Disclaimer: I don't Harry Potter nor do I own Torchwood. Though I wish I did.

Spoilers: For the most part this chapter will lead up until Cyberwoman. However the main bulk of the story will take place after Cyberwoman. This will obviously be AU.

Plot: Ianto Jones has more secrets that go past Lisa. He didn't even exist until he was eighteen. For the first seventeen years of his life, Ianto Jones was Harry Potter. Now the Wizarding World wants their savior back. Something Ianto isn't sure he wants to be. But how does he make the team believe that he did for them just as much as him. Ianto cannot stand to be broken one more time. He needs his soulmate to fix him. And he turns out to be…the flirty Captain in the RAF greatcoat?

A/N: Some of the dates are taken from the Captains blog at BBC America's webpage! Also this is my first Torchwood fanfic. My mind is a little fuzzy on season 2 so since I had season one on DVD I decided that Cyberwoman will be a good place to start. I'm a first time Torchwood fanfic writer. So be honest but nice, alright? Also I'm sorry if I don't get the characters right. I promise that I will try my best.

'The most heroic word in all languages is revolution' –Eugene Debs

'The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death.' –Oscar Wilde

Chapter 1
The Secrets of Ianto Jones


A new beginning with the team means it is time for a new journal. It means it is time for the same old beginning I put in each diary. I am now Ianto Jones but Ianto Jones did not always exist. I once was Harry James Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived but I cannot be him anymore. I cannot go back because I don't belong anywhere.

Harry Potter stood in a sea of bodies. Emerald green eyes scanned around the field hopeful of some form of life. No one was there. He saw Hermione's lifeless form just feet away from him. Dean, Cho, Kingsley, Percy, Colin, so many friends and classmates lie at his feet. He saw the equal body count on the other side of the field. Family lines were wiped out and the smell of death hung in the air.

"YOU KILLER!" Harry turned and saw Ronald Weasley staring him down. "YOU'RE A MONSTER! YOU GOT HER KILLED!"

"It was a war, Ron. People die." Harry stated sadly. He spared a glance at the body of a person who was his sister in everything but blood.

All Ron saw was red and tried to attack the hero but was held back by a passerby. Harry stood there and then he disappeared with a loud crack.

I could not stay in that world anymore. Ron was right. I'm a monster. I killed so many people. That's not the worst part. No, I had to survive because bloody Fate placed it on me. I had to find a way to live without resorting to dark and evil methods. I did a lot of research and, with a breaking heart, I set out to do what I had to do.

Mina West, vampire priestess, looked up in shock. Her dark blue eyes stared at the Boy-Who-Lived.

"Are you sure, Master Potter?"

"This is the only thing I can think of. I need to survive. He cannot win…no matter the cost."

The lady vampire nodded. "If you are sure."

"It's for the greater good…" He sighed out. "I need to be immortal in order for him to be dead."

"Well at least you aren't going down darker routes."

Harry chuckled bitterly. "Yes I suppose."

So now I am immortal. After the final battle I changed everything from my name, to my appearance, even to my accent. I only wear blue contacts because I could not take away my eyes. Lisa always loved them plus they keep me close to my heritage. I am Ianto Jones and sometimes I feel like a coward for running away…

I know Jack is immortal too. I can see it in his eyes. He doesn't know I am. Jack doesn't know a lot of things about me. The mysterious, way too handsome captain with an easy smile but pain in his eyes doesn't know his team at all. Now, after Suzie, I think he will try to make an effort but I cannot bring myself to care. Not with what I am doing to my Lisa. Merlin…I am a monster. I just can't…stand losing anyone I really care about. Lisa was the only one who knew. She knew what I was, who I was, what I did. She still loved me for being myself.

Lisa and Ianto were kissing. Passion hot and so deliciously heavy in the apartment that one could cut it like butter. Ianto pulled away and Lisa looked up with glassy eyes.

"Something wrong, Yan?"

"What did I do to deserve you?" He murmured. Lisa smiled at him before kissing him gently.

"You were yourself. You weren't the hero people wanted you to be. You found a way to be yourself and I will always love that about you."

