I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a while guys, but hear me out. A few weeks ago, one of my cats ran away from home. I was devastated, because back in June, two of my three cats accidentally got out of the house and neither of them returned. One of them we found dead in the street. So, of course I was upset. I thought I'd never see my precious Cookie again. Then about a week ago, Cookie came back home- and she's fragging pregnant, which is a problem not only for obvious reasons, but because the person we got her from told us she was fixed. Those damn liars...
And now for the granddaddy of all my troubles... My dad was in the hospital for several days. He broke his leg in an accident. So naturally, I was very depressed. He came back home recently and is fine, so I'm in a better mood. The only reason I'm even posting anything right now is because this has been on my computer for a while, and I hadn't uploaded anything in a while. I'm feeling better now, so perhaps I'll update again soon, although since I'm now a parent for a parent, it won't be regular.
Anyways, with that depressing note now said, let the laughs begin. This story was written for my buddy, Bran Flakes, who, after reading the things I wrote that make mention of Blackout's evil "Aunt Vertigo", asked me if Blackout had any other family.
"Hey Blackout, we've got a problem," Barricade said.
"What kind of problem? Did you get another girl pregnant again?" Blackout asked.
"What?! No, not that kind of problem!"
"Oh. Then what is this problem of which you speak?" he cocked his head.
"Your Aunt Vertigo wants to speak with..." he was interrupted by Blackout's panicked screaming. "Yeah. Exactly."
"Tell her I'm not home!" he begged.
"Too late. Here," he shoved the phone into his hand.
"Um... Hello, Aunt Vertigo. No, that wasn't a girl screaming Aunt Vertigo, that was me. I promise I'm not in the process of breeding so that I can "fill up this world with idiots like me". What? No, the guy who answered the phone wasn't my boyfriend. That was Barricade." Barricade gave him an awkward stare. "Yes Aunt Vertigo, I can assure you that I'm not gay." But if all femmes are like this, maybe I should consider converting… Blackout thought to himself. "Huh? Yes, I know you hate me. You've been telling me that since you found out Mom was pregnant. Look, can you just tell me why you called?" Blackout said into the phone in a half-hearted tone. "Really?! She is?! Oh, that's awesome! Yes Aunt Vertigo, I know you'll castrate me if I fail. I live with that prospect every day of my life. I'll be careful with her, I promise." Blackout quickly hung up the phone and did a little dance. "Awesome!!!"
"What's awesome?" Barricade asked.
"Aunt Vertigo says my sister's coming to drop off my niece so I can watch her," he explained.
"You have a sister? Is she cute?" Barricade asked curiously.
"She's bonded, dude."
"Yeah? Yer point?"
Blackout shook his head. "Help me clean this place up before my niece gets here!"
Barricade sighed. "Okay..."
Blackout heard a knock at the warehouse door and quickly rushed to answer it. "Firefly! Hi!" he greeted his sister.
"Hey Uncle Blackout, guess what?! I pushed an Autobot kid into the path of a moving vehicle today and sent him to the ER!" his niece said proudly.
"Good girl, Torrent! See, that's why you're my favorite niece!" he congratulated her.
"I thought I was your only niece?" Torrent pointed out.
"Yeah, which also makes you my favorite!"
"I hope this isn't too much trouble. I mean, it really is short notice," his sister said.
"No worries, Fly. Here, Torrent, go play with Aunt Cade a moment," he said, nudging her towards Barricade.
"What did you call me?!" Barricade demanded.
"Aunt Vertigo threatened me again," he said in an irritated tone.
"Yeah, well, misandry was always part of her charm. Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow to pick Torrent up. Oh, and Blackout..."
"Yeah, sis?" he asked.
Firefly grabbed him and pulled his face closer to her level. "If you screw up, you'd better hope that Aunt Vertigo doesn't leave anything left for me!!" she threatened.
"Okay, sis... I understand!" he whimpered.
"Good." She let go of him and looked down at her daughter. "I'll be back later, sweetie! Goodbye!"
"Bye, Mommy!" she waved back.
Firefly gave her older brother a menacing glare and left. Blackout sighed with relief and turned around to face his niece and Barricade.
"Well that was cheerful..." Barricade stated.
"I never met your niece before. She seems pretty intelligent for her age," Barricade said as he sat down at the table next to Blackout.
"She is," Blackout agreed.
His niece walked in to get something to drink. "Hi, Uncle Blackout! Bleep bloop!"
"Bloop bleep!" Blackout replied playfully.
"Bleepy bleep!" she said, taking her sippy cup from Blackout.
"Bloop bloop bleep bloop," he added.
"Bloopy bleep," she waved goodbye and walked out of the room.
Barricade seemed so confused. "What were you two saying?"
"Hell if I know," he shrugged.
Torrent was bored. Uncle Blackout was talking to Barricade and her stuffed alien could only entertain her for so long. She got up and walked into the kitchen. "Hey Uncle Blackout, I'm gonna go walk around outside for a little bit," she announced before walking away.
"Okay sweetheart, that's fine," Blackout replied absentmindedly. Five minutes later, he realized what he'd done. "Did I just give my niece permission to go out alone into the city?"
In memory of my dad's piece of crap Neon. It died so that he may live.