IMPORTANT NOTE:

This was originally posted on my main account, Tainted Lullaby, onOctober 15th, but I decided to move it here to save it from deletion. Contact me there if you need anything.

You have to admit that this is an awesome title. XD

Summary: Axel and Xigbar are sitting in the kitchen when Demyx decides to make breakfast.

Paper Waffles

It is days like these that make me not want to get out of bed in the morning.

I mean, it's bad enough that I've been sitting in front of my mirror for the past eight hours, but what makes it worst is the fact that I know what's caught up in my teeth and stomach. Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Well, I was making my normal rounds around the castle, snooping on Larxene, screwing with Vexen's stuff, stealing Marluxia's happy pills and whatnot. As I was saying, I was walking around the castle, minding my own business, when Xigbar literally freaking pops out of nowhere. I let loose a few strings of cursewords and eventually made my way to the kitchen…where I found Demyx.

Now don't get me wrong; I do love the little sitar player as a younger brother, but he is kinda… slow, if you know what I mean.

Well, I copped a seat next to the large oak table in the middle of the kitchen and eyed him, watching him eagerly mix around a bunch of ingredients that definitely did not go together. "Yo," I called out, resting my arm on the table. "What ya doin', blondie?" Instead of answering me, he went back to savagely murdering the ingredients.

"Me thinks he's makin' some waffles," a voice from somewhere on my right called out. My eyes flickered over to see a damn pirate—oh, wait, it was Xigbar.

"And how do you know that?" I asked curtly, crossing my legs like a girl. Xigbar snorted at my action and I uncrossed my legs and stayed focused on him. "Well?" I prodded and thought about poking him in the ribs. (Then again, I'd probably stab him with my finger.)

"Well, go look at his ingr—child, what the hell are you putting in there?" For once, even Xigbar was shocked at something. I craned my neck around to get a better view of what the blonde was up to…and that's when I saw him throw in a blue strand of…something.

"Uh, Demy, what's that?" I asked rather warily, pointing to the 'blue thing' uneasily.

"Saix's hair!" he declared proudly and hurriedly went back to mixing and stirring and humming 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees & Toes' loudly.

"Uh…" I heard Xigbar mutter distastefully, eyeing the next batch of crap that Demyx threw in.

We both pulled up a chair and kept our eyes fixated on the Melodious Nocturne as he made, what I think, classified as 'breakfast' to him. "So…how 'bout 'dem dolphins?" I asked lazily, twirling a strand of flaming red hair between my index finger.

"I prefer not to get mixed up in the affairs of the—Demyx, is that rat poison?" Xigbar's only visible shining amber eye widened tremendously.

"Eyes and ears and mouth and nose—huh?" Demyx snapped out of his singing. "Um…yeah."

"What're you trying to do? Assassinate Xemnas or Xaldin?" I mused lightly.

"Don't hate; appreciate," he snapped and threw in a leaf of something. Demyx started to whistle again, rocking to the motion of 'Fruit Salad.' "Fruit salad…yummy, yummy…"

--

It was a highly known fact around the World That Never Was that you didn't fuck with Organization XIII, as a few dusks had learned after Larxene, Xemnas, and Saix got bored one day. Heartless avoided the castle at all costs, and whenever a Heartless and a Nobody encountered each other, it usually resulted in a major ass-kicking between the two.

Take later that day, for example.

I had long since given up trying to figure out what the sitar player was up to, so I decided to stroll around a bit, reading the neon lights that dotted the landscape around this barren place. Places like the 'Café Nobody' and 'Nonexistent Library' were places I would frequent, just to see if some unlucky heartless had gotten brave enough to wander onto our turf.

Well, killing quite a bit of my fellow nobodys had gotten boring after awhile, especially after the last one decided to try something new and talk about his wife and kids back home. I decided to humor him for awhile and play along, but after it was obvious that he—or she—didn't get sarcasm, I decided to make some Axel a la Roasted Nobody and watched the poor thing's ashes fall to the ground and disappear upon contact with the ground. "Sucks to be you, eh, mate?"

"'Sucks' indeed," came a snarky voice. I looked up to see a familiar blonde-haired male sitting on top of a building, his short cropped hair and shining blue eyes easily letting me know who it was. In one hand he held a deck of white and red cards, each with the symbol of our organization labeled across the back of it.

"Hello, Luxord," I greeted politely, forcing the words through my teeth.

Luxord flicked a few pieces of non-existent dust off of his shoulder and leaped off the building's roof, landing a few feet away from me. "Having fun?" he asked.

I nodded. "May I ask why you are here are this lovely afternoon—or morning, hell, I don't know—today?" I asked, watching Luxord carefully. It was a highly-known fact, too, that Luxord liked to freeze time at random intervals and whip out a sharpie marker and do the classic joke of writing something like 'I suck eggs' or 'punch me' on somebody's face and then unfreeze time, punch them in the face, and walk away casually whilst snickering like a monkey.

Of course, that gag did get rather old and retired after Xemnas decided to throw Luxord and Xigbar out the eighteenth story window. (At least they weren't human, lest they'd be dead)

"What do you want?" I prodded.

"The Superior wants to know why you left shortly after the kitchen blew up."