I'm nearly to the end now, just a couple more chapters to go. I have tried to get Rogue back to how she was in the comics, confident, fiesty, strong. I like her like that. so let me know what you all think again, i like reviews! (nice ones :) )
"Rogue" a soft voice gently whispered in her ear "Rogue Hunny, you in there?"
She could hear the whisper and wanted desperately to reply, she recognised it from somewhere, and they sounded distressed, but Rogue couldn't quite grasp the right words in her hectic mind to form an answer. There was too much confusion, jumbled thoughts, memories, feelings and knowledge, it was all proving difficult to control and handle, causing her concentration to be over all the place.
"Rogue, I know you can hear me, the Proffessor says you can, I just wanted to tell you that you're safe" the soft voice cracked a little at the end as a lump formed in their throat " we just need you to wake up and tell us what's wrong, and we'll fix it, ok?"
Rogue could feel cool hands brush gently across her forehead combing away her fringe, they were trembling.
"She will be fine Betsy, try not to worry too much" said a male voice, a lot calmer and she found it soothing, for a second her jumbled thoughts seemed to make sense.
"I'm hoping so Proffessor"
"You go and get something to eat, I'll stay here and try again to bring Rogue back"
"Ok Proffessor, if you need me I'll not be far" replied Betsy, reluctant to leave
"If you see Gambit...."
Remy! Rogues mind knew that name
"…. could you let him know of the progress, he's been asking about Rogue since she arrived"
"I don't see why he should even…." Betsy began, crossing her arms across her chest
"Betsy, please. He had his reasons and you know how sorry he is"
"OK, Ok" she sighed "remember call me as soon as…well… if anything changes"
Rogue listened to the heels march around the steel floor, heard the infirmary door slide open and the foot steps disappeared.
"Ok Rogue, where do we start?" began the proffessor.
Rogues mind was under some sort of control by the time Xavier had finished building boundaries between Rogues conscience and unconscious. There were still fragments of conversations Rogue had never had, or memories she had never made, feelings she had never felt replaying in her head, which she found all a little bit disturbing. Rogue was sat up on the hard infirmary bed, her legs dangling over the edge, she gripped the edge of the bed with her good arm. Her head was hung down, the mass of red curls blocking her face from view, the Proffessor sat in his chair in front of her, looking concerned.
"Do you want me to shout Betsy?" he asked
"No" she replied shortly, not meaning to sound rude "My mind, it's all over"
"You have never absorbed everything before" the Proffessor noted uncomfortably, Rogue's emerald eyes flashed to his face.
"Ya right, Ah've never killed anyone before either" she snapped
"I am sorry Rogue I did not mean to bring the subject…"
"It's fine. Ah'll just have to deal with it" she said as she lowered her eyes back to the floor
There was an awkward pause
" You know it was not your fault, Carol Danvers should not have done what she did"
" Yeah, but did she deserve to die?" Rogue said so quietly, Xavier didn't't know if she was speaking to him or her self.
"No, but it happened, you have told me already you tried to pull away, but you could not. I think murder is the intention to kill, the desired to end a life. You had neither of these, it was an accident and you should not blame your self"
"Umm" Rogue replied, not really listening to Xavier anymore "I need air. What time is it?"
"About 3:25 in the morning, but surely you would be better…."
"No. I'm going for a walk" Rogue, kicked herself from the bed onto the floor, and began walking barefoot to the door " If Ya don't mind Ah'd like to speak to you once ma heads clear. Normal after Ah'd absorbed someone it's ok, but this time..Ah'm not too sure"
"Take your time Rogue" he said kindly
" Thanks proffessor, Ah appreciate what ya've done"
Rogue turned and left him sat in the infirmary, she headed out the mansion using the back stair case up into the ground floor and along the side entrance. It was 3 in the morning but she didn't fancy meeting anyone, she shuddered at the thought.
The morning felt fresh and should feel cool, but even though Rogue only wore a fine black top and was bare foot she felt no chill, nothing at all. She mused over this as she walked along the gravel drive way. Gravel? With no shoes on? Yet it did not hurt. Rogue shook her head. This had happened before, once she absorbs some ones energy, she takes their powers for a while. But this time it all felt different. She felt empty, like she had been holding onto something, maybe an emotion, and no longer had it, in fact it felt like a load had been lifted off her shoulders, off her mind and something darker had taken it's place.
