Disclaimer: No, I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy, sorry to disappoint. Owning them would make me deliriously happy, and if there's anything I've learned in my life, it's that I am not destined to be happy. So there.

Warnings: Ummm, the usual? Yaoi...eventually. Language. College stuff. Axel. You know.

Author's Note: I know! I'm sorry! I'm supposed to be working on chapter five of Catch Me. And I am! Really! I just....Kingdom Hearts has pwned my soul for the last year, but this is the first of it I've posted. I will get around to chapter five! It's half written! And yes, this is more than just a one-shot. So don't worry. Yes, I am aware of Cloud's OOCness. I just...don't care. It's not horrible, so I won't freak out over it. Besides, this was highly amusing to write.

So many mistakes! Argh! But thank you for pointing them out so I can correct them! I'm pretty sure I got them all...

Okay, I swear. All the mistakes should be gone now. I promise not to post without editing properly ever again.

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Title: The Merits of a College Education

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College was a bitch, Roxas decided.

Sure, it was Friday and all, but that didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Not at all. And because he hadn't had class until 11:40am, he took the opportunity to catch up on some much needed sleep, which resulted in him oversleeping and sending him into a frenzy of panic as he ran around his dorm room trying to find his mysteriously misplaced textbooks, decidedly NOT being helped by his roommate, Riku, who burrowed under his covers and ignored him.

Then he missed the bus, he saw it drive away as he set foot on the street, but he didn't do much more than hiss curses under his breath since it was too far away to make chasing it worthwhile. Waiting twenty minutes for the next bus was torture, spent nervously watching the seconds tick by on his watch and anxiously checking the street.

By the time he caught his ride and arrived at campus after an agonizingly slow journey, Roxas had four minutes to get to class. He could NOT miss his chemistry quiz. It would kill his already dismal grade.

The sprint across campus with his skateboard tucked under his arm (using it was pointless, as he was going uphill) definitely made the top of his "Things I Never Want to Do Ever Again" list. When he finally bolted through his classroom door and collapsed in his seat, he was three minutes late. Professor Zexion was calmly explaining a problem on the board at the front of the classroom as though Roxas hadn't practically sacrificed ten years of his life to make his class. Bastard.

Twenty minutes later, the quizzes were out, Roxas' mind not-so-conveniently blanked out on how to write empirical formulas, Professor Zexion kicked everyone out of the classroom fifteen minutes early, finished or not, and the class ended.

Was it worth all the stress he'd been through that morning? No, no it wasn't.

Which left Roxas in his current state of moodily riding his skateboard to the closest pick up/drop off lot of Radiant Twilight University, mentally complaining about the sad, depressing thing also known as his life.

A loud, obnoxious honk knocked him out of his thoughts and almost off his skateboard, making him scramble to regain his balance and locate the origin of the sound. His eyes focused on a small black car twenty-five feet away. Roxas could see his older brothers through the windshield, Cloud shoving Demyx away from the steering wheel with no small amount of annoyance.

Roxas leveled a glare at them.

Demyx glanced up from Cloud's impenetrable defense of his side of the vehicle, his eyes lighting up at the sight of Roxas. The dirty blond abandoned his failed attempt to take over the car and waved energetically, drawing Cloud's attention to his youngest brother. Cloud nodded, jerking his head back and to the side, telling Roxas to get in without any verbal effort on his part.

"Roxas!" Demyx exclaimed happily, twisting awkwardly in his seat to see the aforementioned as the back door opened.

Roxas threw his bag on the empty seat and hauled himself in after it. "Was that really necessary?" he asked Demyx grumpily, setting his skateboard in the empty floor space of the empty seat.

Demyx frowned. "I didn't think you would see us," he explained, trying to loosen his seatbelt so it wasn't restricting his unnecessarily yoga-like position.

"Turn around and sit properly," Cloud told Demyx irritably, turning himself to look at Roxas with one hand on the steering wheel and the other over the back of his seat. "As though Demyx needs an excuse to do anything un-necessary," he remarked dryly.

"Point taken." Roxas nodded in resigned acknowledgement, both of them ignoring the middle brother's complaints and protests.

"Come on, Roxas, close the door so we can—" Cloud stopped abruptly, eyes locked on something moving beyond Roxas' right shoulder.

"Cloud?" Roxas questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Demyx stared at Cloud for a few seconds before leaning around his seat to see what had captured his older brother's attention. Not even a moment later, he froze just like Cloud, eyes widening with interest and eyebrows slowly rising to his hairline.

Roxas watched, vaguely fascinated, as both sets of his brothers' blue eyes followed the same path just behind him. How…creepy.

