Not That There's Anything Wrong With That…

Disclaimer: No, I don't own KFP, but I felt like torturing their coolest character (IMHO) for a while. Should technically be rated M, but that's no fun, is it?

And its pretty apparent that I'm going to hell. That being said, enjoy!

They were in the upstairs apartments of the Long and Feng Café, passing around rice wine and various other forms of alcohol, making merry, for they had much to celebrate. Tigress and Dalang had survived the first three months of marriage, Tai Lung and Mei Xing were officially engaged, and Po and Su Lin had formally announced their couple's status. The three couples were celebrating the Midsummer Festival—and the upcoming wedding of the two snow leopards—by playing a game that spoke for the collective maturity level…

Su Lin spun the bottle, giggling as it landed on Dalang. The tiger put down his shot glass and lightly pecked the panda on the lips. "And there you go…"

"Aww, no deep kisses for me, Dalang?" Su Lin teased.

"Sadly, no… the Mrs. has full ownership of these lips."

"And other parts," Tigress snickered, making Mei Xing laugh uproariously. Tigress and Mei Xing were sitting side by side, the females sharing a bottle of wine between them. Tigress was nursing her second glass, careful not to spoil the evening with her light-weighted-ness. Mei, for her part, certainly enjoyed herself as she took her turn and moved over to kiss Po, who blushed.

"Wow, Tai, you sure are a lucky guy!" the panda laughed.

Tai Lung slammed back a shot of a heavy drink from the frozen north—'vodka', he believed it was called—and grinned, pointing at the panda, "You're damn right I am!"

Dalang reached for the bottle and pulled it out of the snow leopard's grip, "That's how you know he's had too much to drink, when he starts swearing."

"Oh piss off, I'm always swearing!"

Mei giggled, the wine loosening her tongue, "Especially right before he cu—"

"Thank you, love," he interrupted quickly, taking his turn. Of all the asinine things he could be doing to celebrate this festival…well, springtime was considered a time when all creatures chose their mates. Why not honor the reproductive process by swapping spit with as many people as possible? This was as close to a bachelor party as he was ever going to get, so he wasn't wasting a minute.

The bottle landed on Tigress. He thanked every god in the pantheon that she was too drunk to claw his face off. He leaned across and intended to peck her lips and leave it at that; she surprised him by nearly shoving her tongue down his throat. He sat stock-still until Tigress pulled away, her face flushed.

"Wow," she said to Mei, "You weren't kidding, he is good!"

"See?" the female leopard smirked. "Told ya."

"I think I need another drink…" the male leopard said slowly.

Po took the vodka away from the other two males, "No way, guys…"

"Po! Take a shot!" Dalang yelled.

"I'm not much of a drinker…" the panda looked at his angel-faced girlfriend, whose face was flushed from finishing her second glass of wine, then decided to give it a shot (no pun intended). He tipped back the glass amid cheers from the rest of the room…then he coughed as the alcohol burned its way down his throat. "Wow…" he coughed, pounding his chest with his fist, "that's pretty powerful stuff."

"Damn right it is," Tai Lung said. "Puts hair on your chest."

Dalang sputtered out laughing and spun the bottle when it came to him, "Round and round it goes, where it stops, nobody kno—"

It stopped, and Dalang felt like he would be sick. So did Tai Lung, who stared open-mouthed at bottle, as it was pointing right at him. Tiger and snow leopard, instantly sobered, shared a quick look before Dalang grabbed for the bottle.


"No, no redo," his wife stopped him. "Mei and I had to kiss earlier, and no one complained," Tigress said, putting down her wine glass to point at him.

"That's because you're two very sexy women."

Tai Lung nodded exuberantly, looking to Po to back him up on this. Po wisely scooted back, breaking the circle, "Uh-uh, I'm not getting involved in this…"

"So what? Both of you are sexy men!" Mei argued.

"I'm not kissing him," Tai Lung said stubbornly.

"Ditto, I'd sooner kiss his ass than his face," Dalang muttered.

"Not that that didn't sound gay…"

"We're not gay," the tiger insisted.

