A/N: This is based off the Halloween episode. Just to warn you, it's a little gross. And random. And silly. Don't take this one too seriously.
It Grows Back
"SpongeBob, SpongeBob, SpongeBob!" said Patrick frantically as he pounded at the front of the pineapple.
SpongeBob opened the door. "Whoa, Patrick! What is it?"
Patrick immediately became calm. "Oh, nothing. Just wanted to say happy Halloween."
The sponge looked his friend over. He recognized the outfit. "Hey, I like your costume, buddy! Glovey Glove from Glove World!"
"What? No, I'm the hand on the Hamburger Helper box." Patrick noticed SpongeBob was wearing his normal attire. This was Halloween night; he should have been dressed up by now. "Where's your costume?"
A creepy grin stretched across SpongeBob's face as he pulled an electric razor from behind his back. He pressed it on and the object whirred loudly.
"Uh, SpongeBob?" said Patrick. "I think you should close the door if you're gonna attend to personal matters."
"Bahahahaha!" laughed SpongeBob. "No, silly! This is for my costume! Do you remember last year when you shaved me down to just my brain and I scared the whole town? Well, imagine how scared everyone will be if I shave my entire body!"
Patrick scratched his head. "I don't get it."
"I'll shave off all my sponginess so the only things people will see will be my organs! I'll scare everyone!" SpongeBob held the buzzing razor up to the side of his head and swiped it. A piece of his spongy body was cut and fell to the ground. "See?"
"I dunno, SpongeBob. Isn't that bad for you?"
"Don't be silly! I'm a sponge! It grows back," said SpongeBob. "Now come inside and help shave me down. I'm gonna need your help getting those hard to reach places."
Patrick shrugged and followed SpongeBob into the pineapple. "What else are friends for?"
A short time later the pair emerged from the fruit, ready to take on Halloween night. One was dressed as a giant, foam hand. The other was now a mass of visible, pulsating, bloody organs — that walked and talked. Everything was still in place, of course. The top of him was like last year: a brain, eyes, and mouth that appeared to be floating without a head. Below that was his ribcage and lungs, inflating and deflating for all to see. The bowels, including his stomach and rippling intestines, were below that. His arms and legs were there as well, except that now one could see the bare, striated muscle. With each step, blood squirted out of various parts of him.
"How do I look, Patrick?" asked SpongeBob cheerfully.
Patrick had seen him the whole time he shaved off his friend's spongy exterior. But when prompted with this question, he took a good, long look. Emphasis on long, because he appeared to have spaced out.
SpongeBob snapped his fingers. "Patrick! Hellooo?"
Patrick suddenly screamed. The sight of SpongeBob was beyond just scary. It was disgusting. He ran down the street, crying for his mommy.
SpongeBob curiously watched him run off. Then he grinned. "Wow! I really am scary! This was a great idea!"
He scampered over to Squidward's house and rang the doorbell. "This is gonna be so great …" he said as he giggled.
Squidward opened the door with a bowl of candy in one hand. "Hold on you little brat, I got your cand — EEW! You are the ugliest kid I've ever seen!"
"Bahahahaha! Squidward, it's me! SpongeBob!"
Squidward took a step backward in horror. He never liked to see SpongeBob's normal appearance, but standing outside his door the sponge looked absolutely grotesque. It was even worse than last year. Squidward felt his stomach turn and his pulse rise. All three of his hearts began beating at an alarmingly high rate. Yes, octopi have three hearts. Shame it wasn't he with his organs visible so this was more obvious.
"Pretty scary, huh, Squidward?" asked SpongeBob, still grinning.
Squidward shrieked and slammed the door in SpongeBob's face. He wouldn't be opening it for any more trick-or-treaters that night. SpongeBob had given him a reason to hole up in his house for the rest of the evening. And nausea. And a panic attack. And possibly a phobia.
"Gosh, I sure am scary!" SpongeBob said brightly.
Patrick was panting and panicking at the same time. That, combined with his usual lack of eloquence, was not allowing him to communicate what had scared him to Sandy. He'd bumped into her after running screaming into the night.
