A/N: CM Punk, he's an okay guy. Kofi Kingston? I used to like him, but he's super lame now. And Cody and Ted are much better than them – because, you know, they're an actual team. This story is just a "in a perfect world" kind of way.
CM Punk threw down his newly won title belt onto one of the café tables, and headed over to catering for something delicious to snack on while the rest of RAW played out. Kofi was off doing god knows what, but Punk didn't really care – as long as he could get his hands on a Pepsi, that's all that mattered.
Punk stepped around Randy Orton, who was chatting up one of the divas, trying to convince her that his thighs actually were real. Punk just shook his head and lifted the cooler, rooting around in the ice to find the only thing he was looking for.
Water, root beer, sprite, 7-Up… Wait. What in the hell?
"What's goin' on, Punk?"
CM Punk looked up into the grim face of Ted DiBiase, with a brooding Cody Rhodes at his side. Manu had stepped in to steal the diva away from Orton, but she was too busy marveling at the strength of Randy's muscles.
"Hey, guys," Punk said casually, mustering a smile. He knew that the whole title belt thing was just a storyline, though he couldn't help but feel the slightest tension between him and Team Priceless.
"Whatcha lookin' for?" Ted eyed him up and down sinisterly.
"Just a... Just a Pepsi. I'm kinda thirsty."
"Really! That's something, isn't it, Cody?"
Cody nodded in agreement.
Punk looked between the two, gulping. "Why's that?"
"Because we" –Ted conjured an icy can from behind his back, holding it out on his palm like a prize on a game show– "happen to have one right here."
CM Punk's mouth began to water, but he stopped himself from drooling. He simply licked his lips and brought his gaze back up to Ted's. "What's your price?"
Cody started smirking as he and Ted exchanged glances.
Ted took a step forward. "You know what we want, Punk."
CM Punk was already shaking his head, moving backward. "Sorry, guys. I can't give them to you. I only have one, and it's mine for the time being."
"Kofi already gave us his."
Ted nudged Cody, who brought it up, letting the straps flap against his arm.
"How'd you get those?" Punk demanded. "Kofi wouldn't just give it to you."
"Cryme Tyme owed us a favor," Cody said smugly.
"You stole it?"
"Uh, uh." Ted wagged his finger. "We didn't steal it. Cryme Tyme did."
"Still! You guys could get in trouble for that."
"Stop looking out for our well-being, Punk." Cody glanced at Ted, then continued. "Just give us what we want, and we'll give you what you want."
"And if you don't," Ted hissed, moving in closer. "You're going to pay the consequences. That of which are going to be... "
He stepped back as he and Cody gazed at each other, both eyes settling on CM Punk afterward. "Priceless," they said simultaneously.
Punk raised his eyebrow, finger pointing between the two. "Did you... Did you guys plan that, or... ?"
"Listen, we don't have all day, Punk." Ted's forehead bumped against his, glaring down at him disdainfully. "Just give us the belt."
Punk bit his lip. "Guys, really – "
"We'll throw in a new set of nipple rings," Cody offered quickly.
CM Punk blinked. "Deal."
A/N: Ah, if only it were that easy. Like I said before, I heart CM Punk, but Team Priceless is just... priceless. And I take back what I said about Kofi - I hate him, for real. Review.