"No, we're most certainly not," the snow leopard agreed.

"So if we know we're not gay and we're pretty sure the other party is not gay…" the tiger began to reason.

"What do you mean 'pretty sure'?!" the snow leopard retorted.

"…then we can assume that once we do this, it means nothing and we can agree to kiss and/or screw our mates immediately after to confirm our heterosexuality."

Tigress looked ready to protest when Mei Xing nudged her, winking. Tigress smirked; this is what she had been going for the whole time.

"No tongue," Tai Lung said, crossing his arms.

"God no, I can think of much more pleasant things to tongue…" he blinked when Tigress growled in warning. "What?! You weren't complaining this morning!"

"While we're young, guys, come on," Mei egged them on.

"No! We need to lay out some ground rules," the leopard said.

"Come on, Tai," Po sighed. "You're holding up the game!"

"You know for all this stalling, there had better be tongue…" Everyone stared in shock at Su Lin. "What?!" she asked indignantly.

"Nothing," everyone said quickly.

"No, I agree with Su," Tigress said, smiling like a cat with the canary; she pointed at Tai Lung, "Besides, I live to see you squirm."

"I hate you so much right now," he growled.

Mei Xing sighed and shook her head. She knew her next move was likely going to traumatize Su, piss off Tigress, and make all three males simultaneously aroused. Oh well, she liked to gamble like that. "Look, if it'll speed things up, Tigress and I promise a consolation prize for a passionate kiss with lots of tongue: she and I will take off our tops and start making out right here on the floor."

"We'll WHAT?" Tigress shrieked.

She was cut off—and so was Dalang—when Tai Lung grabbed the hapless tiger by the lapel and yanked him forward, crushing their lips together.

Su and Po's jaws dropped. Tigress looked scandalized, but Mei grinned, holding in a wicked laugh.

Dalang pushed himself away, freaking out, "The fuck are you doing?!"

"Make it look good, they may go to third base," Tai Lung hissed.

"I'm not—"

"Damn it, man, there's a topless girl-on-girl make-out freak-fest on the line!"

Dalang thought this over; he looked back at his wife and future "sister-in-law", then back at Tai Lung and made a face, telling himself it would be worth it. Besides, if he took back that vodka stuff from Po, he might get too drunk to remember this in the morning.

He jumped forward, throwing his arms around the leopard's neck, going as far as thrusting his tongue into his mouth. Tai Lung was shocked to say the least, and slightly disgusted to be kissing a guy he considered as a brother.

Girl-on-girl make-out freak-fest, he quickly reminded himself. This is for a hot make-out between two sexy women. Think about it, this is every man's wet dream: your soon-to-be wife and Dalang's wife—Mei Xing and Tigress; two hot topless babes writhing on the floor while you watch. Be a man, suck it up and kiss him…ugh, that sounded so wrong.

Nevertheless he wrapped his arms around Dalang's body, holding him closer and deepening the kiss. It didn't feel so bad, he thought. I just need to think that I'm kissing Mei Xing…except she's got muscular arms…and a flat chest.

Dalang was trying to tell himself something similar as he ran his hands through Tai Lung's fur. Just like kissing Tigress, just like kissing your wife…mm, hey, he's actually a pretty good kisser…I did not just think that.

And for his part, Tai Lung felt the same way as his partner. Both males were stuck between the feeling outright disgust, crushing blows to their masculinity by being put through this, and the dangerous No-Man's Land of actually enjoying what they were doing. Gradually—and both would go to their graves never admitting it—they discovered the kiss felt great, their lips caressing, their tongues rubbing together and hands exploring…and if they didn't have an audience, they probably wouldn't have minded so much.

Their tongues rubbing together, a delightful friction that they both tried to deny felt good, made loud wanton slurping sounds as their hands moved all over their upper bodies. One of them (each one later denied it was them) even let out a pleasured moan while the other purred appreciatively.

Then finally they broke apart, both felines panting, avoiding eye contact. They pulled away from each other, moving at least three feet away from the other. Tigress, Mei Xing, Su Lin and Po were all staring at them in open-mouthed shock.

