A/N: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Guess who is back in action! Here to save the day! Returned from the (almost) dead! Awakened from her long, long slumber! That's right, it's me! Yobster.


So, this is my first fic in about three months and let me tell you it feels great to be in front of my computer for an as of yet indefinable amount of time sharing my wacky mind's ideas with you loverlies.

This fic is in dedication of the holiday that occurs on Friday, Halloween! Holidays always get me in the spirit, so here you go! Enjoy!

Warnings: (I hate calling them warnings, I think it's silly. Why would I warn you about something you are reading? Reading is harmless! … Unless you're Rick and Evie O'Connell…anyway…) Gay lovas. And, well, that's really it.

Disclaimers: I do not own any of these characters or the place they live or the food they eat or the clothes on their backs or their pet rocks. I only own the idea, thank you.

The Ghouls are Out Tonight

"Come on, please don't make me go!"

"Stop, Naruto. We just bought the tickets, why didn't you say anything before?" The addressed blonde stared incredulously at his pink haired friend.

"I was practically begging the entire drive here to not have to go in. You know I'm a chicken when it comes to this stuff."

"When it comes to anything really." This earned Kakashi an elbow to the ribs from Iruka. Sakura giggled and shrugged at Naruto. Her boyfriend grabbing her hand diverted her attention. She'd forgotten that Lee was a little scared about this haunted house too.

"I'm sure it won't be that bad, Naruto." Iruka tried to console his former student from under the arm of Kakashi.

Naruto had to admit; he did feel safer with Iruka and Kakashi here. And Lee and Sakura could definitely dole out some punches if one of the volunteers decided he really was a vampire after Naruto's blood.

But his being scared wasn't the only thing keeping him from entering that house. Take another look at the group he was with. Sakura and Lee. Iruka and Kakashi. They were all paired off. Who was he going to hug the life out of when people jumped out of the shadows at him? He was just going to have to rough it, that's how.

Do you know how good Naruto is at roughing it? Let me tell you. Once in the third grade he had to go one whole day without his orange hoodie because his dad was washing it. This led to Naruto coloring over his entire upper body with orange Sharpie markers because he couldn't handle the stress of the SINGLE DAY out of 365 a year that he ever had to be without something orange on his body.

He's not exactly tough…

"How many?" Naruto's head snapped up to the kid working the ticket booth. It was designed to look like the front gate of the Haunted Mansion. The boy was painted white in order to look like one of the cheesy ghosts from the movie. Not too scary.

"Five," Lee said. The kid nodded and took their tickets.

"Your escort will be Sasuke. He's a vampire so watch out for those teeth." The kid winked at Naruto specifically as if he'd known his previous thoughts.

"Of course we get the vampire." Naruto mumbled. Kakashi was working hard to keep his face from breaking. He was so tempted to laugh at Naruto.

See, Kakashi knew this vampire very well and he knew that Sasuke was prone to picking out the most scared member of a group and "protecting" them. He'd tell them to go through one door that supposedly led to the exit and then he'd send them straight into the arms of Gaara, the demon of the house.

Kakashi didn't even want to know what happened in there.

"Over here." A tall, pale boy motioned for them to walk over to him. He wasn't dressed like the normal vampires Naruto had seen. He was dressed in more of a model-like fashion. He had tight, black riding pants and black riding boots on his legs, and his "shirt" was a cape tied at his neck exposing his awesome six pack. Naruto paused for a moment at the teeth hanging over his bottom lip. Then he took in the boy's overall appearance and decided that if any vampire were to get thirsty for his blood, he hoped it was Sasuke.

"Hey, Sasuke." Kakashi greeted their escort in the same manner he would greet a good friend. Which severely worried Naruto. Any friend of Kakashi's was definitely out to get him.

"Kakashi, lovely to see you." Sasuke smiled politely. Yep, definitely not a normal vampire.

"This is Iruka, Sakura, Lee, and Naruto." Naruto's eyes widened and he shoved Kakashi roughly.

