HEY GUYS! ROOOOUND TWO! ARE YOU READY? THE ANSER BETTER BE YES COS ITS GOIN AGAIN ANYWAY! I WENT TO LONDON IN ENGLAND FOR NEW YEAR AND THEN SOME PLACE CALLED MANCHESTER TO SEE MY ANTY AND WE ATE INDIAN FOOD WHICH WAS GOOD BUT ODD COS THE INDIANS ARE FROM INDIA NOT AMERICA LIKE THE AMERICAN INDIANS FROM THANKSGIVING. ANYWAY NOW I HAVE SEEN BRITISH THINGS THE BRITISH OF MY FIC WILL BE EVEN MORE REAL! STAY TUNED!
So anyway there at Wammy House in the 90s at night
"GO TO BED YOU STINKING BRATS OR I WILL TURN YOUR ARSES INTO chicken tikka masala (its a britishy Indian food! Its red LIKE BLOOD. MAYBE IT IS BLOOD?) AND SERVE IT BACK TO YOU ON A PLATE MADE OF THE QUEENS HATS" roared roger but they all ignored him and he walked away grumbling about those pesky kids.
"Let's play truth or dare!" squiggled Mello getting a bottle out of his pants where he kept it to pretend he had a big man thing when actually it was the smallest in Europe.
"Yay!" they all said except near (he was NEARLY tied up! Actually he was totally tied up but his name's Near not Total. OR IS IT?). They sat in a circle and Mello spinned the bottle first. He spinned it too hard and it flew in the air and b-tch slapped near on the chops like a pro. "HEY NEAR TRUTH OR DARE" mello roared lolling as blood explossomed out like a rainbow if all the colours except red were stolen by an evil leprechorn and instead of a pot of gold he had a pot of dead sparrows but they weren't dead they were zombies and they terrorised ireland.
"MMMM" said near which was dare cos it had four letters.
"OK Then! Mello gasped. "I dare you to... STAND ON YOUR HEAD FOR TEN HOURS"
Near did that but after like ten seconds he fell over cos his hands were still tied and he had to do four fits by taking off a pies of his cloths.
Now Matt got the bottle and spinned it and it pointed to Matt.
"Matt I dare you to be awesome!"
"OK I WIN" said matt. Then Dark pointed to him that he wasn't awesome at all cos he played Barbies Horsie Barbie Pony Horsing or something lame on his 3DS so matt stripped off his goggles.
He span the bottle again and hit Dark.
"TRUTH OR DARE DARK"
"Truth!" Dark said nobbly. He believed in truth cos he was AMERICAN and now it was time to PUT IT TO THE TEST.
"Are you ancient kira?" Matt asked suddenly. He dint know why he done it – it felt like a ghost from a dark past has possessed him... OR A DARK FUTURE.
"nopers" Dark said and got the bottle and turned it. It pointed at Beyond Birthday.
"Dare!" said BB
"I dare you to become an evil dude one day"
"OK" said BB (SEE! ITS ALL EXPLAINED NOW!)
Birthday got the bottle and pointed it at samanther.
"I dare you to kiss me"
Birthday was gross cos he was L but grosser. His face was smeared with british candies like licorice alsorts (GROSS) and crunchy (NOT GROSS).
Samanther did her face all scrunchy style but dint want to four fit cos she had forgot to put on her undies today and if she taked off her clothes people would see her chesty bits or lady bits. She kissed Birthday and he stuck his tongue in her mouth and it was nasty and he started holding her chesty bits.
Dark jumped in and punched Birthday. "THE LADY SAID NO!"
"Thank you dark!" she said swooning. No man had ever saved her so strongly before. She could feel a buzzling sensation in her heart. Was this... LOVE? And they both had there first kiss together and it was so romantic that Birthday had to go to the bathroom and get happy.
MEANWHILE IN JAPAN
The fat dude had searched everywhere in his apartment for ancient kira and he wasn't under the couch or anything. There was only one place left to look... OUTSIDE. He got dressed for the first time in 20 years and went outside. He was so fat that he had to run and the exercise got rid of the fat but he was still all wrinkly and thats why he became L!
