She watched his back as he walked out the door and down the long path leading out of their residence. She closed the door behind him when she could no longer see him. As she bolted the lock she sighed a small sigh then turned around to face their house. Dark and Cold, Sad and Lonely, that is all it seemed to be to her anymore. She shivered and wrapped her arms around her to try to warm herself up, but it wouldn't do any good. It never did anymore. Only one thing ever made her feel warm. Her eyes closed as she imagined it. How she never wants to forget. Never forget those precious moments she has spent alone with him. The two of them together feels so good. So good.
She knew her love for him had always been one-sided but one day, out of the ordinary, he came to her house. It was around the middle of the night when she heard him at her door. He didn't knock nor did he have to. She was awake and heard him coming before he was there. When she opened the door, she could feel and see something was wrong. His eyes were not focused, they looked huge and his face hung on his bones. She could feel his need and longing…but she didn't know what it was for. Neither did he. She took his appearance in, and her body seemed to act on its own when she wrapped her arms around him. Tightly. He responded by shutting his eyes and burying his head in her shoulder. His grip on her seemed to be his lifeline. Moments later, she felt small tears. She tried to pull away but he held her close to him. In his arms she tried to twist so she could see his face, but he wouldn't let her budge.
"Sasuke, what's wrong?"
She lifted one hand to tangle itself in his hair. His mouth moved over her ear and he whispered gently to her.
The hand on his head froze. She couldn't believe what she heard. Not from him.
"Sakura, I'm so lonely. I need … something. Everyone is gone…except you." He paused before continuing. "I need you. Be with me." In his words… will you marry me?
She knew without a doubt she would say yes. He was someone who would never hear no from her.
He stayed at her house that night. They went upstairs to her room and Sasuke held Sakura in his arms as they slept. The next morning, he had to touch her. He constantly needed contact with her. He had to touch any part of her. As the days went on his need to touch her diminished, but it showed up frequently. Usually it showed up on the days he was stressed or angry. On the days he showed emotion.
He never talked much to her. Not after that first night. On those days when he barely looked at her, she was sad. All she wanted was love. And she still didn't know if he loved her. After so many years together she still didn't know. Even now when they make love she will always say it to him. But she has never heard it from him.
She can never let him go. No matter what happens she can never let him go. The look on his face when she tells him those three words is bliss. But even so, she wants to hear them him. Just once.
"Welcome home Sasuke."
Sakura greeted her husband as he walked in the door. It was late, but that was normal for this family. Her greeting landed on deaf ears. Today was one of those days where he didn't feel like acknowledging her. He didn't look at her nor speak. But his habits do die hard. When he walked past her, he ran his fingers through her hair. It was longer now.
When they had started living together he used to run his hands through her hair and then down her back. She had asked if he would like her to grow her hair out and responded by kissing her. It was a light brush of his lips against hers, but it meant so much to Sakura. He never kissed her. That was their second. That was such a special moment to her. Even if she won't get anything from him, she won't deny him. She can't deny him anything. She proved this to him the first night they made love.
His fingers were still entwined in her hair when she turned to face him.
"How did your mission go? You were gone for a week. I-I missed you." Every night he had been gone, she had lain in their bed lonely. She wished so badly he would come home. She wanted to be with him, feel his touch. His hand in her hair let go and he ran it down her arm before walking out of the room. A few minutes later she heard the shower turn on. She went to their room and changed into her sleep wear. It was nothing more than a shirt and shorts. After changing, she went into their bathroom to finish her sleep routine. When the door opened, the steam from Sasuke's shower rushed at her. For a moment she felt tempted to open the shower and try to join him…but he didn't seem to want her tonight. When she was finished and stepped into their room, Sasuke stepped out of the shower. The door was still open but she didn't turn when she spoke to him.
"Are you coming to bed?"
She heard him stop moving for a second and when she turned her head to look at him, he was staring at her.
"I just don't want to sleep alone." She walked the few steps to stand with him and laid her head on his shoulder. Her hands rested at the top of his chest. He stepped back from her and cupped her face for a moment before he walked over to their bed. She sat down on the bed with him and looked in his eyes. They looked so empty. He never lets it show, but maybe the loneliness was eating at him too long as well. They both needed tonight.
She leaned over him and kissed his head. She moved lower and kissed his cheek. She dared to kiss his lips, but it was so light it almost didn't touch. Next she kissed his neck. He shifted under her slightly as she moved even lower and kissed his chest. Here he grabbed her shoulders and flipped her over to continue what she started…
Sakura lay awake after Sasuke had fallen asleep. This time spent this way was her warmth. Skin on skin. She lived for these moments, this warmth. Turning over, she watched Sasuke sleep. His back was facing her. She ran her hand gently over his arm and his back and his side. He was her warmth and she loved it. In a small almost inaudible whisper she said to him,
"I don't think you want to be so cold."
