Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
Falling in Love
Summary: Lucy and Mike make a mistake while mourning the loss of loved ones. Also, what happens when someone brings a gun to school and lives are taken? Pairing: Micy.
A/N: Let's all pretend that the events in Nothing Endures but Change happened in January instead of March. Also, I don't remember if it was mentioned how Mike's father passed away, but this is my interpretation of it.
Chapter 1 - Mistakes Made
I knocked on the door and waited for him to answer. I needed him; today more than any other. I could hardly believe it has already been three years. Three years since my best friend died; three years of pain and misery. My family knew I didn't want to talk to them. How could they possibly understand the pain I'm going through? They can't even begin to imagine the guilt I still feel over the accident. He understands.
I still wonder what would have happened had they not been coming to pick me up. Would Sara still be alive or was it just fate, meant to happen whether I was involved or not? I wonder if she is looking down on me, blaming me for what happened. I blame myself. Perhaps I should have continued attending the group meetings with Wilson. A couple of months after the accident I thought I was okay, so I stopped going to the meetings. Now, I find that I always have these flare-ups on the anniversary of her death. Maybe I should just vow to go to meetings every January.
The door finally opens and he appears. I can always count in him to put things into perspective. He's suffered more than I have, that's how I know he understands. He's been through all of this before, even more so. He can be my rock, and maybe, when the time comes, I can be his.
I look up at him. His face was red and it was fairly obvious that he had been crying as well. I wondered what could be the cause of his tears. Had his mother slipped back into het catatonic state or could something even more serious have happened to her? My thoughts quickly ran away from me and I barely heard his words as he spoke. "Luce now is not a good time. I…." He stopped mid sentence. His facial expression changed as he took note of my own tears. "What's wrong?"
"I could ask you the same thing," I answered, wiping the fallen tears from my face.
He took his time and considered the situation for a moment before stepping aside, allowing me entrance to his home. "Come in. We'll talk."
I nodded and stepped inside. "I'm sorry," I apologized as he closed the door behind me. "I just wasn't sure where else to go. The only other person I know who may understand is on the other side of the country."
He half smiled and pulled me into a tight embrace. "It's okay, but I think you'll find that I'm not the best of company tonight."
"Yeah, well, neither am I." I answered, relaxing in his arms. Even though we both decided that a relationship wouldn't work between us, I still felt safe in his arms.
"Let's go upstairs and talk,' he whispered. "My mom has the living room occupied."
"Is she okay?" I asked, concerned.
"As well as can be expected, considering." Mike led me up the stairs and to his room, first door on the left. I had never seen it before. Then again, aside from my brother's rooms, I had never been inside any guy's room. I noted that his room was different from Matt's and Simon's as well. The walls were painted blue and the carpet, soft beneath my feet, was white. The bed, covered with Navy blue sheets, sat against the wall in the center of the room. Next to the bed was a small table, decorated with the necessities: a lamp, an alarm clock, and a book. His desk sat over in the corner on the right side of the room next to his closet. Save the paint, the walls were bare. The room was simple, yet had its own unique charm. I liked it.
"Can I get you anything?" He asked.
I shook my head and let my mind wander once more. Mike was always so polite and kind. Why can't I ever get a guy like him to date? Of course, I could have had all this had it not been for a lack of chemistry.
He sat down on the bed and patted the empty space to the right of him. "Come sit down." I did as he asked and then turned to look at him. He pulled me into another hug and lightly kissed the top of my forehead. "What's wrong, Luce?"
"It's that time of the year. Today is the day. It happened three years ago today." I mumbled, burying my face in his chest. I probably wasn't making any sense to him, but still, he held me close and let me cry.
"I know the feeling." Mike told me as he rubbed circles in by back. "Three years ago today wasn't so great for me either."
Realization hit me. "Today's the anniversary of your dad's death?" I asked, looking up at him.
More tears filled his eyes as he nodded his answer. "It seems like it was just yesterday. In my mind, everything is so clear."
"Want to talk about it?" I asked, still clinging to him.
"Tell me about your pain first."
