It only ever happens one time a year only and I look forward to it eagerly. Of course the key to it all is tantalizing him with awesome cuisine. Cuisine he doesn't have to cook. He never complains about being mom's man-servant and keeping the food on the table, cleaning cloths, and a ton of stuff I'm sure I'd never think of done. I never seem to see him taking care of us, but I know it's him and that's why, on this one night of the year when he won't be seen as abnormal, when he can walk shoulder to elbow with me down the street and not have anyone run screaming running in the other direction we venture out into the great unknown. So here we go. I'm Buffy the Vampire Slayer and he's… well himself, Bigfoot.
He pulls up to the swanky restaurant I'd picked. Mom seems to be on everyone's short list and we got right in. I was pretty certain we'd be able to find a table and chair to fit him because I'd seen professional basketball players eat there. At least I hope they could seat him. We walked to one side of the dining area where what do you know… over sized everything. I had to jump-squiggle to get into my side of the bench seat. The Big Guy just sat down all the time.
I told him he could order anything that he wanted, and he did. He ordered one of nearly everything and I think he only skipped those because he couldn't pronounce their names. I learned a long time ago that nothing is as it seems. Even things that seem plain are never that simple. He smiled at me with his animalistic grin and started eating. I'm glad I ate fast because the sheer amount of food would have made me sick. He's a neat eater though. No dribbles or drools.
People watched us, well, watched him. To be honest, I watched him too. I've never seen him this at ease and having such pleasure. And then we finished and left for the next place I'd planned to take him, who is in some ways takes care of me.
Next, well we stood in line for an hour to get into a class A Haunted House. This place has been around forever and once in a while it even surprises me with their creative ability. Not much scares me anymore. I tried my best to explain what a haunted house was, but I'm pretty certain he didn't get the concept quit clearly. "It's like, this house, a building really and they charge admission, money to let you in."
"Because they need to pay for all the stuff they put into the haunted house and make a little money too. I bet they have high insurance premiums." I laugh at my own joke. Bigfoot doesn't get it. S'okay. "We're going to wait in this line until we reach the front and it will be our turn to go in." I look at him to see if everything is ok. I'm kind of hoping he'll get scared. I know he won't, not the way these people will. He'll be shocked that we show these horrible images to each other. I don't know. This year it just felt important for me to share all of this with him.
We finally got our turn to go in. I watched the Big Guy watching the different displays. He jumped a little at the first one, the guy climbing out of the coffin. And again at the "Saw" slaughter. After that he was primed and ready to roll. We came to the next display and a guy swung down from the ceiling at us screaming the whole way. Bigfoot screamed his primeval back at him. I'm pretty certain by the way he was screaming back at Bigfoot that he peed himself. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. That was the routine for the rest of the haunted house. I think he had a blast. His laugh is hysterical. It's this deep rumble punctuated by someone having and excessive need of air and not getting it. It was sooo much fun!!!
You'll never believe this, but next we went to Fright Night at the bowling alley. You didn't have to pay full price if you had a costume on. His feet were too big for their shoes so he got to wear his own. And I'm glad he did. I know what his feet smell like! As for the ball, he rolled it like you'd roll a basket ball down the alley.
The Big Guy gets a strike! With all the yelling he did you'd think a group of gremlins had just gotten their little selves all smashed. One night a year, it's his day, and I like to mess around with it. In a nice way.
We left the bowling alley and headed home around 2 a.m. See the thing with our jobs, is that we see all sorts of amazing things so it's the simple things that get us. We stopped by the mini mart and got some whipped cream in a can and some red food coloring. I'm sure I'll catch hell from mom for this, but she'll get over it.
Creeping as quietly as we could we meander our way to Will's room. His door was easy to open silently. We paused at the door to spray a huge amount of whipped cream into Bigfoot's hands. Then I dripped the removable red food coloring all over the whipped cream. We went in Will's room and put it on his feet, (apparently he never sleeps covered) and his hands and his head. We had some left so we put it in his slippers too. Our task complete we exited his room and closed the door. We grinned at each other and then we knew it was time.
We flung open his door and jumped in screaming his name! Imagine yourself with Bigfoot, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and a ton of mushy red, maybe blood looking sort of stuff everywhere…. Yeah, he screamed. And he screamed. And he screamed like a girl. Finally he settled down and we tried to get him to see the humor of it all. Not so much luck there.
That's when mom walked in. My Bigfoot and I thanked Will for the great time and left straight away. She was about to speak to me when Will waved her off. They don't get much to laugh at around here… it's all good. He wiped his feet off, stood, and put his feet into his slippers…. Shit.
Happy Halloween! Remember so of those monsters, aren't really monsters at all.