Kim Possible: Throw Me Something Mister!
Disclaimer: Kim and the gang belong to Disney. All else mentioned belong to who and what they belong to... also.
Once again, thanks to screaming phoenix for his oversight and mad beta skills. His advice helped me keep the flow going in this tale and his additions to some of the dialogue was right on as well. I hope you enjoy what has been put on display before you.
Also, many thanks to the gracious Thomas Linquist for loaning Sarah to me here for this tale. I promise I won't let her get dinged (as if she would allow anything like this to happen to her) in anyway while helping me tell this tale of best intentions for a girl's day out at Mardi Gras gone so badly out of whack as I hope to portray here.
And again, shoutouts to the following for their reviews and encouragements to me as I work through RL and get this out as best I can: Sentinel103, Thomas Linquist, screaming phoenix, JCS1966, whitem, waveform, babbitezrulez, Michael Howard, Data Seeker and tanith-4486.
Chapter 4: Hey!
After a few seconds, the ladies looked at each other… then at the guys, who were looking at the Kimmunicator in Ron's hand… then each other… then the guys back to the ladies… then each back to the Kimmunicator.
Then all four, at the same time, started to shake… then shudder… the women fell back into the couch, laughing uncontrollably, while the men could barely stay in their chairs as they reacted similarly.
Finally Sarah came up for air and asked, "Are you… sure.. phhhtt.. that you didn't .. give 'big intake of air'… that guy.. 'snort'.. a complex while.. you were in there? And where.. 'gasp'.. oh man.. where did you get.. 'snark'.. that phone call recording from?", as she began laughing even harder than before.
"Well, it's like this.", Ron started, while rubbing the back of his neck, "Long story, short. To the first question: How the heck do I know? And as for the second question: It turns out the Kimmunicators can tap into landlines when they are very close by. Bleed-over, or something like that. Drew and I were standing right near the trunk line to that shop while the owner was making this call and we were talking to Wade. With me so far?"
At the nods from both women, Drew continued. "Though we couldn't hear the call, the Kimmunicator picked it up and recorded it automatically. Wade says this is SOP when the Kimmunicators are being used so he can be sure of all the communications or background noises going on around anyone transmitting in the field. Wade's going to determine what can be done about this so as to not have phone tapping charges brought up for things like this in the future."
"Really? Ouch! Oh my head hurts.", perked, then slouched, from Kim, as she struggled to laugh and stay on the couch while holding her still 'tender' head in her hands.
"Yeah really, and you'd better take it easy. Self-inflicted grief, my foot.", admonished the husband to the suddenly contrite wife.
Continuing, "Wade also realized from this that while we were in that wireless telecommunications overload in the French Quarter, any tech he had there broadcasting a signal he was using or tracking, homed in on the path of least resistance for transmission or reception purposes. He learned that the Kimmunicator signal went looking for a direct, less unobstructed communications path, and this turned out to be landlines or phone trunks.
Drew took over again, "And those signals were boosted, just by being in very close proximity to those phone lines. This meant that our communications would improve, or your tracking chip necklace would stand out better in that mass of frequencies that day, because of that simple discovery."
"Before too long, it also became apparent, that you two weren't headed to Canal St., and were, in fact going in the opposite direction. But what cinched it was something that we heard over the Police and National Guard radios not long after we had gone several blocks in the wrong direction.", Ron concluded.
"And by the way, in our hunt for you two, we came across a couple of surprises that we now know, by that morning's end, you learned of and did something about at your first stop. So you want to enlighten us about that and what led up the chaos that came before that Police Report?", asked Drew.
Both women sheepishly looked at each other, then to their husbands with playful little smiles on their faces.
"Well, it started like this...", began Sarah.
"Alright Kimmie, we've made it to a bar where I'm sure of the potency of what they sell, so here's the first task for you to perform in 'Operation Princess lets it all hang out': Drinking your very first Hurricane. Think you can handle it?"
"Check my maiden name Sarah, you know I can."
"So, does that mean your married name results in the opposite?"
" Sarah! You know better than to diss Ron like that!"
"Oooo, getting a little touchy here, aren't you?", then at the glaring redhead, "Ok, ok, sorry, just playin' ya, that's all."
"Ok, thanks for the apology. Now let me try this Hurricane, will you?" Then, taking a sip through her straw, "Mmmm, this tastes pretty good."
