How to Get A Cat Out of Zero's Room

I own nothing except for my ideas.

And...I have nothing against cats. I'm a kitty-lover all the way. So...yeah.


Zero held up a black cat with a white spot on its belly. He bounced it up and down, causing the cat to angrily unleash its claws out. " So...how d'ya like Mr. Whiskers ? "

Yuki sweatdropped. " Well, for starters...you don't seem like an animal person. At all. In fact, you look like the person that would go to jail because you beat up your cat. And you're not very responsible. In fact, not very responsible at all. "

Zero huffed. " Hey, I've wanted a cat ever since I was ten, but then those stupid vampires killed off my flippin' parents ! "

" You're a vampire yourself..."

" SHUT THE F--K UP, YUKI ! "

" Hehe...cat beater. "

" I...am not...a freakin'...cat beater ! "

" Says you ! "

Zero dropped the cat with a thud and crossed his arms. " You know nothing about me, Cross. Before the unnecessary manslaughter of my parents, I was a really cool kid tha- "

" That peed himself all the time because his bottle was taken away from him..."

-.- " That was ignored because my dad drank and my mom acted like a bitch, kinda like you. Sometimes I was beaten with our coffee machine, and yet...my parents were awesome. Now I will tell you why I am not a cat beater. Cats are very cool. They scratch and claw and bite. They eat good-tasting cat food, are fluffy, and...and where the hell is Mr. Whiskers ? "

Yuki gave a sinister smile. " Mr. Whiskers is clawing at your clothing. "

" NO ! THAT'S A BAD KITTY ! "

Mr. Whiskers snarled and hissed at his owner. Zero sweatdropped. " Is that noise supposed to be a good thing ? "

" Nope. "

" So...is he hungry ? "

" Uh-uh. "

" Tired ? "

Yuki rolled her eyes. " You're on your own, Zero. You wanted a cat. Now you have to be responsible for it. "

" Can't you help me, Yuki ? "

" ...Nope. I have better things to do. "

" Ah, you can go. I don't need you, anyway ! "

" Okay, then. Bye-bye ! "

-poof!-

Zero was left with his cat, who was glaring at him. The boy sighed. " You're just like Kaname, " he muttered.


(The next day...)

" Zero-kuuuun ! I brought some tuna for your psychotic caaaat...and you, if you're not injured with claw marks and bruises from bites ! "

Yuki stepped inside Zero's room, and dropping the case of tuna, she gasped. The room was a total mess. Bedsheets were scattered all over the floor. Teeth marks were on the table, the bedpost, and the carpet. Claw marks were in the blankets, the curtains, and everything else that was made of some kind of cloth material. Mr. Whiskers, who was making furious growling noises, was tearing up a poster of an oversized wooden stake, and Zero was curled up in a ball in the nearby corner, shuddering softly.

The girl sweatdropped. " Zero ? Are you okay ? "

Zero looked up and shook his head. " Nope. That cat scares me. It's like he owns me or something. Yuki, you were right. I am not a responsible person. However, I do know one thing - that cat is really pissing me off, and yet I'm scared of trying to tell him that. "

-gasp!- " No, Zero, don't say the s-word ! "

" It's true, Yuki. I'm scared, frightened, confused, and slightly buzzed because I snuck a couple of beers on campus. I never thought that in my entire life that I would ever utter the word 'scared', but...that cat's a total bastard. He caused me to piss my own pan- "

Yuki slapped Zero across his face and sharply groaned. " Don't you ever talk like that again ! " she snapped. " You're supposed to be half-emo and half-spaz ! You can't give up on me like this ! If you get killed off, I'll have to co-star with Aido, and even though he's ten times hotter than you'll ever be, I hate his bloody guts because he placed a dead possum under my bed in fifth grade ! "

" ...Yes, Yuki, you evil piece of scum that's a whore to all vampires. "

-.- " I never said that you could insult me, either. "

Zero shrugged and pointed to himself. " Half-spaaaaaaz. "

" Right. Well, we have to get this fleabag out of here somehow. Maybe Kaname-sama can spare us some time from his classes and come over here to coax that bastard out of your room. "