Her arms continued to gently stroke him.
"You just don't know what to do."
A sad smile appeared on her face as she touched him. Yet she was still content. Just like this.
'Maybe' She thought, 'maybe if I got him to drink enough one day he would accidentally say he loved me.'
Her hand stopped moving.
'But he's not like that…he doesn't drink. That's one thing I have never seen him do.'
She shifted closer to his body and pressed hers against his. Her head nestled in between his shoulders.
'I'm just being selfish.' She scolded herself. 'I should never have thought of that. Get a grip. I can't be like that.'
Her eyes closed and she drifted off to a sleep of her own.
The next morning, Sakura was slow and tired all day. It seemed as if she had no spirit left to live life. Sasuke stayed home that day which normally would have elated Sakura, but she barely noticed him. The opposite happened with him. He noticed her for once. He could see that something was wrong when his usual way of communicating with her did nothing. He came behind her after having been outside for a time. Shirtless and slightly sweaty would normally made Sakura very predictable, and today she was not. Usually all he had to do was hug her from behind with his hands on her skin and press up against her to get her in the mood, but today she simply walked away.
He didn't know what was wrong with her so he went after her and turned her around so she had to look him in the eyes. Now it was her eyes that were dead instead of his. She looked as if she were drowning in herself. She had never been that way before and Sasuke was not used to her not being herself. So he just let her do her own thing. He would try something later perhaps.
And the day continued this way.
Sakura never bothered to turn on the lights when it became dark outside. She let herself live in the darkness that was their home. She almost gained more life as it became darker out. Sasuke noticed she moved with more energy and a very small smile graced her lips when she saw the moon. Sasuke had gone to bed without even knowing what his wife was doing. Without even knowing if she was ok.
Sakura didn't care. At sometime around the middle of the night, she seemed normal again. After washing herself with scalding hot water, she went into their room and saw him asleep. Her beautiful lover. Sasuke. She had not bothered with dressing when she stood before him. She knelt down so her head was level with his. Her hand lightly brushed his hair out of his face.
"I forgive you." It was a whisper. She knew she had confused him earlier on that day. "I know you didn't say anything…nor did you try to help, but I still forgive you." She laughed lightly to herself and gently touched his face.
"After all, anything is better than to be alone." After a small pause she added, "Right?"
"Sasuke, I'm so sorry I was selfish last night. I have always wanted more from you…It was inevitable that I would have a breakdown. I feel so free tonight. Now I can think. Now I know what I want."
She turned from him and climbed in bed on the opposite side. She faced him and he faced the wall.
"I have decided. It's time to let me go. I don't care about me anymore. It's all about you now. Ok?"
She stopped talking and simply watched him breath. He's never woken up when she's talked to him in the night. Not once. This was the time she always bared her heart to him. It never seemed to reach him though.
"I love you so much. I give what is left of me to you. And Sasuke … you … I'm- I have your baby in me." She silently started to cry. She bit her lip and tried to keep as quiet as possible. This is the one time she hopes he won't wake. 'Please not tonight.'
"Be happy now." She let the tears fall down her face as she wrapped her arm around him. Ready to drift into sleep herself.
After he was sure she had fallen asleep, Sasuke heaved a heavy sigh. He never knew whey he didn't let her know that he was awake through every 'talk' she had with him. It seemed as if she needed the time to keep her sanity and it didn't matter if he was awake. In fact he didn't think she wanted a response half the time. Tonight was the first time she gave up her sanity.
'For me.' He thought. He rolled over to face the ceiling. 'A kid huh?' He wasn't too sure what to make of it. 'That's what I've always wanted right?' He turned his head to look at the woman sleeping next to him. 'All she wants is for me to be happy… Maybe it's time I made her happy.'
His pride always prevented him from doing anything that would show emotion. It only broke once. That night.
He rolled his whole body to face her and she stirred slightly. He moved on top of her and straddled her to wake her up. She did wake up with a start.
She wasn't able to finish her thought for he had kissed her. For the third time. He felt her smile in the kiss. This kiss was the longest and sweetest kiss he could give. When he broke it her eyes were glassy. The start of tears. She stared at him breathless and in anticipation, wondering what he would do next.
"Don't cry Sakura."
He kissed her forehead lightly and whispered something to her.
"I love you."
After reading this, please listen to the song this was named after. Lithium by Evanescence. I give all credit to them for this story. They inpspired every line.