Crowley furrowed his brow as he pulled a book off of the shelf. "Angel… what the he- on earth is this?"

"Hmn?" Aziraphale glanced up distractedly, busy reorganizing his precious bibles. "Oh, that shelf is the books I actually don't mind selling. That's why they're different than the rest."

"Yeah, except I didn't find it on that shelf." Crowley said, still looking at the book incredulously, turning it over in his hands.

Aziraphale sighed. He'd been hoping Crowley would lose interest and be quiet. "What book is it?"

A smirk made its way onto Crowley's face. He cleared his throat dramatically, and then, in his best impersonation of a male porn star, he read, "The newest book in the Harelquin series Lust, 'Dancing on Silken Bedsheets' is a thrilling and sultry read that will keep you absolutely riveted! Marlena, the gorgeous yet shy and bookish heroine, meets her true love in an abrasive yet suave businessman in this risque tale of sex and…"

Aziraphale gave an embarassed squeak, his face bright red. He dived for the book, but Crowley, who was now laughing, held it just out of his reach. There were definite advantages to being the tall, lanky sort of human.

"So, angel… how'd you come by a book like this?" Crowley asked, still holding it as high as he could so Aziraphale couldn't grab it.

"Crowley, put it away…" Aziraphale pleaded, still blushing furiously.

"You seriously can't expect me to leave this alone…" Crowley said, grinning like a fool. He put an arm to Aziraphale's chest to keep him away, bringing the book down lower and flipping to a page. "Benjamin entered the musty used bookshop, looking just as modern and perfect as ever in his expensive black suit. Marlena peered over the top of Hamlet, which she was re-reading for the fifth time, a blush coming to her cheeks even as she saw him. He came to her without a word, brushing her blonde hair from her eyes…"

"Crowley…" Aziraphale looked as though he might actually die of embarassment, if that were possible. Crowley pitied him for a fraction of a second, but only that; he had a sneaking suspicion he knew what this was about…

He flipped to another page. "Oh, look, a good bit… 'Marlena gasped in pleasure as Benjamin bent her over her own dusty desk, her naked breasts pressing against the hard surface. She could feel the man's presence behind her, and then she felt his hard, hot wand pressing against her bare milky thigh…' hot wand? Milky thighs? Who reads this shit?" Crowley said as he burst into laughter again.

Aziraphale blinked, and the book disappeared from Crowley's hands and appeared in his. "I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner…" he said, sounding relieved.

Crowley thought about snatching the book back, but decided it wasn't really worth it. He smirked and leaned on the nearby shelf. "Sooo… why do have that book?"

The angel went red again, hugging the book to his chest in what looked like an unconcious action. "I… I just came across it, that's all."

"Right." Crowley raised his eyebrows. "You know, this book… really reminds me of something." He knew this was the moment he'd been waiting for. Perfect. Maybe there really was something to the whole ineffibility thing after all.

"Does it?" Aziraphale said in a tiny squeak of a voice.

Crowley nodded nonchalantly. "Benjamin… he's a pretty incredible guy, isn't he? I'm sure he's really dashing and handsome too. You like him?" He took a step towards the angel. "I mean, face the facts, you're not reading this book for the beautiful women…"

Aziraphale's eyes went wide, and he took a step back.

"And this Marlena…" Crowley glanced around the shop, "I bet she could really take a few pages out of your… er… books. Your décor may be lacking… fairly seriously… but I'm sure Marlena doesn't have a ridiculously large collection of bibles." He took another step forwards.

Aziraphale squeaked yet again, trying to back up further. He couldn't, there was a bookshelf behind him.

Crowley rested his hand next to Aziraphale's head, using his other to brush the hair out of the angel's eyes. "Okay, so you're not reading Hamlet, but it'll have to do… Shakespeare was never your favorite anyways. So, there's just one thing missing…"

"Crowley?" Aziraphale said in a shaky whisper.


"Are you… serious?"

"Do you want me to be?" Crowley asked, raising his eyebrows.

Aziraphale nodded dumbly, looking throughly shell-shocked.

"Then I'll need the book." Crowley pulled it from his hands. "You're not much of a conversationalist right now, are you?" He flipped through the book, trying to find the page he was on before.

Aziraphale blinked several times, and seemed to come out of his shocked state. "What do you want me to say?" He grabbed the book back and opened it to a random place. "Oh, Benjamin, you make my heart beat faster and the place between my le-" he looked mortified, shoving the book against Crowley's chest. "Because I'm not saying that."

"I'm fine with that, really." Crowley said, looking as incredulous as he had before. "I don't know much about books and I know that's awful writing. What I do want you to say…" he smiled, and it was rather predatory. "Is that I'm sexier than Benjamin."

Aziraphale's cheeks colored slightly, but he smiled nonetheless. "I'm not saying that either."

"Oh, come on, this has been a long time coming." Crowley steered Aziraphale towards his desk, which in the cramped shop meant they didn't have to go far. He span the angel around, pushing him down on the desk. "Right. Oh, wait, something about milky thighs. Aren't you supposed to be naked?" He blinked, and Aziraphale was naked. The angel squeaked yet again.


Crowley sighed. "Wait, don't tell me. Your people would get you in shit for this, wouldn't they?"

Aziraphale shook his head. "It's ineffable, right? So I'm fairly sure they can't. But aren't we moving a little fast? Maybe we should give this some thought."

"We've known each other six thousand years, angel, don't be ridiculous. Now, am I supposed to be naked too?" Crowley leafed through the book, again trying to find the page. "Mmm… nope, Benjamin leaves his pants on."


"What now?"

"That's a really horrible book."

"… I've kind of noticed. Your point is?"

"My point is, the couch in the back would be much more comfortable. Also, if you try to call me Marlena I'll smite you."

"Is this sexy smiting or more traditional smiting? Because that'll change my answer…"

"Just shut up, Crowley."