ღღ The Cover Girl ღღ


A/N: FemNaru again guys. Don't like it, press back/ctrl+F4/alt+F4. I think I'm slowly turning into an exclusive FemNaru writer, though I'll write something pitting against that in the near future, if I have the time that is.

Anyway, story begins with Naruto's three-year training trip with Jiraiya. If you've read my other fic, you would've noticed it also begins in the same timeline. What can I say? It's the latency period for Naruto. All you need is your creative wits and voilà!

SasuFemNaru, just like my other fic. Story was initially GaaFemNaru, but I thought it over and decided Sasuke would be more responsive (and pissed) to Naruto.

This is NOT yaoi btw!


▓ ஐ ▲ ≌ ﺴ۩ ▓ ஐ ▲≌ ﺴ۩ For Broken Sexed Up Bloody Kitten ▓ ஐ ▲ ≌ ﺴ۩ ▓ ஐ ▲ ≌ ﺴ۩ ۝


۝

I. bUsTeD!

He and Jiraiya were well beyond Konoha's boundary when his hell started. Naruto was quiet for the most part of the trip. He was still feeling devastated from his sudden departure from the village and ultimately everyone.

Last thing Naruto remembered was recuperating from the recent retrieval mission before Jiraiya busted in and started doing this lameass speech and convinced him in his current state. But he guessed it was better than moping around and knocking on every Jounin's front door, asking for personal training. Kakashi seemed more aloof after the whole Sasuke ordeal. Not that he was ever approachable since the beginning.

Now he was rambling. Where was he again?

Oh yeah, the whole hell thing.

"Drop the seal Naruto," Jiraiya blurted out suddenly. As simple as that.


"Huh? Whaddya mean, old man?!" Naruto said, almost yelling as usual. Jiraiya winced at this.

"Keep it down, will you? No wonder you didn't hear me well. All that yelling of yours is starting to get to your ears!"

"No it's not, Ero-sennin! And stop being such a wimp!"

Jiraiya snorted at this. "Pft! How dare you, a mere scrawny female, call the Great Toad Hermit a wimp?"

"…"

"Ah, you come before me unprepared and now you are caught speechless in the presence of this—!"

"What did you call me?"

"Idiot, I call you a lot of things worse."

"I SAID, WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

Jiraiya was rather taken aback. His sight lingered towards Naruto's flushed face. Then something hit him on the head, figuratively of course. "I know your secret if that's what you're wondering. I just asked you to drop the seal, remember?"


"Thirteen years ago, I held witness to the birth of a child. And that's you of course. What's just off about that is that I remember perfectly clear that the child is a girl." Jiraiya gave Naruto an appraising look to emphasize his point. "When I saw you years later and discovered it was you, I became suspicious. So I began wondering. Sex change? Hell no! Henge? Too plain. Genjutsu? None of the nullifying jutsus would work on you."

"So, w-what d'you wanna s-say?" Naruto stuttered. But made up for it with a cry of, "YOU FUCKING OLD FART!"

"God, kiddo! Where was I? Oh yeah, I thought it can only be the work of a seal. Something complicated for you but not for others. That only means someone else has done it to protect you in some way. It was old man Sarutobi, I guess?"

"…Yeah."

"Ah, I see. So now that's solved, drop the seal. I'm sure you're taught how to."

"What?! No way in hell!" Naruto paused and added, "You pervert!"

"Oh please, you're the biggest turn-off any man could ever meet."

"I dare you to say that again!"

Jiraiya seemed to linger, as if in contemplation, and then said, "Nah, too long."

"GAH!!"


After much persuasion and, not to mention, eleven bowls of ramen from the nearest town, Naruto deactivated the seal. The ramen wasn't as good as Ichiraku's but it was enough to fool her ramen-deprived appetite. Now, Naruto had to walk around 24/7 in her true form, which pisses her off by the way. But before she could get royally pissed, she asked Ero-sennin why the hell she had to drop the seal the first thing they entered their hotel room.

