Hey everyone. I felt the need to write a prequal to my "Thinking" fic. This one is based after Dr. Madden and her feelings and such regarding Billy. Not much of a plot, just some drabble.

Hope you enjoy!

The Departed is not mine.


She didn't love him. She couldn't. It was not how things were supposed to end up. They were just too different; her being the doctor and him being the patient. "It was nothing." she told herself every single day. "It was just a harmless fling that meant nothing." She was only half right, however. Harmless yes. But to say that it meant nothing was this young woman lying to herself.

If it meant nothing, why was she standing at the grave straining to hold back her tears that threatened to spill over? If it meant nothing, then she wouldn't feel the emptiness in her heart. The sudden abandonment that she felt. It pulled down on her heart like an anvil with no remoarse. "Damn, Billy." she sighed tossing a rose onto his coffin.

Dr. Madden turned to walk away. Her feet carrying her away from Billy Costigan. She knew that it was the last time that she was going to be close to him. The next time, he could be six feet below her feet. And the thought of that was more than she could bear.

Colin's halfhearted pleas were an empty echo that she paid no mind to. There was nothing that she needed to say to him. Not even a goodbye, not even a cold glare.

Years went by and her child was growing to be a fierce little thing like her father. There was no way to tell if it was Colin's or Billy's. There would be nothing more sweet than to know that her child was Billy's. Well. just so long that she had no further connection to that bastard Colin. But really, just knowing that Billy hadn't completely left her made her heart swell.

Madolyn never told her whether or not he was or wasn't. She would either be lying or telling the truth. Getting her happy or setting her up for a broken heart.

Though she never meant to imply one or the other, sometimes mention of a fomer patient would always slip out. She couldn't help it.