The Maxims of the Rich

Ten lessons and rules one should know about Ouran Academy...

All characters © Hatori Bisco

Lesson #7: Attempting to get Ootori Kyouya to wear contact lenses is strongly discouraged.


The unexpected warm front that arrived mid-February had everyone in high spirits. Brutally frigid weather had wracked the weeks preceding, and more than one student at Ouran Academy had taken a nasty fall on the ice outside. Now, rays of sun were poking tentatively out from behind gray stormclouds, thawing the clumps of frozen snow that littered the grounds of the private school.

In the third music room of the academy, the notorious Host Club was thriving. Dispositions were sunny to reflect the weather outside, and if the temperature didn't melt all the ice, the throbbing love-love from inside soon would.

The King of the Club was almost sparkling. Suoh Tamaki served his customers with ardor, passion, and charm, also thriving in the sudden change of season.

"Um, Tamaki-sama, I was wondering if you would like some of this new imported tea?"

"Of, course, my darling!" Tamaki gushed, flailing out his arms in wide, swooping gestures. Like a dancer, he did a little half-pirouette and continued with elegant waves of his arms, off in his own little world of beauty. "It would be my absolute pleasure to indulge in the sweet fragrance of your tea! I will cherish the moment that I shared this tea with you for—"

"Look out, senpai!"

Tamaki had not realized it, but all of his graceful floundering had carried him away from the guests' velvet settees and into the middle of the room, where Kyouya was passing by. Unfortunately Haruhi's cry had not warned Tamaki in time for him to react, and with a gesture his left arm made forceful contact with the side of Ootori Kyouya's face.

Regaining his balance, Tamaki rushed over to his friend. "Okaasan!" he cried with concern so genuine many of his guests began to fawn.

"Are you alright, Kyouya-san?"

"Is Kyou-chan hurt?"

"I'm fine," Kyouya replied, getting to his feet nimbly. His elliptical glasses, which had been knocked from his face, lay on the floor with a little crack interrupting the smooth glass of the lens.

One of Kyouya's fans looked sadly at his cracked glasses as the Club's vice president slid them back onto his face. "How terrible," she sighed. Some of the other girls nodded in agreement.

"Don't worry," Kyouya reassured, his voice smooth and nonchalant. "I'll just make Tamaki pay for the damage costs." He threw a glance to the host in question, who was curled up in a corner amidst a dark cloud of compunction.

A few of Tamaki's designators came over and attempted to cheer him up while he muttered, "It's all my fault…Kyouya hates me…I'm such a bad father…"

"Kyouya-san?" one member piped up. She was a shy, quiet girl, like most of Kyouya's fans. "Have you ever considered wearing contact lenses?" The girl asked, blushing a dusty rose color and looking surprised that such a bold statement had escaped her lips.

"Yeah, senpai. Why don't you?" the Hitachiin twins interjected, eavesdropping as usual. Kyouya's fan jumped a little, startled at the sudden loud voices.

"Your silicon nose pads have already broken off," Kaoru remarked. "Why not save yourself all the trouble of pushing your glasses up every few minutes and get contacts like Haruhi?"

Tamaki, from the far corner of the room, seemed to snap out of his self-pitying daze and rushed over.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you!" he hissed, clamping a hand over each of the twin's mouths.

Hikaru blinked. "Y ntt?" he asked through Tamaki's hand.

The Host King's voice dipped, taking on an ominous quality that would have made Nekozawa-senpai proud. "Trust me, Hikaru," he replied. "You don't want to see it."

"Actually," Kyouya spoke up for the first time, unconsciously pushing his glasses up with an idle finger, "If you guys really want to see me in contact lenses I wouldn't mind wearing them for a while." At this Tamaki blanched visibly.

Haruhi walked by with a tray of steaming tea and biscuits, frowning slightly. "You know, I doubt Renge would approve of that," she commented.

Tamaki looked momentarily relieved. With a flick of his blonde hair he laughed nervously and added, "Yes, Yes! She definitely would!"

"Oh, but I'm sure Kyouya-san would look so beautiful without his glasses!" a guest exclaimed, twisting the ends of her canary-yellow dress enthusiastically. The twins were scrutinizing Kyouya intently, trying to imagine his face devoid of the spectacles that defined him as the megane character.

"Come one, Kyouya-senpai," they chorused. "What do you have to lose? The Host Club may make even more profit from this."

The Ootori folded his thin arms, unfazed. Tamaki let out an audible gulp and clutched his bosom dramatically as a little semi-smile tickled Kyouya's lips. His expression was abstrusely cool.

"We shall see," he said.


Haruhi awoke not to the tinny sound of her alarm clock, but to the sound of her father dropping something heavy in the other room. Groggily, she looked at her clock and discovered that the battery had completely died. Her heart sank even further when she saw the morning light streaming in through her window. The late morning light.

"Dad! What time is it?" she asked breathlessly, buttoning the jacket of her male Ouran uniform as she stumbled into the kitchen.

Ranka was rubbing his smarting foot, which had recently suffered the fate of having a bowl dropped onto it. "Ah, Haruhi," he said sunnily, looking up. "I thought I'd let you sleep in today, since I haven't gotten around to getting those new batteries. You looked tired."

"It's a weekday, Dad!" Haruhi protested as she threw a glance towards the clock on the wall. It read 9:30 am. "I have school!"

After grabbing a quick bite to eat Haruhi rushed over to the school as fast as her legs could carry her. By the time she arrived she was panting and perspiring profusely.

But, to her surprise, she was not alone on the school grounds. The other students of Ouran were all congregated on the vast lawn in throngs and bunches. From a bird's eye view, the lawn would have looked as if it had just sprouted blue and yellow flowers. Haruhi took a moment to catch her breath, frowning.

"Ah, there's my daughter!"

She turned to the familiar voice to see the rest of the Host Club approaching. Tamaki looked a little pale, as did the others, but he wore a warm smile nonetheless. "Lovely day, isn't it, Haruhi?" he asked, as if nothing was amiss.

"Why weren't you in homeroom this morning?" Hikaru and Kaoru inquired, cocking their heads in unison.

"Overslept," Haruhi responded offhandedly. "More importantly, what is everyone doing out here?"

"Ehm…" Tamaki suddenly looked uncomfortable. He fidgeted, cleared his throat, and looked to his fellow hosts to supply him with the needed explanation.

"Kyouya," Mori said. Haruhi blinked large, mahogany eyes.

"Ano ne," Honey-senpai began, "Vice Principal Kazama actually ordered a full-out evacuation of the school today." Small hands crept around his stuffed rabbit and squeezed it tightly.

Haruhi threw a glance towards the building. There didn't appear to be a fire or anything of notable distress. "What for?" she asked.

"Well, it's actually because of Kyou-chan."


"I told them, I told them!" Tamaki muttered fervently, more to himself than to Haruhi. "But did they listen to me? No they did not!"

The twins tried not to look guilty, but their endeavors were unsuccessful.

"Kyouya-senpai wears his glasses for a reason," Tamaki explained to Haruhi, who still looked slightly confused. She felt the waves of fear practically rolling off everyone around her.

"His eyes look too heinous without them, so he needs something to shield the full force of his glare," he continued fretfully. Haruhi, who had been in the Host Club long enough to know better, believed him. With a slender finger that trembled slightly, Tamaki pointed back towards the school. Suddenly those sash windows began to look a whole lot more like gaping mouths.

"There's a demon in there."


A/N: I promise I'll stop picking on Kyouya now. He's just so fun to tease, I'm sorry. :D