Summary: She's moved on, she swears. She will not be weak anymore…She swears…
She was swimming. Swimming deep. The magnetic pull of the ocean forces her into its hollows, she doesn't resist.
Going to places that people never dreamed about going. She forces herself to push further, further into the dark decaying abyss, her tawny eyes forced wide to take everything in. Her white, translucent dress whipped around her calves as she pedaled further.
Follow the light.
Drawn to the ocean. Harder. Faster. Deeper. The light bulb that gracefully bobbed away held still. It was waiting. For her. It has to. Bella pushed her body forward; there was no need for air.
Air! What was air? Didn't she need to breath? How? How was she to breath? Panic sets in. Air. She needed air! Edward! Where was he? She froze, her body pedaling the waters. Too far in to go up, not far enough down to continue…caught in the in-between…Vision blurring. No. She needed Edward.
Please help. Gasp.
Wake up Bella. WAKE UP!
Isabella jerked out of her sleep, panting for air. It came in great gushes of coldness and the faint smell of perspiration hung in the air.
"Is?" A hoarse murmur traveled through the air.
She turned to look at her roommate Annie, who blinked sleepily at her.
Her tank top was damp with her sweat, clinging to her skin. Shakily, she ran her hand through her hair, clumping together the hair.
"Go back to sleep. I'm ok," Isabella reassured with a smile. Her name was Isabella. Not Bella. Isabella. Bella was a fool. Isabella was not so easily flummoxed. There was a difference now. A difference in her now. A difference. Don't forget…
"Ok…" And Annie was asleep again. Isabella smiled. Her roommate was so cute. Always coveting her sleep. It worked in her favor when she didn't want questions asked.
Isabella closed her eyes…Edward…
That was a name she forced herself to be ambivalent to. She refused to feel another shred of pain. It was pathetic. It was weak. It made her weak. She was no longer that awkward girl who couldn't let go of her first love. It was horrifying how she was so dependent on him. And when he left, it felt as if half her body was amputated. She couldn't function. She couldn't breath. She needed a release.
Sometimes she wondered if this was healthy. She blamed estrogen and oxytocin. The damn chemical that forces women to be subservient to men. Women get over their first love all the time. Was she so broken that she couldn't even forget properly?
Really Bella? Only first love? So easily passed off eh?
She doesn't care anymore that she loved him. She doesn't care because it was just sad. Sad to be a ghost of a person because of a boy. A beautiful boy. NO! No more, Isabella. No more self pity. No more weakness because of him. Be strong. Be strong. Be strong.
And Isabella Swan laid back down in her comforter, pulling the sheets close to her chin, and closed her eyes. Repeating her mantra.
Be strong. Be strong. Be strong.
And took in a breath. Please let me forget him.
And knew it was all in vain.
She hated Fridays. Core Studio. 6 hours of pure torture and boredom. Isabella walked swiftly down the urban Chicago street to the Art Institute, tucking in her jacket further to seal out the chill. Her grey boots pounded against the pavement as she power walked to Wabash St.
Amidst her poutiness, she was satisfied. Now a student at the Art Institute of Chicago, she was matured. No longer the lanky child like Bella. She's taken on a new identity. Isabella. Mature, independent, Isabella. College gave her the chance to reinvent herself. No more crying over boys, no more silliness. Isabella was grown up. She didn't cry over guys who didn't want her to begin with. Her life was in her own hands. She pushed through the pain to get success.
But in the recesses of her mind, he still existed. How was she supposed to just erase him? It wasn't as easy as he made it out to be. She couldn't just snap her fingers like a genie and whoosh! Bam! Gone! It doesn't work like that!
She spent the entire summer trying to forget him, through any means possible. Her reckless behavior at first made her feel strangely closer to him. But that false suppression only made things worse when reality set in. He wasn't coming back. He wasn't coming back. She curled up and died. Well at least her heart did. Her physical body however, needed a way to vent. Cliff diving. Running through the woods naked. Even an excursion with Jacob. Ways to forget. Ways to carve him out of herself.
That golden eyed boy who dominated her thoughts. Made her pathetic. So she tried to eradicate him from her mind, trying anything remotely reckless and out of character for her. And she liked it. She enjoyed the high that not even weed could give her. That moment of pure thoughtlessness in which Edward didn't exist.
Isabella heaved a breath. The puff of hot air against the chill made a bubble. It's been a while since she was this self-effacing. She stopped at a cross roads, glancing both ways before taking a dainty step off the sidewalk.
Flash of bronze.
She turned to look. It's been so long since she's seen that particular shade. Out of habit. It was only out of habit. No way. Her eyes widened as she pushed her mussed, windblown hair out of her face. It must have obscured her vision. It's been a long time since she's seen that shade. She should know. She's looked. Every time. But this time. It was different. That hair. That broad shoulder. Attached to that sinuous body. No.
Isabella froze. Her insides a turmoil of cold and hot. Edward.
The bronze haired replica. It must be a replica. The boy-man with the muted sunshine hair, turned, that half smiled, directed down. Body, attached to tapered fingers, attached to slender fingers. To a girl. Who was not her.
This must be what it feels like. Anger. The girl who was once Bella, not Isabella ceased to breath. A strong gust of wind couples with the hot ventilation blew at her woolen coat.
Scent travels at one third of the speed molecules travel through the air. Senior year honors Chemistry. Without him.
And she watched as Edward turned sharply, his nostrils flared. Recognition dawning. He has the discipline of control. But it didn't quite wipe the look off his face long enough. The look of a man, starved. His tawny eyes met her brown ones. Regret colored them black before he wiped it blank.
She stared back. Before switching her gaze to the petite girl besides him, who was tugging on his sleeve. Isabella looks back to him. Stoic. Like the fucking marble man he is.
The girl besides him was getting impatient; she continued to tug on his blazer. Edward broke his gaze with her and gave the girl next to him a small comforting smile, before gazing back at Isabella again. The girl next to him looked curiously at him, before turning to look in her direction. Isabella's eyes immediately focused in on her. She had caramel eyes. Pale white. Same strange aura. No. He wouldn't…
She felt a surge of cruelty course through her veins. Of course he would.
"I never loved you. I lied."
He never loved her. He lied.
All men lie. It is in their DNA. The compulsion to have more than one woman. To sow their oats. Only 5% of mammals are monogamous. But this wasn't even monogamy. She had no right to be furious. He left her. They were nothing anymore. She doesn't have any rights to call him hers.
She was human. She was evanescent. She was replaceable…
To be continued…
AN: So I took the original out, and restarted with the prologue. You will see that mostly it stays the same, but there a some differences, I want to put my best game forward, so I'll be slowly reworking this entire story. Thanks for sticking with me!