

ASSUMPTA
I am happy.

SIOBHAN
Good enough. You deserve it!

ASSUMPTA
Thanks. Erm…Niamh, could I…?

She nods toward the kitchen, and Niamh follows her in.

NIAMH
Everything all right?

ASSUMPTA
Of course. I was just…this dress thing,
it's enough to make me mad! It's a
really big deal for Peter – a lot more than
I thought. I don't know why, but he wants
to see me in something, well, traditional.
And…well, you wore something traditional…
and I was thinking, it's not like you've
worn it lately, or anything.

NIAMH
You want to wear my dress?

ASSUMPTA
(wincing)
Would you mind?

NIAMH
Not at all!

ASSUMPTA
I wouldn't even ask, but well, all that
satin and lace costs so bloody much, and-

NIAMH
Of course you should ask! It's beautiful!
And it's just sitting in my closet!

ASSUMPTA
You're certain?

NIAMH
Yes!

ASSUMPTA
(taking a deep breath)
Oh…thanks, Niamh. Really.

NIAMH
(beyond delighted)
Come over tonight, if you like.
We'll play bride!

CUT TO:

The interior of Fitzgerald's again, and Peter and Brendan return to the pub. Peter seems happy enough, and he collects some of the boxes and takes them upstairs. Assumpta and Niamh come out of the kitchen, and seeing Peter, Assumpta collects the rest of the boxes and follows him. Brendan sits heavily at the bar.

SIOBHAN
Well? How did it go?

BRENDAN
(shaking head)
I couldn't do it.

NIAMH
(outraged)
What?

Paraig and Ambrose laugh.

AMBROSE
Couldn't come up with the words?

BRENDAN
Me? Oh, sure. I asked him if he'd
ever heard of the clitoris, and he said –
he said, "The Clitoris? Are they a new band?"
I tell you, after than there wasn't much to say.

He looks at Ambrose, who's howling with laughter.

Oh, and by the way, you're throwing his
stag.

AMBROSE
(sobering)
Me?

BRENDAN
I improvised.

NIAMH
Wait. So, Peter's none the wiser?
We can't have that. Paraig, you talk to him.

PARAIG
(still laughing a little)
Yeah, all right. I've talked to Kevin
about sex all ready. Can't be much worse
than that, I tell you.

SIOBHAN
Good man!

BRENDAN
And me?

SIOBHAN
(smiling coyly)
Oh, you'll do.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN.

Niamh's bedroom, evening. NIAMH sits on the bed, smiling broadly as ASSUMPTA looks at herself in the mirror. She's wearing Niamh's wedding dress, complete with the poofy sleeves and lace and billowing satin. Assumpta looks miserable. Niamh stands, and gathers the back of the dress to pull it tighter at the waist.

NIAMH
We'll have it taken in.

ASSUMPTA
Oh, I don't know.

NIAMH
What? You look lovely in it.

ASSUMPTA
Yes. It's beautiful. Really. I'd
forgotten about the sleeves…

She punches a sleeve and it dents.

NIAMH
(crestfallen)
You don't like it.

ASSUMPTA
I loved it on you.

NIAMH
But you said Peter wanted to see
you in something like this.

ASSUMPTA
Yes.

She lifts the layers and layers of skirt a little, then lets them drop.

NIAMH
You hate it.

ASSUMPTA
(turning to her)
Is this really me? I look at myself,
and it's like I'm playing dress up in
someone else's clothes.

NIAMH
You are playing dress up in someone
else's clothes. We'll get it altered-

ASSUMPTA
I married Leo in a jumper and jeans.

NIAMH
And how long did that
last?

Then Niamh realizes what she's said.

Oh, Assumpta! I'm sorry! I didn't mean
it like that!

ASSUMPTA
I know. Never mind. I can't do this.

She struggles to unzip the dress, but can't reach the zipper.

NIAMH
We'll go to Cildargen tomorrow and look-

ASSUMPTA
I'm not getting married.

NIAMH
What?

ASSUMPTA
Niamh, a little help here.

Niamh unzips the gown and Assumpta steps out of it. She carefully picks it up and hands it to Niamh who looks like she might cry. Assumpta begins to dress.

NIAMH
You've got to marry him, Assumpta.

ASSUMPTA
I do not.

NIAMH
This is just cold feet.

ASSUMPTA
You should've seen him, Niamh.
You should've seen his face when he
told me it didn't matter that I can't have
children. How can I do this to him?

