Now before you lose your cookies, let me explain. That last entry isn't what you think it was. Well, at least I hope not.
Anyway, I had just finished the last of my glowing reports from the Chuunin trial exams and was about to drop them Recruitment & Registrar's office. But I got distracted by a Jounin who approached me in regards to some home front business. We were able to discuss the issues in short order but instead of letting me go when we were done he just stood there looking a little awkward. It was like he was torn between caution and immense amusement.
It was really strange because he was acting very coy about the matter. The reason it was odd was because I don't normally associate coy and blabbermouth tendencies with a 6'4" lean muscle machine whose had more than his fair share of war stories.
I finally got him to reveal what he was alluding to. He pulled a heavy sheet of paper out of his pocket. It was the lightest shade of pastel pink. Its border design was nothing but flowers and heart shapes and it smelled faintly like the sweetest caramel ever imagined. I was could almost feel the sugar in my teeth.
Yeah. Exactly, DJ. It was vile.
But then I caught what was written on it. And in that instant I knew I was wrong because this lovely sheet of paper was the most beautiful thing I've seen since I've come home.
On closer examination, it looked like a colour photocopy. This is because along the left side of the paper, there was a very faint outline of a jagged edge like someone had ripped a page out of a binding. This made sense because the writing at the beginning of the page looked like it was carried over from the previous one. Big, curly, puce-coloured, romantic typeset was used to pose questions to the reader and asked them to answer them in space provided. The questions appeared as follows:
…love most about her/him:
Your favourite memory of him/her…
The sweetest compliment she/he's ever given you…
Only one question was filled in. It was the last one. And it said: He said "You give me everything by just breathing."
Lemme tell you DJ. My eyes were as round as saucers. I couldn't believe this!
I demanded to know where the Jounin found this. And he sheepishly admitted that he found it on the entrance way to the barracks. But, apparently, several more nins found copies of it in various parts of town: the communal entrance to the bath houses, on the underside of the monkey bars at the children's playground, on the inside of one of the bathroom stalls in ladies washroom at the community library. Someone even found one on a home delivery order of ramen!
Ren, the Jounin I was speaking with, said those nins brought it to his attention. I didn't hear what else he had to say because my attention was riveted to that sheet of paper. At that point, I couldn't take it anymore. I think my face was red from an inner debate between outright hilarity and perhaps a bit of second hand embarrassment. Hilarity won out (of course).
It took one guffaw masquerading as a snort for everyone in the vicinity to take that as permission to release the rib-splitting laughter they were holding back.
And just like that, K's infamy was that much closer to rivalling Gigi's… well at least in town anyway.
Now, I know what you're thinking and NO, DJ. It wasn't me. Give me whatever stack of holy scrolls you want to use. I will swear on all of them and on Gigi's life that I had absolutely nothing to do with this. But I think I know who did. And I must say that this is GENIUS. The only thing I don't understand is how that person got their hands on the Book of Us. And (of course) why didn't they include me in any of these shenanigans?
I need ways to unwind too, you know.
But I digress.
Ren asked if he should get someone to search/destroy the rest of the copies. I was about to tell him yes when K came barreling towards us with murder in his eyes.
"DID. YOU. DO. THIS?"
So I guess we didn't need to find all the other copies then. What I don't understand is why he immediately blamed me for it. ….Actually, maybe I do.
So after I beat it into him that I (sadly) was totally in the dark about this brilliant, BRILLIANT publication, he had to stand there and endure almost the entire barracks descending upon him and adding their two cents. The commiserating pats on the back from the laughing older Jounin and the kissing noises & the over emotional pseudo-fainting from the Chuunins were bad enough. But one of the Genin telling everyone that the Councillors' main office was in complete hysterics was the straw that broke the camel's back.
K tried valiantly to defend himself (even if in vain):
"STOP LAUGHING! LOOK! I HAD JUST COME BACK FROM A 2 WEEK MISSION! I WAS BONE TIRED! I WASN'T THINKING STRAIGHT! AS SOON AS I GOT BACK SHE WAS YAMMERING IN MY EAR NON-STOP! I WAS WEAK! DAMMIT! YOU ALL SUCK! I HATE YOU ALL!"
And then he stomped off. But we didn't care. We were too busy wiping away the tears of laughter and organizing ourselves to find every last copy of what has now been dubbed as the "Proclamation".
I think I'm going to get mine framed.
This is too good!
K, of course, is not speaking to anyone and has been conspicuously absent around town. Maybe he's hiding at Yoko's place.
In retrospect, I handled it all wrong. I think we went about this the wrong way. And I told K that I will not stop until I find out who did this. I think it's my sisterly obligation to find the mastermind behind this.
And shake their hand but (of course) I left that part out.
Now that everyone's calmed down, they've decided that it's enough. And I think they've decided to cut K some slack.
I, on the other hand, will NEVER let him rest.
Good nite DJ,