Ianto smiled and kissed her again.

I have lost so many people in my short life. I feel like I'm eighty four instead of twenty four. War aged me and Canary Wharf nearly destroyed me. I kept on because of Lisa. I needed to save her. I needed to be with her. I love her…but I'm scared of what I'm doing to her.

There are many characters on my team. Tosh and I are pretty much best friends. She reminds me of Hermione in the way she's passionate about her work. Then there's that wicked sense of humor only I see. She always greets me with a gentle smile. She's the only one who really associates with me.

Then there's Owen. We don't get along so much. He actually kind of reminds me of a mix of Malfoy and Ron. He keeps on calling me "tea boy". I'm tempted to hex him but I usually keep my magic under control. Sometimes though I end up cracking something…

Suzie I didn't know a lot about. She was always aloof, distant.

Finally, there's Captain Jack Harkness. Lisa is probably the only woman I will ever love. I normally go for guys but Lisa…was Lisa. Captain Jack Harkness is gorgeous. He seems to step out from another time with his amazing blue eyes and his RAF greatcoat. Sometimes I imagine us dancing in the rain and staring into those blue eyes for eternity.

Jack and Ianto were dancing on the roof in the rain. Jack's eyes were burden-free, a gentle light in his eyes, full of love and peace. A small light shone on his handsome face. Ianto gave a content sigh as Jack cupped his face. The both leaned in to kiss. Their wet bodies slick with rain and their wet hands intertwined.


Ianto opened his tried blue eyes and sighed realizing he would have to wash his sheets again.

Of course he wouldn't notice me. I'm just the tea boy, the butler. Sometimes I cannot help but wish I meant more to them.

The reason why I'm starting this journal is because when something brand new happens in my life. I feel the need to start anew in my journaling. The brand new event this time is the addition of Gwen Cooper to the Team. She seems alright. She actually reminds me of a Welsh Ginny. Ugh…she's been making moon eyes at Jack. Jack loves the attention of course.

And people tell me I have a hero complex.

Sometimes it's hard to know what I should do. I love Lisa but…I cannot ignore this passion around Jack.

I hate it when things get complicated.


Gaseous Sex Alien. No, it's not a new band. It's what happened on Gwen's first real day of work. She threw a chisel at Owen. Usually, it's highly amusing, however she should have enough bloody common sense not to throw things near meteors. It's kind of like unspoken rule number twelve. Well, perhaps I'm being a tad too harsh.

I feel bad for the poor girl it possessed, Carys. She wouldn't have been in the night club if it wasn't for her boyfriend. I remember the feeling of being broken. I remember the dark hole of emptiness that happened after HE died.

It was a tangle of limbs and sweat. The heavy scent of musk laced the air like a perfume. The two forms intertwining, becoming one as the shower each other with sweet but passionate kisses.

Harry quietly pulls away. A gentle smile graced his face.

"What?" He asked in a husky voice. His blue eyes were bright with passion.

"Nothing I'm just so happy." Harry whispered huskily.

"You're strange."

Harry chuckled capturing the man's lips with his own. Charlie Weasley smiled into the kiss and pulls the savior closer to him.

Cho was my first crush. Cedric was my first kiss. Draco was my first time. Charlie was my first love. Lisa was my first chance. I want my first and only soulmate. Sounds like a dream doesn't it? I want someone to love until eternity. However…I will still save Lisa as a favor to her. Maybe….maybe my first chance will be enough.

Carys wanted love. The honest to goodness fairy tale love but all that matters today is sex. Sex, sex, sex…how can you find love in all that meaningless passion? Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I never went to the Wizarding world.

Then I realize I wouldn't be seeing those amazing blue eyes…No! Bad Ianto! Stop that!

I hate being sexually confused. I really really do. Great now I can't get those bloody eyes out of my head. I need a cold shower.


Owen can be a good man, when he wants to be. He helped that poor girl's family get some closure after her death. Sometimes I don't understand why people murder. I know why I did it because of destiny. Destiny is such a cold heartless bitch.