As the redhead took a slightly bigger pull on the straw in the frozen drink, "So, uh, Kim… I was wonderinggg…"
"Mmmh?", pausing in her drink, Kim turned slightly to the brunette.
"At the end of the day.. after he gets off work… does Ron come home to you pretty quickly?, a light little sing-song in her voice.
As Kim thought about that question, she cocked her head to one side, her mouth still attached to the straw. A dreamy smile on her face, nodding while inhaling even more from her drink. "Umh hummh", she intoned as she drew heavily from her 32 oz. multi-alcoholic 'smoothie'.
"I can see why."
The brunette then deftly moved to the side of the redhead as Kim suddenly found the need to clear her airways and sinus passages of inhaled Hurricane, blushing as red as her hair.
"Phluttt… huhhhh… hack…fluffff…kaff… bluffff! Sarah! 'Hock' That was 'cough! cough!' Mean! Are you channeling Shego again?!"
Sarah, barely able to stand, thumped her 'little sister' on her back and handed her several napkins to wipe off the excess Hurricane that was dripping down her face.
As Kim blew her nose to clear out the frosty beverage. "Ahhhh! Brain freeze! Man that hurt!"
"S…sorry, 'snort', Kim. I just couldn't, 'snark', resist. Man, I wish I had a camera to catch that Hurricane coming out of your nose like that. It would have been a priceless addition to your family album back home."
"Thanks a lot Sarah, but I don't think I want any photographic or video evidence of any of this, if I can help it. Especially of me turning into a daiquiri fountain."
"Ok. Ok. But in an event like this one, you know there's going to be plenty of cameras of various types around. It's like playing Russian Roulette with automatic weapons if you catch my drift."
"I do. Hmm, maybe Wade can help us out on that end when this is over. Now how about we start on our way to that hangout you mentioned?"
"Ok by me. Let's head this way, the crowd's a little thick over there and maybe we can skirt them by staying off the main drag on Bourbon St."
At first they had to walk back towards Canal St., parallel to Bourbon, and briefly trekked up to the famous corridor of mirth, mayhem and so many things invested in food, alcohol and the risqué'. When they reached the corner of Iberville and Bourbon, they spied some familiar faces 'holding court', as it were, in a hundred-plus-year-old establishment known equally for the 'experience of dining within' as much as for its cuisine and ambiance: Galatoire's.
The surprising thing to both women was that sitting 'center court' as it were, was the Family Senior, with Senor Senior, Jr, of all things, singing love ballads and not doing a bad job of it at that. Sitting beside him warmly looking on with a very, very pleased and flushed look on her face, was Wife and Manager, Bonnie Senior, Jr. Just off to the side was Senor Senior, Sr., looking like the proud Papa he always aspired to be for his Son.
"Will you look at that? There's the wanna-be pop star and his adoring crowd. It doesn't hurt when you buy your fans, does it?', snipped Sarah. "And from the looks of things, there's more than a few record execs in there too. This must have cost Senior a mint to pull off.",
"I don't know about that Sarah, he seems to be doing alright these days. But it's funny Junior's still in town after last night's disaster with him as the Krewe of Orpheus. I'd have thought he and his family would be on their way back to Senior Island right now."
"Yeah, Harry Connick, Jr. should have done his homework before he and his organization invited Junior to Krewe that parade. They're the only Krewe here to invite non-members and celebrities to be their King or Queen, but the hefty 'fee' that Senor, Sr. offered should have told all of them something wasn't right about the pretty-boy for this parade.", replied the brunette.
"Well the Krewe was going to use that money to help with some of the rebuilding of the city after Katrina, and Senior, Sr. really made it very hard to resist that much money, no matter what strings were attached.", offered the redhead.
"But Bonnie's idea of using the mystical god of music to launch Junior's US singing career almost backfired when Junior grabbed a microphone and shrieked along to some old 'Oh Boyz' tunes halfway through the parade.", retorted Sarah.
"Well it really wasn't a bad idea to do this, and it would have worked out, but he wouldn't leave well enough alone and had to go and sing beyond his capabilities. Which for him, seems to be those ballads."
Rolling her eyes, Sarah retorted, "Knowing Junior, he just had to sing without any of his backup singers or his audio crew there to mask just how badly he sings when he goes off like that ."
"Yeah, but could you believe the crowd reaction to his singing? They were firing all those throws and doubloons back at Junior to make him stop singing! I never expected reaction to his singing to get that badly out of hand. His specially made float seemed to be about collapse from all that added weight.", grimaced Kim.