As quick as she asked, Jiraiya was on his feet, closing curtains and doing some weird jutsus.

"Hey! What the hell you doing?!"

"Shhh! Shut it, brat!"

"Well if you'd only explain…"

"How many people do you think knows you're traveling with me?"

"Uh…everyone I know?" Naruto blurted the most obvious answer. But she seemed more uncertain with it as the seconds flew. And this stunned her.

"Actually no. Only four people in Konoha do. And that would be Tsunade-hime, Shizune, your friend Sakura and Kakashi."

"Wait, what? Only them? Well right now everyone must know about it, considering how fast news—"

"Don't you understand why there are only four people, moron?"

Naruto fumed. "Obviously no! Why is it then, genius?"

"Akatsuki, Naruto."

Naruto immediately stopped fuming. She turned to Jiraiya as comprehension dawned on her.

"And also the reason why I asked you, brat, to drop the seal."

Since then Naruto decided to follow Jiraiya's serious orders obediently.


There was moment of awkward silence. Naruto just gave him an open look of guilt when Jiraiya suddenly grabbed her and made her sway with him.

"I CAN MAKE THE RUNNER STUMBLE! I CAN MAKE THE FINAL BLOCK! AND I CAN MAKE EVERY TACKLE AT THE SOUND OF THE WHISTLE—!"

"Whaa! Shut up! Shut up!" Naruto tried to wiggle out of his grasp but failed miserably.

"—I CAN MAKE ALL THE STADIUMS ROCK! I CAN MAKE TONIGHT—"

The pitiful excuse for a song was cut off by a painful sound of a crack of a certain person's skull that resounded throughout their small hotel room. Jiraiya immediately released the small girl.

"OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! What the hell was that for?!" He yowled while rubbing his forehead.

"You fucking old fart with totally no taste! You didn't have to go that far! The song's already lame without you singing it!"

"What?! That song happens to be my favorite song of all time, thank you!"

"Lame-o!" Naruto hated to admit to Ero-sennin but she was grateful he decided to break the awkward silence. But that didn't mean she was going to let him off that easily after scarring her ear drums!

And then began the squabbling, hair pulling (on Naruto's part) and only-God-knows-else that lasted throughout the whole afternoon but stopped when Naruto's stomach gave an ugly growl.


"Ah! Now that's over… DINNER TIME!" Naruto gave a good hard smack on her belly at that.

"Wait! Naruto!" Jiraiya yelled at her while tugging on her arm.

Naruto glared at him. "What? Give me a rest, will you?"

"Okay, no more fighting so we can all get dinner, but before that there's something I'd like to discuss with you."

"Argh! Piss off, Ero-sennin! Put that on hold till dinner!"

"No, it's important," Jiraiya said seriously and Naruto quieted down immediately at the face he made. "Since we're trying to change your identity here, we might as well change everything about you."

"Huh?!"

"Let's start with your name."

"Hold on a sec! You're changing my name?"

"Yeah, but only for your cover. Not in paper of course. Shall I do the honors of giving suggestions?"

"…"

"Cough! Okay what about Naruko?"

"Huh?! Seriously now! What a way to blow up a cover!"

"Okay…maybe you're right. How about Narue?"

"Fucking old retarded lameass with the brains of a pea, should've known—"

"Uh, how about Naruta? Ah, Narueto! No, maybe Naruka!"

"No, no and no! You…! Ugh! Just hurry the hell up already!"

"Well shut up and help me with this, we could be over by now you know!"


In the end, they both settled for Noriko. Jiraiya thought it was a beautiful name. Naruto thought it was an okay name. Naruto headed to the door after that but Jiraiya said her surname had to be changed too. Naruto was more pissed off by then. But she was taken aback when only a single suggestion was made and they were off for dinner. But she was more taken aback when Jiraiya gave her an added identity after that.