The trees were happy and the birds were too and the Japanish people walking around saying things. He ate a pocky (its a long pokey thing made of crackers and chocolate!) and looked under all the trees. There was a whud behind him. He looked down... AND SAW A BOOK
The cover said "ANCIENT DEATH NOTE" and in fact it was singing it over and over to the song of jingle bells like
ANCIENT DEATH NOTE
ANCIENT DEATH NOTE
ANCIENT NOTE OF DEATH
OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO KILL
AND MAKE PEEPS REALLY ILL
He picked it up and a shinigami appeared. He was really short and squeaky and had a mowhawk made of blood and skulls but only really small bloods and skulls like mice or something.
YO I AM YOUNGBLUD PRINCE OF THE SHINIGAMI he said doing up his pilot jacket
"Hello San-Youngblud!" said L shaking his hand. "I am looking for ancient kira. Do YOUUUUUUUU want to help?
I DO BUT I NO RIGHT NOW THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY FOUND HIM said youngblud polishing his lever pants.
"SPOILERS" lolled L and they started looking around.
"Ok who is ancient kira" said L cos actually he was bored and wanted to get to the plot instead of have hilarious antics where hed look in laddies skirts for kira or something.
ITS YOU! Youngblud boomed and everyone in Tokyo heard him! They were furious that he had been killing dudes for centuries and all formed a big mob to tear him up and eat him.
"How did this happen?" lolled L as he sent his killer bees and killed them all.
HOW IT HAPPENED... IN THE PAST
The past of England that is
Watari writ the last name in his death note. Every evil dude in the world was dead. Now no one could have evil kids and thee day would be saved.
But one day a new evil would appear from a meteor or something! He knew this day would come... but how could he save it? He had a plan! He used his magic note to summon a new note in the future (this was the ancient death note and you know how that went down)! Then he went to the shinigami world. There he found an angry baby abandoned by its dad the KING OF SHINIGAMI.
"AHOY THERE MY BUGGERING DUCK" watari said slapping the baby on the nosebump to make it wake up.
Waa waa waa said the baby.
"I WILL RAISE YOU CARRY ON MY DUTIES WHEN I DIE WHICH WILL BE NEVER BECAUSE I HAVE THE SORCERORS STONE AND WILL USE IT TO BE IMMORTAL SO THE ONLY WAY TO KILL ME WILL BE ONE ON ONE COMBAT WITH A WORTHY OPPONENT AND ALSO HE WILL HAVE A MUSTACHE." Watari roared and he took it home and started a magic school like Hogwarts to raise the baby himself.
"I WILL NAME YOU AFTER YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD!" watari screeched punching walls out of the ground with his bare hands. "BLOOD! EXCEPT IT NEEDS TO BE BADASSER SO IT WILL BE SPELLED BLUD"
Blud fort this was really awesome but cos he was a baby all he could do was farted.
BACK IN AMERICA
Light was a teenager now and he went to school. Also he had a sister now called sayu and she was so hot that Light had to beat up all the dudes who wanted to be her boyfriend when in fact she was a lesbian but he didn't know but luckily he was a jerk so he beat up her boyfriends anyway.
He found a death note and ryuk was in it and blah blah you saw this already. But then things changed! I WILL WRITE MORE TOMORROW
IT IS TOMORROW AND I AM WRITNG MORE SO HERE GOES NOTHING!
One day Light woke up and did hid stretches and had a shower and wiped butter on his abs to make them shiny and make it look like he had abs and got dressed and went to kira some evil guys... BUT IT WAS GONE!
"WHERE THE FRIGGING DIG IS MY DEATH NOTE?" he swore and Lights Mom came in and told him off for swearing and gave him a slapped ass on the ass.
A misteryous laughter rifled through the window like lemonade fizzling into the iceberg hole of the titanic.
"I have taken your death note" the voice said "I will return it when my evil deeds are done... OR NOT?"
"Ok!" light said and he got his gamecube out and played sonic cos it was the past but that evil voice... sounded Japanish he fort as he made sonic do a loop.
Back at the slumber party in the 90s!
Everyone was asleep now. Near was naked cos he lost all his four fits and everyone had lolled at his ugly bod. Mello had been dared to glue himself to the ceiling so he was stuck there for now. Cool Dude had got drunk on Rgoers beer and started kissing matt who was also drunk and everyone had lolled EVEN MORE.