"It was kind of funny though, that and watching Bonnie ducking all those throws. I thought she'd end up drowning in the stuff.", snarked Sarah.
"Then she saw us laughing at her sitch and flipped us off.", snickered Kim. "But, isn't there a law against people throwing things at the floats in this town? How come no law enforcement types reacted to that?"
"Frontier justice on their part I guess. But I'm still wondering about that guy who stormed Junior's float near the end of the parade. I just can't figure that one out.", was the contemplative reply of Sarah's.
"Yeah… I wondered about that, too. He did seem to be trying to intercept some of those throws and took a bucket flying at Junior's head. If it wasn't for Senior's intervention with the Police, I'm sure he would have been on his way to jail instead of the ER for climbing onto that float."
"Uh huh. After a very ticked off Bonnie pried him off Junior, and the EMT's loaded him into an ambulance. Maybe while he was in ER, the Docs checked on what was going on in his head about 'saving' Junior when they patched him up."
"Hmm, don't know. Well, enough meandering down memory lane, we've got out own meandering to do over that way.', pointing up the street they were going to walk. "Shall we find a path with less humanity in it as we head out?"
"Yes, we shall."
Circling around back, Sarah and Kim made their way up a parallel street, again on their way to their next destination. After four and a half blocks, Kim spied something that brought her up short, causing her wingman to reverse field to find out what stopped her flight lead in their sojourn.
"Sarah! Look at this. Have you ever heard of anything like this before?"
"Oh boy..", Sarah started, when, they heard...
"Drew, I don't think we'll ever get a chance to find the girls in all this crush of people here. There's so many who are taller than Sarah and Kim."
"You're right about that. I can't see how we could ever see them in this. Unless we get lucky, we're never going to find them."
"How about I shimmy up this light pole and look around?"
"I guess that'll work as well as anything else we tried so far. Go for it."
As Ron started up the pole, "Well Stoppable, have you ever seen such a stranger sight? I mean, some of the costumes here are pretty bizarre, don't you think?"
"Yeah they are. But I have my doubts about what some people were thinking when they put themselves in these costumes. I mean, some of them are enough to put me off Bueno Nacho!"
"Oh, in what way?"
"Well right off the bat, that beefy, bearded, hairy truck driver type of a 'bride' and his fellow oh-so-very-body-hairy 'bridesmaids' I saw the other day comes to mind And what is it with sea foam green, anyway? It made the whole thing sooo much worse!"
"Uggghhhh.", from the ground. "Ok, point to you."
"Then there's those burly 'ballerinas' and their their fellow ballet troupe. Nothing like seeing a few drunk guys testing the limits of getting in touch with their feminine side after a few kegs have passed between them."
"Righhhhttt. But you know, it's not necessarily like this elsewhere where Mardi Gras is celebrated."
"Oh yeah, like where else?", from halfway up the pole.
"For instance over in Mamou, that's about a hundred and fifty or so miles to the west of here, the men there dress like court jesters, or gaudy cowboys with capes, or in more traditional masked costumes while on horseback, or in wagons in their parade."
"Ok, so they ride horses and wear funny clothes. What's the catch about all that?", as Ron got to the top.
"Well, the parade rides about 20 or 30 miles into the surrounding countryside, going from farmhouse to farmhouse, asking the owners for chicken and rice that'll be put into a gumbo at day's end back at the starting point."
"Still not seeing the catch here", interrupted the blond pole climber while scanning for a familiar flash of KP red or Sarah black.
"The homeowner asks for some dancing or some such entertainment from the riders before they toss a live chicken or rooster into their midst. Some of the riders get off their horses and chase the bird around before one of them catches it. Once the chicken's been 'subdued', they ride off to the next house."
"Ok, now you're getting warm with the catch here. But still not seeing it yet."
"Well the catch, if you will, is that the parade is all male and it usually involves some heavy drinking by many of the riders. It makes for some interesting scenes when the riders start chasing after a fresh bird running for its life, while they're getting more intoxicated as the day progresses. And it seems that Sarah had taken part in some of these parades over the years and whenever she returns, she's welcomed as one of the few female riders to have a standing invitation to those parades whenever she's there."
"Oh… I guess it makes for an interesting parade when she's on a horse riding around and helping catch those chickens."
