Well, after what appears to be months, there's an update! *cheers*

Sorry for the long hiatus, but feel free to read my profile and see what's up.

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned

Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

-William Congreve

Ike Greil was a mercenary. He knew how to fight, and he knew how to lead a battalion of soldiers into army. He was a master of tactics. Domestic duties, however, were another issue. Either his sister, Myst, or another woman would be cooking food, sweeping the floor, or doing some other household chore. All he had to do was make sure that his troops survived.

So it came to no surprise that his room was untidy. There was a pile of battle gear slumped in front of the closet, his bed unkempt, and papers littered his desk, a few of them smudged with jelly. The warrior in question right now slept on the thing that he called a bed, and had pleasant dreams of pigging out on food when a sudden knock at the door woke him up.

"Hey, Ike, you got a second?" Ike got up, groaning and before he got his butt out of bed, the door swung open and Marth walked in, walking pompously until he slipped on a frayed cotton shirt and fell right onto the floor and breaking his nose. Ike snickered.

"You all right there, Marth?" Marth glared at him. If he was still same ol' Marth, he would've torn apart Ike's body into two bloody halves, but he resisted the urge.

"Yes, Ike, I'm fine that now my nose is dislocated. Yippee." Marth hoped that Ike would still have a shred of decency and gather up the courage to apologize for keeping his room a pigsty and a danger to anyone who walks in.

"Great," said Ike. "See you at breakfast."


Today Ike had French toast served with an egg sunny-side up and three thin strips of bacon. Without a second thought, he placed the bacon strips onto the bread, shoved it into his mouth, and proceeded to jam the egg in as well sans utensils.

"Um, Ike?" He looked to his left, and saw Zelda looking at him, lips taut.

"Hey, Zelda. What's up?"

"You know, there's a reason why they invented the fork and knife."

"Your point?" asked Ike as he wiped his mouth with his arm.

"Ike, you do realize that that is impolite and rude."

Ike stared blankly at her. "And?" Without giving Zelda anytime to answer, he got up from his seat and walked away, leaving Zelda fuming with rage. As far as Ike was concerned, the whole manners thing was beneath him. It did not contribute to being better at combat, nor did it heighten his survival skills.

He didn't think much about it, because there was a bigger problem at hand: his bladder. Drinking five glasses of orange juice did wonders on the kidneys, so Ike walked speedily towards the nearest bathroom. It was a small room with only one toilet and sink, unlike the bigger restrooms on the other side of the corridor. The brass doorknob did not turn in his hand. It was locked. Muttering angrily, he kicked the door down, and was met with a shrill scream.

Peach was just about to use it when Ike interrupted her. She turned red from embarrassment before transitioning into rage. She hastily backed into a corner. "Ike! You don't just barge in on someone like this!"

"Whine all you want, princess, but I gotta go now." Ike had just set foot into the room when Peach charged towards him, wielding a 8-iron. She swung that club with so much force that it created a deep impression of Ike on the wall across.

"Let that be a lesson as to why you should knock before you enter," she snarled.


Zelda passed by the terminal in the foyer and curiosity got the best of her. Wondering who was going to be fighting today, she pressed "Today's Matches." She was in the first match of the day. 1 vs. 1, 3 stock, no items, and on Battlefield. She paused when she saw who her opponent.

"Ike?" she said under her breath. She was in no mood to brawl against him, not after what happened this morning. She tugged on her left glove a couple of times. There was no use in asking Master Hand to reconsider. The last time anyone did that was Bowser, and he was stuck in the simulation machine for ten hours on the most brutal setting and had to be institutionalized by Dr. Mario for two days.

As long as it was over quick, Zelda would be fine with it.

Thirty minutes later, she leaned back to avoid a swipe from Ike's Ragnell. She was down to her last stock while Ike still had all three. She conjured an orb of Din's Fire and set it off on Ike's face, causing him to recoil in pain and to be temporarily blinded. Zelda swiped him five times with her glove, causing him to stagger closer and closer to the edge.