Her feet sank into the wet grass, mud sliding in between her toes, it felt good. She could not remember the last time she had done this, maybe it was when she was a child living with her Aunt all those years ago, before all this had happened. There was a full moon tonight, it glowed brightly in the night sky, illumining the vast mansion grounds as she walked across the lawns, going no where but being drawn to the oak tree, her favourite place in the whole mansion. Rogue had not walked this far in a while and was causing her to breath heavier than normal, which in turn was causing her cracked rib to ache, the torment for the past weeks must have taken it out of her, she should have healed by now….
" You no longer require the collar my dear, you see you no longer have any of those abilities, what a shame, you'll have to heal like a normal person now and not like the freak you are"
The memory hit her like a train, shocking her to the core causing Rogue to collapse onto her knees, her left arm stopped her just before she ate dirt. She was out of breath, panic gripped her tight.
"Oh God" She whimpered. That was it, that was the difference she felt. She no longer had her powers now. Her mind had pertected it's self from the painful memories of what happen to her in the labs, but little bits had been coming back to her since she had been back in the mansion, this memory was vivid and very clear. Rogue didn't know if losing her powers was a good thing or bad. She had never even considered being powerless before, oh course it was a dream to be able to touch someone with sucking the life from them if she didn't concentrate, but her other powers where always useful. But if she no longer had her powers, would she be treated like a normal person instead of some super freak. She didn't know which on was the lesser evil, 'oh dam'
As Rogues panic slowly receded, she began to think a little clearly. 'test something' she told her self.
Dragging her self up on to her unsteady feet she stumbled towards the edge of the lake, as she came closer she could see the ground security lights dancing off it's still water, it was eerie and quite.
"Ok" she said out loud, breathing in deeply. She slowly raised her arms and concentrated real hard on making the water form a small cyclone, something she had done a thousand times and was easy.
She shook her head once again, trying to clear it even more, concentrating even harder, she tried again.
So she tried something different "wind!" she commanded. Nope not even a slight breeze
She locked her eyes on the beloved old oak tree, raised her arm once again. This time she concentrated on pulling it from the ground. But again nothing happened.
Rogue didn't know if to cry with a sense of loss or laugh out loud with joy. She no longer had her powers! But wait, she did. She had killed Carol because she had absorbed her, so she still must have her first ability, she was still cursed with not being able to touch.
Rogue whipped around to face the person she had just heard, but there was no one there. She listened carefully for the signs of someone being near. But the grounds where a quite as a grave yard.
There it was again but this time Rogue knew it came from inside her, deep inside her subconscious mind. Was it Carol? Rogue shuddered at the thought. She didn't want to think of the women, let alone start to think she was now residing in her head. But could she Fly? No, she would not try, not yet, not with out the proffessor close by to aid her if needed, if she cracked.
'what a mess' Rogue said out loud, raking her hands through her tangled hair. She's lost her powers, broke her right arm and cracked a rib, lost the love of her life, she didn't have any where she could go, no one to turn too, apart from Betsy, she had a voice inside her head she was scared stiff off, she had new powers she didn't want to know about let alone use. But the biggest of all those problems, the one that made the others pale in comparison, was the sickening fact she had taken a life. Fine it may not have been the nicest life, but it is still other person. And for as long as Rogue renamed alive, she didn't think she'd get over it or forgive herself.
wiriness suddenly engulfed her, she wanted to go to bed, and not the uncomfortable infirmary bed, hers, in her room.
The mansion was deserted and she walked through the lonely halls to her room. As she reached the familiar square landing and looked at the bedroom doors surrounding her, Betsy's Peters and Gambits. Betsy's door was half open which made her think she was in with Warren tonight, but she still stuck her head around to check, yep her bed as empty. A suddened feeling of jealousy? Loss? Weighted down upon her heart, she missed her best friend, and could not wait to see her later today. She moved towards her door and placed her hand on the knob getting ready to turn it but she stopped, she could feel Gambit. She knew he was in his room, just on the other side of the door. It wasn't a mutant ability that caused her to know this, it was the fact she had given half of her soul to him, even if he reject her love he still hung on to it, he always would. She closed her eyes shut tight, and sighed. She needed to get over him and soon, if she was to stay here now she would have to get strong, and try to be happy for Gambit and Bella. 'Ah tried' as voice within whispered
"Well try fucking harder" she scolded her self.