"Namikaze," Jiraiya had said. "That's going to be your new last name. No buts, brat. Namikaze Noriko, granddaughter of Jiraiya the Sannin!"

She and Jiraiya had not uttered a word to each other right after leaving the hotel and even throughout dinner. Naruto was craving for a dessert after her first meal. So she excused herself and went searching for something appetizing and sweet outside the restaurant.

Unbeknown to Naruto, most of the male masses around her were starting to notice the young girl and had their eyes glued to her. Naruto, who was dressed in a plain white shirt and a pair of orange capri sweatpants, looked superb in spite of her ordinary clothing. For a thirteen year old, she had the body and height of a sixteen year old and a very unique face—unique that was in a good way of course.

Naruto settled on fried vanilla ice cream. After paying for her order, she marched back to where she left Ero-sennin—or Ero-jiji as he was now her "grandfather." When she was back, the chair Ero-sennin used to occupy was empty. Naruto frowned and decided the old man probably took a piss.

So she waited and waited and waited. Naruto, who was tapping her fingers on the clothed table, was even tapping it more loudly. When a waitress in the pink uniform of theirs came and handed to her the chit, Naruto slammed her hands on the table and stalked off to the restroom.

"Hey, miss!" The young waitress called out to her.

Naruto ignored her and continued her trip to the restroom. When she spotted the male sign, she yanked the door open to a—

"AAAHHHHH!!"

"Hey, female! Do you mind?!"

"Yo babe, you those fast types, huh?!"

Oops.

Naruto slammed the door shut in total embarrassment and total red face. Damn, she forgot she was a girl now! Naruto could still hear the sounds of incredulous huffs, comments on how "that chick was hot," and some other unintelligible stuff.

The rumpus she caused attracted the attention of the females from the female restroom, the dining customers, the waitresses and waiters, and, worst of all, the manager!

Naruto's eyes swept over her audience and said, "Uh…I could explain?"

No one seemed convinced.

"Mommy, Mommy! What's wrong with that lady?"

"It's what you call pervert, Aki."

"What's a pervert, Mommy?"

"Blondes," the brunette mommy hissed.


Naruto fiddled as she looked nervously around the cozy and very brown office. She would look anywhere but at the stern-faced manager. Naruto started getting dizzy with the brown and was grateful when the manager gave out a deliberate cough.

"So uh, Miss…?"

"U—Namikaze."

"Miss Unamikaze."

"No, no! It's Namikaze!"

"Ah sorry, Miss Namikaze," he said while taking something out from his breast pocket. It was a thin sheet of paper folded twice. And this he handed to her. It was the chit. "Customers are always right, of course, but after that thing you've caused and you still have some unsettled accounts with our establishment."

"Uh, about that, you see I was with someone when we I ate here. I was expecting him to pay so…"

"And where might this mysterious companion of yours be?"

Naruto frowned at his almost mocking tone. Ooh, now she so officially hates serious pompous ass losers. "That's why I went to the restroom, to look for him."

"And you could've knocked instead of giving our restaurant the reputation of attracting perverts."

"Hey! I was, uh well you see…"

"Now let us put that past us and you pay for your bill and we can all go home now."

"Uh, sure thing."


When that was over Naruto decided to ask the other restaurant staff about Jiraiya. But it seems they were too scared of the "blonde voyeur" for Naruto to even get a word out of them. Naruto tried her luck with a waiter not too faraway, who was currently gathering the mess of previous customers.

He didn't seem scared of her, but looked rather amused instead.

"Oh, you're Jiraiya-sama's granddaughter?"

"Uh, yeah," she said awkwardly, still finding the granddaughter stuff weird. "You know Ero-sennin?! Wait, what's a shinobi doing, working in a restaurant?! Shouldn't you be out and kicking some ass?"

"Ah, that. Our family owns this place so…ah well, you could get the picture! Hope Dad wasn't too harsh on you."