"Damn…" Cloud and Demyx breathed at the same time, simultaneously shifting to the right to keep a clear view of whatever they were watching.

"What?" Roxas questioned with bewildered amusement, finally turning around. "What are you watching?"

"Not 'what', 'who'," Demyx corrected, not bothering to spare Roxas a glance.

Roxas looked briefly back at his preoccupied brothers before returning to his window. "Who, those two?"

Two well-dressed men were walking by the drop off/pick up area to the buildings at the other end of the lot, deep in discussion of some kind. One of them was almost a head taller than the other, with long deep brown hair and intense gray eyes. It was hard to see from their current angle, but a scar arched between his eyes and across the bridge of his nose. He nodded to something his companion said, slipping his hands into the pockets of his black dress pants.

Said companion gestured to emphasize some sort of point, then reached up to brush long, metallic-blue bangs from eyes of the same color, looking up to judge the other man's reaction. It was easy to almost mistake him for a woman due to his build (was it even legal for men to have a figure like that?) yet something about the way he moved and held himself was definitely male.

"Do you know them, Roxas?" Cloud inquired distractedly, reaching blindly forward to start the ignition without removing his eyes from their current subject.

"Uh yeah," Roxas said, not understanding what the big deal was. His siblings were so strange. "They're my professors."

Two pairs of blue eyes snapped onto him, full of disbelief and…was that resentment? Envy?

"Your professors?" Demyx repeated, and yup, that was definitely jealousy there.

"Yeah. The taller one is Professor Leonhart, he's my calculus teacher; and the other one is Professor Zexion. He's my chem. lecture teacher."

"My professors never looked like that," Cloud muttered in a way that could almost be described as sulkily.

"I think I'm gay," Demyx announced, still watching the two men walking away.

Roxas' eyebrows furrowed in consternation, staring at his semi-mohawked brother. "What?"

Cloud didn't even bat an eyelash. "I've been gay."

"SINCE WHEN?!" Roxas exclaimed shrilly, pulling at his hair in a misguided effort to understand what the hell his brothers were thinking.

"Since that brunet walked by…" Cloud answered seriously and started the engine. Temporarily forgetting his 'Use It Or Die' policy about seatbelts, the eldest blond tossed his arm back over his seat, looked backwards to check for pedestrians, and threw the car into reverse.

"Cloud, what are you doing?" Roxas asked, not bothering to hide the panic in his voice, clearly evident by how his words rose several octaves into the stratosphere. "Why—"

His professors were rapidly getting closer. Oooooh. That's why.

"Cloud, stop!" Roxas hissed, absolutely mortified at his brother's behavior. As though his teachers wouldn't notice a car rapidly backing up beside them. Please. "Stop, don't—"

Too late.

Professor Leonhart glanced sideways at the car, then quickly did a double-take as he realized the car was not vanishing from his peripheral vision. He paused, watching the car warily, confusion flitting over his features. Professor Zexion peered curiously around his colleague, wanting to see what had stopped him.

"Cloud—" Roxas began desperately, horrified this was happening. This couldn't possibly be happening.

"Ask him something," Cloud snarled, giving Roxas a fierce glare his status as the oldest brother had perfected. "Anything. Do it. Now."

Roxas reluctantly scrolled his window down, humiliation and awkwardness preferable to the torture his brother would inflict on him otherwise.

Professor Leonhart's eyes brightened with recognition at the blond's face. "Ah…Roxas…right?"

"Yeah, uhhh…" Roxas muttered. "Umm, I had a question about…the…homework," he lied. Damn Cloud.

The other man nodded, taking a few steps closer to the car so he could hear him. "Okay."

"Ummmm…well, you said the homework is due on Monday, right?"

"Yes…"

"Well, did you mean in class on Monday, or…I think you said something about later…"

His professor's face smiled slightly. Maybe. Or Roxas might have imagined it. But that would be a strange imagined-thing. "No, no. Well, if you have it ready by class, go ahead and hand it in. But it's due by the end of the day, not necessarily in class."

"Ohhhh…but then where should I…?"

"Just put it in my mailbox. That'll be fine."

Roxas frowned. "Where is that?"

Professor Leonhart opened his mouth to respond and paused, glancing around at the nearby buildings. "They're in the Office of Mathematics and Sciences Department."

Roxas stared at him blankly.

A new voice sighed, Professor Zexion appearing at the brunet's elbow from his other side. "It's five doors down from my classroom, Strife," he said flatly, crossing his arms.

"Oh. Okay."