But now they were asleep.
The was a rap at the window (NOT LIKE KANYE LOL I MEAN A NOISE!). Dark got up and went to the window. He opened it. Outside he saw a shadowy shadow shadowing away in the shadows. Dark got his underpants on and went outside to investigate.
There was a pile of candies on the floor and they made a long line stretching into the forest around Watari house. This was Sherlock forest and in ancient times Robin Hood and his merry man had walked around murdering dudes for there money and burying it in there treasure cave. Noone new where this treasure cave was and whenever the kids weren't learning algebra or being super awesome super agents from L they went here to look for treasure.
Dark followed the candies but he was hungry so he started eating them. Little did he no... THEY WERE DRUGGED.
He kept munching and walking and wondering why he was having all these crazy hallusinations of dark shadow dudes with eyes made of blood and fingers made of the skulls of dead presidents and a mouth lined with billions of sharks all snapping away. He fort they were hallusinations... BUT THEY WERENT!
Eventually he got Robin Hoods house. He had never been here before because Robin had made a spell that meant that only peeps who were all drugged up could see it. Behind it he could see a strange light coming from a cave...
He went into the cave and there was more gold than he had ever seen in his hole life piled around him like so much gold. There were coins and cups and swords and helmets and necklaces and motorboats and tanks and pipes and pyramids and tables and chairs and knifes and forks and spoons and statues of naked ladies and horses and a train and four arrows. These were the ancient treasures of sir robin of hood!
In the middle of the room Dark fort he saw a big dark dude the size of a really big bolder with a mowhawk made of blood and skulls and fangs and samuri sords and a leather jacket that was made from human leather and he was holding a smaller evil clown dude by the neck.
The evil clown dude was crying but his crys dint stop the strangling.
"Put me down" he spluttered as his eye and nose water went everywhere.
"NO BECAUSE I NEED YOUR DEATH NOTE FOR AN EVIL PLAN" the big dude said.
Dark ignored all this cos he fort he was hallusinating... BUT HE WASNT. In fact there had been no drugs in the candys at all and Dark just fort there was cos he fort the shinigami were hallusinations! TRICKED YOU!
The big dude started rooting in the little dudes cloths and pulled out a black book. It said DEATH NOTE on the front because it was a death note.
The evil dude through the little dude away and he went splat on a big pile of sords and started crying more.
"SHUT UP RUYK OR I WILL PUT A MAYPOLE INTO YOUR SKULL AND MAKE THE KIDDIES DANCE OVER YOUR FACE" the big dude said and then he got his own death note out but this one said ANCIENT DEATH NOTE and it was still singing Christmas carols and this time it was rudloph the red nose raindeer.
ANCIENT DEATH NOTE
HAD A VERY EVIL POWER
AND IF YOU EVER WRIT IN IT
AN EVIL DUDE WOULD SURELY DIE
ALL OF THE OTHER SHINIGAMI
USED TO LAUGH AND CALL IT NAMES
THEY NEVER LET POOR YOUNGBLUD
JOIN IN ANY SHINIGAMI GAMES
THEN ONE FROGGY DAY IN THE LAND OF THE SHINIGAMI
THE KING OF THE SHINIGAMI CAME TO SAY
"BLUD WITH YOUR NOTE SO POWERFUL
PLEASE DONT MURDER US TONIGHT"
THEN ALL THE SHINIGAMI DIED
THEY ALL SHOUTED OUT THEN DIED
"ANCIENT DEATH NOTE
YOU MADE US ALL GO DEAD"
"AND THAT IS HOW I BECAME KING OF THE SHINIGAMI" Blud roared. "AND NOW TO MAKE THE DEATHNOTE THAT WILL BE THE SAUCE OF MY EVIL POWER" he said smooshing the ancient and regular death note together to make... A ROYAL DEATH NOTE.
WE'LL FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER BUT HERE IS A PREVIEW!
"I DID WHAT YOU SAID MY BLACKLY HAIRED BUDDY" Blud said doing a Japanish bow.
"Gooooooood" L said evily. "Everything went JUST AS PLANNED"
TUNE IN NECKS TIME FOR THE LAST EVER PART FOR REAL THIS TIME!