As she was about to go in for the KO, Ike suddenly sidestepped and whipped Zelda with the flat of his blade, causing her to go careening off the stage. As she flew off into the horizon, she could hear the announcer declaring "GAME!"

After the match, Zelda ran into a few of her fellow fighters, who congratulated her in the fight, regardless of the fact that she lost. As she thanked Mario for his kind words, she caught a glimpse of Ike sauntering away. No matter, she thought.

Zelda walked towards the bathroom with a towel draped over her arm. What she didn't expect, however, was that someone was already in there. "Peach? I thought you were downstairs, checking up on the food you've told the chefs to make today," she said as she disrobed.

The Mushroom Kingdom princess, already in a tub, said, "I was, but then I decided to come up here and take a break after that horrible incident today." She sank deeper into the hot water as Zelda joined her.

"Horrible incident? What do you mean?" The warmth of the water made Zelda's tense muscles relax. She was about to slip into her own world until Peach replied.

"The small bedroom on the corner of the first floor hallway? He broke down the door as I was going to use it. He's an enemy to all women."

Zelda looked at her incredulously. "Now, Peach, I'm sure you're overreacting."

"Overreacting?! Peach screamed. "I am talking about the brute who has no social etiquette, no manners at the table, and I'm overreacting?! Who are you talking about?!" Zelda cringed. She had hit a nerve, and she was going to have to endure Peach's screaming for five more hours, unless she did something, and fast.

"All right, all right, you win. You're not overreacting. But what can we do? He doesn't strike me as the type of man to change." Peach gave her a sinister smile.

"Oh, he will change, all right. If he knows what's good for him."


"Peach, this is crazy! If anyone catches us doing this, we're going to be sent up to Master Hand, and you know what kind of punishment he'll give us for this!" The two princesses were right outside Ike's bedside window, Zelda levitating herself with her magic and Peach using her parasol, peeking through that narrow opening through the drapes.

"But no one is going to catch us doing this," said Peach, with a crazed look in her eye. Zelda was getting more disturbed by the second with Peach's bipolarity. It seemed to have gotten worse after Kirby ate her muffins that she had spent days on, getting every last sprinkle into place, only to have that gluttonous pink behemoth of terror destroy her art in a matter of seconds (it didn't help that Kirby told Peach that it was delicious, either).

"Wait!" whispered Peach. "What's Ike doing?" Ike had disappeared from view. She jostled for a better look.

"Peach, don't!" And with Zelda's magic disturbed, she began to plummet three stories down, but not before grabbing Peach. They both screamed as they fell through the air. Thankfully, they fell slowly as Peach's parasol acted like a parachute.

"My parasol!" Peach cried as she inspected in for damage. There were a few rips and tears in the fabric. She began to mutter incoherently, though Zelda did hear a few words here and there, like "Ike," "revenge," and "stew." Zelda wisely bid Peach goodnight

Ike awoke in a strange room. It was still dark out, so he was probably dragged out of his room just as he fell asleep. It seemed more like a cell, as there were cold stone walls surrounding him and a barred window and gate as well. Ragnell was missing, he realized. He tried bum rushing the door down, but it was no use. He got a few marks on the side of his body for trying, though.

"Where am I?!" he shouted. Suddenly a high-pitched cackle resounded around him as a cloaked figure came into view. The figure removed the mantle and Ike raised an eyebrow. "Peach?"

It was the princess alright, but her eyes were glazed with insanity. "Yes, Ike? You probably don't understand why you're here, do you. Well, I'm here to teach you a little lesson…"


The next day, at breakfast, the fighters all looked in shock as Ike followed every one of Peach's commands with a "Yes, Your Highness." Zelda was happy that Ike had developed some manners, but couldn't help being a little creeped out at Ike's zombielike state.

Everyone avoided Peach for the next three weeks.

So here we go, rekindling the dead ashes before they go out again. Hope you guys liked this one! Toodles!