NIAMH
He wants you.

ASSUMPTA
He wants to be a father.

NIAMH
He was a Father, if you'll recall,
and he gave that up for you.

ASSUMPTA
(humorlessly)
Ha, ha.

She steps into her jeans and buttons them.

NIAMH
(tucking her dress back in the closet)
You know, there's more than one
way to have a baby these days.

ASSUMPTA
Yeah, well, if Peter could could
carry the baby for me, he would.

NIAMH
Or…or I could carry it.

Assumpta freezes, reaching for her jacket.

It would be yours, of course. Yours
and Peter's, but they can put it
inside me. They can do that, you
know. I'd have to talk to Ambrose
about it, of course, but I've delivered
two healthy babies already, and I
don't mind being pregnant-

ASSUMPTA
Niamh, stop.

NIAMH
I know I could do it, because it would
be yours. And you could see it grow
and feel it when it starts kicking.
I'd want a couple of months, though,
until Colm is a year old or so-

Assumpta turns and flees out the door, down the stairs, and Niamh follows.

Wait! I'm sorry! Assumpta!

ASSUMPTA
No, I just have to go.

AMBROSE comes out of the living room with COLM in his arms to see what the shouting is about and Assumpta stops short when she sees them.

NIAMH
I thought you would – I'm sorry, Assumpta.
Honestly. I won't bring it up again.

ASSUMPTA
No, it's fine. I'll…I'll see you later.

She bolts out the door and Ambrose turns to his wife.

AMBROSE
She didn't like the dress?

NIAMH
No.

AMBROSE
Was that the s-e-x talk? I told you
to mind your own business.

NIAMH
Oh, shut it.

Upset, Niamh runs back up the stairs.

CUT TO:

In front of Paraig's garage at sunset. PARAIG and PETER sit on a bench, sipping beers.

PETER
And that's how it works?

PARAIG
(looking shell-shocked)
More or less.

PETER
I never knew. Where did you learn
all of this?

PARAIG
Oh. From my father. And my grandfather.

Peter nods and sips his beer.

PETER
My father didn't know anything
about cars. We never had a car,
growing up in Manchester, and all.
Took the bus everywhere.

PARAIG
Makes sense.

PETER
Mum didn't like it much. She said
it was more trouble than it was worth.

PARAIG
(looking at Peter from the corner of his eye)
Taking the bus.

PETER
Right.

PARAIG
Right.

Peter finishes his beer, inhales deeply and then stands.

PETER
Well, thanks for the lesson,
Paraig, but I should probably
get back to the pub.

PARAIG
Just think about what I said.
You might find it…useful.

PETER
(happily)
Next time the car breaks down, no
doubt I will.

When he walks back toward the pub, Kevin and Alana peek out from the garage, grinning and shaking their fifteen-year old heads.

CUT TO:

Interior of Fitzgerald's, LEO is behind the bar, and when ASSUMPTA hurries in she sees him, her face crumbles a little bit, and she hurries to the stairs. Leo manages to intercept her.

LEO
What's happened? What's wrong?

ASSUMPTA
(wiping angrily at her cheeks)
I'm fine. Just over reacting.

LEO
I know you better than that.

He gently leads her into the kitchen and sits her at the table.

Tea?

ASSUMPTA
(shaking her head)
Now I know why my mother drank.

LEO
(sitting at the table)
Is it Peter?

ASSUMPTA
You'd love that, wouldn't you?

LEO
(surprised by her outburst)
Is it me?

ASSUMPTA
No. Leo, no.

She goes to him, sits in his lap and hugs him, as if it's the most normal thing in the world. Leo's surprised again, but doesn't fight her. He hugs her back.

Thank you for being here. Thank
you for being my friend.

LEO
So…not Peter and not me. If it's
Ambrose I'm pretty sure I can catch
him in a fight. But I'm afraid of Niamh.

ASSUMPTA
(chuckling and sitting up)
Ambrose is too.

LEO
Better now?

ASSUMPTA
Yes, thanks. I was just being silly.

She goes back to her own chair, drops her head into her hands.

God.

LEO
Want to talk about it?

ASSUMPTA
Not really, no.

LEO
Right, then. I'll get back behind
the bar.

ASSUMPTA
You don't have to, you know.

LEO
(smiling)
Yes, I do. You're paying me.

ASSUMPTA
I am?

FADE OUT.

FADE IN.

Interior of Hendley's grocery, mid-day. KATHLEEN is, of course, behind the counter. NIAMH walks in with a big box under one arm.