"Interesting to see Sarah on horseback? Yes. Her directly helping catch chickens? No. She almost never comes out of the saddle till the end of the parade."
"Yep, sounds like Sarah alright.", while looking around further for their wives.
" Instead she prefers to watch the antics of other the riders scrambling for the chickens. Sometimes she'll lightly stun a bird with a blast of hers so it can be caught if the riders are a bit too pickled to grab the fowl. Otherwise, she's just drinking beer with the rest of 'em and enjoying a horseback ride in the great out of doors."
"But she doesn't get drunk, does she?"
"No, she doesn't and after a few, the other riders don't realize it either. It makes for some fascinating encounters between Sarah and some of the braver Lotharios who get shot down by my wife... Literally."
"Flaming kamikazes, huh?"
"You have no idea. Tails on fire and everything. Anyway, how's the search for our wayward wives going?"
"Nah, I'm not seeing…Wait! Look over there!", pointing towards Canal and at the foot traffic walking across their view on the other side of the street.
Sure enough, there were two women, one redhead, one brunette, walking up a side street towards a lane parallel to Bourbon St.
"Yes, I see them now. But for some reason, there seems to be something different about Sarah's hair.", as Drew took a closer look at the brunette.
"Yeah, I think I see what you're talking about. Well, let's get their attention. Ready?", from above.
"Ready.", came the reply from the ground.
Together, they shouted: "Hey!"
" C'mon Teddy, pick it up, we're late as it is. If it wasn't for your escapade last night at Orpheus, we'd already be at "Too Louse's" (think "Toulouse's") in costume, ready for our only show of the day. As it is after leaving the ER, we had barely enough time to get our makeup and wigs done before leaving home." The auburn-maned Barry complained testily, checking his watch for the sixth time in the last two minutes.
"Alright Barry, hold your horses, I'm walking as fast as I can.", Then touching the bandage sticking out from under his voluminous black wig. "OW! My head still hurts from that bucket I took last night. Why didn't the cops arrest whoever threw it at the float anyway?"
"Don't know, don't care. All I know is that when that Junior person's float came by, you just had to launch yourself up there and use your body as a shield for all the throw-backs. Serves you right. And speaking of him, should I be jealous of you and the Spanish Screecher for some reason? Hmmm?", intoned the suspicious partner.
"No! No, you shouldn't be jealous…or anything. Just the fanboy in me… that's all. I just really appreciate his music and can't stand those idiots dissing such a musical genius like this. To me, he's like Yoco Ohyo and her groundbreaking vocals, or Julie Tenuta, and her scrumptious accordion. I just with more could see him the way I do."
Looking on a bit incredulously, "Yeah.. really.. the way you do…", then violently shaking his red-wigged head to clear those images, "You know Teddy, I don't think you realize just how bad your musical tastes are, do you? Does a week-long Peruvian Pay Per View Telethon for Slim Whitford and Zamfeir last year sound familiar? It took a week at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame near my Hunka Burnin' Love just to clear the yodeling to steel drums and the pan flute and zither music out of my head." Barry explained with a roll of his eyes at his partner's 'odd' musical tastes.
"Now do I have to worry about your fanboy tendencies with your favorite singer, too? I mean you get yours but I don't get mine?", shot back the miffed and wounded musical fan of the bizarre.
"Well, The King has been dead for a couple of decades, so I don't think you have anything to worry about, ok?"
"If you say so. But as for last night, I didn't think I was that bad off, but Junior's bronzed hussy of a wife made things worse by smacking me with that tire iron she found on the float when she pried me off that hunk of hers. That woman was vicious! Vicious, I tell you! I'm just glad she didn't hit anything vital."
"Me too. But again, am I going to be jealous of your new crush? It's bad enough you keep hitting on that spiky-haired blond art director at the club, but you just won't take no from him even when his wife isn't around."
"Well, he just won't take a hint, and maybe if his platinum-haired floozy of a skirt wouldn't be such a ditz about it, I might be able to entice him to assist us with some 'scenery changes' backstage." Air quoting here before mumbling, "Bet she dyes her hair, too. Nobody has hair color like that without some help."
"Not going to go there, Teddy-boy, I'm just not gonna go there. And just so you know the other blond, Mullet-head as you call him when he's not around, if he ever caught onto you hitting on him, I think you'd catch a wrench in the head for your efforts. Both of them."