"What?! That guy was your dad?! Oh, I mean the manager's your dad?"

He nodded amusedly. "Oh, Jiraiya-sama left a message for you. He said to wait for him at the place the two of you are staying."

"What? Why?"

The boy shrugged. "Dunno, just saw him left with—"

"Some chick again?!"

"Uh, no some man."


Some man, some man, some man!

What does that mean? Jiraiya was gay?

Naruto's thoughts were disturbed by a knock on the door. Naruto stayed put in her bed, refusing to open the door for the old bastard. The knocks became louder.

"Hey, Naruto! I know you're in there! Open up!"

"Fuck you!"

There was a pause and the lock rotated and then the door was open. He probably used some jutsu.

"What was that for, brat?"

"What was leaving me to pay for, old fart?!" Naruto shot back at him.

"Oh, c'mon I'll pay you." Naruto made a mocked fart sound at this. "Uh, well this time I'm sure I'll pay you!" Naruto repeated the fart sound again.

After a moment of silence, Naruto asked him, "Where the fucking hell were you?!"

"Uh, adult business."

"Porn?"

"Unfortunately, no. Listen, I've got no time to explain, pack our things up and get ready to leave."

"What?! Why? And what do you mean 'our?'"

"Just do it!"

There was a knock on the door and a "Room service!"

Jiraiya gave her a quizzical look. Naruto grinned sheepishly at him. She got up from the bed and opened the door.

Naruto frowned when she saw the room service guy. "Hey! Where's my soda and cheesecake?!"

Jiraiya froze at this. Then he stealthily made his way to the window.

The room service guy gently shoved Naruto to the side and yelled, "JIRAIYA! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?"

"YIKES!!"

Jiraiya looked at the room service guy and at Naruto then back to the guy then back to Naruto. He gave Naruto a pleading look, hoping she'll get the message of "hurry and leave, brat!" But unfortunately for him, Naruto was a dumb blonde and stayed still.

"Ah, Jiraiya, my man! Why the face?"

Jiraiya wanted badly to say, "It's because I saw your ugly mug, moron!" But nothing came out of his mouth.

Why does the service room guy know Ero-sennin anyway?

"I was about to remind you of the case." As he said this Jiraiya paled. "But, when I saw this lovely creature," he said while gesturing to Naruto and pulling her close to him by the shoulder. "I think I'm pulling out."

Jiraiya suddenly felt lighter but he was still confused. "Why?"

The man waved him off. "Oh, c'mon you silly old man. I told you, didn't I? It's because of this girl!" He pulled Naruto even closer to him and she tried to wriggle from his grasp.

"What's Na—Noriko got to do with this?"

"Noriko? Ah, this must be the granddaughter you've mentioned to me earlier."

Earlier? Hold on! This guy...

He's Ero-sennin's gay lover!

"So what the hell's this got do with her?!" Jiraiya cried out impatiently.

"Tsk, tsk, Jiraiya dear," he said.

I knew it! I knew it!

"For making one of my best clients temporarily…disabled," he started.

What did he say? That didn't seem right…

Gasp! That client!

The client is his DICK!

"Young Noriko," he continued and Naruto didn't even acknowledge the name, considering she wasn't used to it and busy making ridiculous deductions about Ero-sennin's sexuality. "She would have to take Keiko-chan's place and from now on she would work for me."

"Wait, you're kidding, right?!" Naruto and Jiraiya cried out in unison.

"BUT I DON'T WANNA WORK FOR ERO-SENNIN'S GAY LOVER!"

Jiraiya gave her a blank stare. "Naruto, shut up."

"Who's Naruto?" The still unnamed guy asked, to which was ignored by Naruto and Jiraiya.


A/N: Oops! A chapter dead end. So, what do you think? Should I continue with this?

Another thing, I keep confusing he and she/her and his/him with Naruto. So, help me with that!

Could anyone guess what song Jiraiya sang?

Review! Reviews make me happy! :D