NIAMH
You sew, don't you?

KATHLEEN
Excuse me?

NIAMH
You're good with a sewing machine.
Everyone knows it. You used to
make your own clothes.

KATHLEEN
That was a long time ago.

NIAHM
You want to revisit the past?

Niamh puts the box down on the counter, but we don't see what's in it. Kathleen's eyes go wide.

What are you giving Assumpta for a
wedding present? Because I've got just the thing.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN.

Interior of Fitzgerald's, evening. PARAIG sits at the bar with a laughing BRENDAN and SIOBHAN. ASLING is asleep in her car seat on the bar.

PARAIG
I told him exactly the same story
I told Kevin, right down to the rubbing
down of the tires bit, and he just sat
there and nodded, and asked which tire
oil to use.

BRENDAN
I know, I know! I would've been better
off with a picture book, I think.

PARAIG
But that's just it. He would say something
and for a moment, I was certain he
was having me on. I mean, was I the
kidder or the kidded? His mum thought
it was more trouble than it was worth –
I mean, honestly!

SIOBHAN
You think this is his way of telling
us to mind our own business?

BRENDAN
No way. He was clueless. Absolutely.

PARAIG
Or, he's a subtle genuius.

They all erupt into laughter at this. LEO comes in from the kitchen, sees the laughter, and joins them behind the bar.

LEO
So, what are you all on about?

He replaces Siobhan's soda with a fresh one.

SIOBHAN
Oh, no one.

PARAIG
Peter's as thick as they come!

Brendan smacks him in the arm. The laughter has died down, and no one is meeting Leo in the eye. Leo leans into the three of them.

LEO
Look, Assumpta and I have worked
things out, and Peter – well, Peter and
I have an understanding. I'll be back
from time to time, and I'm going to
stay long enough this time to see my best friend in
all the world marry the man of her dreams.
Now, whatever laugh you're having at Peter's
expense, while I'd like to join in, I won't use
it against him, anymore than I would use
it against Assumpta. But then, Paraig, Brendan,
Siobhan, you know me better than that,
don't you? When have I ever, ever hurt
Assumpta?

Siobhan looks uncomfortable.

BRENDAN
It's not like that, Leo.

SIOBHAN
Wait. He's right.

PARAIG
Right about what?

SIOBHAN
(suggestively)
And who knows better about what
Assumpta likes?

BRENDAN
Oh, no. You can't.

PARAIG
That's disgusting.

Siobhan purses her lips and considers Leo.

SIOBHAN
Tell me, Leo. You know what a
clitoris is, don't you?

FADE OUT.

FADE IN.

Night on the street in front of Fitzgerald's. PETER and PARAIG come out the door, and Peter turns to lock up.

PARAIG
You ready for this? God, I haven't
been to a stag party in ages. Not
since my own, I think, and I don't
remember too much about that night,
to tell the truth.

PETER
Well, seeing as I'm getting married
tomorrow, I'd like to make an early
night of it.

Paraig laughs and claps him on the back.

I'm serious. I don't think Assumpta
would appreciate it if I turned up at
the church with a hang over.

PARAIG
(laughing)
Assumpta's got her own hen party
tonight.

PETER
What? Assumpta's having a hen
party?

PARAIG

Of course! You didn't think she'd
let you have all the fun, did you?

Paraig knocks at Ambrose's house, and AMBROSE answers with a tearful KIERAN on his hip. Paraig makes a face as Peter moves past him and into the house, which is loud with music and men's happy voices.

AMBROSE
Niamh took Colm. What was I supposed
to do?

PARAIG
Get a babysitter.

AMBROSE
Well, I had a babysitter until Brian
found out it was a stag and insisted
on coming.

PARAIG
Brian's here?

In the background we hear Brian call out a happy, "Congratulations, Peter!" Both Paraig and Ambrose roll their eyes.

CUT TO:

An upstairs corridor at Fitzgerald's. ASSUMPTA anxiously knocks on one of the doors, and LEO answers. He smiles, and she smiles, and then she pushes past him. His brows raise, and we see his smile falter as he shuts the door.

ASSUMPTA
I've changed my mind.

LEO
Okay. About what?

ASSUMPTA
Marrying Peter, selling to Brian, you.
All of it.

LEO
That's some case of cold feet.

ASSUMPTA
I'm serious. I can't marry him. I'll ruin
his life. I'm leaving for Dublin tonight,
and I want you to come with me.