"Wow…" Po said uncomfortably.

"That was…" Mei began.

"Um," Tigress stalled.

"That was really hot!" Su Lin said with a wistful sigh. Everyone in the room stared at her. "Now I know why seeing two girls kissing is such a turn-on for guys; seeing you two kiss was…really, really hot…"

Tai Lung appeared to have suddenly developed a twitch in his eye. "I'm not doing that again."

"Aww…" the panda pouted. Po wrapped an arm around her and scooted her closer to him, feeling a tad insecure about this new revelation of his girlfriend's turn-ons. "Don't worry, sweetie," he whispered, "I can make up for it later…"

"So that means you'll kiss one of them?" she teased.

Po scowled as she teased him, "Su, honey, that's not what I meant…"

Dalang was not deterred, pointing at Mei and Tigress. "We kept up our end of the deal! It's your turn!"

Tigress shared a glance with Mei; both felines grinned wickedly. "You didn't let me finish…" Mei snickered.

Tai Lung's expression—while utterly priceless—was panicked as his masculinity and heterosexuality appeared threatened, and he pointed at her, shouting over the loud laughter, "No! Damn you, woman, follow through!"

"Oh we will…the next time I spin and it lands on her." She high-fived Tigress who nearly cackled at the pure evil they had just done to their mates.

Now Dalang had developed a twitch. "We just made out with each other…for nothing."

"Looks like it."

Dalang growled low in his throat as he stared his wife down, giving her a look that sent shivers up her spine, "You are so not getting any tonight."

She shrugged, and said nothing. She was waiting for him to react. She didn't have to wait long…

"Fine," he caved.

She grinned, knowing she'd won. "We can use the straps tonight?"


"Yes what?"

He gulped, "Yes, Master Tigress…"

The air in the room was thick with the awkwardness. Tai Lung was the only one laughing.

"Ha! You roleplay? No, no, no, wait, wait!" he was breathless from laughing, "Don't tell me! Does she tie you up and call you her bitch?"

Mei snapped, "You're one to talk—you let me call you that last night as I was spanking you."

The snow leopard's jaw dropped—so did everyone else's. Po was the first to start laughing as he stared at the Phoenix Warrior. "You…like to get spanked? What's next?"

Tai Lung pointed at his fiancée, "Lies! Lies, lies, all lies! She lies! LIES!"

Mei just grinned, laughing wickedly. Her face fell when the male snow leopard said, "What she doesn't tell you is how begging for it while she's strapped down to the bed really turns her—OOMPH!" he was muffled by the pillow Mei had thrown at him. She growled low in her throat, and spun the bottle.

When it stopped, the grins on hers and Tigress' faces fell instantly, their faces paling in horrified shock.

Dalang and Tai Lung grinned wolfishly.

"YES!" the leopard pumped his fist into the air in triumph

"WOO-HOO!" the tiger yelled.

"Hell fucking YES!"

"Woo! Take it off!"

Po quickly stood with Su Lin, both pandas waving, "And that's our cue…" Su said.

"G'night everybody!" Po waved, blushing.

Su giggled, "Have a nice make-out, girls…and I'm glad I'm not you…"

Po shook his head, grabbing her tail and grinning when she squeaked cutely as they walked out.

Tigress and Mei were completely oblivious to the randy pandas as they stared between themselves, then glanced over at their mates, who were leaning against the wall, smiling smugly. Tigress sighed, "Do we really have to do this?"

Mei sighed, "Well, they did use tongue…"

Tigress shook her head and started undoing the clasps of her red shirt while Mei shed her outer robe.

Tai Lung and Dalang watched with no small amount of satisfaction as their fiancée and wife, respectively, bared the upper half of their bodies.

"Do you think it was worth it?" the snow leopard asked.

Their eyes widened when Mei began kissing Tigress; Dalang grinned, "Oh yeah."

Tai Lung agreed, nodding enthusiastically, "Oh hell yeah."

Oh, oh my, I am so going to hell. At least I have my pretty little handbasket all ready to go :)