Something that's been in my head for a while. Just a fic for laughs, nothing more.
I do not own Twilight or the Wizard of Oz.
"Alice!" a female vampire called for her adopted daughter. "Edward!" she called again, for her son this time. "Carlisle!" she yelled for her husband.
Carlisle heard his wife's call and was at her side in a second. "What is it, Esme?"
"There's a tornado coming," said Esme. "And I don't know where Alice and Edward are!"
"They're vampires, Esme," Carlisle said, trying to calm her down. "Whatever happens to them, they can survive."
"But what about Bella?" she said. "If it takes them an eternity to come home, what would happen to Bella?"
Carlisle shook his head. "I haven't the heart to change her," he said sadly.
"So if she dies, Edward will, too."
Carlisle let her cry her tearless sobs, leading her to the safety of the garage. He worried for his children just as much as she did.
"Alice," a male vampire said, golden eyes narrowed. He had obviously just hunted. "We've been at the mall for three whole hours. Can we go now?"
"Edward," Alice replied, mimicking his tone exactly. "You've needed a new shirt for days. I can't stand watching you wear the same one more than twice."
Edward sighed. "Just grab something blue," he said, thinking of Bella.
"It sure is dark," Alice said as she and Edward climbed into her car. As she was getting into the driver's seat, she froze as if she was having a vision.
Edward was too busy listening to the thoughts of some random boy who was falling in love with Alice to see her vision. Edward made sure not to give a description of this boy to Jasper…
"Edward," said Alice, climbing into the car, "as soon as we get home, we have to hide. A tornado's coming that can - and likely will - knock your head off."
Edward pulled his mind from the boy's and slowly turned around. "What about Bella?"
"She knows. She's hiding with Charlie. That's how I saw it."
Edward nodded. "All right. Let's go before we get blasted away from Forks."
They had just returned to the house when the tornado arrived. The other vampires were hiding, though their lives were not in any real danger. Alice and Edward were just about to join them when their house got hit.
The brother and sister tried to stay still, but it had such force it knocked two living stones into the air, along with their entire house and several trees.
With a hard thud, Edward landed on the ground, and with another sound, more like the bang of stone on stone, Alice landed on him.
With the speed normal for her kind, Alice leapt off her brother and danced to the door. The second she threw it open, she went absolutely still. Five minutes passed, and Edward hadn't heard a single thought from her. He hadn't even heard her breathe.
Deciding to investigate, Edward made his way to the door as well, and his golden eyes picked up a bunch of color. Oh, so much color…
"Edward," said Alice weakly. Well, she hadn't breathed in five whole minutes, of course her voice was weak. "I have a feeling we're not in Washington anymore."
Edward was still getting used to all the color. Still far too much of it.
"What was your first clue?" he said. "The bright sunlight, the swirly-twirly road, or the little eyes watching us from behind the bushes?"
"Sunlight," Alice murmered, and stuck her hand out. Yes, she still sparkled, though less vibrantly.
"What are you doing?" Edward yelped, pulling it back in. "We can't go out in daylight, are you out of your mind?"
Alice blinked slowly, not because she needed to, but because she couldn't believe her eyes.
"It's not as bright as usual," she told him in a low voice that only vampires and werewolves could hear. And with that, she stepped out into the dazzling sun.
Edward had always known his sister was borderline crazy. But now, she was way beyond borderline. She had gone completely mental.
"See?" she continued, in the same voice. "We can sparkle, and no one will…oh my," she gasped, and Edward saw it all too clearly in her mind. A pair of feet stuck out from under the house, only sparkling red shoes sticking out.
"The Witch of the East is dead!" a voice cried. "She of the Sparkly Skin has killed her!"
"Munchkins," Edward groaned.
"I haven't killed her!" Alice said.
Edward gave her a pitying look. "Ding-dong, the witch is dead," he sang quietly. He stepped out of the house.
"And she has a brother!" a munchkin said.
"Here comes the Witch of the North!" a second munchkin cried.
Alice and Edward looked up, and saw a familiar face in a giant bubble.
"Bella!" said Alice, bouncing like a cartoon character on caffeine.
"Bella?" the Bubble-Witch said. "Well, that's one thing you can call me, I suppose. My name is Isabella, and I am the Good Witch of the North. What about you? Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"
"Oh, I'm not a witch at all," said Alice brightly. "I'm a vampire."
Edward glared at her.
"All right," said Isabella. "Are you a good vampire, or a bad vampire?"
"Oh, a good vampire."
Isabella smiled at her. "All right, then. People of Munchkinland!" she said. "These vampires have saved you from Victoria, Witch of the East! A celebration is called for!"
"Not before I make my claim on the shoes."
The Munchkins gasped.
"It's the Witch of the West!" one screamed.
A smile played on the witch's beautiful face. "Thank you for the introduction. Rosalie is such a hard name for you Munchkins to pronounce, isn't it?"
She was Rosalie, yes, but she was Rosalie as she had been when she was human: she did not sparkle, she was slightly less beautiful, and her eyes were an electric blue color. A witch's hat was sitting on her head, and she had a broomstick clutched in her right hand, just as Isabella had a wand.
"I want those shoes, Isabella," she told the good witch. "Victoria had preferred me to our fellow witches and had told me the shoes were in my right should she ever die."
"I'm afraid you're too late, Rosalie," Isabella said calmly. "The shoes have already chosen a new owner." And she waved her wand at Alice.
Edward's eyes wandered to his sister's feet. The shoes had appeared, sparkling just as much as Alice herself. "How did that happen?"
"I don't know," said Alice, "but I like them."
Rosalie screamed. "I don't know who you are or where you came from," she said, pointing a finger in Alice's face, "but by the time you leave Oz, I will have those shoes!" She climbed onto her broom and began to rise. "I'll get you yet, Glitters…and your brother, too!"
And she zoomed off.
"Very fitting," said Edward. "Rosalie as a witch."
"Oh, Angela," Isabella sighed, "it seems your student in good-witchery has flown off the handle again…"
"Is Angela the Good Witch of the South?" Alice asked.
Isabella smiled. "As a matter of fact, yes…but she can't help you. As you can see, she has enough on her hands with training Rosalie. Besides, even our power can't reward you with what you truly want."
"You mean you can't get us home?" Edward asked.
Isabella shook her head. "Unfortunately. But there is still someone who can. A great and powerful Wizard of Oz. Simply follow the yellow brick road, and you should reach the Emerald City, where the Wizard lives."
Edward sang under his breath. "We're off to see the wizard…"