"Well he's just so big and strong, that I always wondered if he'd ever gone 'Lou Reed' on anyone, away from that nails-on-a-blackboard FREAKY! little bride of his."
"Are you having second thoughts about our relationship, Teddy? Is this what this is all about? Do you really want to chase after those other guys, even those who seem so out of reach to you? I thought, 'Sniff', I meant more to you than that?", as the auburn-wigged Barry preformed a remarkable imitation of Kim Possible's puppy dog pout as he said this.
"No Barry, it's not that. It's just that there's all this forbidden or unattainable fruit lying around, and my wandering eye for a pretty face or great bod, we talked about when we first got together, remember? I'd never hurt you, but this is something that I've got to.. we've got to, work out. I don't think I could do this without you." (Big hug here.)
Wistfully starting, "We've been together ever since you came down from Boston 3 years ago doing that 'Stripping to Poetry of the Big Dig' thing there, and I really can't see you going back to that life. Not with the NEA auditors finally catching on to how the grant money was being spent." , and finishing with an eyebrow rising with Barry's tone.
"Well what about you? Leaving Chicago after your less than stellar stage production of slingshotting paintballs at a blank canvas while reciting essays on 'Overtaxed and loving it.', gets me all warm and fuzzy inside too."
"Stop it! You're too kind." Sarcasm thick in the retort.
"Kidding here! But really, who knew that two 'Performance Artists' (the both of them using air quotes here and giggling), whack libidos and all, could come here, hook up and come up with such an incredible way to qualify for bundles of taxpayer money like we did?", squealing with excitement as they said it.
"Well the NEA grants dried up for what we were doing back there, and then the Feds started piloting some EPA-sanctioned social experiments for darn near anything you could fill out the paperwork for.", Barry snickered with something approaching glee in his voice.
"And who could argue with our premise of reenacting the 'True Relationship' (again with the air quotes) of Kim Possible and Shego, set against a backdrop of environmental issues of the day? Jimmy Blamhammer couldn't come up with anything as whack as this.", as Teddy replied with a laugh. 'And get Federal money to do it, too!"
"Oversight is so lax down here since paying people to not whine in front of TV cameras is much cheaper than the publicity that would come from them denying the funding requests. And regardless of the paperwork we filed, it's nothing more than two guys in tight-fitting female body suits, made up as dead ringers for Kim Possible and Shego, catfighting, ripping each others clothes off while rolling on the floor and making out like minxes before a rabid crowd of bizarro-lifestyled, metro-sexual fans, who also have their own Federally funded projects."
"Now, now, you know it's followed up with a socially or environmentally conscious thought of the day. Raising awareness and the consciousnesses of the ignorant and unknowing is our civic duty. And that's how we adhere to the terms of the grant money contract.", with a hand over the Tedster's heart, a patriotic tone in his voice.
Barry was amazed that his partner could say that last statement with as straight a face as he did.
"Right before we rake in all the tips and cash tossed onstage by our adoring fans. It's not a very big crowd, but it's surprising that there are, in one place, as many fans of Kim and Shego hooking up as we've seen. It is a steady turnout, so I'm glad we won't have an economic downturn to worry about for the foreseeable future.", replied Barry.
Privately he wondered how anybody could ever believe some of the tripe that people published about these two. Even he could see that it was nonsense. Now that blond she was hooked up with, 'Oh yeah!, he swooned. He always had a weakness for tall athletic, yet sensitive, blonds. Too bad all the good ones were taken or straight
"That'll eventually end when our fans' Federal gravy train runs its course too. But until then, we're going to rake in as much as we can. Now, since you mentioned Shego, how does 'her' hair look on me? That bandage sticks out a bit and its bulk makes for a tight fit with the wig."
"Well, it does look a bit lumpy around the hairline and the white does stick out a bit. But you should be ok once we get….", Barry started to explain,pausing when over to the side he heard…
Well, Kim and Sarah have begun their girl's day out, Hurricanes and all. Something has caught Kim's attention and just maybe Sarah might know a little bit about that as this unfolds. Can't wait to see the redhead's reaction to what she's found and who is actually a part of it. This will take some time to put together, but this will come out as I can write it.
Now the husbands are searching high and low for their wives and seem to have come across them as their bit closes. But the $64 question to that is: Have they?
And here are a couple of new faces wearing familiar faces. They will fit in with the next chapter and then the fun begins. For the husbands and their wives, both 'sets' of them.
Hope you enjoy and send a line or a review.