The chemistry professor rolled his eyes. "Anything else?"

"I don't think so…"

Professor Zexion's eyes flickered over the other occupants of the car, settling on the more visible of the two. They locked eyes, and Demyx gave him a slow smile.

"We'll be seeing you on Monday then, Strife," Zexion said calmly, holding eye contact for a few more seconds before looking back at Roxas. "My homework, however, is due in class."

Roxas swallowed. "Right."

Professor Zexion began walking again and Professor Leonhart nodded at the blond, amusement tugging at the corners of his lips. "Goodbye, Roxas. Have a good weekend."

"You too…" Roxas said softly, glaring at Cloud out of the corner of his eye. He scrolled his window back up as his calculus teacher caught up to Professor Zexion.

"I hate you, Cloud," Roxas snapped. "That was so middle school."

"I hate you too," Cloud retorted. "And you can't possibly be learning anything in those classes. He's too distracting. I want you to drop his class."

"Cloud!"

"No, seriously," Demyx added, giving Roxas a sort of stern look while Cloud pulled away from the drop off area and headed towards the street. "How can you possibly be paying attention to chemistry with Zexion teaching it? You're probably watching them for the whole class anyway."

"Especially in calculus," Cloud agreed.

Demyx pulled a face, giving Cloud a weird look. "Uh, no. Chemistry is definitely more distracting."

"Nuh uh," Cloud disagreed, returning Demyx's expression. "Calculus is. Did you see that body?"

"My point exactly!" Demyx exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air and sending Cloud a 'Hell-o!' look. "Have you ever seen a guy shaped like that? No, you haven't. The man's got hips!"

"Yeah, and a charming personality," Cloud said sarcastically, making a right onto the main road.

Demyx smirked. "That's cuz he's a real man."

"What's that even supposed to mean?" Cloud asked, eyeing Demyx suspiciously when he should have been watching the road. "Real men don't have hour glass figures."

"He didn't have an hourglass figure!" Demyx said heatedly. "He's just…hot. Who wouldn't stare at him all day?"

Roxas couldn't believe how ridiculous this was getting. "Why would I stare at either of them all day?"

Cloud stomped on the brakes and Demyx gasped, both of them whipping around to stare at him incredulously.

"What do you mean 'why'?" Demyx asked, aghast.

"Are you blind?" Cloud questioned, actual concern in his voice.

"Oh dear god, the boy is blind," Demyx moaned, covering his face with his hands and slumping against his door. "Oh god…"

"I don't see the big deal here!" Roxas said loudly, crossing his arms and huffing in annoyance. Why did he have to be related to such drama queens? "So they're good-looking guys. I get it. What's your point?"

"THAT IS THE POINT," Cloud and Demyx said simultaneously, as though that were obvious. Which it was, obviously, to them.

Roxas scowled. "You two are so shallow," he muttered under his breath.

"Hey, first impressions are important," Demyx insisted. He grinned at Cloud. "And those two made a fantastic first impression."

"Oh yeah," Cloud agreed. "Very nice."

Roxas leaned his head against his window. "I can't believe I'm related to you two."

Demyx just laughed, leaning his head back to look at his younger brother. "Awww, just wait 'til little Roxie meets his special someone…"

The youngest blond glared at him. "Call me that again and I'll castrate you in your sleep," he threatened.

Cloud chuckled. "Well, that would put a kink in your plans with Zexion, wouldn't it, Demyx?"

"Okay, STOP," Roxas interjected. "Seriously, you guys. I'll never be able to look them in the eyes again if you keep this up."

"Such virgin ears…" Demyx said with feigned nostalgia as Cloud pulled into their driveway. "I remember those times…"

Cloud turned off the ignition. "Well, it's good to have you two home for the weekend. I'll have to pick you two up from college more often."

"Especially Roxas," Demyx quipped, trying to smother a grin due to the murderous glare on Roxas's face.

"I think I'll have to have a little talk with your professor, Roxas. Wasn't calculus the class you were having trouble with?"

Roxas frowned, thinking. "Well, yeah, but…"

"Good. That's settled then."

Roxas sighed, grabbed his bag and skateboard, closed the car door, and headed up to the house, listening to Demyx chatter about chemistry and teacher meetings. This did not bode well. As though he needed his siblings involved in his college life.

He heaved a sigh and followed Demyx inside to face his parents. Things couldn't possibly get any worse.

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Author's Note: Review! You people are the reason why we authors bother posting most of this stuff, so let us know you exist and that we're not hallucinating your presence! Tell me what you think about it. And I will keep writing. Thank you! *bows*