Harry fell to his knees. He quietly closed the young girl's eyes and kissed her forehead. Why were the innocents always the ones to die first? Why must they suffer? Harry was alone for the first time in a while. He sat there next to the rapidly cooling body of the girl and wept bitterly for all who had suffered.

He needed to be stronger, but, at the same time, he felt so incredibly vulnerable. But how could he do that when he a little more than a child himself?

I accidentally pressed the button of the Ghost Machine while I was on my way to place it in the archives. It showed…me and Jack dancing, golden light enveloping us. It made me want to hope so badly. But…it hurts to hope sometimes. Usually when I hope, something bad always happens. When I try to love someone betrays me or dies. It makes me feel insane.

Perhaps I should get a therapist.

Lisa has been having some okay days lately. I've been trying to mix the machinery with magic. It has had some mixed results. She will be human again. She deserves it after being with a monster like me.

Also I told Jack the correction pronunciation of Splott but I don't think he believes me.


It was a boring day at work. Owen tried to wind me up. Tosh and I went to lunch and talked about a movie we both want to see. Gwen has a crush on Jack and I feel something akin to… jealousy? Jack Harkness is proving to be driving me mad.

No results have been made in the search for a therapist. I don't think I subject a poor person to my life.

Lisa has been getting worse lately. I'm fast running out of ideas. Tanizuki is coming tomorrow. As long as the team is out by the time he arrives, I'm safe.

Lisa, hopefully you'll be normal soon.


People always die because of me. Those poor people died because of me because I was selfish. Now I may lose my job…my memories. Merlin, I am such an idiot. I endangered everyone because I wanted someone to live. Just once I wanted someone to live. I wanted a chance to give Lisa the happiness she deserved. Now she's dead, but she has been dead for awhile.

I called Jack a monster, but how can I really call him that? I'm the monster. He didn't choose immortality, I did. May my soul rot in Hell.

Sometimes I cannot help but wonder if I'm really better than Voldemort.

My poor sweet innocent Lisa, please forgive me for doing this to you. Now I will have to go in and face my fate tomorrow. For tonight I need to finally bury the past with Lisa.


Well I'm suspended from Torchwood. I was expecting something a lot worse. Maybe I can get caught up on my reading or something. I have to admit I do deserve a break. I haven't had a real one in years.

Relaxation sounds wonderful.

Ianto Jones quietly walked around his apartment. He quietly smiled at Hedwig.

"Hello, girl. You want to go out to fly?"

Hedwig hooted softly, gently nipping Ianto's fingers as he lets her out.

"Be careful, girl." He says fondly as Hedwig flies out. "You're all I have now besides Crookshanks. Come here, Crookshanks, time for some dinner." He called as the Kneazle mix stalked over. He quietly put the food in his bowl.

"There you are old man." He whispered, gently petting the soft orange head. He walked over to start dinner when the doorbell rang. "Now who the devil is that?" He murmured as he looked through the peephole. His blue eyes widened at the sight of Captain Jack Harkness on his doorstep.

He quickly opened the door.

"Sir? What are doing here?"

"Hello yourself, Ianto. I decided I wanted to get to know you better. You know, show you I'm not a monster."

"Sir, I said a lot of things I didn't mean yesterday."

"I understand. Still, it's extra cheese and pepperoni."

Ianto felt his stomach growl. "Fine, come in. Mind Crookshanks though."


"My friend's cat, she left him to me when she died." He said sadly. He barely noticed the look of sympathy on Jack's face. "It was a long time ago, sir. Please don't apologize."

He walked through the apartment filled with books, movies, and other various things. It was messy and cozy, different from his detached and orderly personality at work.

"Well are you gonna stand there all night, sir, or are you going to sit down?"

Jack shook his head and quietly took a seat. Ianto went about cutting up the pizza and smiled softly. Maybe someone really did want to know him…just Ianto Jones and not Harry Potter.

Sooner or later some secrets are bound to come out.

H.N.: Well that was my first chapter! Please review! I hope people will enjoy this fic! I also hope I did everyone alright.