Chuck Bass...I will never say those words to you.
I could almost hear her voice whispering softly into my ear. It is almost seductive, a warm caress that sends shivers through me. She's mocking me, teasing me, ruining me. I throw the glass of scotch across the room and remain completely still as i watch the glass lay shattered on the floor and the dark liquid stain the carpet.
I don't know what possessed me to ask that of her. I've never been one to need or want romance and promises, but I couldn't help myself. Things were different now. The past few days going back and forth, planning and concocting had changed all that. She had surprised me when she called me and asked me to meet her at her house. I thought she had changed her mind, realized that we were inevitable. But that wasn't the case. She would never admit defeat so easily.
I was shocked when she asked me to go to Vanessa, seduce and destroy. How could she ask me to seduce another woman? Did she really feel nothing for me? I couldn't stand the idea of being with another woman, but if that's what Blair wanted I was prepared to teach her a lesson. The stakes were set high enough after the first plan didn't work out well. And the idea of having her wrapped in the the throes of passion beneath me was enough to convince me to take her wager. And so the game began.
Spending time with Brooklyn Girl was a different experience. She was sincere, genuine and she listened to me. She seemed to understand me and was there for me when things with Bart went south as always. It was weird. It was new. That's when I knew that I wanted more.
Not from Vanessa, but from Blair.
How could we continue such a convoluted relationship? I needed to know that Blair could offer me what Vanessa was so quick to give. It was what was missing in my life. It was what I had been looking for for so long. And so I asked her. I risked it all and put myself out there once again.
She looked so beautiful amidst the candle light. She was perfect. And she was mine. She was giving herself to me. But I realized it would only go so far. She would give me her body, yes. Even she admitted that her body wanted what her mind knew she shouldn't have. And so she would give me her body, but never her heart.
I couldn't settle anymore. I want it all. I'm selfish, yes, but I want her body, heart, mind and soul. I want to consume her, possess her, the way she's consumed me and ravaged me for so long. And so I asked...
Three words. Eight letters. Three syllables.
Say it and I'm yours.
Why was it so difficult for us to say it to each other? She must've realized how I feel for her. I wouldn't be asking her for those words if I didn't feel them myself. But for some reason, neither of us can bring down our guard long enough to say how we feel. Blair, well because experience had taught her not to give her heart out so easily. And me, well I'm just a messed up case with no solution in sight.
And she refused me. Once again, she turned me down. I don't think it hurt me as bad as it has in the past. I only felt numb. I was wounded and lost in the confusion of it all. I said it. Well I sort of said it. But it wasn't enough. I don't know what was enough for her.
And so I finally give up. I can't continue this way with her. Enough is enough.
I chased you for long enough. Now it's time you chased me.
Time for a new game to begin. I wouldn't put myself through it anymore. It was her turn now.
I won't wallow in self pity. I won't lose sight of day, month and time because I've drunken myself to the bottom of every bottle. I won't plan and find ways to bring her back to me. I can't continue to live my life for her when it's clear she won't give in.
If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for.
Ohh, if Blair only knew how true those words were.