LEO
Dublin?

ASSUMPTA
Or London. Anywhere but here.

LEO
(gently)
This isn't university, Assumpta. You can't
just slip out into the night like you father
anymore.

She takes a step back, clearly shocked.

ASSUMPTA
How dare you!

LEO
Let's sit and talk this through.

ASSUMPTA
No. I'm done talking. I'm going, and
if you don't want to come with me, then…
then you can just stay.

LEO
I can just stay? Do you hear yourself?
You're not rational. You're just nervous
about tomorrow-

ASSUMPTA
No! Leo, you know I can't marry him.

LEO
I don't know that.

ASSUMPTA
He wants children!

Leo looks at her for a moment, and then purposely goes to the bed, and sits. He pats the mattress beside him, and after huffing her frustration, Assumpta sits.

LEO
(calmly)
He knows you can't have children.

ASSUMPTA
Yeah, Michael told him.

LEO
And? What did he say?

ASSUMPTA
It doesn't matter what he said. He wants
them. He wants to be a father.

LEO
(nodding)
And I don't.

ASSUMPTA
You'll come with me?

LEO
It's finally happened, hasn't it? We've
finally grown up. A little worse for
wear, maybe, but we've finally become
the people we were meant to be. It's scary,
I'm with you there. But you can't run from
this, Assumpta. If it's meant to be, it's
meant to be. We've all put it off far too long.

ASSUMPTA
What are you talking about?

LEO
You've finally met a man you can
actually love, and I was offered
a correspondent position with the
BBC in Paris.

Her eyes go wide, and she stands.

ASSUMPTA
You're leaving?

LEO
You didn't think I was staying, did you?
No, I wasn't going to take it, but now
that Anna's…and with you married to
Peter, there's nothing keeping me-

ASSUMPTA
I'll come with you.

LEO
Won't your husband find that irritating?

ASSUMPTA
Why are you doing this?

LEO
Because we both know that you love
Peter more than you ever loved me,
and tomorrow you're going to stand
next to him and make a promise before
God and man to be with him the rest of
your life.

ASSUMPTA
You know I can't.

LEO
I know you, Assumpta.

She goes to the door, and he manages to get there before she can open it. He puts his hand over hers on the knob. They're standing close enough to whisper.

LEO
It's okay to be happy, Assumpta.

ASSUMPTA
This isn't cold feet.

LEO
Of course it is. Tomorrow night, you'll
see that I'm right.

She leans to him, as if to kiss him, but her mouth hovers just short of touching his. He doesn't move away, but he doesn't close the gap, either.

ASSUMPTA
I can make you very, very happy.

Leo falters a moment, and makes a strangled sound.

LEO
Yeah. But I can't make you happy,
can I?

There are voices on the other side of the door, and as Assumpta and Leo look into each other's eyes, we hear Niamh, giggling and knocking on Assumpta's flat door.

NIAMH
(through the door)
Assumpta! Ready for your hen?

There's some more giggling, some laughter, and a couple of shushes. More knocking, but not on Leo's door, Niamh and the rest of them are down the corridor.

LEO
(calling through the door)
She's in here.

Assumpta closes her eyes and steps away from him, and Leo opens the door. NIAMH's wide smile fades as she turns in surprise, and then sees Leo and Assumpta.

NIAMH
Everything all right?

ASSUMPTA
Fine.

Assumpta starts to leave, but Leo grabs her arm.

LEO
Trust me.

ASSUMPTA
Sod off.

LEO
Everything's going to be all right.

ASSUMPTA
How can it possibly?

LEO
Have I ever lied to you?

She doesn't answer, but meets her angry gaze with his. He lets her go.

LEO
Assumpta-

ASUMPTA
I don't need you.

Assumpta hurries into her flat, and Niamh goes to follow, but waves for the rest of the women to wait on the landing. Everyone watches with suspicion as Leo shuts his door and goes down the stairs. We follow Niamh.

NIAMH
What was that?

Assumpta is pacing in her living room, hands on hips, ignoring Niamh.

What did he ask you to do?

ASSUMPTA
Nothing. Not a bloody thing.

NIAMH
Assumpta, look at me.

ASSUMPTA
Niamh, go away.

NIAMH
What the bloody hell did he ask you
to do? Did he want you to run away
with him? God, he did, didn't he?
You told him you won't go, didn't you?
Of course you did. You wouldn't do that to Peter.

Assumpta stops pacing, drops her head. The guilt is overwhelming.

