I Do Believe That You Don't Exist Here

By: Bring Your Own Kites

Disclaimer: I don't own Devil May Cry, Capcom does.

Ownership: I do, however, own Liam Emmerich.

Note: I recommend reading this fic in 1/2 view. It makes all the difference.

I. Just an Ordinary Night

"No his mind is not for rent."
-Rush (Tom Sawyer)

"Liam," My mother calls out to me.

I pretend not to hear her. I am about to get Dante killed by Vergil for the 11th time tonight. Son of a bitch wouldn't stand still. Not that he's supposed to stay still- that'd make the game way too easy if he did. Very hard mode would be like easy mode, which is surprisingly difficult if you don't know how to play. Everything else would be on a scale of pwnage to rape.

If I was Dante, I would kick my own ass for losing so many damn times. And you know what? I'd probably let him. It's pathetic for a gamer of my status to get my ass kicked eleven times and counting by the same guy.

"Liam!" My mother calls out once again, "I know you're awake!"

Yet again, I ignore her.

Then Vergil goes into DT mode and kills me. Well not me. Dante. His painful moans echo my room and I throw the controller down in a fit of rage. Bastard.

"Liam Emmerich! I know you can hear me! Go to bed! It's already past twelve! You have scho- Are you even listening to me?" My mum cries out.

I hear her footsteps drawing closer to my room and decide that it's best to pretend that I'm not actually awake. I hop into my bed and pull my blanket over my face.

When my mother comes in, I pretend that I'm sleeping. I can see her through the fabric of my blanket. She stands in the doorway hands on her hips. Her face is glowing red with rage, which isn't unusual for my mother.

While waiting I make a mental list. Usually when I'm bored I make mental lists to occupy my time. What I come up with just makes me crack up. The funny thing is it doesn't take much effort.

List No.1: Why Dante should kill me/ various others (especially fan boys/girls).

1. For losing against his arch nemesis/twin brother twelve times in a row. Seriously, if Dante was actually real and he could see people like me play DMC I bet he'd kill ever last one of us so called "gamers".

2. Killing him on purpose. Yeah, sometimes when I'm bored playing DMC 4, I go fight that huge statue boss at the end of the game. I just leave Dante there. I put the controller down on my lap. I don't move him or anything. When he dies, I do it again and again, and again, till I'm satisfied and no longer bored.

3. Dante/Vergil pairings. Seriously? If I was Dante I'd murder every last one of the fan boys/girls that write this wretched pairing. We all know that Dante HATES Vergil! They absolutely detest each other. They're not gonna suddenly realize that they love their twin a non-brotherly way. It's just illogical. Play the damn game! Watch the cut scene in Mission Seven where Vergil totally kicks Dante's ass and leave him for dead! That right there is not love! That's pwnage. I bet they'd rather hang themselves or spend a day locked in a room with the Jester.

4. Dante/Nero pairings. Come the hell on! Nero is in love with Kyrie. I don't give a shit what anyone may say to prove otherwise. Kyrie! Kyrie! What the hell was he screaming her name for more than half the game then? He went through a shit load of trouble to rescue her. They even almost kissed at the end but, those damn scarecrow things had to intervene. As for Dante, he's like 36...ish! He's not looking at some white haired punk who may possibly be related to him. He just wants his damn Yamato back from the cocky bastard!

5. Dante/Jester pairings. Really? You deserve to get strangled with your spinal cord if you imagine Dante kissing the Jester, you sick bastard!

6. Destroying Devil May Cry. Really, if I could I would definitely blow the damn place up. This is only because I want to see how he would react if a perfectly normal human teenager destroyed his place. He would most likely go into DT mode and kill everyone within a hundred mile radius. Then I'd make it onto his "Top Five People to Kill" List and I want to be on there.

My mum closes the door as she leaves the room. She opens it again a few seconds later to make sure I'm not just pushing her buttons, but I remain still. As soon as I hear her footsteps going away from my room, I pick up the controller off the ground and begin to play once more.

Instead of Vergil waiting to go into DT mode like he usually does, he does it right off the bat and I die for the thirteenth time.

"Piece of shit," I murmur, throwing the controller to the ground.

"Hah!" My door flings open. My mother stands in it red faced once again. "Go to bed, Liam! You have school tomorrow!"

"But Mum!" I protest, "I have to beat Vergil! You don't understand the importance of this situation! If I stop now I'm giving into that… that bastard. I have to do it for the sake of my inte-"

"Liam, I don't give a shit!" She growls, "You could be letting me down for god's sake and I still wouldn't care. Now go to sleep!"

I sigh deeply, "Mum, I'm seventeen years old. I know when to go to sleep."

"Oh yeah?" She strides over to my PS2 and yanks the wires out of the TV and the nearby outlet. "But you're not eighteen yet, so I can still take away your stuff." She sweeps out of the room rather dramatically.

There's nothing worse than having your PS2 along with your favorite game taken away.

Next Chapter: Doesn't Anyone Else Realize There's Something Wrong Here?

Edited: 2-5-2011

Bring Your Own Kites: Well, for those of you just now reading this, I'm editing chapters one through six…or seven, since I changed up the writing style in the later chapters. After I'm done with this I'll put up the new chapter you all have patiently been waiting for. Oh, and here's Liam's precious character profile.

Liam Emmerich

Age: 17

Grade: 12th

Birthday: April 20th

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Hair Style: Medium Length, wavy.

Eye Color: Brown (Wears glasses, sometimes)

Height: 5'9"

Weight: 136lbs

Clothes: In the winter he wears some kind of plaid or flannel shirt. In the spring/summer he wears gaming t-shirts. He wears blue jeans and cargo pants, and a variation of different colored Converse.

Personality: Rude, Sarcastic, Passive towards people he doesn't know, Lazy

Likes: Blueberry Muffins, Strawberry Shortcake, Video Games, cats, and plaid shirts.

Dislikes: Being talked back to, being wrong, people that are always happy, his classmates (after Dante, Vergil, and Nero take over), and much much more…

And that's it for our little jackass.