"Now calm down, Patrick," said Sandy. The squirrel was dressed with a cape and a set of false fangs. "What're ya tryin' to tell me?"
"SpongeBob! He's …! Uh … oh, it's horrible!"
SpongeBob watched them from behind a rock and snickered. "Ooh, I'm gonna scare them so good," he whispered.
Sandy sighed. She was getting rather fed up with Patrick. "What is it already?!"
Just then SpongeBob jumped in front of them with his arms up. "Raaarrr!" he said in his most threatening voice (which wasn't very threatening.)
Patrick yelped and started to run off, but he tripped and fell onto his face instead.
"SpongeBob?!" exclaimed Sandy, wincing at the sight of him. "Is that you?! What happened?! Did you get turned inside out?!"
SpongeBob had a strange look in his eyes. His pupils were oddly dilated. "No, I'm … I'm scary! RAAAAR!" he said, his voice wavering. He was having a hard time standing upright.
Sandy tried to understand what was going on. She looked in the direction he'd come from and saw bloody footprints leading to where he stood. With each heartbeat of SpongeBob's, a bit of blood was splattered in all directions.
SpongeBob stumbled as if he were drunk and fell onto the ground. "Is it cold out here or is it just … is it cold out here?" he slurred.
"Oh, my gosh!" exclaimed Sandy. "You're goin' into shock!"
"Uh, I do believe I'm the one in shock here," said Patrick in an ironically calm tone, still lying on the ground.
"Not that kind of shock! I mean the medical condition!" Sandy turned to SpongeBob. "We've gotta get you to a hospital, buddy! You've lost way too much blood!"
"Blood …" SpongeBob sat up and stared at Sandy with that glazed look. He wasn't in his right mind; he couldn't think clearly. All he knew was that he needed blood and there was someone who appeared to be a vampire in front of him. Thus in his altered state of mind, he jumped to a wild conclusion.
SpongeBob suddenly tackled Sandy to the ground. He bit at the bottom of her water helmet, trying to get at her neck. His big, buckteeth would have to do instead of fangs. But he couldn't break through the glass.
"Oh, no, ya don't!" Sandy karate-chopped him off. "Hi-yah!" The motion sent him flying.
SpongeBob landed face down in the sand. He looked over and saw Patrick. That big mass of blubber, organs, and sweet, sweet blood. SpongeBob jumped at his friend and pulled down the top part of his glove costume. Then he sunk his teeth deep into the starfish's neck.
Patrick wailed in pain. "Get him off! Get him off!" he pleaded, waving his arms wildly.
Sandy rushed over and grabbed SpongeBob by the waist. But when she tried to pull him, her hands slid right off, causing her to fall backwards. His organs were too slimy, making a good grip nearly impossible.
"Please don't drink my blood, SpongeBob!" said Patrick in a panic. "Go find some kids and drink theirs! It must be sweet from all the Halloween candy, right?!"
"Patrick …" said Sandy gruffly. "He stopped bitin' you five seconds ago."
"He did?" Patrick looked over — SpongeBob was lying unconscious on the ground. "Oh. I didn't notice."
Sandy rolled her eyes. "Look, we gotta get him to a hospital."
And so the two dragged him all the way to Weenie Hut General. Along the way he got fairly dirty, due to sand sticking to all the wetness of his organs. They would have carried him to prevent this, but he was just too slippery.
It was not a good Halloween for SpongeBob that year. He spent the evening in the emergency room, and when he was released a few days later, he couldn't continue to stay in his bare-organ state. All the blood would just drain out of him again. But his spongy outside would take some time to grow back, so they had to find a solution for him to wear for protection in the interim.
The doctors got the idea as soon as they saw the giant, foam glove walk into the room. "Hey … would you mind lending that out for a little while?" they asked Patrick.
So SpongeBob had to wear the big, clumsy costume 24/7 while his spongy material grew back. Everywhere he went, people continuously jumped at him to give him high-fives. What else was one to do upon seeing a giant hand?
Oh, well. There was always next year. He wouldn't bother with exposed organs then. Who needs them when skeletons are even scarier? He'd shave to the bone next time.