Assumpta? Did something…already
happen? Did you sleep with Leo?

Assumpta glares at Niamhh, and then goes in to the bedroom, and slams the door. Niamh, of course, follows.

I know you didn't. You wouldn't. You
wouldn't cheat…Oh, my God!

Assumpta has a suitcase on the bed, and it's open and full of clothes hastily packed.

Assumpta…Assumpta, you can't!

ASSUMPTA
I know! All right? I know!

She grabs an armful of clothes from the suitcase and throws them to the ground.

No, I didn't cheat on Peter, but it
would've been better if I had. I'm
going to ruin his life tomorrow.

NIAMH
You're going to make him the happiest
man in Ireland tomorrow. You know
that, right?

ASSUMPTA
(shaking her head, sitting on the bed)
You don't understand.

NIAMH
Come now.
(sitting next to her, putting an arm around her)
You must know how he feels about you.
Peter's not one for subtlety where you're
concerned. He's going to be beside
himself.

ASSUMPTA
(dropping her head in her hands)
Niamh…I can't…I don't even have a dress.

CUT TO:

The stag party at Ambrose's house. There's music and rambunctious male laughter and a game of darts in the living room. Leo is welcomed in with a boisterous hello – it's certainly more than he's willing to return. Beer and whiskey flow freely, and as Leo makes his way through the house, a cup is pushed into his hands. There's a football match on the tele being cheered on by several blokes. Peter sits by the fireplace with Kieran in his lap, a cup of beer in one hand and a half eaten biscuit in the other that Kieran is happily munching away on. Ambrose comes in with a large bowl of fresh chips to a round of applause. Peter nods when he sees Leo, and Leo returns the greeting.

CUT TO:

Assumpta's bedroom, with Assumpta staring down at a large box on her bed. Niamh, Kathleen holding Colm, and Siobhan holding Aisling look on. Assumpta looks up at them confused.

ASSUMPTA
You bought me a wedding dress?

Niamh pulls out the dress and holds it up. It's a simpler, sleeker version of Niamh's old dress.

NIAMH
Recognize it, do you?

ASSUMPTA
It's lovely. It's…gorgeous.

KATHLEEN
(nodding to Niamh)
It's hers.

ASSUMPTA
No!

KATHLEEN
I took it in at the waist, cut off the sleeves,
changed the skirt a bit.

ASSUMPTA
(looking startled)
What?

NIAMH
What? You didn't like the sleeves.

ASSUMPTA
Oh…God…

NIAMH
You don't like it?

ASSUMPTA
Niamh, it's your wedding dress!

NIAMH
And now it's yours! Tell me that
you like it!

ASSUMPTA
I…I love it.

NIAMH
Oh, thank God. Try it on!

CUT TO:

Leo takes a seat next to Peter, takes a sip of his beer, and then nods to Kieran.

LEO
You're good with him.

PETER
Oh, he's a good bloke.

LEO
Not everyone can do that, you know.
You've got a way with children that
I'll never have.

PETER
One day…

LEO
I sincerely hope not. But you…
maybe one day you-

PETER
No.

LEO
You'd give that up for her?

PETER
Are you kidding? I think I've
proven that I'd give up just about
anything for her.

LEO
Yeah. Me, too. Listen. In the
interest of our newfound understanding,
and our mutual care for your soon-to-be
bride, I feel the need to tell you that
Assumpta's having herself a bit of a nutty.
Niamh and the others are with her now,
but it might be smart for you to check
in with her in a bit.

PETER
(sighing)
She's having second thoughts.

LEO
Third thoughts, fourth thoughts. You're
always in her thoughts, Peter. But she's
nervous about tomorrow.

PETER
If she's not ready, I'm not going to force
her-

LEO
She's ready. She's just…Assumpta. She's
used to making split-second, life altering
decisions. She's comfortable with that.
We got word that her mother had died,
and she quit school that afternoon, and
was on the bus home the next day. That's
how she works. How long do you think
she deliberated before marrying me? Or
splitting with me? All of ten minutes, I'd
guess. Forget it. What I'm saying is she's
got too much time to think right now.
Thinking makes her mental.

PETER
What did she say to you?

LEO
She's worried that she's ruining your
life because she can't bare your
children. Never mind that she never
wanted children of her own.

PETER
I told her that doesn't matter.

LEO
You know, she's worried about ruining
your life, but she was all set to ruin
mine for a second time.

PETER
What? What does that mean?

