Want Beer: Chapter 1

She didn't know where she was going, didn't know what she was doing… and yet still she continued to put one foot in front of the other, as if by walking on, continuing to take herself to some place- any place- she would somehow be made to also realize her purpose, her identity…

Oh, she knew what she was…she was Faith Lehane, rogue vampire Slayer, part time murderer, full time loser…she remembered her past in all its bleak entirety, right up to her sudden awakening today from her extended, Buffy-induced sleep via coma. What she was not so sure of was her future… or even her present. Faith knew exactly what she had been, what she would no doubt always be…a mistake. A girl who could do nothing without majorly fucking it up… a girl who had nothing and no one, and did not deserve to. A girl no one cared about, that many wished to be dead, or to have never been born in the first place- and rightfully so.

She knew what she was, all right… her problem was that she did not know who she was. And if she was going to be entirely honest with herself, she never really had.

She stumbled down the street in her borrowed- okay, stolen- clothes from the girl at the hospital, looking around herself with a slightly dazed incredulity. Two months in la-la land and everything had already seemed to change so much…

Clearly the Mayor's Ascension had somehow been foiled… and as always, Buffy had undoubtedly saved the day. Which also meant that undoubtedly, the Mayor was dead.

But Faith couldn't think about that now…her feelings about it were too much, too confusing for her to even begin to deal with. For as much as she genuinely was upset at the thought of the Mayor's death, was grieved by it, she also was, to her own startled perplexity, strangely glad he had not succeeded in his plans. She was relieved that the world, as shitty as it had always been to her, was still here. Different now, maybe- at least in Sunnydale's case- but still here. She was glad that Buffy had won… but mostly, she was glad that this meant that her sister Slayer was still alive.

Don't think about that… just keep walking, just keep going. You gotta figure out what you're gonna do now…

She had only been walking for about twenty minutes since having left the hospital, leaving the unconscious and now nude girl on the floor behind her with a pang of guilt that had unsettled her as much as anything else. But despite the brevity of her expenditure, Faith was already slowing, her legs feeling shaky and weak, her head light and slightly dizzy. Slayer healing or not, comas apparently took a lot out of you.

As bad as a knife to the gut…

Faith shook her head abruptly in an attempt to clear her mind of the dark thought, feeling her head spin slightly in response to the movement. She was NOT going to think about that…she wasn't going to think about anything. She wasn't going to dwell on all she didn't know, didn't understand… which as almost everything. It didn't matter … she'd figure it out. All that mattered now was getting inside somewhere, winding down a little, where everything wouldn't seem quite so strange and bad to her.

What she needed was to get drunk, to lose herself in a few drinks and some loud music, to dance and grind her way into a state of complete numbness… she needed a release, something that would make her let go even as she hid her feelings away.

It wasn't long before she saw it… a bar, a new one from the looks of it. The sign read 'Rayne's." Weird name for a bar…sounded vaguely familiar, but Faith didn't care to try to think why. Sh simply strode over to its entrance, pushing open the door and stepping inside. Overhead, a full moon shone.

To be continued