T.T " Yuki, I swear to Bob, if you let that f--king pureblood Kaname inside my room, or even if he touches my doorknob, I will shoot all of the damn vampires in the Night Class, throw them in the dumpster, torch the flippin' dumpster on fire, and watch it burn with absolutely no mercy to you or that weirdo perv that you call your father. "

" Geez, you're such a spaz. Okay, then. I won't ask Kaname. I think I could ask some other people to hel- "

" And don't even dare ask Akatsuki ! He's almost as bad as Kuran. I don't wanna have to deal with that ghetto, hoodie-wearing, Guitar Hero-playing, drunk bastard, either. Nobody likes him, and I'm no f--king exception ! "

Yuki rolled her eyes and sighed as she took a seat on Zero's bed. " You're not making this situation any easier, you know. If you're not going to let anyone besides me help you out, then we have three options. "

Zero rubbed his forehead with frustration. " Fine, go ahead. "

" With every option, we will have to work together. "

" No way ! It's bad enough I have to guard the school with you, take supplementary classes with you, and make sure that you don't embarrass me by doing any girly stuff ! There is no way I'm working together with you ! "

" Fine, then. Let Mr. Whiskers own you, then. Piss your pants. Act like a half-spaz. "

o.o " I don't wanna. I want that cat outta here. "

" Then listen to me, damn it ! "

Zero huffed. " Okay. Just this once. I'll listen. But I better have him out of here. "

Yuki nodded. " That's a good, spazzy, emo. Now like I said earlier, we have three options. Option Number One is to fumigate this room with bug spray, but you probably don't want to do that. "

" Duuuur. "

" Option Number Two is to lure the cat out with food, but you would probably get severely injured, and you probably don't want that, either. "

" Nope. What's Option Number Three ? "

" We dress as the cat's mortal enemy. "

" A couple of pit bulls ? "

" Nope. There is one enemy that is even more feared than the dog. An enemy that is so great that Mr. Whiskers will run for his bloody life. "

" What is that mortal enemy ? "


(One hour later...)

Yuki adjusted her dark blue cloak so her face was in the shadows. " I'm so glad I'm not Goth, " she murmured. " What about you, Robin ? How are you liking your outfit ? "

Zero gave Yuki a death glare. " I hate these tights, this cape, and this stupid mask ! I can see why the cat's mortal enemy is the Teen Titans ! Cosplaying as Batman's former sidekick sucks ! Why couldn't I be the Goth chick ?! "

-.- " You couldn't dress as Raven because you're a guy. "

" Right. So...where did you get this idea from ? "

" Robot Chicken. "

" But there weren't any cats in that episode..."

" Exactly. "

Yuki flung the door of Zero's room open and glared at Mr. Whiskers, who glared and hissed back. She chuckled coldly and the cat let out a small whine. " Cat, you haven't seen my power ! " she cried. " Avenged Sevenfold CD Attack, GOOOOOO ! "

She tossed a few CDS at the cat. He yowled in pain. Yuki glanced at Zero. " All right, Robin, use your power ! "

" Uh, what powers do I have ? "

" I don't know. I guess some kinda nerdy powers. "

" All right. "

Zero took out some pink erasers and threw them. " Nerdy Eraser Attack ! "

Mr. Whiskers squealed like a piggy and quickly fled the room. Yuki grinned. " Yay, we got that thing out ! Hi-five, Zero ! "

" No. "

" Emo spaz. "

" Stupid, blood-donating, whore. "

Yuki huffed. " Hmph ! If this is the kind of appreciation I get from you, I'm leaving ! "

She stomped out of the room, leaving Zero by himself. He sighed and looked at the torn-up room. " I should've just kept the cat instead of teaming up with Yuki, " he bitterly muttered, slamming the door behind him as he went into his room to brood.

End


Btw, I did get the cosplaying idea from watching Robot Chicken. It was the episode with when the Teen Titans meet Beavis and Butthead. I was watching this episode while working on this fanfic, and it came to me. Huh. Who says TV is bad all the time ? ;D