LEO
It means…I've overstayed my welcome,
I expect.

CUT TO:

Assumpta's bedroom again, and when she comes in in the dress, everyone is still for a moment. She's absolutely lovely, and the dress fits perfectly. She turns for them, and gets the appropriate gasps.

ASSUMPTA
Niamh, I don't know what to say.

NIAMH
Say you love it.

ASSUMPTA
I do! I love it! Thank you so much!
And Kathleen, thank you! It's perfect.
It couldn't be more perfect.

KATHLEEN
(beaming despite herself)
Well, you look lovely in it.

SIOBHAN
Won't Peter be stunned when he sees
you?

NIAMH
(lifting Assumpta's hair and piling it on her head)
Hair up, I think.

The door opens, and Peter is standing there. His eyes go wide, his mouth opens as if to speak, and then slowly closes as a dreamy smile forms.

PETER
Hi.

Assumpta smiles and blushes, and Niamh screams.

NIAMH
No, no! You can't see her! You
can't see the dress!

Siobhan pushes him out into the corridor, and slams the door shut. Kathleen looks scandalized, but Assumpta is laughing. It's the first time we've seen her laugh in some time, and the ladies are unnerved by it. Siobhan joins in and laughs with her.

PETER
(through the door)
Everything all right, then?

NIAMH
Go away! She'll see you tomorrow
at the altar!

PETER
(leaning close to the door)
Assumpta, come here.

ASSUMPTA
(leaning close to the door on the other side)
Peter.

PETER
I love you.

ASSUMPTA
I love you, too. Go to your party.

PETER
You're all right?

ASSUMPTA
I am now.

He smiles and she smiles as we

CUT TO:

The stag party is as loud as ever, and as Peter walks in it's clear he hasn't been missed. He's grinning when Ambrose offers him a fresh glass, and he takes it with a, "Cheers!" Kieran is passed off to Brendan, and Leo is sitting in the corner with a couple of empties next to him. Peter nods to him again, and Leo returns it with a salute of his whiskey glass.

CUT TO:

Assumpta is now changed into her normal clothes, and is on the couch in the living room where Niamh is putting a tape into the VCR. Aisling is asleep in a car seat, and Siobhan is pouring drinks.

SIOBHAN
(to Kathleen)
What's your poison?

KATHLEEN
I don't drink.

SIOBHAN
Suit yourself.

NIAMH
Oh, give her a whiskey and Coke.
(to a glaring Kathleen)
You can sip on it all night.

Assumpta smirks when Kathleen takes the offered drink. Kathleen is out of her element here, and looks like she's trying to find a way to escape.

CUT TO:

The stag party has started to wind down. Men have begun to file out into the street, singing and carrying on, as men tend to do after a stag. Peter, Paraig, and Brendan now sit around Leo, who hasn't moved from his corner. Leo's had far more than his share.

PETER
So…Paris, then. I've never been to France.
Except for the airport.

LEO
You'll have to come. I'll get a flat with a
guest room.

PETER
That would be…weird.

Paraig laughs. He's had quite a bit, too.

BRENDAN
Paris in the springtime, making love
at dawn with the smell of flowers and
wine in the air.

PARAIG
You've been to Paris? In your dreams.

BRENDAN
I've been to Paris.

PARAIG
Yeah, when you were fifteen, with
the school tour. You forget I've
known you all your life.

They all chuckle.

BRENDAN
I'd like to take Siobhan someday.
When the baby's older.

PARAIG
Fionnuala and I honeymooned in
Italy. Sex in the morning, sex in
the evening – everything there is
sex. It's so hot you don't want to
wear any clothes!

They all laugh. Ambrose comes in with Kieran asleep on his shoulder.

AMBROSE
I'm just going to put him down.

They all nod and wave him away, except for Leo, who's studying Peter with a critical, drunken eye.

LEO
Sex, though. Sex is great, yeah, but it's
not really about the sex, is it? No. No, it's
about the softness around her navel and
the smooth skin on the inside of her knee,
and the way the underside of her breast
feels across your bottom lip.

PARAIG
(chuckling)
That's sex, mate.

