Title: If You're Happy, Then I'm...
Disclaimer: The closest I have come to owning House is having a bad temperment.
AN: Okay, this is my first foray into House fanfiction but I really couldn't help myself after the last episode. House's reaction to Cuddy's adoption was so cute. So cute, in fact, that I had to write this little fic. I wrote it in like an hour and no one has beta-ed it so please take it into condsideration. But please review, I really want to know how I am on characterizations. Oh, and enjoy!
If you're happy, then I'm…
Miserable. I'm still here, still miserable. Look at her. She's ecstatic, glowing…happy. She's happy and I'm just as miserable as I'll always be. For a moment, a second, a pinch of time, I just stare into her eyes. I can see there, so painfully mapped out. A grotesque neon sign, proudly displaying her happiness to the world. It sickens me. It disgusts me. It makes me horrified to even be classified one of her fellow men.
Staring into her soul, I know that I could crush her. Crush her hopes, her dreams, her happiness, with a few well placed and scornful remarks. Normally, she always kept a small piece of herself, what I guess to be her heart, to herself. She never lets me see it so plainly, never lets herself be vulnerable to anyone, especially me. But right now, for this moment, this second, this pinch of time. She lets me in. Idiot.
All it would take is one word. One little sneer or cutting remark about her obvious shortcomings, especially those that would pertain to her mothering skills. A few carefully considered tactical moves and that baby of her would be just a distant memory of a venture failed. This isn't arrogance my friends, although I know I have that in spades. No, this I know to be a fact. A fact plainly and clearly written on her damnably joyous face.
She wants me to be happy too. Happy for her. Happy because she is happy.
But I can't bring myself to be happy, I know I can't. It is really asking far too much of me. How can I be happy? Really? Already I have had to fight tooth and nail to get Wilson's ass back, and now, now she too is moving on. Making herself happy. Becoming that well-adjusted adult that I can and never will be. It is only a matter of time before she moves on. The baby will come and she take time off a work to watch the kid and bond or whatever women are supposed to do with their children. But she'll come back, I know she'll come back, she loves the job too much to just leave. But for how long? Eventually she'll get tired of the long hours and quit, leave, abandon me, to spend more time with her little bundle of fucking joy.
And me? I will still be here, miserable. And she will be far away from me, happy.
If you're happy, then I'm…
Happy. In this moment, this second, this pinch of time she looks so radiant and…beautiful. Her eyes glow and her body radiates with life and renewed hope. She is so blissful and delighted, and for some reason, she wants to share it with me. She wants me to be happy. She wants me to be happy with her.
And I, I want nothing more than to feel happy. To revel in her joy, to tell her I'm happy and to believe it. But I can't because I can never be happy, not if she is going to leave me (which, with the arrival of her new little project, I know she will do eventually). So, no, I can't be happy for her because, because I love her.
And because I love her I can't take away her happiness.
So I stay silent.
If you're happy, then I'm lost.