Oh god, that voice. She couldn't look around, she didn't want to deal with this right now. The pain was almost unbearable.
"Rogue, I didn't know you were awake…..didn't know they'd let you out yet…..how are you?" Remy's voice cut her deeply
"Ah'm fine Gambit, just need some time, sleep." she said trying to sound emotionless
"Ok, well…..Rogue when you're up to it, I need to talk with you I've.."
"When Ah'm ready, Ah aint right now ok?" she turned the handle and began to walk into her room
"I still love you Chere" Remy said, pained laced his words
Rogues head dropped even lower, she walked through the door and began closing it behind her, before she disappeared from his sight Remy just about caught the word.
The morning sun light broke through a small gap in Rogue curtains, falling onto her face and waking her slowly from the deep sleep. She had slept with the window open and could hear the morning chorus brightly filling the room, causing her to smile widely. This was the first time in a while that she had woken up feeling contented and at peace. That was until so started to think about earlier this morning. At the thought of Gambit that her stomach fell and that feeling of contentment disappeared with the gentle breeze coming from the window. Rogue now felt nervous, so nervous it made her stomach ache, to soon she would have to face the outside world, see people she had not seen since her sudden departure a few weeks ago. A loud noise grumbled from beneath the covers, reminding rogue she had not eaten of days. That time for facing her friends was fast approaching she could not hide away in her room for ever.
Rogue showered as quick as possible, securing a fluffy white bath robe around her she dashed from the bath room back to her bedroom as fast as possible, not wanting to chance dumping into Pete or Betsy yet. Once she was safety inside with the lock done on her door she walked towards the dressing table mirror. Rogue dropped the towel and was shocked by what she found. She had lost weight, too much weight, her collar bone as stabbing through her delicate almost transparent skin, so was her pelvis and ribs. Black and blue bruises covered most of her skin, and needled and puncher marks scarred the rest. Amongst the horrific black and blue there was also slightly yellow marks, healing marks, which caused Rogue to smile. She was healing and there was the proof, it may take longer than it had in the past but it was possible. The weight would come back soon as well, probably after a few of Wolverines home cooked meals. What was important now was to hide the damage from the others, so she pretend the last few weeks was one horrific nightmare.
Rogue through on her fluffy pink robe and started to dry her hair, it was so long now it brushed the top of her bottom, ticking her back. It was still thick, curly and red, a colour she had loved all her life, she had never wanted to dye her hair or change it in anyway, even the white hair that framed her face, it was different, unusual and she loved it. Soon when she had the good food, and home cooking inside her it would be as glossy as a new penny. Rogue carefully applied her makeup, putting it on thicker than she normally would, but it was only to hide the dark lines and brighten her dull skin colour. She found her self taking her time, savouring the normality of these simple things that made a women feel like a women. She had missed the comfort of washed hair, brushed teeth, a nice smell. Simple things that were denied from her in the time spent in the government labs. Shuddering at the memory she stood and walk to her closet. Nothing inside had been touched, there was some items missing, things she had packed when she had left. But her dark blue jeans where still there and one of her favourite cashmere polo neck jumpers, emerald green of course, to cover her exposed arms and throat, she added a pair of gloves, a necklace of golden beads and gold ballet pumps, and was ready to face the world.
They were all in the kitchen, she could hear the noise from out side. The usual chatter of the younger students, the laughter that was normal every day in this mansion. She could hear Storm telling one of the children off for leaving the milk out, Wolverine saying 'mind the stove kid' which made her smile. It sounded like an average day in the Xavier institute and she had missed it all so much.
" Don't drink all the juice Kurt, save some for the rest of us"
Betsy. The sound of her English accent drowned out the rest of the voices, Rogues heart suddenly ached with the loss she had suffered. Betsy was the best friend she had ever had, and Rogue had left her with only a note of good bye. If only she had stayed and spoken to her before she had gone, maybe none of this would have happened. Rogue sighed, now or never. Placing a gloved hand on the kitchen door she pushed it open.