LEO
That's love. Sex is mechanics, love is
worshipping her; her body, her soul. It's
kissing her shoulder because it feels good
to her, and knowing she's holding back
and wanting to drive her past that,
past the hesitance and distrust that some
other man has left her with. Sex is
about thrusting and finishing, but love –
lovemaking – that's about feather light
caresses up her sides that give her
gooseflesh and tighten her perfect
dark pink nipples, and about touching her
ankle, her inner thigh, and working
slowly upward until her breath catches
again, and then kissing her there, hearing her
voice, tasting her body, smelling the
very essence of her. She's perfect, and she
should feel that perfection. She should know
that she's loved. And the kisses deepen and the
caresses grow bold and it's all about her
pleasure, her moment, until she can't hold
back any longer and the distrust is gone, and
her heart is racing, pounding, and it's so familiar…
like a dream, like a memory to be relived
over and over and over…God is in her, in that
moment when everything is good, and she's
good. She's everything at once; friend, lover,
teacher, mother, playmate…enemy. And kissing
isn't enough, surrender isn't enough, touching her…
gentle slips away and suddenly everything is desperate.
Love for her consumes every thought, every motion,
and she's too far away – skin to skin is too far
away, and the only way to ease that terrible
want is to dive inside her. She is savior then, and
she's holding, caressing, whispering, breathing, and there's
nothing to be done but to get lost in her, to love
her so much that the end is like death. Her kisses
are so tender, emotions spill over, and
everything becomes a blur of love, love, love until
finally the desperation eases and she's smiling –
God, that rare, beautiful smile of a woman
who knows she's is loved. Holding her. Feeling
her draw breath, sigh. Worshiping her. There is
no one else in the world but her – that's love.
Sex is empty, dead next to it.

For a long moment no one says anything, and then all at once the men shift and subtly rearrange. Paraig clears his throat.

PARAIG
Yeah. I remember love.

BRENDAN
That's love?
(he looked bewildered at Peter)
I do love her.

PETER
(smiling)
Told you so.

LEO
(staring into his drink)
Love her so completely, that she'll
never have a chance to doubt. Take
your time. Make every breath about
her.
(looking at Peter)
The rest is bullocks.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN.

Outside on the street, late night. The BRENDAN, PARAIG, AMBROSE and PETER start staggering out of Ambrose's house, one by one. It's assumed Leo will be spending the night in Abrose's living room, where's he's passed out by now. Brendan manages to make his way to Fitzgerald's front door, and then belatedly realizes there's a tall ladder next to him. He braces himself and looks up.

BRENDAN
(calling)
Hello!

SIOBHAN peeks over the side of the roof.

SIOBHAN
Hello, yourself. Don't wake
the baby.

BRENDAN
Siobhan, tell me you don't have
the baby up there.

SIOBHAN
Of course not! What do you
take me for? She's asleep in the
flat.

BRENDAN
What are you doing up there?

SIOBHAN
Stag over, is it? Have enough to
drink?

BRENDAN
Siobhan, what the devil are you
doing up there?

SIOBHAN
(over her shoulder)
Come on, girls, the party's over.

She starts down the ladder, and NIAMH makes to follow but she turns when ASSUMPTA doesn't move from the perch under a blanket they've been sharing.

NIAMH
Assumpta?

ASSUMPTA
I'm all right. I'm going to sit here
a while longer.

NIMAH
Shall I stay with you?

ASSUMPTA
Oh, no. Go home to your husband.
Kiss your babies.

NIAMH
(looking torn)
I can stay.

ASSUMPTA
Go. I'll see you in the morning. You're
going to help me dress, yes?

NIAMH
Wouldn't miss it.

Niamh starts down the ladder, and at the bottom Brendan takes Siobhan in his arms, dips her, and as she playfully gasps he kisses her soundly. Her arms go around him, and as they stand upright again, they continue kissingt. Niamh smirks as she steps off the ladder, and she greets Peter who looks embarrassed by the blatant PDA.

NIAMH
(to Peter)
Good party? Have fun?

PETER
Fun might not be the right word.
Is Assumpta still up?

NIAMH
Up? Yes.

Niamh glances up at the roof.

PETER
What? Up there? Oh, God…

He starts up the ladder, but Niamh touches his arm.

NIAMH
She's all right. We were star stalking.
We had a good night.

PETER
Yeah?

NIAMH
Yeah.

She kisses his cheek and they exchange smiles. Brendan and Siobhan are still kissing, and she pushes him against Fitzgerald's in a fit of passion. Peter starts up the ladder again, making an amused/uncomfortable face at Niamh, who laughs and sets out toward her husband, who she also greets with a kiss.

Assumpta smiles when Peter appears over the edge of the roof, and it lights up her whole face.

PETER
Catch any stars yet?