I swallowed hard as the memories invaded my mind once more. Like Mike, my own tragedy felt like it had only just happened the day before. "It was three years ago tonight. My friend Sara and her older sister, Jen, invited me to go out with them for pizza. Jen had just gotten her license and my parents were uncomfortable with riding with her."
"You went anyway?" Mike asked.
"Not exactly." I answered, beginning to sob lightly. "Matt convinced my parents to let me go, but they wanted to drop me off instead. When I called telling them that I could meet them there, they told me they had changed their minds and wanted to get a burger instead. They wanted to pick me up at the pizza place and then drive over from there. I agreed to go. What my parent's know won't hurt them right?" I was full out sobbing by now and Mike continued to rub my back soothingly. "I waited for a long time for them to show up, but they never did. Eventually my mom came to me. Sergeant Michaels had came by the house and asked for my dad's help with an accident. Apparently, on the way over to pick me up, Jen let Sara drive and they crashed. Sara was killed instantly."
"Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked, pulling away to look me in the face. "We could have spent the day together, comforting each other."
I shrugged. Why hadn't I told him? "It's just so hard to think about. I don't like talking about it, so I try to avoid the subject all together. My family tries every year, but they don't understand. I end up keeping everything inside and eventually my emotions overflow."
"Bottling your emotions isn't healthy. Take what I did as an example."
"I haven't completely bottled my emotions up. One of Mary's old boyfriends got me into a support group. Things got easier and I eventually quit. Now every year on the anniversary, I get weepy."
Mike nodded. "Anniversary's are like that. No matter how many years go by, they always bring everything back. There is no way to hide from the past. The only thing you can do is deal with it and try to move on."
"You seem to be doing better at that than I am."
"I haven't always been able to deal with my pain. I did try to kill myself, remember? It's just that I've learned to cope with the loss, but, it's days like today that make me remember how I got to the point, were I thought dying was the best option."
"Tell me about your dad?" I asked.
"I never knew there was anything wrong with him. He had a normal job and seemed happy enough. He got along well with my mother so it wasn't like marital problems caused him to do what he did." Mike's voice quivered as he spoke. "I came home from school that day and no one was home. My mom had just started her new job and my dad was supposed to be at work as well. Only, he wasn't at work. When I opened the bathroom door, I saw him lying on the floor in a pool of blood. The razor was still in his hand. I couldn't handle the pain. I kept telling myself that it was all my fault. If I had somehow been different, then he wouldn't have done what he did. Sometimes I still feel like it's my fault."
"That's how I feel. If they hadn't been on their way to pick me up, then maybe Sara would still be alive. I new that Jen sometimes let Sara drive, but I didn't say anything. If I had done any number of things differently, then things wouldn't be the way they are." I was becoming hysterical now.
"But it's not your fault. It was an accident Luce."
"That doesn't make it stop hurting. That doesn't keep me from feeling numb inside." I told him. I was still crying, but I was no longer hysterical. "That doesn't make things better."
"Believe me, I know. I miss my dad too." He pulled me into another tight hug as we cried together. He gently stroked my hair as I cried into his neck and he cried into mine.
After what seemed like lifetimes, he pulled away and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "It's going to be okay Luce." I nodded, even though I wasn't sure if I believed him or not.
"I just wish I could go back and change things." I told him, meeting his tear glazed eyes.
"Me too," his voice became a whisper and I felt his soft lips on my own. Before I could comprehend what was happening, I found myself kissing him back, my pain forgotten. We slowly tumbled back onto the pillow as he deepened the kiss. I found myself unbuttoning his pants and I knew in the back of my mind that what I was thinking was wrong, but I didn't really care. I needed to feel something, anything to make the numbness go away.
"Are you sure?" He asked me as I felt him working on the buttons on my shirt. I looked into his eyes and I knew he felt the same way I did. I couldn't think so I nodded my approval. My eyes drifted shut as he slipped the shirt off my body and I felt his warm lips on mine once more. When he finally entered me, I marveled at the physical pain that losing my virginity brought. It wasn't much, but it was the first thing I allowed myself to feel that day.
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