"Don't you know you're not supposed to give our names to them? Now everywhere we go they'll be whispering to us." He got right up in Kakashi's face. "Kakashiiii. Ooooh."

Kakashi rolled his eyes and Naruto heard a chuckle behind him. He turned and blushed at Sasuke's stare.

"Don't worry. I'll protect you." He wrapped an arm around Naruto's waist and led them all to the foyer.

As soon as they were all through the door it slammed shut. There wasn't any spooky music like there usually is in haunted houses. It was just dead silent. Then all of a sudden there was a loud thud on the other side of the wall.

Naruto had never screamed so girly-like in his entire life. Sasuke tightened his grip and tried really hard not to laugh. It took a lot of power though.

This one is too much fun to send to Gaara.

"Shh. They get louder if you scream."

And that's how the entire first floor of the house went. Naruto would get scared out of his wits and then Sasuke would have to calm him down. Iruka and Lee screamed a few times too. Kakashi and Sakura had a good time laughing at them. Ha. Ha.

Upstairs there was a bathroom where Sakura's friend Ino was dressed as Bloody Mary. Naruto freaked but Sakura chatted it up with her and offered to help get all the paint out of her hair.

There were a few bedrooms. In the first one Sasuke leaned down to Naruto's ear and whispered, "This is wear I bring my victims on my off nights." He winked and Naruto blushed.

Oh, how he wanted to be a victim.

In the second bedroom, there was a giant cupboard that opened up and a short round boy jumped out. Sakura freaked and whacked him on the nose. Lee suspected the boy didn't jump back out for a while.

Then there was the attic. This was the one room Naruto absolutely almost refused to go in. He was terrified to think about what kind of witches could be hiding up there.

The nasty kind, he deduced. There were three monsters upstairs. First a mummy sat up and screamed at him from a trunk. Then a porcelain doll asked Sakura to play with her. Finally, when they were about to descend the second flight of stairs to the bottom floor, a zombie got all up in Iruka's face.

Needless to say, Kakashi made sure the zombie was officially no longer one of the "walking" dead. No, he was more of the lying down kind of dead now. Poor, poor zombie.

"Alright, this is the last room." Sasuke told them as they entered a dungeon with a cobblestone floor and dripping pipes. "The room of snakes. They're all over the floor, so be careful not to step on them." Naruto gulped.

He was walking slowly with a death grip on Sasuke's hand. It was not even a minute of silence when Naruto could have sworn he felt something crawl across his foot. He jumped and screamed and landed in Sasuke's arms bridal style.

He could feel the vibration of Sasuke's chuckle. Iruka stepped up on Kakashi's feet so he wouldn't step on any snakes. Lee and Sakura were holding each other in death grips.

Naruto didn't notice any of them. They all walked out of the house in those positions. As soon as the cool night air hit them everyone burst out laughing. Even Sasuke gave a little chortle. Naruto buried his face in the taller man's neck. He was incredibly embarrassed to have to be carried like a baby, but this wasn't too bad.

"I hope you guys had a good time." Sasuke said, seemingly dismissingly. "Maybe I'll see you soon Kakashi."

Kakashi nodded. He pulled Iruka along to the car along with Sakura and Lee.

"But what about-"

"Don't worry, Iruka. Sasuke's got Naruto taken care of."

Back at the door to the house, Sasuke was looking into Naruto's eyes with the kind of mystique only a real vampire could pull off.

"So remember that bedroom? I've got the key. Want to be my victim?" He whispered the last question so close to Naruto's ear that the blonde shuddered. All he could do was nod his head.

That was the night that Naruto decided he loved Haunted Houses.







So how was that for a return fic? A little scariness, a little wooing, and of course love, because you should all know by now that love is my thaaang. Hahaha, wanna know what Word suggests for the word thaaang? Thalami. What the heck are thalami? I don't know. But if someone can find out and tell me in their review I'll give you a fic with your choice of a theme!!