ASSUMPTA
None are falling tonight.

Peter stumbles a little coming off the ladder.

Yet. Maybe I should come down.

PETER
I'm all ready here.

He crawls to her, and she shares her blanket with him.

It's lovely, isn't it? You can
see a lot of the town from here.
Come up here often?

ASSUMPTA
When I was a child. Are you nervous
about tomorrow?

PETER
A bit, yeah. But I've never been more
more certain about anything or anyone
in my life.

ASSUMPTA
Well, that makes one of us.

PETER
You have doubts?

ASSUMPTA
Peter, I can't give you a child.

PETER
We've been through this. It
doesn't matter.

ASSUMPTA
How can you say that when I
know you want children?

PETER
Because it's true. I want to share
my life with you, and that's not
contingent on you having our child.
Besides, there's more than one way
to have a child these days, isn't there?

Assumpta stiffens next to him.

We could adopt, maybe. One day.
If you suddenly have the urge to be
a mum. Or, we could take one of
Niamh's – she's got more than
she can handle, anyway.

ASSUMPTA
What? What did she say to you?

Peter looks questioningly at her, confused by her reaction.

PETER
It was a joke. Assumpta, honestly,
I didn't fall in love with you
because I thought you would
have my baby. I fell in love with
you because you're brilliant, and
beautiful, and because you challenge
me. Because you kept getting under
my skin, and I found that's right
where I wanted you. You make me
think and question in a way I never
have before, and you showed me things
I wasn't willing to look at on my own –
about the Church and my faith and
the world. You've made me a better
person.

ASSUMPTA
No.

PETER
But you have. And, I love you for it.
Some days I can't believe you've
chosen me.

ASSUMPTA
(pulling him closer)
But not today.

They kiss, slowly and sweetly, until Peter pulls away.

PETER
I'm going to go now before lightning
strikes. I'll see you tomorrow at the
altar.

ASSUMPTA
(teasing)
Not if I see you first.

She laughs, and then kisses him again.

I love you, Peter.

They kiss once more, and then he starts – carefully – down the ladder.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN.

Interior of Fitzgerald's decorated for the reception, which is in full swing. There's music and dancing and everyone is drinking and singing and having a grand time. Assumpta is still in her gown, looking happy and elegant, and Peter looks absolutely besotted with her. People offer them continual congratulations as they pass on the dance floor.

Niamh and Ambrose each have a child, and sit at a table, enjoying themselves. They exchange a quip and a laugh. Brendan, Siobhan and Paraig are at the bar, and Kevin and Alana are dancing. Brian sits at a table with Father Mac, who still looks to be on the verge of death. They raise their glasses to each other. Kathleen sits at another table with Liam and Donal looking for all the world as if she can't imagine how she ended up there.

As they're dancing, something catches Assumpta's eye, and she looked toward the stairs in time to catch a glimpse of Leo going up.

ASSUMPTA
Erm…Peter, can you give me a
minute?

PETER
Of course. I'll just get us something
to drink.

Peter wanders over to the bar, and is stopped by more congratulators, and Assumpta slips through the crowd and up the stairs. She goes to Leo's door and knocks.

ASSUMPTA
Leo?

There's no answer. She tries the door, and it opens.

Leo?

The room is empty, but in the middle of the made-up bed there's a wrapped box. Assumpta pulls the card. It reads:

There's no such thing as too many
emotions.

ASSUMPTA
Oh…Leo.

She pulls the lid off the box. Inside are paints, brushes and small canvases, pencils, pens and a large, leatherbound notebook. She pulls out the notebook and opens the front cover. The inscription reads:

Property of Assumpta Clifford, Artist,
given to her by her loving friend and
groupie, Leo McGarvey, on the
occasion of her wedding.

There's a knock, and Peter sticks his head in the door. Assumpta quickly wipes the tears away.

PETER
Everything all right?

ASSUMPTA
Yeah. Grand. Leo's gone again, though.

PETER
(looking over her shoulder)
He's left you a gift?

ASSUMPTA
Yeah.

PETER
Paints?

ASSUMPTA
Yeah.

PETER
I didn't know you paint.

She looks at him, and smiles.

ASSUMPTA
I know. I love you.

She kisses him, and he kisses her back

BRENDAN
(calling from below)
Oi, up there! The party's still down
here!

Assumpta and Peter laugh, and then Assumpta returns the book to the box. She and Peter go back down to their reception, hand in hand, as we…

FADE TO BLACK.